He stood and reached for her. She stepped nimbly away. “Please show me the courtesy of not touching me.”
“Everything that has gone on between you and me has been real, Carina. Yes, I was supposed to meet you and I did. You should know that at one time your entire family was suspected of being part of the operation.”
“Well, that explains it. You needed a pretext to get into my apartment. I’m curious to know how you managed to do it without my knowing it. Was it last Monday morning when I slept so blissfully before you left?”
“I knew that you weren’t a suspect before I ever made love to you.”
“How noble of you.” She turned her back. “Please get out of here. If you have any respect for me, any at all, then you will leave and never contact me again.”
“My getting emotionally involved with you was not part of any plan, Carina. If you believe nothing else, believe that. I fought it, believe me. You’ve had me tied up in knots. When I looked at my little nephew this week I thought of you. Of us. Of the possibilities that might exist if—”
She finished his sentence. “Once you arrested my brothers and got that little item out of the way,” she said bitterly. “There are no possibilities for you and me, Jude. None. Please leave.”
Jude stood, looking at her for a long time. Then he turned and left.
Eleven
Three days later the four agents stood in the driveway of the home they’d shared for several months. Hal, John and Ruth waited for the cab they’d called to take them to the airport. Jude leaned against his sports car talking with them while they waited.
“I’ve enjoyed getting to know you guys,” he said during a lull in the conversation. “I couldn’t have asked for a better group to work with.”
Ruth said, “I’m not sorry I’m getting out of this Texas heat.”
“It’s just as bad along the east coast, I can vouch for that.”
John said, “Are you finally taking that vacation that was interrupted?”
“I’m going up to see the folks for a few days. I may go on back to Maryland after that and see if I still have my old job,” he said with a grin. “If not, then I’ll need to look for work.”
Hal said, “You know where to come if that’s the case, old man. Sam would hire you on the spot. He’s pleased with what we’ve accomplished.”
“I was glad to hear Davies and Sullivan spilled their guts to him. I’m sure they’re hoping for a lighter sentence. Did they ever admit how your agent got killed?”
John shook his head. “If they did, we won’t hear about it, but it may come out at trial.”
“If it does, I’d appreciate someone letting me know.”
Hal smiled. “Oh, don’t worry about learning anything about the trial. You’ll probably be asked to testify. In case you get homesick, know you’ll be back here whenever this case is heard.”
Jude nodded. “Thanks for the heads-up.”
“There’s our ride,” Ruth said. “Take care of yourself, Jude.”
“You, too,” he said, and opened his car door. He waited until they had loaded their bags in the cab and driven away before he got in and slowly backed out of the driveway.
Jude had shipped most of his belongings to his office to await his return. Now he had nothing left to do but get out of town.
He didn’t find the drive through the Hill Country as comforting as it had been in the past. His mind continued to race, replaying the last few days in his head. He tried to think of something he could have said or done to help Carina deal with all that had happened.
He hadn’t been surprised at Carina’s reaction. In fact, he’d expected it. There was probably nothing that would have made it more palatable for her once she knew that she’d been part of his assignment, although he had tried. He’d felt it important to tell her that what they’d had together wasn’t part of this case.
She’d had too many shocks at one time to take in everything he’d told her. Even if she believed him she’d made it clear his role in her life was over.
He could only hope that sometime in the future she might look back and remember some of the good times they’d had together.
The problem he dealt with now was how much he missed seeing her. He’d known he would. He’d discovered that during the few days last week when he didn’t call her. Knowing he would never see her again or hear her voice troubled him.
Of course he’d get over her, given enough time.
When Jude reached the ranch, he drove past Jake and Ashley’s place without stopping and went to his parents’ home.
By the time he pulled up beneath one of the cottonwood trees and got out, Joe’s hunting hounds had him surrounded. He stopped and gave them some attention until he heard his dad whistle at them.
“That’s enough, now, Blue. You, Benji and Buster give him some space.” He watched Jude walk toward him. “Didn’t expect to see you today. C’mon in.” He held the screen door open and followed Jude inside.
“Where’s Mom?”
“She’s over at Jake’s spoiling Joey, I imagine. She needed to run some errands, but she never goes past their place without stopping.”
“I didn’t see her car when I drove by, but I didn’t stop, so she may have already been there and gone.”
“She’ll show up in a little while. Come on out back. There’s a nice breeze out on the porch. You want something to drink?”
“Got any beer?”
“Most likely. I’ll check. Go on out there and have a seat.”
Jude stepped out on the porch and smiled. His dad had been whittling. He was getting really good at it, carving small figures of cowboys in caricature. This latest one wore an expression of disgust, his hands resting on his hips.
Jude stepped past his dad’s rocking chair and side table and stretched out in one of the other rockers. He propped his feet on the railing and looked out at the view of the rolling hills. He was reminded of his first date with Carina, when they’d watched the sunset together. So much had happened since then that he found it hard to believe they’d known each other only a couple of weeks.
“Here ya go,” Joe said, coming out the door. He held two longnecked bottles and handed one to Jude. “Might as well join you. Can you stay long?”
Jude sighed. “We’re through with our operation in San Antonio, so I thought I’d visit for a few days. Then I need to get back to Fort Meade. I haven’t been back to check on things at the condo for a month. I needed to stay in San Antonio once everything began to heat up. Hope I don’t have any leaks or other unpleasant surprises waiting for me when I get home.”
“You look tired.”
“Haven’t been sleeping much.”
“Plus you look like you’ve lost your best friend.”
Jude took a long swallow from his bottle. He swallowed and realized that his dad had pretty much described how he was feeling.
“I’m not surprised.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Jude shrugged. “Nothing much to say. I met a woman as part of this assignment. We’ve spent most of the past two weeks together. We hit it off. I can’t remember a time when I’ve enjoyed a person more.” He took another swallow. “And then last Saturday night I arrested her two brothers for smuggling dope.”
Joe sat up abruptly, stopping his chair. “Did you know what they were doing when you met her?”
“Oh, yeah. That’s why I was supposed to get to know her. As it turned out I didn’t find out anything through her. Nothing. Nada. Zip. All our information came from other sources. At the end we realized there had been no reason to involve her, even peripherally.”
“Damn. I take it she didn’t like being set up and used.”
“Among other things, yeah, that basically covers her reaction.”
“Did she know about the smuggling?”
“No, but we didn’t know that at first. If she’d been working with them, I would have found something on her. There was nothing.”
“So it was necessary to date her, if for no other reason than to find out she wasn’t a part of the operation. But you couldn’t have known that, going in.”
“No. I couldn’t have. You’re right about that. Wish that made me feel better.”
“You really fell for her, I take it.”
“I don’t know what I feel about her. I just know I hurt her, despite everything I could do not to. I feel bad about that.”
“The situation was set up where she would get hurt if she was an innocent party. If that was your assignment, you can’t blame yourself for following orders.”
“Well, it’s done now. Once I’m back at work my life will get back in order and I’ll forget her.”
“Is that why you’re not taking your vacation?”
“I’m taking a few days of it now. I may have to testify at the trial whenever it’s set. I’ll let you know when I’ll be coming back.” He grinned at Joe. “It’ll give you an excuse to have a barbecue.”
Joe nodded in agreement. “Good idea. We’ll plan on it.”
“In the meantime, I thought I’d fill up on some of Mom’s cooking, laze around the house until you boot me out and maybe spend a couple of days with Jake and his men. It will remind me of why I don’t like ranching,” he added with a grin.
Joe picked up his whittling.
“What are you making?”
“This ol’ fella’s pretty upset. I’m going to carve his huntin’ dog with feathers coming out his mouth. Won’t be a pheasant he caught, but one of the old man’s prized roosters, if I can do it. I want the rooster running away without his tail feathers.”
Jude smiled. They sat in companionable silence for a while until he asked, “Have you talked to Jared recently?”
“He called last weekend. I’ll call and tell him you’re here. Maybe he and Lindsey can come over to visit with you.”
“Is he settling in at headquarters all right or does he miss working out in the field?”
“I imagine he’d miss Lindsey more than he misses working in the field although he was never one for working inside. I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t decide to do something else. Maybe hire out as a consultant to help others find oil. That way he could choose the jobs he wants.”
“It seems strange that I’ve been so close to everyone and haven’t seen much of anybody in the past six months.”
“That’s because you were working and the kind of stuff you do isn’t like punching a time clock and having weekends off.”
Jude laughed. “You got that right, Dad. You know something? It’s good to be home.”
Carina finished rehearsing, then put her music away before she left the school and walked toward the subway. It was now October and she enjoyed the pleasant temperature.
She hadn’t wanted to come to New York after the arrests but her mom and dad had insisted that none of it had anything to do with her and she’d postponed her music education long enough.
She’d had no problem giving up her apartment. In fact, the week after her brothers were arrested she had moved back home.
The apartment held too many memories.
The place in New York she shared with two other students was nothing like her spacious apartment had been, which she appreciated. She didn’t want any reminders.
Gloria, one of her roommates, had asked her this morning if she’d like to meet a friend of Frank’s, Gloria’s boyfriend, this weekend. Carina didn’t much care. Maybe she’d go, just to change her routine.
After her divorce, Marisa had moved to Dallas to be near her family and bought a home but had returned for the trial to be with her in-laws during the ordeal.
Carina hadn’t gone home for the trial. Her father had insisted she stay in New York and continue with her classes. She had, despite feeling guilty for her relief that she hadn’t been there.
Marisa later told her that Jude Crenshaw had testified at the trial.
Carina hadn’t asked about him. Marisa said he’d looked tired. She’d also reminded Carina that if her brothers hadn’t been smuggling drugs, none of this would have happened, so why was she blaming Jude?
Marisa’s question had been haunting Carina for several weeks. Her brothers were drug smugglers, the lowest sort of criminal she could think of. Marisa was certainly right about that.
What she had trouble accepting was Jude’s pretending to care about her when he didn’t. She’d practically thrown herself at him when he’d been reluctant to make love to her. How humiliating was that?
No. She was glad she’d never have to see him again. She didn’t need the reminders of her one and only foray into seduction.
Just before she turned into the entrance to the subway she caught a glimpse of a man across the street who looked like Jude. At least he did at first. Same tall, rugged build and blond hair. But then he turned his head and she saw that of course it wasn’t him. Jude wouldn’t be in New York. He’d be working somewhere in D.C.
Her train appeared and she crowded on it, hanging on to a strap and wishing she were taller for, oh, maybe the millionth time. She waited until the next stop and when some passengers got off she found a pole to cling to.
She’d only known Jude for a couple of weeks and that had been at least three months ago and yet he still haunted her. He’d come into her life and jarred her fully awake as a woman. She’d trusted him. More fool, she. She doubted everything that he had told her about himself.
He probably wasn’t even related to the Texas Crenshaw family. He could be from anywhere. He’d never offered to take her to the ranch he talked about. He probably didn’t have a brother, much less a new nephew.
Well, maybe he hadn’t lied about that.
Her thoughts were interrupted when the train drew into the next stop and she needed to get off.
She hated that her heart raced every time she spotted a tall blond male. Jude wasn’t worth one minute of her time. She wished there was a process where she could wash him not out of her hair but out of her brain.
As soon as she reached the apartment, she’d tell Gloria that she’d be glad to go out with her and meet Frank’s friend.
“What happened to you while you were in Texas, dude?” Brad Johnson, one of the men Jude worked with, asked him one morning.
Jude had been typing up yet another report—was there ever an end to the damn things?—and glared up at him.
“You don’t want to know,” he replied caustically.
“Whatever it was, you’ve been taking it out on the rest of us since you got back. I figured you’d decompress and forget about it, but you’ve been a bear now for months.”
“My Texas assignment is old history, long forgotten.”
“Well, whatever is eating at you, deal with it, okay? If you don’t lighten up around here there’s going to be a lynching and you’ll be the star attraction.”
Jude closed his eyes and counted to ten. When he opened them, bright-eyed Brad still stood there.
“I was hoping I was hallucinating and that you didn’t actually come in here and interrupt me while I’m trying to work.”
Johnson backed away and paused at the door. “You know, Jude, work is tough enough without your bad-ass attitude to put up with as well, so whatever’s going on with you, deal with it.”
Jude saved the work he’d done and closed down the computer. He waited until he was sure Johnson would no longer be in the hall before he walked out of his office, his jacket tossed over his shoulder.
To hell with trying to concentrate; he was going home.
On the way to his condo he thought about the last few months, and knew that Johnson was right—he’d been in a foul mood and his co-workers had been forced to deal with him.
So face what’s bugging you, Crenshaw.
He couldn’t get Carina out of his head. She haunted him night and day. He could swear he heard her voice at times. Worse yet, he’d actually gone to a classical concert last week and was considering season tickets for the symphony.
So deal with it.
How? He’d never been so hung up on anyone in his life. He’d thought about calling one of his female friends to see if she wanted to go out, but he could never actually pick up the phone, much less key in her number.
He didn’t want to see someone else. Carina had ruined his social life. It had never been all that great except when he’d taken on the role of playboy.
His work had always been his number-one priority and his social life lagged far behind.
Maybe that’s all it was. He hadn’t been to bed with anyone before Carina in too long for him to acknowledge without being embarrassed. If he hadn’t been so hot for Carina right from the first time he’d laid eyes on her, he wouldn’t have ended up in bed with her, either.
Deal with it. Get over it.
How?
Twelve
Carina knew she wasn’t concentrating enough when she played the intricately fingered line of music several times and continued to make mistakes. She rested her hands on the keyboard and looked around the rehearsal room at Juilliard.
“I’m wasting my time. I might as well go home.”
Carina packed up her music and left the rehearsal hall. It was Friday, the fourth of November, and the cold wind circled, blowing gusts of leaves and dust around her.
She buttoned her coat, raised the hood and started toward the subway. She’d left later than usual today. She would have nothing to do once she got back to the apartment, so she had stayed on and worked on one of her assigned musical compositions, for all the good it had done.
Double Identity Page 11
