“Okay,” he said and took a deep breath. “Give it to me.”
I looked down at Vivien’s pleading eyes and groaned.
“I can’t tell you,” I said. “She needs to be the one.”
“What?” Chance’s face contorted in rage. “Seriously, what the fuck? You know I’m making myself crazy over all of this.”
“And I also know that you’re emotional and won’t make rash decisions over this,” I said. “Let her come to you.”
I put my hand on his arm and jumped when he jerked away.
Trying not to let it bother me, I walked to Vivien’s side. She rolled down the window, and I squatted to talk to her.
“You have until Christmas break,” I said. “After that I have to tell him.”
“He’s going to hate me,” she said, tears still falling from her eyes.
I looked over to Chance. “I think he’s too busy hating me for that.”
She smiled, and I walked over to where Nicky, Ben and Gavin were standing.
I stuck out my hand to Ben. “Thank you,” I said and squeezed his hand when he took it. “For everything.”
He gave a small smile and went back to his truck.
“Could you give us a minute?” I said to Gavin. He shot me an odd look but went to the car.
“You didn’t tell him, did you?” Nicky said to me.
I shook my head. “She asked me not to.”
“She’s just a kid. What the fuck does she know?” His face was still full of rage.
“She’s nearly eighteen and has just been through something traumatic. I’m giving her time to tell him her own way,” I said. “She has until Christmas break. After that, I’ll have to let him know.”
“You know he’s going to hate you, right?”
I looked over to Chance. He was talking with Vivien in the car.
“I know that I have to do what’s best for her,” I said. “She’s fragile and telling him might just break her.”
“I guess so,” Nicky said and ran a hand through his dark brown hair.
“Do me a favor,” I said. “You see anything, give me a call.”
I pulled out a piece of paper and wrote down my number.
“I don’t know,” he said and tried to back away.
“Please.” I thrust the paper into his hand. “If you hadn’t been there tonight, I don’t know what would have happened to her.”
He sighed and shoved the paper into his wallet.
“Thanks,” I whispered.
Nicky shook his head and gave a small wave.
“What was that all about?” Gavin asked when I met him at the car.
“Just asked him to call if she goes back there,” I said nonchalantly.
We watched as both sets of cars took off.
“You coming back with me?” he said after a moment.
I turned to Gavin. Vivien was lucky. We both were. In this whole messed up world we lived in, we both had someone we could always count on. I walked around to the other side of the car and wrapped him in a tight hug.
“I love you,” I whispered.
Gavin pulled back suddenly. “Everything okay?”
I nodded. “Just thinking how lucky I am to have you.”
His face softened for a moment. “Me too.”
“You better get home. Emma’s going to be worried,” I said.
He nodded. “Sure you don’t want to come back? No one has to talk about what happened.”
I shook my head and grabbed my bag. “I think it’s good I’m on my own for a bit.”
“Okay,” he said and climbed into the car.
I slowly made my way to the dorm. When I reached the door, I turned around and waved at Gavin.
A lot of things had happened. Vivien. Dean. There were a lot of things to think on, but number one on my mind was getting to bed. I dragged myself up the stairs and off to bed. If anything could make the night better, it would be sleep.
***
Chapter Eighteen
I sighed as I left the class. It was the second week in a row that I’d had to sit in film class by myself. It was just luck that the last film had been easy to find. When Dean asked, I was able to blow him off. This was the last film and wouldn’t be so easy. The movie was foreign and difficult to find. I’d have to resort to asking him over. The idea made my knees weak.
The first week I spent being sad and mostly sorry for myself. By the second week, I was angry. This was childish, and I hadn’t done anything wrong besides be a good friend.
I sighed again. This wasn’t going to be easy.
“Dean,” I said and caught up to him.
He froze but didn’t turn.
“I’m going to need to borrow your copy,” I said.
He turned, and my heart hammered in my chest.
“I’ll bring it to you Sunday,” he said quietly.
My eyes burned as I tried not to let the tears fall. I blinked rapidly.
“Thanks,” I choked out.
It was harder than I thought. It would have been so much easier if he had just been an asshole.
“Grace,” he said and took my hand as I turned away. I turned back around, trying hard not to cry with everyone around.
His mouth formed a firm line as he looked at me.
“Come with me,” he said. I trailed behind as he pulled me along the hall and then into an empty room.
He let go of my hand, and I could already feel the tears falling on my face. I tried to quickly wipe them away before he said anything.
“Shit,” he said. His back was to me, and it hurt to be treated like he didn’t even know me.
I swiped my eyes a few more times and stepped back. “I should really go,” I said.
He whirled around and I jumped.
“No wait,” he said quickly. He stopped in front of me and studied my face. I looked off to the side before I started to cry again.
“Oh fuck,” he said. I jumped when he grabbed me and crushed me to his chest. “This isn’t what I wanted.”
He ran a soothing hand over my head several times. It took me a moment to realize that I was sobbing uncontrollably into his shirt. I took a deep breath and tried to control myself.
“Sorry, I don’t know.” I pulled back and sucked in a couple more breaths.
“Wait.” Dean pulled me back to him. “Please. Please, just wait.”
I stilled in his arms. The loud beating of his heart against my ear was enough for me to gain control.
“I overreacted,” he said quietly. “Just the thought of you talking to him makes me crazy.” He sighed and I stayed quiet. “He was first. And what’s more, you have all this history.” He pulled back and looked down at me. “How can I compete with that?”
I stared up at him in shock. He wasn’t supposed to compete at all. It wasn’t like that. I started to open my mouth but stopped when he hurried on.
“I want us not to have any secrets,” he said and hugged me again. “But if you can’t tell me, then I’ll live. I just want to be with you.”
My heart tore in my chest. I wanted that too. To be together without complications.
“I’m going to my grandmother’s for Christmas,” I said suddenly.
He stopped in front of me.
“She already bought the tickets,” I continued.
“Can you change them?” he asked sadly.
I choked back the tears and shook my head.
He nodded and moved to the door silently. When it was opened, he looked back over his shoulder. “The offer still stands.” He let the door swing shut behind him.
Sick and weakened, I fell to my knees and sobbed.
* * *
It was good to have finals to focus on. The times when I wasn’t cramming, my thoughts drifted to Dean. We really couldn’t have a future together. My parents would never approve and despite everything, I still cared what they thought. I didn’t know how I was going to continue like that though.
I sat down hard on the bed and tried t
o squash the pain in my stomach that told me I was making a big mistake. This had never been a problem before, but then, I’d never had to make a decision like this.
Someone buzzed at the door, startling me from my thoughts. I ran to the speaker.
“Hello?”
Silence came back.
I shrugged and walked away. The door buzzed again.
“Hello?” Irritation curled in me at the silence.
I slipped on my shoes and opened the door. There was always a chance the speaker was just broken. I barely ever used it, so maybe I hadn’t noticed. When I made it downstairs, there was no one outside. My foot hit a DVD case with a note.
In case you change your mind.
Dean
He had included an address on the other side. I carried them both back to the dorm. Without thinking, I put in the movie and sat down.
I flipped over the card repeatedly. There wasn’t anything else on it, but somehow I kept hoping there would be some secret message professing his love for me.
Half-way through the movie, I realized I hadn’t really been paying attention. I got up and slipped the card into my purse, a treasure from my time with him.
I closed my eyes and tried to clear my thoughts. There were other things I needed to be doing. I had a whole load of finals to contend with. I tried to concentrate on the movie.
* * *
“Wow, it’s cold,” Emma said as she came in from shopping. I smiled at her from the couch. “Oh, are you watching the movie?”
“Nope,” I said. “Just finished up.”
“Oh good,” she said, and I followed her to her room as she sat her packages on the bed. “So,” she turned and stared at me, “did he come by?”
I nodded. “He just rang the bell and left.”
Her smile faltered. “Oh,” she said.
“He left a note,” I said finally. “His address. In Texas.”
“See, he really wants you to come,” she said and sat down.
“When are you going to Dean’s?” I asked.
“Thursday,” she said. “We’re coming back the twenty-third for time with my family.”
“It must be nice to have family who want to spend the holidays with you,” I said and leaned against the door.
“You can come,” she said. I shook my head.
“I’m just going to relax and paint. You all have fun,” I said. The lump was back in my throat, and I knew if we didn’t change topics, I was going to start crying again. “So both parents are coming for Christmas?”
Her face flushed, and I knew she didn’t quite know what to make of it. They had recently been spending time with one another. Years after their divorce, and they were just now deciding they didn’t mind one another.
“It’s weird,” she said.
I laughed. “Isn’t this every kid’s dream?”
“Not me.” She grinned. “I wanted a library like the one in Beauty and the Beast.”
I grinned back. That was no surprise.
“All right,” she said. “Out you go. I’ve got things to wrap.”
I laughed as she ushered me out. When I was out the door, she locked it promptly.
“You can’t keep me out,” I hollered through the door.
When something hard hit the door, I laughed even louder.
I walked back to my room and pulled out the card. I tossed myself back on the bed and put the card beside me.
The purple hydrangeas from the summer hung happily on the wall. I smiled. It would be nice to see Grandmother again. Maybe she would have more advice for me. At the very least, I’d get to see her torture my parents.
***
Chapter Nineteen
I sat silently at the breakfast table. The last few days hadn’t really gone like I had expected. Grandmother was getting ready for a charity event at the Children’s Hospital and so hadn’t been around the house much. Being trapped in the house with my parents was like swimming with sharks. Do it often enough, and you’re going to get bitten.
“Grace, stop slouching,” my mother said.
I stared at her in disbelief. We hadn’t spoken since the shopping incident, but she had made sure to assert her authority this time around. I don’t know why I thought Christmas Eve would be much different.
Luckily, Father was busy most of this trip. Some deal had fallen through, so he was trying to pick up the pieces. Of course, to hear him tell it, he had swooped in like Superman. He’d been mostly quiet that morning though.
I pushed my plate back and was about to stand when my mother spoke.
“It seems the Sinclairs have solved their issues,” she said and dabbed the corner of her mouth.
“Oh,” I said dryly. “And how did they do that?”
My mother shot me a disgusted look from across the table.
“They hired a nanny,” she said simply.
“They hired a nanny for their nearly eighteen year old?” I scoffed.
Mother narrowed her eyes at me. “And what’s wrong with that?”
“What’s wrong with hiring a nanny for their nearly adult child?” I laughed. “What isn’t wrong with that?”
“Well, she wasn’t acting like an adult.” She took a sip of her coffee.
“Maybe because they weren’t acting like adults.” I stood and banged the table. “That girl is suffering, and they couldn’t spend five fucking minutes to find out what the problem was.”
“Grace,” my father bellowed. “Don’t you dare talk to your mother like that!”
I turned and pointed my finger at him. “No,” I said, standing tall. “Don’t you dare talk to me like that! The days of you controlling my life are over.”
I shoved my chair back and stormed out of the room. Anger fueled my every step up the stairs. When I reached the top, I went right to my room and locked the door.
They were cold. They were all cold, and if I stayed with them, I would be cold as well. I groaned as I sat on my bed with my head in my hands. This was not the life that I wanted. None of it was.
I pulled out my phone, ready to shoot off a text to Emma but stopped. For the first time in forever, she was able to have a decent family dinner. I couldn’t ruin it with my drama. She deserved better.
I pulled up pictures and flipped through them. My thumb paused over a candid photo of Dean. It was a side shot of him looking down and grinning. His cowboy hat was on, and he looked beautiful. My heart hurt. I turned to my easel and felt the all too familiar itch to create.
I grabbed a small canvas, some paints and set to work.
* * *
A loud knock at the door pulled me from the final touches on my work. It was late afternoon at this point, and my back was killing me from sitting in the same position for so long.
I put down the brush and went to the door.
“Finally,” Grandmother said. “You must have been lost in it this time.”
I smiled at her and tried to block the painting, but she wasn’t one to be put off.
She pushed through and stood in front of the painting. This was different from my others. Maybe because the painting inspired such emotion in me.
“It’s good,” she said. “Boyfriend?”
I looked at the painting of Dean. “Used to be.”
“But you have feelings for him.”
I turned away. “We just can’t work.”
“And why is that?” She put her hand on my arm, and I turned back to face her.
“We come from different worlds,” I said.
“Is he nice?” she asked flatly.
I nodded.
“Hard working?”
I nodded.
“Has all his bits and pieces?”
My eyes widened. “Grandmother!”
“I wasn’t always an old lady.” She winked. “He’s a nice-looking man.”
I smiled at the painting.
“Now listen to me. You need to live for you. If he makes you happy, then be happy. Those two,” she waved to the door, “they
haven’t been happy in years. Don’t let that be you. If you don’t take chances, then you won’t have anything worth living for.”
I felt the tears well up in my eyes.
“I’m too late,” I cried. “He’s at his home in Texas now. Spending the day with his family.”
“And I’m sure wishing you were there with him.” She cupped my cheeks and smiled. “Go be happy.”
I nodded and looked back to the painting.
“No, I mean go and be happy right now,” she said and pulled me off the bed. “I’ve got a plane chartered for you, waiting to take you wherever you need to go.”
I stood there stunned for a moment, not even really sure I heard her correctly.
“You better get packing,” she said and nudged me toward the wardrobe.
I took two steps and then turned around to pull her into a great hug.
“I love you,” I said to her. It felt good. Each time I said it, I felt better.
“I know,” she laughed. “Now go get ready.”
“But where are you going?” I said as she walked to the door.
“Well, someone has to go break the bad news to your parents.” She winked and laughed. “This is going to be fun.”
I shook my head as she left and laughed to myself. Devil and angel for sure.
I pulled the card out of my purse for the millionth time and just prayed that I wasn’t too late and that he would still want me.
I pushed away all the questions in my head. He would either want me or not. All I could do was try.
I swallowed my fears and set to work.
***
Chapter Twenty
Bile rose in my stomach as I traveled the dark roads. After a nearly four-hour flight and an hour drive in the country, I had more than enough time to become totally convinced that this was the worst idea ever. Too bad I was too invested to quit.
A warm glowing house came into view, and I knew that was it. White fence, picture window with Christmas tree and even a pretty wreath on the front door. I pulled into the circle drive and debated just pulling on around back on to the road. My foot found the break, and I came to a stop outside.
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