A Terrible Beauty

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A Terrible Beauty Page 8

by T. Birmingham


  “Goddamnit, Eagle! I already told you earlier, no!” Casper yelled, exploding from his seat, but his posture said otherwise, and his earlier comments to Kit had hinted that he’d needed to talk.

  Kit stayed seated, her arm across the chair next to her, and she rubbed her forehead before leaning forward to speak. “I wondered too.” Kit looked to Casper when he smacked the table and swore once more. “Casper, please…” she spoke softly and then continued. “She gets agitated when I visit. But you, Casper… She still likes you. You spend the most time with her.” Casper’s eyes met hers and the detached calm that switched on there didn’t frighten her; in fact, she breathed in a sigh of relief that he was once again the clear-thinking ghost she knew and loved. But still, shame burned her gut. “Could she do this? She has access. She was always good with computers and smart as a whip. She’s intelligent. She’s able to get around just fine even in the wheelchair…” Kit hated to say the name, but she would. “Could this be Rena?”

  “Rena?” Lee asked, his voice echoing through the room in shock. “Rena Granger, your ROTC friend who was shot during the thirty hours you all were captured?” Lee looked around the room before glancing back at Kit herself. She tried not to squirm, but she hated that there was more shame for him to see. “She survived,” Lee whispered in surprise, but his dark blue eyes were keen. “You never said she died. You barely talk about her at all. I think I just assumed—”

  “I let you assume,” Kit interrupted quietly, playing with a knot on the table and then once again meeting his gaze. “I figured you knew enough of my wrongs for now… I was going to tell you.” She would have. She just hadn’t known how to tell him that all that had happened had been so much worse. “A few of the medics had been in the building for a while, but we’d been so preoccupied with getting our wounds assessed and bandaged and also reporting to command that we didn’t think.” They hadn’t thought about her because they’d thought she’d been dead. She said as much to Lee.

  “She was shot in the spine, paralyzed from the waist down.” Casper exhaled as his gaze landed on Kit in shared memory. “We left her in the house thinking she was dead, but the medics told us later that she’d only appeared dead.”

  “And now, she refuses to see me. I still check on her... I have since…” Kit swiped at a tear, but realized her cheeks were dry and instead pinched her nose. “She was my best friend, but she’s not herself, Lee.” Kit turned her gaze toward Casper, who’d walked forward at some point and had both of his hands tightly holding onto the back of what was normally Stealth’s seat. “She’s—”

  “Is she capable of this?” Eagle asked gently but forcefully, looking to Casper.

  “Fuck,” Casper answered. He ran his fist along his jaw in what Kit knew was agitation, but then looked up even as he still rubbed his neck. “We talk, she and I. Ever since that time off base, she sort of latched onto me. What started off with letters turned into phone calls and me checking in every leave I was able. I felt responsible.” His face showed the guilt her and Hammond had felt, but he’d always been so good at hiding it. That was Casper. “I moved here to keep an eye on her. Didn’t hurt that Kit and Hammond were in the area. But Rena…” His voice trailed for a moment as his eyes drifted. Yet just like that, he steadily met their Prez’s eyes. “Honestly, you asked me this a week ago and I would have said no, but I just don’t know anymore, not after the last three letters. She goes on these rants about Muslims, and whenever I visited her on leave, she’d asked how many I killed, like I’d been hunting or something.”

  He paused and then added in a barely audible, scratchy voice, “The past ten years…she’s been on a downward spiral… Won’t talk to Kit. Shit, can barely even look at the woman who was once her best friend.” Kit felt his eyes on her even as the truth of what he’d said pierced her heart. “You’ve seen it, Kit. You’ve seen her go from the vibrant woman she was to someone with so little emotion, I sometimes look into her eyes and see only emptiness. A complete void where her humanity should be.”

  They all knew what it felt like to be lost for ten years.

  “I hate to ask, but we’ve got to check this out. Casper, can you meet me there after the family interviews?” Eagle looked at his watch. “Let’s say an hour and a half at 2100 hours. I know it’s late, but tomorrow’s Friday… Text me the address.” Casper nodded once, a quick jerk of the head the way a soldier would answer a silent command and left the room without looking back.

  Eagle glanced at Kit. “You’ve got a family thing to get to, don’t you?”

  Yeah, she did. “At eight.” She nodded and looked to the clock on the wall before standing from her seat and rounding the table. “Not for another half hour.”

  Fuck.

  First Rena.

  Now, Autumn.

  This week was never-ending.

  “I’d ask you to come interview Rena, but from what you and Casper have said, you two aren’t on good terms…”

  “Nope.” Kit’s voice hitched, but she continued, garnering her strength. “Like Casper said, she won’t even look at me, Eagle. I only visit once a month. And even with that, I haven’t stopped by in months because every time I go, it’s like I make it worse for her. She hates me.” Kit swallowed the catch in her throat, and suddenly she felt the comforting grip of Lee’s hand around her hip, as he pulled her into his side. She went willingly, needing him more than breath in that moment. She pulled herself together with that touch. “My best friend hates me.”

  “Okay, Kit,” Eagle comforted. “Okay… Casper and I’ve got this.”

  Kit nodded, gave Eagle a quick hug, and walked toward the door, Lee at her back. She stopped before she exited, though.

  “Rena was like a sister to me. We shared everything, went through training together all four years of college, were deployed that first time together, and in the end, I came out physically whole. But not only that, I think she always blamed me for leaving her in that house, for surviving, and she’s twisted it around, and placed the blame on me.”

  “She’s ill, Kit,” Eagle conceded, “and no matter if she’s behind the blackmailing or not, I’ll do whatever I can to get her some help.”

  He’d offered it before, but after all they’d been through these past couple weeks, she knew him going to Rena was the best. She just hoped Casper and Eagle could convince Rena to get the help she needed.

  “If anyone can convince her to get help, it’d be you, Prez,” Kit replied solemnly, then she and Lee headed out to his bike.

  She needed a ride on her Harley. She’d been tagging along with Lee this week, but she needed some time alone, out on the road.

  Just her and the purring of her bike.

  “I’m gonna take my Harley out after dinner and talking to Autumn, babe,” she whispered against his ear as the rumble of the Triumph caressed her inner thighs.

  He didn’t respond. He just patted the hand encircling his middle, flipped his helmet down, and switched into gear.

  She’d spent so long putting people into compartments, separating the parts of herself and her life that she felt needed separating, and now everything was coming to a head.

  Hammond and Lee.

  Kit and Lee.

  Hammond and Autumn.

  Lee and Casper.

  Rena and Hammond.

  Kit and her parents.

  All of these relationships, and she’d been the one to put up the blinders and continue holding onto her baggage.

  And now, the bag of lies she’d been so afraid would fall open had in fact been a glass box that had shattered at her feet.

  This should have terrified her, except she realized that in the shattering of those previous secrets, she was now free. She was now in control of how her future went. And so was Hammond. And Autumn. And hopefully Rena as well.

  In letting go, Kit had set free truths which should have been shared in years previous, and she knew she could work things out with Autumn because Autumn, even more than Kit who’d lived it,
would understand Kit had been the victim. Kit and Hammond had both been the victims, and while Hammond was still struggling with that fact, Kit felt a new sense of power in her survival. A new sense of hope.

  And it was on this renewing thought that she held tighter to Lee, smiled, breathed deep, leaned into the next curve, and felt the comforting refuge of true freedom.

  A change in the seasons

  Lee’s hands shook. His body ached. His head was a loud pounding of blood. And the feelings and sights and sounds wouldn’t relent, because they’d arrived at the Markham house only to find Renegade, Casper, and Danger all waiting.

  Kit had rushed to the three and they’d gotten into a heated discussion, but Lee knew.

  He knew by the crying of Serenity Markham and by the hardened jaw of George Markham.

  Only Winter and Autumn were there, but Spring was nowhere in sight. Both women sat on the front stoop of the old, white painted cedar clapboard covered, expanded cape. Winter’s skin, if possible, was even paler than usual, and as the shortest of her sisters, she seemed so small in that moment. Instead of following Kit, he walked to the steps and sat on the other side of Winter who was curled into Autumn.

  Autumn looked at him from the other side of Winter and reached her hand out to his. “We got a note yesterday, like the blackmail letter I got, the ones Hammond told me about on Sunday after Kit got hers. Spring’s been taken.” He just nodded because he’d gathered as much, though the escalation from writing notes to kidnapping was a huge leap, especially if it was Rena. “Spring was out on delivery for the store. Dad had just gotten a feed shipment in for one of the local farms, and she apparently stopped to gas up. The sheriff’s department found the note and showed up here just ten minutes before you. We had them call Eagle and Kit. Kit didn’t answer, but Eagle answered at the bar.”

  “We only just left the Rodeo Room twenty or thirty minutes ago.” Lee tried to keep his anger at bay, even as he wondered how the day had gone to shit so quickly. “How’d Casper, Renegade, and Danger get here before us?”

  “Eagle knew you were headed here, called them. They were only a few miles away,” Autumn said, looking toward the driveway where Eagle, Stealth, Beast, and Rover were in fact pulling in. Then she returned her gaze to Lee. “He made a quick phone call to Danger and called us back to let us know Casper had met up with Renegade and Danger and that all three were on their way.”

  Lee stood to go to the core group and read the note, but there was something in Autumn’s eyes that pulled him back to the moment and the front step. “Hammond and I talked the other night, Lee.” Her eyes became downcast and then she briefly looked over at Kit, her gaze becoming fierce. “They should have told us.”

  Again, Lee just nodded. His brother and Kit definitely should have shared. Ten years, broken relationships, a broken marriage, and they hadn’t shared what had happened. Maybe in punishment for themselves.

  “That’s the thing about punishment, Autumn,” he said, grabbing onto her hand again and leaning in to rub Winter’s back. “They thought they were punishing themselves, but punishment isn’t an individual thing. They built up walls around themselves, and in trying to protect us and punish themselves, they hurt everyone.” And then he thought about it more deeply, and he watched Kit’s face pale as she looked at Autumn, and he realized another truth about him and Autumn in relation to Kit and Hammond. “But Autumn, you and I were built for those two. We were built to love them, to be strong enough for them, and to be there when they finally stopped wallowing in their self-made prisons.”

  Autumn nodded and looked to Kit, smiling softly and then cocooning Winter once more.

  “We’ll get her back, Winter,” he said with conviction, concerned that she’d been so quiet. “I’m going to talk with Eagle, Kit, and the others, but we will… We’ll get her back.”

  His assurances seemed to fall on deaf ears, though, and the caustic sarcasm usually so present was near nonexistent when Winter looked up to say something.

  It took her a minute, but she finally whispered, “I was mean to her.” She paused and Autumn squeezed her hand, but Winter pulled away and wrapped her arms around her knees. “I said things—” But Winter cut herself off and hopped off the porch as she trudged with purpose toward the group gathered with Kit. “I wanna help,” she stated, and Eagle had already turned to look at her, but he just let his eyes wander up and down her tiny frame in consideration.

  “Thanks for the offer, but we’re good, Winter,” Eagle said, turning back to the group. And oh shit! Lee knew before anyone else what Eagle should have known.

  Don’t mess with a Markham.

  “Umm…” Kit started, and Eagle lifted his head right away. He trusted Kit in everything. Kit pointed behind her to Winter, and he and Autumn were there in less than a minute watching as Winter stepped forward.

  The little bundle of dark humor wasn’t feeling comical, though, and she’d already stepped up to Eagle. At over six feet, he was imposing, but again, Winter was a Markham. Her presence alone made her seem bigger. And when a Markham woman was pissed...well, Lee and Hammond had both learned long ago to just let them have it out before things went to hell.

  Winter plowed her hand into his chest, using her momentum to push him backward, and even though his feet faltered just a moment, it was her second hit that had him reeling backwards.

  Her third hit had his back smacking into the side of the house.

  And her fourth hit had him pulling her into his arms.

  “Shh, Winter,” he cooed. And still, she hit his chest.

  One punch.

  Another. Less force this time.

  Even less the next.

  Until she was crying in his arms, and Eagle seemed to forget everything else around him but the Markham girl in his arms.

  Lee walked to his own Markham woman, and after a time, Winter and Eagle returned to the group. Winter seeming to have aged in just that short amount of time, and Eagle stood hard-jawed and at her side. Always the protector. That was Eagle.

  Winter kept herself slightly separate from the old warrior, but when her gaze met Autumn’s and then Kit’s, both of the older sisters nodded.

  Serenity and George had moved back to the steps of their family home, and George was calming his wife as she lets loose silent sobs.

  He saw this family and he knew: They wouldn’t be staying behind in this fight.

  I know she’s not really yours. Hopefully you don’t mind if I borrow this one, Summer. I’ll return her—as whole as I can—if you follow my directions. Your price is a total of $200,000 for the crimes of Hammond Devereux, Callum Gordon, and Summer Markham. Deliver the funds into the third trash can from the right in the old town square by midnight tonight, or your price will be the dark-skinned sister.

  “Rena.” Kit’s voice wasn’t quiet. No, she was pissed. It was one thing to be sick. It was another to blackmail families and threaten death.

  “She has to know we don’t have that kind of money,” Lee said, including himself in the letter even if it wasn’t addressed to him.

  “She knows,” Casper said ominously. “She won’t care, because it’s not about the money. She wants to punish someone—”

  “Spring isn’t a part of any of this, though!” Winter interrupted, uncharacteristic anger overlapping that low, sarcastic voice that was her signature. “She never went near Rena. We didn’t even know Rena, Kit. We met her maybe once, and I don’t even think Spring was there.”

  “I don’t think that matters at this point, Winter,” Kit replied quietly, maybe to temper the tension of the group.

  “She makes a point of saying ‘dark-skinned’ in the letter,” Beast added thoughtfully. He’d worked as a profiler for the Scotland Yard for five years, and if anyone could figure out why the fuck Rena was doing this, maybe he could. “That’s important.”

  Beast continued, “She won’t see you, Kit. You and Casper said as much.”

  “But why take Spring? She could have taken me
or even Casper. Why my sister?”

  “She can’t kidnap you when she can’t even look at you. She’s trying to punish, but she’s been using surrogates since the beginning to punish you, Kit. Your sister is just one more, but a step closer to you. She could have taken Autumn or Winter. Both of them spend just as much time in town. So, I agree with you on one front… Why Spring?”

  “That’s part of her spiral,” Casper tossed out. “She’s got a lot of paraphernalia on hate groups and is anti-Muslim–”

  “But our daughter’s not Muslim—” George started as Serenity grabbed tighter onto his hand.

  “But she looks the most Middle Eastern,” Kit’s mother said softly.

  “And,” Beast informed, “that’s the pull for her. She still can’t confront Kit herself, but she’s done with taking money from surrogates who have no connection to her true aim of getting to Kit. Then, here she has someone who looks Middle Eastern and is connected to the real object of her anger. Spring is dark-skinned and for this woman, Spring might represent what she believes to be the evil that destroyed her…and that was probably a little too tempting for someone—as Casper and Kit have both said—who has been spiraling.”

  “It makes sense. She never forgave me for leaving her, but really, I think it was that she never forgave any of us for surviving what she feels she didn’t survive. When she started getting worse and wouldn’t accept my help or Hammond’s help any longer, Casper moved to the area.” Lee played his hand along Kit’s side in comfort, and although it was a tight one, he was rewarded with a smile and she refocused. “That was six months ago. He pledged at the request of me, Hammond, and Eagle, but the real reason Casper was here was because Rena wouldn’t let anyone near her but him…” Kit’s claws scratched at her collarbone in worry and Lee pulled them away.

 

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