In truth, I was hoping it was all just a ploy. It would be easier to deal with, and I wouldn’t have to worry about Vivien. The path that she was on could end up with her dead.
“There she is,” he said. He stepped out of the car to flag her down.
I stared across the lot at the wisp of a girl. She was much thinner than I ever remembered her being. She was blocking out the world with earbuds connected to her smartphone. Her makeup was much darker than the rest of the girls coming out, and when she moved her head, I noticed a hint of purple in her hair, which I was sure was probably still against the school’s rules like it was when I was going there, but her expression struck me most of all. It was like she just didn’t care anymore. All the life had been sucked out of her.
Vivien noticed Chance, and something sparked in her eyes. Maybe there was still hope. If we could reach her, we could change things.
She stopped at the car and looked at me. She popped the earbuds out of her ears.
“What’s she doing here?” she said to Chance and slid in the back. “I thought you all were finished.”
Chance chuckled nervously as he entered the car. “I just thought you might want to see her.”
Vivien looked between the two of us and then leaned back against the seat as we pulled onto the street.
“She knows, doesn’t she?”
I looked at Chance through the corner of my eye.
“What? I don’t…” he started.
“Yes,” I said. “I know.”
I stared directly at her. The last thing she needed was to be fed a lie. She was smart and knew I was here for a reason. Better to level with her than bullshit.
“Great,” she muttered and popped her earbuds back in.
Chance started to speak but stopped when I touched his arm.
“We’ll talk at the house,” I said.
He nodded.
We drove in silence to their house. I always liked going there. It was smaller than ours, and even though that was a point of contention with his parents, there were fewer rooms to feel lonely in.
I was relieved to see his parents weren’t home. Last thing I wanted was to deal with them.
The car stopped, and Vivien jumped out. It hadn’t been that long since I’d been in high school. First rule, evade conflict. So off she ran to her room.
“Go get a screwdriver,” I said to a confused Chance and marched in after her. I hadn’t driven all this way just to be ignored.
“Vivien,” I called after her.
For a thin little thing, she sure could move fast. I followed her up the stairs and stopped outside her now locked bedroom doors.
“Vivien,” I said again and tried the door. Yup, locked like I thought. “I just want to talk with you.”
Loud music met my call. Chance came upstairs and tried knocking as well.
“Vivien,” he called.
I slipped the screwdriver from his hand and stooped to the floor. With my hand under the handle, I caught the screws as the came out one by one. At the last one, I pulled the knob back and heard the other half hit the floor in her room. I stood and easily pushed the door open.
“What the fuck?” Vivien shouted from her bed.
I walked over and switched her stereo off.
“I’m just doing what your parents should be doing, but, you see, you’ve got shitty parents, so it’s up to us.” I sat on her bed.
Her face paled, and she kept glancing over to Chance. Whatever this was about, I wasn’t going to get anywhere with him around.
I turned and smiled at his still shocked face. “Could you give us a bit?”
He stared between us and then nodded. Once he was out the door and down the hall, I turned back to Vivien.
“I’m sorry to be seeing you like this,” I said.
She narrowed her eyes at me. “I’m surprised you’re seeing me at all.”
I crossed my arms. “Low blow. You know Chance and I aren’t good for each other just because our parents think we are.”
“I just…” She sighed. “I liked you being around.”
“I’m always around if you need me.”
“No,” she said. “You’re at college. Both of you. It’s just me.”
“What about your friends?” I prodded.
She shook her head. “Things just aren’t the same.”
“What’s the matter? Did you all get into a fight?”
“We just don’t have anything in common anymore.”
“And why is that?” Trying to draw her into a conversation was getting increasingly difficult.
She looked over to me, her eyes glazed over. “Sometimes things change.”
The ice of her stare chilled me.
“What happened to you, Viv? You used to be so sweet. Now you’re staying out all night. Coming home drunk and God knows what else. You won’t talk to anyone, and don’t even seem to care.” I reached out to take her hand but stopped when she jerked away. “Just let me help you,” I whispered.
“You can’t help me,” she said with a harsh laugh. “No one can.” She locked eyes with me, anger blazing back. “You’re right, I was sweet, but then I grew up. Go back to your college where the most you have to worry about is who you’re going to go with next.”
Her words stung. They were entirely too close to home.
“Things are never going to get better if you don’t talk to someone,” I said.
“Fine,” she shouted, throwing her hands up. “I’m fine with things the way they are.”
I stood and stared down at her. “I don’t think you are,” I said quietly. “And when you’re ready, I’m here. Just give me a call.”
I walked out into the hall. Chance was standing there, looking at me expectantly.
“She’s not ready to talk yet, but she knows where I stand. When she’s ready, she’ll come to me,” I said.
“That’s it?” Chance said and looked at her door.
“There’s not much I can do if she’s not ready.” I patted his arm. “She’ll come around.”
He nodded and shot one last look at the door before we headed back to the car. We drove in silence the whole ride back. I thought about her. Scared and alone. Her ability to get over this, whatever it was, could only ever truly be helped if she was able to believe in something again. Their parents certainly hadn’t given either of them that.
I looked over to Chance. It was a big responsibility, but she needed him. She needed to know that he would keep trying. I could only hope that he was strong enough to keep trying.
We pulled outside my dorm and stopped.
“She needs you,” I said. “Something happened to her. Something so bad she doesn’t want you to know.”
His face fell with worry.
“We can’t give up on her. We have to keep trying no matter what she says.”
“We?” he asked.
I nodded and took his hand. “I’m here for you both.”
“Oh, thank God,” Chance said and pulled me into a hug. I wrapped my hands around him and smiled. “It’s going to be okay.”
He pulled back and smiled. It felt good to know I could be helpful. I jumped back when his mouth grazed my lips.
“What are you doing?” I said and pushed back from him.
“I thought you were…that we were.”
“No.” I held up my hand. “We can’t be anything else but friends,” I said. “We spent all that time with each other and never even knew the real person.”
“But we could,” he said, his expression hopeful.
“We could, but what we have now is friendship,” I said. “Can you handle that?”
Chance nodded slowly. “Good night, Grace.”
My heart hurt a little. I really wanted to be helpful to him with Vivien, and all he really wanted was me.
I climbed out of the car.
“Grace,” he said before I closed the door. “Thanks for your help today, and I won’t give up on her.”
I smiled at him, h
oping it was true.
“And I’m sorry. Being friends is good, and I could use a friend.” He smiled.
Pure honesty beamed from his face, and I smiled.
“I’m glad,” I said.
I gave a little wave and shut the door. When I turned around, Dean was watching us from the door. His face contorted in anger.
“I thought you said you were helping him,” he said and crossed his arms.
“I am,” I said, drained.
“That didn’t look like helping him,” he said and moved closer to tower over me.
“Well, that wasn’t. That was him trying to kiss me.” My face burned at my words.
Dean glared at me with rage, so I did the only thing that would shut him up. I kissed him. Maybe attacked was a better description.
I slammed him into the wall behind him and pushed myself up his body, while my hand pulled him down to meet my lips. They crashed together so hard that our teeth knocked together, but I didn’t stop. He wanted a kiss so bad, so he was getting one.
I shoved my tongue into his mouth and battled for power. He wanted control, but I needed to be in charge of this kiss. We struggled for a moment. I jerked away when I felt his hand try to snake through my hair.
“There,” I said, panting. “Now you both fucking had a kiss tonight. Who do you think got the better kiss?”
I stormed off, heat and irritation fueling my every step.
When I reached the apartment, Heather and Emma were waiting on the couch.
“Almost time for dance,” Emma said excitedly.
“I need a shower first,” I said and walked straight into the bathroom.
Maybe I’d be able to wash away all my mixed up feelings.
***
Chapter Twelve
Dance club didn’t really help my mood. Nothing did. Not even a day off from school to relax around the house. I still felt as jumbled and disjointed as I had during the first day of school. Except now we were nearly finished with October, and I was still feeling this way.
When Grandmother said to find myself, I thought it would somehow be easier than this. I would find something I liked, and it would all click. As it stood now, nothing was clicking, and I was worse off than I was before.
I finished folding laundry and tried not to think about the fact that Dean would be over soon. I hadn’t seen him since the kiss I gave him and didn’t really know what I was supposed to say. He was throwing a fit, so I just sort of acted. I’d have to admit though, it felt good, and the more I thought about it, the more I wanted.
“I can’t believe that the queen of parties is staying in for Halloween,” Emma said as she came into my room.
I grinned at her. “When I made the plans, I didn’t even think about it.”
Emma sat on the bed and looked up to me. “Now that’s a new one for you.”
I looked back and blinked. She was right. It was new for me. My mind was so preoccupied with Dean I hadn’t even thought about it.
“I kissed Dean the other night,” I blurted out to her.
“You did what?” She hopped off the bed.
“I kissed him,” I said and started to pace. “He saw Chance kiss me, and even though it didn’t mean anything, he got mad. So I got pissed.” A nervous giggle sprouted up. “So I kissed Dean.”
“What did you do after?” Emma sat back down on the bed.
I looked over at her. “I stormed off.”
Emma looked at me for a minute before bursting out into laughter.
“You are the only person I know that could get away with that,” she said.
I groaned and sat next to her. “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.”
“I don’t think any of us do,” she said and patted my leg. “You’ll figure it out. Dean is a nice guy and would be good for you.”
“What about our families?” I winced at the way it sounded.
“Why don’t you decide if it’s even worth worrying about? If it’s worth it, it won’t matter what your families think.” She smiled at me.
All this time it seemed like she wouldn’t understand, but she likely understood better than anyone.
I pulled her in for a hard hug. “You are the best,” I whispered.
“Right back at you.”
Emma got up and walked over to my closet. “So,” she grinned, “what are you going to wear tonight?”
* * *
I groaned for about the millionth time.
“Seriously, if I wear anything besides something comfortable, it’s going to look like I’m trying,” I said in frustration from my bed.
Emma popped out of the closet. “Well, you are trying, right?”
We had been at this for over an hour and were getting nowhere.
“Yes,” I said. “But I don’t want him to know that.”
“And why is that?” She came out and stood next to me.
“Because then he might think I’m easy.”
Emma snorted. “I don’t think you are in any danger of Dean thinking you are easy.”
I flipped her off.
“Whatever,” I said. “I’m just going to go with the yoga pants and tank.”
“But that’s your normal movie outfit,” Emma said.
I hopped up and grabbed out my black lace bra and matching panties. It was the best set to wear with the black tank and pink yoga pants.
“Exactly. Besides, nothing’s going to happen. You and Gavin are going to be here.” I shrugged. “It’s just a normal movie night.”
I grabbed my clothes and walked out of the room.
“Not if I can help it,” she hollered after me.
I laughed at her enthusiasm. At least someone should be sure in all of this.
I hopped into the shower and quickly got ready. We had spent so much time trying to find something to wear, I’d be cutting it close on time. I sighed under the steady stream of water. It felt good to just let everything go under the warm spray.
After a quick shave and some mild exfoliating, I was ready to get out. Steam rolled in the air as I dried off and slipped on my panties and bra. I flipped on the overhead vent and patted my hair down. When I went to turn on the hairdryer, it clicked a few times, but nothing happened. I cursed and unplugged it. Stupid thing picked a great time to quit.
I grabbed the towel from the rack and wrapped it around me. Maybe Emma had one I could borrow.
“Hey, Emma,” I said and walked out into the hall and straight into a wall.
A sturdy wall with the ability to grab me before I hit the floor.
“This is getting to be a habit,” Dean mumbled in my ear as he steadied me. “Not that I’m complaining.”
I sputtered as I struggled to stand.
“I’m sorry,” I said and instantly wanted to kick myself. That was about as uncool as it got. “I was just looking for Emma.”
I looked up into his eyes and instantly wished I hadn’t.
Dean reached up and rolled my wet hair between his fingers.
“It’s got some curl to it,” he said. His husky voice made me lean into him.
“I straighten it,” I said absently.
“You should go natural sometime,” he said and looked at my face. “I’d like that.”
My face heated as he continued to stare so intensely at me.
“I…” I swallowed trying to find my voice. “I just need to put on some makeup.”
He reached up and brushed a thumb against my lower lip.
“You don’t really need it,” he said and leaned in.
I felt my insides quiver with need.
“Grace,” Emma called and burst around the corner.
I jumped back from Dean and hit my elbow against the bathroom door. My hand found the knob, and I opened the door.
“I’ll be out in a minute,” I said. Not really sure who I was talking to.
When the door was shut, I leaned against it and fanned myself. Never in my life had anyone made me feel so…special.
* * *
We were sitting on the couch once again. Seemed like it was our spot now. I couldn’t really say how that made me feel, but it was comfortable, and that was a good thing. We sat together writing down the little details of the movie as we watched. It was a nice change from the intense movie last time.
Dean gently played with my mostly dry hair, just fingering the end of it. I shuddered when his fingers grazed my neck.
My phone buzzed on the table, and I leaned forward to look at who was calling.
Chance. I looked back to Dean to see if he had seen the name. His eyes were fixed on the TV.
Emma and Gavin glanced over at me, and I nodded.
I hopped up and took the phone to my room.
“Hello,” I said and sat on my bed. The room was dark, but the moon outside let in enough light to see.
“Hey, Grace,” Chance said.
“Is everything all right?” Panic rose in me.
“It’s fine. I’m at the house tonight trying to keep her from going and doing anything crazy.”
“That’s great! What do you have planned?”
There was silence on the line.
“I have no idea what the hell I’m doing here. She doesn’t want me around, and I have no clue what to do.”
I chuckled. “How about pizza and a movie? I bet she would like that.”
“Is it really that simple?” He sounded so uncertain.
“No, but it’s a place to start. Try not to mention where’s she’s been going. Just have fun.” I smiled. “She really does like being with you, even if it doesn’t seem like it.”
I jumped when I heard footsteps in the hall outside my door. When I looked, I could see the silhouette of Dean in my door.
“Thanks,” Chance said.
I swallowed the lump in my throat as Dean walked into my room and shut the door.
“No problem,” I said absentmindedly. “Have fun tonight.”
I didn’t wait for him to say good bye and hit end.
“How’s Chance?” Dean said.
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