by Abigail Agar
“Mother, do you really wish to throw me to the wolves? Surely you know that I cannot escort Lucilla!”
“Nonsense, Annis! Why ever not? Two years have passed since that incident, and I ask that you remember that you are the older sister. It is your duty to look after your sister during her Season.”
Annis put her teacup and saucer away from her, the cup rattling as she set it down. Goodness, I am trembling like a shivering mutt. What do I say to make Mother change her mind? She cannot truly expect me to accompany Lucilla! That is far too much a responsibility considering the circumstances.
“Mother, please, there are dozens of cousins, spinster-aunts, and mature acquaintances that would be happy to take on this responsibility. I beg of you, do not put me in this position.”
Annis was short of going to her knees before her mother, but she knew that the matriarch did not like excessive displays of emotion unless it was of the comical sort.
“Lay aside the theatrics and put your pride in your pocket, Annis! We have allowed you ample time to dwell upon the unfortunate event, and now it is high time that you come to terms with our present situation. Your sister is to enter into her first Season, and you shall escort her. I have already made the arrangements for you and Lucilla to stay with your aunt and uncle. They are more than happy to have you both.”
Annis bit on her lower lip, forcing the composure she did not feel. “I did not have a sibling as an escort for my Season, Mother. I do not see why I should be forced upon to do so for Lucilla. Please, I do not mean to disrespect you, but I cannot comprehend your reasoning behind this decision. If it is all the same to you, I would much rather remain here in the countryside than go into London for such a frivolous reason!”
Lucilla sharply glanced at her, spilling some of her tea onto her dress. She emitted a cry of dismay, furiously brushing away at the excess liquid.
“Annis! You have made me spill tea on my favourite day dress!”
Irritation rose up quickly, but Annis squashed it down. It seemed that everything was about Lucilla these days, and while she understood the excitement surrounding her sister’s début into London society, Annis could not understand why they had to drag her into it.
“I am sorry, Lucilla, but I did not push your hand; you spilt the tea alone. You know that I have only spoken the truth, and I would have thought that my own sister would stand by my side and understand why I have said what I said. I am sorry, but I cannot accompany you to London, I cannot.”
“But you are my sister! If not you, then who else?” Lucilla demanded. “Would you have me become the laughing stock of the ton so early on?”
Annis looked heavenward, shaking her head. “Lord, am I the only person qualified for the position? Why do they taunt me in this manner?”
“Speaking to the good Lord shall not further your cause to ignore me, Annis! Nor does it excuse your selfish behaviour!”
Annis glanced at her sister, a sharp retort on the tip of her tongue when their mother let out a piercing whistle. Their mother was the only woman that she knew of who could emit such a sharp whistle capable of stopping any man in his tracks. With their attention firmly on her, the older woman let out a frustrated sigh, straightening on the chaise lounge.
“You girls will be the death of me one day with all your squabbling. What is the point of turning my parlour into an impromptu fighting ring? I shall not have it; I tell you.”
She and her sister looked down, but Annis noticed the fiery looks that Lucilla sent her from the corner of her eyes. Goodness me! She has become increasingly intolerable with all this mania of the Season. I am confident that I was not as waspish as she currently is. Usually, her sister had a sweet but excitable disposition that seldom rubbed her the wrong way, but the recent months had had Lucilla turn into a crazed woman when things did not go precisely her way.
“Our apologies, Mother,” Annis finally said. “We did not mean to empty our spleens in such an uncomely fashion.”
“And uncomely it was!” her mother retorted. “Goodness! Had anyone else seen you two bickering like fisher wives, they might have questioned your upbringing, and I shall not have anyone look at me askew!”
Lucilla did not seem to grasp the entirety of their mother’s temper as she spoke out of turn.
“Mama, I assure you that I have done nothing wrong here! ’Tis Annis who has–”
Their mother held her hand up. “Lucilla, I know very well what has happened as I am right here– you need not explain anything to me. I suggest you run along to your bedchamber, change your dress, and give the soiled one to the laundry maids before the stain sets in.”
Alarm set in Lucilla’s face. “Stain? Oh my, I must remove it! I would hate to ruin this dress when I have only worn it but twice.”
Their argument momentarily forgotten, Annis watched her sister run out of the room, calling out for one of the servants to assist her. While Annis was glad to no longer need to continue such a futile argument with Lucilla, she still needed to address the impending issue with her mother.
She knew that the older woman was waiting for her to turn to her, but she was loathed to do so. I would much rather stare at the door than Mother. However, a conversation was inevitable. With an inward sigh, Annis angled her body until she faced her mother, but she took her time meeting the woman’s eyes. I know that I shall see her ire and disappointment, but she must have known that I would have protested to these arrangements!
“Annis, look at me.”
She did so, surprised to see gentleness in the hazel eyes that Annis and her sister had inherited.
“Annis,” her mother began. “Do you not think it's time to move on, dear?”
She sighed. “’Tis not as easy as you say, Mother. I know that a great deal of time has passed, but my heart and memories feel as though everything happened just yesterday.”
The humiliation, the pain, the misery, and the heartbreak. If time heals all wounds, I clearly need to be given more time.
“Do you still carry a tendre for him, dear?”
Annis closed her eyes at the question. It was one that she regularly asked herself, and while her mind rebelled against the idea that she felt anything for him, her heart was not so ready to accept the lie. However, she could not speak of the war taking place within her. It would be unwise to speak of what is in my heart, it may just alarm Mother. She opened her eyes, keeping her gaze steady while her heart beat wildly in her chest.
“No, I do not.”
Her mother tilted her head, frowning. “Then whatever could it be, dear? Why are you adamant that you will not attend the Season? There is nothing holding you back.”
“I do not wish to be the laughing stock of London.”
This was partly true, but the reason that carried more weight sat upon her heart like a millstone around her neck. Annis watched her mother shift on the chaise lounge, patting the space next to her.
“Come, dear, sit beside me.”
Annis obeyed the gently given order, dusting a few scattered crumbs from the seat before sitting down. Her mother stretched to take both her hands into her own, resting them on her lap.
“I think that you have made a mountain out of a molehill, my child. It has been two years, and you are well aware of the short attention span of the ton. They are always looking for the next scandal, and many must have occurred since. This incident that you have held onto must only be a distant memory for some people. I am certain that most have forgotten about it by now.”
Annis strongly doubted that, but she said nothing contrary to her mother’s words. It is facile for others to speak lightly of something so life-changing, but I am not so quick to set it aside. Even if people had forgotten about the incident, she had not, and that was where the problem lay.
“I hear what you are saying, Mother, but I cannot bring myself to attend the very same places I did during my own Season. There are far too memories to afflict me.”
Her mother squeezed her hands. “Listen,
Annis, I know that you shall have a lovely time if only you would allow yourself – I feel it in my bones, dear! Did you not enjoy yourself during your own Season? You wrote such wonderful letters to your father and me! Besides, many things have changed since then, and I am certain that if you set aside these mournful thoughts, you might find a suitor who shall court you and make you forget all that you endured.”
Find another suitor? Oh, how she doubted that. Mother only wishes me to go that I may escort Lucilla. I know that no matter what I say, she will not listen. There was only one option left to her.
“Very well. I shall make preparations to leave with Lucilla. When are we expected to depart for London?”
“A week from today,” her mother answered brightly. “I also took the liberty of having some dresses made for you as well. Miss Frampton used the measurements from your last fitting.”
I see that Mother thought of everything. She must have been planning this for some time but did not inform me of it until it was too late to do anything about it. Had she known earlier that her Mother would foist this responsibility onto her, Annis would have made means to foil her mother’s plans, but with just a week until their departure, it was impossible. I shall have to cancel my walk with Constance.
“Very well. May I retire to my bedchamber? I have some letters to send before I leave for London.”
“Of course, dear. I shall take my noon nap that I may be fresh for dinner. Do ensure that your sister is not fretting over her dress? You know how she can be.”
“I shall look in on her on my way.”
Annis took her leave of her mother, taking two pastries on the way out. As she tore at the golden square, she imagined herself chewing on the words she wished to have communicated to her mother, but had not been able to. Above all, a young woman had to respect her mother and give her due no matter the circumstance. It did not matter how terribly wrong the mother was, disobedience was out of the question. And now I must speak with Lucilla!
Annis had had no intention of speaking with Lucilla for some time for she was still vexed with her sister, but since she had given her word to her mother, she could not ignore her sister as she wished to. Her silent treatment would not have lasted for long, perhaps an hour or so, as she could never remain angry with her sister for too long, but Annis felt that Lucilla needed to be put in her place, and her silence would have done precisely that.
As she made her way upstairs, Annis reasoned with her pride, telling it to calm itself for the time being. I do not need any more on my plate. Between her painful memories of the past, her mother’s ambush, and Lucilla’s behaviour, Annis had been given more than her fair share of challenges, and it did not look as though her life would become any easier. Not when I have to travel to the one place I would rather never see again.
***
Annis peeked into her sister’s room, surprised to see no one inside. Where on earth is she? Could she still be speaking with the laundry maids? Well, her mother could not say that she did not look in on her sister. Perhaps I shall have a moment to myself before needing to speak to or pacify anyone. Annis carried on to her room, coming to an abrupt stop at the door when she saw her sister cross-legged upon her bed.
“Annis, I have been waiting for you,” her sister said.
“I see that.”
“Oh, do not be that way, Annis! I am very sorry for speaking as I did to you. I came here to seek your forgiveness.”
Well, that has undoubtedly taken the wind out of my sails. “Then, I shall take this opportunity to apologise as well.”
Their father had taught them that it took a good person to apologise, and even a greater man to accept the apology. Speaking of which, what did her father have to say about this plan to have her escort Lucilla? Had he not been as upset about the ending of her own Season? Papa, you were the one who said that I would never have to face such humiliation again, but come a week, and I shall be sent back to London. Had her mother informed him of her plans? It was highly likely as her mother made no decisions without a final word from her husband. Annis felt betrayed, and it sat like a lump in her throat.
Lucilla suddenly leapt off the bed, shaking her head as she came towards her.
“Oh, no, no, Annis! ’Tis I who should be ashamed of myself.” Lucilla took her hands in hers. “I did not mean to speak so harshly with you, Annis. It was never my intention to upset you – you do know that? I think that I have become rather crazed by the idea of making my Season a success that I did not stop to think of how you would feel concerning the ending of your own Season.”
All the irritation that Annis had felt for her sister left her as swiftly as it had come, leaving only affection behind. She may drive me up the wall, but she is still my sweet little sister. Annis drew a hand away from her sister’s, using it to gently cup her sister’s chin.
“I understand, Lucilla. Sometimes we say things that we do not mean out of anger.”
Her sister grinned as she embraced her, holding her tightly. “I knew that you would! You are the only one that understands me completely, Annis. You know my hopes, my dreams, and all of my secrets – there is none other that I trust but you. I need my sister by my side, or I fear that I will make a fool of myself. Please, Annis, would you come with me?”
“Yes, I have already told Mother that I shall do so.”
Lucilla pulled away, sliding her hands into those of Annis. “Truly? Oh, Annis! I just know that the crowd will be different this year, and you will have the opportunity to forget that horrible period in your life. We shall make memories together, and everything will be perfect! I just know it!”
Lucilla hugged her again, holding her tightly around the waist. Annis smiled against her sister’s hair, but there was some sadness to it. I wish that I shared my sister’s optimistic view of what lies ahead for me, but there is no guarantee of the perfect Season.
I once had the same enthusiasm, but that died along with my hopes and dreams. However, I shall muster up the courage and face whatever may come my way with a smile on my face, and I shall do it all for Lucilla’s sake. As for Annis, only a bleak future awaited her.
Chapter 2
“Do you think that Aunt Corisande will allow us to entertain a few people in their home?” Lucilla asked. “I remember that they had a rather large townhouse.”
And here I thought that she had finally fallen asleep! Annis once again pulled herself from her light slumber to answer what was likely her sister’s hundredth question since leaving their home. They were on their last leg of the journey having stopped at an inn along the way to get some rest. She gave a little snort. Rest? I no longer know what that is. Lucilla had kept her awake for most of the night with her excitement of what lay ahead, but when she had finally fallen asleep, Annis had found herself unable to do so.
Fear had become her companion, and would not take its leave of her until she had evidence that her stay in London would not prove disastrous for her. She had thought to catch a few winks on their way to the city, but Lucilla had not ceased to pepper her with questions about what to expect once they reached the place. Annis yawned, not bothering to cover her mouth.
“Aunt Corisande loves to host dinner parties and such. I am certain that she will welcome a few guests into her home.”
“I hoped that you would say that! ’Tis been ever so long since we visited their London home. Well, of course, it was on account of the incident, but I am glad that we have put all that behind us and have moved onward and forward. Aunt Corisande is a bit of a chatterbox, isn’t she? The complete opposite of Uncle Denis who hardly says a word unless spoken to. He is a friendly sort of man, though, and you cannot help liking him even when he is quiet. He has that jolly sort of round face that I feel all uncles should have. Do you think that Uncle Denis might have an objection to entertaining in his home? I would hate to impose on his generosity of giving us a roof over our heads during my Season. ’Tis much better to live with family than with strangers, I think. What do you think,
Annis?”
