I looked at Auggie and bit my lip. I didn’t have to say a word—he knew what I was thinking. Kane had scored some major touchdowns today, perhaps even the winning one. And truthfully, he probably deserved to win.
In fatherly fashion, he patted my shoulder before saying quietly, “Being the underdog isn’t a bad thing. You can use it to your advantage.”
“How?” I was feeling more than discouraged and confused. I had to think about what was best for everyone. And to be quite honest, I wasn’t sure I was it.
“The less people expect from you, the easier it is to impress them. And once you impress them, it forces them to take a closer look at you. Question any preconceived notions. Even question their own judgment.”
“Are you saying the board expects me to fail?”
“You won’t.” He hadn’t answered my question, telling me all I needed to know.
I sat back down in my chair, feeling defeated. I should have known better. I’d known the odds were against me.
Auggie sighed, as if he didn’t know what to do. He looked around the crowded room. “Let’s take a walk.”
I blinked a few times, making sure I’d heard him right. When he held out his hand to me, I knew I had; and even though I was more than depressed, his offer made me feel inexplicably happy. I took it and immediately gazed at our clasped hands. His large one engulfed my delicate one. Almost as if he were protecting it. Protecting me. I wasn’t used to it, but I found great comfort in it.
He squeezed my hand and helped me up. Together, we walked past the crowd surrounding Kane. I caught a glimpse of Kane amid his fans. He was in his element—all smiles and laughter. But also giving sincere thanks for all his well-wishes. They were well deserved. I found myself wondering if I would even enjoy that kind of attention.
Kane caught me staring, and for a brief moment, time stood still as our eyes locked. His gaze sent its usual message, “I see you.” I knew that he did. He gave me a small wave before going back to being adored.
Auggie and I walked out into the hall, heading toward the restaurant at a snail’s pace.
“No final decision has been made,” Auggie pierced the silence. “But, yes, you have an uphill battle. One I know you’re up for.”
I looked up at Auggie. “How do you know?”
He let out a deep breath and stopped for a moment. “Because I see your mother in you. A quiet fire lived within her. If she put her mind to it, there wasn’t anything she couldn’t accomplish. She learned to play some of the most difficult piano pieces flawlessly, including Stravinsky’s Trois Mouvements de Petrouchka.”
“Really?” I hardly knew anything about music, but Ethan was well acquainted with a concert pianist and I remember them discussing this piece over dinner one night and how it eluded him.
“Yes.” Auggie smiled. “I see that same fire in you.”
I bit my lip, worried that what burned inside of me wasn’t hot enough to become CEO. Or . . . that perhaps the fire he felt coming from me was meant for other dreams. I opened my mouth to say something, but then he rested his hand on my cheek. He had never showed me this type of affection before. I leaned into his hand, feeling so loved.
“If only Callie could see you now.” He rarely said her name. “To see you take on what we started together so many years ago. She would be so proud. As am I.” His hand dropped.
I stared wide eyed at him. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. “Did she see me taking over for you?”
“She called you the boss. You always got your way. Always,” his voice trailed off. His pain apparent.
A light went on for me. “Did you avoid me because I reminded you of her?”
At first his eyes narrowed and his face turned red; then his thoughts seemed to shift while he ran a hand through his hair. “I didn’t mean to,” he said, barely above a whisper.
I could hear the remorse in his voice. I went to reach for him, but it was as if every person decided to leave the conference room at the same time. A herd of people rushed our way in search of sustenance. Auggie was swept up in them, though not before giving me a look that said how sorry he was. I didn’t fault him for leaving me. It wasn’t the best place to have a meaningful conversation. Besides, everyone wanted the ear of the CEO.
I stood back, not really hungry, which was saying something. Food was my first true love and by far the most loyal. I leaned against the wall, contemplating my life and what I was doing. I thought about my mother, who had sacrificed so much to make Armstrong Labs a reality. I thought of some of the pictures in my photo album of the company’s first building and how proudly my parents stood in front of it. Or the one of Auggie holding me at his desk. My mother’s caption: Like father, like daughter.
She’d obviously hoped I would be like him. I could even hear echoes of long-ago conversations between her and Auggie, discussing their hopes and dreams for themselves and me. Armstrong Labs was more than my father’s legacy; it was Momma’s too.
I was startled out of my reverie by the voice I loved most, even though part of me wished I didn’t.
“Scarlett,” Kane said my name a tad breathily.
I tucked some hair behind my ear as he approached. “Hi. You were amazing today.”
He stood in front of me, close but not too close. He seemed to be torn on how to behave around me now, even shoving his hands in his pockets. I admit, I ached to have him run a finger down my cheek or even brush the hair back off my shoulder. However, I understood why he kept his distance. In some ways, I was even grateful for it.
“Thank you,” he responded. “You were brilliant.”
“You’re lying, but thanks.”
“I mean it; your last line was gold. Your joke wasn’t half-bad either,” he teased.
I cringed thinking about it. “Please, don’t remind me.” Note to self: never tell a joke again.
“I’ll only bring it up on special occasions.” He laughed.
I rolled my eyes, but smiled.
“Really, Scarlett, you did well. The information you presented was well thought out and insightful.”
I knew he was only saying it to make me feel better. And I appreciated it, I really did, but we both knew he had outshone me. “Thank you,” I whispered.
“Are you headed in to eat? I think Jaycie has us all at the same table.”
Internally, I groaned. Jaycie was truly lovely, but she and Kane were so at ease with one another, and I didn’t need the visual. “Uh, yeah. I’m going to freshen up first.” I don’t think I had ever used those words. I was never one to check my hair and makeup.
“Great.”
“Yes, great.” That sounded ridiculous, but I didn’t know what else to say, and neither of us seemed to want to leave. It was like blind date–level awkward between us. I hated it. I was the only one who should be awkward. He should be charming and making me feel better about all the awkwardness. The truth was, though, things were more than complicated. Soon, one of us would be very disappointed, and we would blame the other person. Let’s be real—I was going to be the disappointed one. The question was, how disappointed would I be? A war raged within me. On one hand, I longed to continue the dreams of my family. On the other, I yearned to follow my own. But I worried that it was a selfish choice. How could I give up saving lives for working for the dead? I knew that Naomi, and people like her, gave families closure and peace. Answers were magical things. But so were life-saving treatments.
I had no idea what to do or even if it was possible to continue my family’s legacy. Kane all but had it in the bag unless I worked a serious miracle.
Without another word, I turned to go find the ladies’ room. Being in Kane’s presence was hard to bear. There was so much between us, good and bad, that once again I found myself wanting to run away from him. I never knew a person could have so many conflicting feelings at one time, and I had no idea where or how to start processing them. So I went with my go-to—run. I wasn’t proud of it.
Kane, once again, wouldn’t let me, as if he
knew I would regret it. He grabbed my hand, though seemingly reluctant at first. But once he’d caught ahold of me, his grip tightened. As did mine of its own accord, as if my body knew better than me what I needed in that moment.
Kane’s eyes bored into mine as if he himself were searching for answers. “Are you planning on taking one of the cars out on the track?”
I wasn’t expecting his question. I’d hoped for something more meaningful. “Um . . . I don’t know.” Driving sports cars wasn’t really my thing. Pretending I was a racecar driver was even less my thing.
Kane tugged me closer. “Do you remember the first time you drove a Porsche?” He spoke so intimately.
How could I forget? I could only nod my response. If I spoke, I knew too much emotion would flood my voice. That night was one of the best nights of my life. Not only because Kane had kissed me for the first time but also because it was the first time I’d felt free to be me. To live in the moment and let go.
“I’ll never forget how beautiful you looked that night. The thrill of the moment showed in your smile. You deserve to live your life like that. Stop being afraid to go for what you want, Scarlett,” he begged.
“You want me to drop out of the running?” My voice cracked, not only because of his audacity but because he was right.
“No,” he said as if I’d hurt him.
I hadn’t meant to hurt him. I didn’t even want to. It’s just that I was hurting, and I didn’t know how to make it better.
“I want you to be happy.” He let go of my hand. “It’s all I ever wanted.” He walked away, leaving me to stare after him.
When he was out of sight, I looked up to the ceiling, trying to hold the tears back. I felt as if my world was spinning and I didn’t know what was right or wrong. More importantly, I didn’t know what I wanted. Or was it that I was afraid to want? Honestly, I didn’t know.
I should probably figure that out.
Kiss and Tell
I snuggled little two-month-old Donovan close to me and inhaled his soft baby scent. I was mixing business with pleasure tonight. It was the first semi-reprieve I’d had in what felt like months, though it had been only days.
Meanwhile, Mindy sat across from me on the couch while her toddler daughters, Madeline and Sofia, ages three and four, used her for a jungle gym. I thought I was exhausted working all hours into the night trying to conjure up a miracle. I had nothing on poor Mindy, who hadn’t even had the chance to shower today. The dark circles under her eyes, Cheerios in her hair, and stained T-shirt said it all. I felt bad I couldn’t do more than pick the cereal out of her hair, order takeout, and offer some adult conversation. I was definitely getting the better end of the bargain. I needed some baby snuggles and to talk to Caden, Mindy’s husband and, oddly enough, one of my stepbrothers. He was stepmother number eight’s son. I don’t know why I say oddly. With all of Auggie’s marriages, it was bound to happen that some of his stepchildren would end up together. Caden was also the regional manager for the Southeast area plasma donation centers. Thankfully, he was one of the more competent stepchildren.
The last several days I had been interviewing as many employees as I could from various departments within the company. Kane’s presentation had made me see I was missing the bigger picture and my plan needed to be more about people than numbers. The numbers were important, but without the people, they meant nothing. I wanted varying perspectives and to find out where we could improve as a company and what our employees thought we did well. It was tricky, as I couldn’t say why I was interviewing them. My cover was a special assignment from Auggie before starting my duties as lab director.
At least with Caden, it made a lot of sense that we talk. The donation centers worked hand in hand with our lab. Plus, we were practically related. I thought of him not only as a stepsibling but as my brother-in-law. I had been the maid of honor in their wedding, and Auggie had given Mindy away, as Mindy’s biological father hadn’t been heard from in years. Six years ago, when Mindy got married, I’d thought it was sad that Auggie was her better option. Today, I had a much different opinion. In fact, I had found myself missing Auggie the last couple of days. He was in New York on business and wouldn’t be back until Sunday night. No matter how busy I had been, I had made our nightly dinners happen, even if it meant asking Fran to make the meal for us. I hated to impose on her, but I wanted as much time as I could get with Auggie, and plenty of time to work on my business plan. Next week was the deadline. It felt like I was back in school and it was final exam crunch time. I’d always dreaded that week, but in a way, I just wanted it to get here so I could be done.
Mindy extracted herself from her girls. “Why don’t you go get your new dolls to show Aunt Scarlett,” she practically begged them.
The girls, who were little mini-mes of Mindy, with golden-blonde hair and petite frames, ran off down the hall screaming.
Mindy took a deep breath and threw herself against the couch. “Remember when I was fifteen and told you all I wanted to do was get married and have kids? I’m totally rethinking that.”
I laughed and held Donovan’s tiny hand. “You’re doing great.”
“I don’t know.” She pulled up some strands of stringy hair. “I don’t even know when I brushed my hair last, forget about washing it.”
“You’re gorgeous. And you’re raising little people. There’s nothing nobler than that.”
“I don’t know. I’m thinking a spa day with no children sounds pretty majestic right about now.”
“When I’m done with this project at work, I’ll book a day for us. You’ll just have to tell me where.”
She rolled her eyes at me. “The richest woman I know doesn’t even have a clue where to book a spa day. There is either something really right with that or very wrong.”
“My father is wealthy, not me,” I kindly reminded her.
She playfully smacked me. “We all know you have trust funds up the wazoo, and you know your daddy is leaving you everything.”
I bit my lip. “Maybe,” I teased. Honestly, I didn’t like to think about it. Money had never bought my family happiness. In some ways, I think it had stolen it. Auggie had filled his life with business and women who were attracted to his money, thereby running from his pain. Though he never truly escaped it.
Speaking of pain.
“I’m dying to know, before Caden gets home, how is it working with Kane?” Mindy wagged her brows.
I cuddled Donovan closer and stroked his baby-soft chubby cheeks. “Uh . . . we don’t really see each other.” I tried to say it like it wasn’t a big deal, but the ache in my chest said otherwise. Ever since the conference last week, Kane and I had avoided each other. I kept trying to tell myself it was for the best, but I hadn’t convinced myself yet. It didn’t help that he had totally moved out of the house on Monday while I was at work. I’d come home that evening to find no trace of him left, except for his spicy scent lingering in his bedroom. I might have aimlessly walked around the empty room breathing it in, wishing he were there even though I had no idea what to do with him.
“Oh,” she said, obviously disappointed. “I thought maybe you would rekindle the flames and sneak in some sexy time in your office.”
“Mindy,” I spat out. “We’re professionals. Besides, we’re over,” I said, way too high-pitched.
“Of course, I forgot.” She gave me an evil grin. “I saw his post on Facebook. Was that the drive-in?” Her tone insinuated so much more.
“Maybe.”
“Come on. I need details—like rolling around on the floor, heavy panting kind of details. Heck, I would even take some minor flirtations. The only form of entertainment I get around here is listening to ‘Baby Shark’ on repeat.”
“What’s ‘Baby Shark’?”
“You don’t want to know. Do yourself a favor and never, ever let your child listen to it. It’s like crack to them.”
“Okay. I’ll keep that in mind.”
She tilted her head and
gave me a thoughtful glance. “You do look good with a baby in your arms. Do you ever think of having one? When we were growing up, you said you never thought about it.”
I gazed down at Donovan, who was sleeping so soundly. There were definite stirrings. Ethan hadn’t known if he wanted children. He’d said it was something we could figure out later. At the time, I was okay with that. However, if I was being honest with myself, which apparently I had a hard time doing, the answer was, “Yes. I would like to have a baby of my own.”
Mindy peeked at her little guy. “They aren’t always this wonderful. Case in point,” she groaned, as Madeline and Sofia came back, fighting over the same doll. Mindy stood with a tired sigh. “I better break up Fight Club for the tenth time today.”
“Good luck.” I leaned back on the couch and snuggled Donovan closer.
Mindy ripped the doll from the clutches of her daughters. “Your daddy needs to get home.”
Daddy? I looked at the sleeping baby in my arms, wondering who the daddy of my children would be. I pictured a beautiful baby with olive skin, dark hair, and caramel eyes like his father. “I need help,” I whispered to Donovan. Lots and lots of help.
~*~
With Auggie still on his business trip and feeling like I needed a change of scenery from the floor in my bedroom, I spread out all my notes and books over the island while I made a nutritious dinner of boxed macaroni and cheese. This location also gave me a good view of the rainstorm tapping against the large windows in the kitchen. I had Confessions of a Forensic Pathologist on in the background. Even though Landon was no longer a hero in my book, he was still a genius, and I always learned something new from him. Wow. I really knew how to live it up on a Saturday night. Not like I would be going out even if I weren’t working on my business plan. Not only was I exhausted but visiting Mindy last night constituted what I had for a social life. And sadly, even that had been mostly business. Caden had given me some good insights on how we could more effectively market the vital importance of plasma donations.
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