by Leo Tolstoy
TÁNYA (aside). That was when I was getting out from under it!
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. It is quite evident he also is a medium. Especially as he is very like Home in appearance. You remember Home--a fair-haired naïf sort of fellow?
SAHÁTOF (shrugging his shoulders). Dear me, this is very interesting, you know. I think you should try him.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. So we will! And he is not alone; there are thousands of mediums, only we do not know them. Why, only a short time ago a bedridden old woman moved a brick wall!
SAHÁTOF. Moved a brick ... a brick wall?
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Yes, yes. She was lying in bed, and did not even know she was a medium. She just leant her arm against the wall, and the wall moved!
SAHÁTOF. And did not cave in?
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. And did not cave in.
SAHÁTOF. Very strange! Well, then, I'll come this evening.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Pray, do. We shall have a séance in any case.
[SAHATOF puts on his outdoor things; LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH sees him to the door.
PORTER (to TÁNYA). Do tell your mistress! Am I to spend the night here?
TÁNYA. Wait a little; she's going to drive out with the young lady, so she'll soon be coming downstairs.
[Exit.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH (comes up to the PEASANTS, who bow and offer him their presents). That's not necessary!
FIRST PEASANT (smiling). Oh, but this-here is our first duty, it is! It's also the Commune's orders that we should do it!
SECOND PEASANT. That's always been the proper way.
THIRD PEASANT. Say no more about it! 'Cause as we are much satisfied.... As our parents, let's say, served, let's say, your parents, so we would like the same with all our hearts ... and not just anyhow!
[Bows.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. But what is it about? What do you want?
FIRST PEASANT. It's to your honor we've come....
[Enter PETRÍSTCHEF briskly, in fur-lined overcoat.
PETRÍSTCHEF. Is Vasíly Leoníditch awake yet?
[Seeing LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH, bows, moving only his head.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. You have come to see my son?
PETRÍSTCHEF. I? Yes, just to see Vovo for a moment.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Step in, step in.
[PETRÍSTCHEF takes off his overcoat and walks in briskly. Exit.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH (to PEASANTS). Well, what is it you want?
SECOND PEASANT. Please accept our presents!
FIRST PEASANT (smiling). That's to say, the peasants' offerings.
THIRD PEASANT. Say no more about it; what's the good? We wish you the same as if you were our own father! Say no more about it!
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. All right. Here, Theodore, take these.
THEODORE IVÁNITCH (to PEASANTS). Give them here.
[Takes the presents.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Well, what is the business?
FIRST PEASANT. We've come to your honor....
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. I see you have; but what do you want?
FIRST PEASANT. It's about making a move towards completing the sale of the land. It comes to this....
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Do you mean to buy the land?
FIRST PEASANT. That's just it. It comes to this.... I mean the buying of the property of the land. The Commune has given us, let's say, the power of atturning, to enter, let's say, as is lawful, through the Government bank, with a stamp for the lawful amount.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. You mean that you want to buy the land through the land-bank.
FIRST PEASANT. That's just it. Just as you offered it to us last year. It comes to this, then, the whole sum in full for the buying of the property of the land is 32,864 roubles.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. That's all right, but how about paying up?
FIRST PEASANT. As to the payment, the Commune offers just as it was said last year--to pay in 'stalments, and your receipt of the ready money by lawful regulations, 4000 roubles in full. [2]
SECOND PEASANT. Take 4000 now, and wait for the rest of the money.
THIRD PEASANT (unwrapping a parcel of money). And about this be quite easy. We should pawn our own selves rather than do such a thing just anyhow say, but in this way, let's say, as it ought to be done.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. But did I not write and tell you that I should not agree to it unless you brought the whole sum?
FIRST PEASANT. That's just it. It would be more agreeable, but it is not in our possibilities, I mean.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Well then, the thing can't be done!
FIRST PEASANT. The Commune, for example, relied its hopes on that, that you made the offer last year to sell it in easy 'stalments....
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. That was last year. I would have agreed to it then, but now I can't.
SECOND PEASANT. But how's that? We've been depending on your promise-- we've got the papers ready and have collected the money!
THIRD PEASANT. Be merciful, master! We're short of land; we'll say nothing about cattle, but even a hen, let's say, we've no room to keep. (Bows.) Don't wrong us, master!
[Bows.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Of course it's quite true, that I agreed last year to let you have the land for payment by instalments, but now circumstances are such that it would be inconvenient.
SECOND PEASANT. Without this land we cannot live!
FIRST PEASANT. That's just it. Without land our lives must grow weaker and come to a decline.
THIRD PEASANT (bowing). Master, we have so little land, let's not talk about the cattle, but even a chicken, let's say, we've no room for. Master, be merciful, accept the money, master!
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH (examining the document). I quite understand, and should like to help you. Wait a little; I will give you an answer in half-an-hour.... Theodore, say I am engaged and am not to be disturbed.
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. Yes, sir.
[Exit LEONÍD FYODORITCH.
[The PEASANTS look dejected.
SECOND PEASANT. Here's a go! "Give me the whole sum," he says. And where are we to get it from?
FIRST PEASANT. If he had not given us hopes, for example. As it is we felt quite insured it would be as was said last year.
THIRD PEASANT. Oh, Lord! and I had begun unwrapping the money. (Begins wrapping up the bundle of bank-notes again.) What are we to do now?
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. What is your business, then?
FIRST PEASANT. Our business, respected sir, depends in this. Last year he made us the offer of our buying the land in 'stalments. The Commune entered upon these terms and gave us the powers of atturning, and now d'you see he makes the offering that we should pay the whole in full! And as it turns out, the business is no ways convenient for us.
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. What is the whole sum?
FIRST PEASANT. The whole sum in readiness is 4000 roubles, you see.
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. Well, what of that? Make an effort and collect more.
FIRST PEASANT. Such as it is, it was collected with much effort. We have, so to say, in this sense, not got ammunition enough.
SECOND PEASANT. You can't get blood out of a stone.
THIRD PEASANT. We'd be glad with all our hearts, but we have swept even this together, as you might say, with a broom.
[VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH and PETRÍSTCHEF appear in the doorway both smoking cigarettes.
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. I have told you already I'll do my best, so, of course, I will do all that is possible! Eh, what?
PETRÍSTCHEF. You must just understand that if you do not get it, the devil only knows what a mess we shall be in!
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. But I've already said I'll do my best, and so I will. Eh, what?
PETRÍSTCHEF. Nothing. I only say, get some at any cost; I will wait.
[Exit into VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH'S room, closing door.
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH (waving his arm). It's a deuce of a go!
[The PEASANTS bow.
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH (looking
at PORTER, to THEODORE IVÁNITCH). Why don't you attend to this fellow from Bourdier? He hasn't come to take lodgings with us, has he? Just look, he is asleep! Eh, what?
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. The note he brought has been sent in, and he has been told to wait until Anna Pávlovna comes down.
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH (looks at PEASANTS and notices the money). And what is this? Money? For whom? Is it for us? (To THEODORE IVÁNITCH.) Who are they?
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. They are peasants from Koursk. They are buying land.
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. Has it been sold them?
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. No, they have not yet come to any agreement. They are too stingy?
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. Eh? Well, we must try and persuade them. (To the PEASANTS.) Here, I say, are you buying land? Eh?
FIRST PEASANT. That's just it. We have made an offering as how we should like to acquire the possession of the land.
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. Then you should not be so stingy, you know. Just let me tell you how necessary land is to peasants! Eh, what? It's very necessary, isn't it?
FIRST PEASANT. That's just it. The land appears as the very first and foremost necessity to a peasant. That's just it.
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. Then why be so stingy? Just you think what land is! Why, one can sow wheat on it in rows! I tell you, you could get eighty bushels of wheat, at a rouble and a half a bushel--that would be 120 roubles. Eh, what? Or else mint! I tell you, you could collar 400 roubles off an acre by sowing mint!
FIRST PEASANT. That's just it. All sorts of products one could put into action if one had the right understanding.
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. Mint! Decidedly mint! I have learnt about it, you know. It's all printed in books. I can show them you. Eh, what?
FIRST PEASANT. That's just it, all concerns are clearer to you through your books. That's learnedness, of course.
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. Then pay up and don't be stingy! (To THEODORE IVÁNITCH.) Where's papa?
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. He gave orders not to be disturbed just now.
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. Oh, I suppose he's consulting a spirit whether to sell the land or not? Eh, what?
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. I can't say. All I know is that be went away undecided about it.
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. What d'you think, Theodore Ivánitch, is he flush of cash? Eh, what?
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. I don't know. I hardly think so. But what does it matter to you? You drew a good sum not more than a week ago.
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. But didn't I pay for those dogs? And now, you know, there's our new Society, and Petrístchef has been chosen, and I had borrowed money from Petrístchef and must pay the subscription both for him and for myself. Eh, what?
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. And what is this new Society? A Cycling Club?
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. No. Just let me tell you. It is quite a new Society. It is a very serious Society, you know. And who do you think is President? Eh, what?
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. What's the object of this new Society?
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. It is a "Society to Promote the Breeding of Pure-Bred Russian Hounds." Eh, what? And I'll tell you, they're having the first meeting and a lunch, to-day. And I've no money. I'll go to him and have a try!
[Exit through study door.
FIRST PEASANT (to THEODORE IVÁNITCH). And who might he be, respected sir?
THEODORE IVÁNITCH (smiles). The young master.
THIRD PEASANT. The heir, so to say. Oh, Lord! (Puts away the money.) I'd better hide it meanwhile.
FIRST PEASANT. And we were told he was in military service, in the cav'rely, for example.
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. No, as an only son he is exempt from military service.
THIRD PEASANT. Left for to keep his parents, so to say! That's right!
SECOND PEASANT (shaking his head). He's the right sort. He'll feed them finely!
THIRD PEASANT. Oh, Lord!
[Enter VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH, followed by LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. That's always the way. It's really surprising! First I'm asked why I have no occupation, and now when I have found a field and am occupied, when a Society with serious and noble aims has been founded, I can't even have 300 roubles to go on with!...
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. I tell you I can't do it, and I can't! I haven't got it.
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. Why, you have just sold some land.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. In the first place I have not sold it! And above all, do leave me in peace! Weren't you told I was engaged?
[Exit, slamming door.
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. I told you this was not the right moment.
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. Well, I say! Here's a position to be in! I'll go and see mamma--that's my only hope. He's going crazy over his spiritualism and forgets everything else.
[Goes upstairs.
[THEODORE IVÁNITCH takes newspaper and is just going to sit down, when BETSY and MÁRYA KONSTANTÍNOVNA, followed by GREGORY, come down the stairs.
BETSY. Is the carriage ready?
GREGORY. Just coming to the door.
BETSY (to MÁRYA KONSTANTÍNOVNA). Come along, come along, I know it is he.
MÁRYA KONSTANTÍNOVNA. Which he?
BETSY. You know very well whom I mean--Petrístchef, of course.
MÁRYA KONSTANTÍNOVNA. But where is he?
BETSY. Sitting in Vovo's room. You'll see!
MÁRYA KONSTANTÍNOVNA. And suppose it is not he?
[The PEASANTS and PORTER bow.
BETSY (to PORTER). You brought a dress from Bourdier's?
PORTER. Yes, Miss. May I go?
BETSY. Well, I don't know. Ask my mother.
PORTER. I don't know whose it is, Miss; I was ordered to bring it here and receive the money.
BETSY. Well, then, wait.
MÁRYA KONSTANTÍNOVNA. Is it still that costume for the charade?
BETSY. Yes, a charming costume. But mamma won't take it or pay for it.
MÁRYA KONSTANTÍNOVNA. But why not?
BETSY. You'd better ask mamma. She doesn't grudge Vovo 500 roubles for his dogs, but 100 is too much for a dress. I can't act dressed like a scarecrow. (Pointing to PEASANTS.) And who are these?
GREGORY. Peasants who have come to buy some land or other.
BETSY. And I thought they were the beaters. Are you not beaters?
FIRST PEASANT. No, no, lady. We have come to see Leoníd Fyódoritch about the signing into our possession of the title-deeds to some land.
BETSY. Then how is it? Vovo was expecting some beaters who were to come to-day. Are you sure you are not the beaters? (The PEASANTS are silent.) How stupid they are! (Goes to VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH'S door.) Vovo?
[Laughs.
MÁRYA KONSTANTÍNOVNA. But we met him just now upstairs!
BETSY. Why need you remember that? Vovo, are you there?
[PETRÍSTCHEF enters.
PETRÍSTCHEF. Vovo is not here, but I am prepared to fulfil on his behalf anything that may be required. How do you do? How do you do, Márya Konstantínovna?
[Shakes hands long and violently with BETSY, and then with MÁRYA KONSTANTÍNOVNA.
SECOND PEASANT. See, it's as if he were pumping water!
BETSY. You can't replace him,--still you're better than nobody. (Laughs.) What are these affairs of yours with Vovo?
PETRÍSTCHEF. What affairs? Our affairs are fie-nancial that is, our business is fie! It's also nancial, and besides it is financial.
BETSY. What does nancial mean?
PETRÍSTCHEF. What a question! It means nothing, that's just the point.
BETSY. No, no, you have missed fire.
[Laughs.
PETRÍSTCHEF. One can't always hit the mark, you know. It's something like a lottery. Blanks and blanks again, and at last you win!
[THEODORE IVÁNITCH goes into the study.
BETSY. Well, this was blank then; but tell me, were you at the Mergásofs' last night?
