Either way, whether that was the way she thought or not, I should never have yelled at her or told her to get out or anything else. She hadn’t really been thinking clearly. She had been close to tears when she had called me, and I could only imagine what her day had been like. But I wasn’t sure how to call her and explain myself to her. I knew that it wasn’t fair to tell her that I’d had to deal with so many people who thought I was crazy for taking Booker in, that I just couldn’t deal with another.
I wasn’t sure how to tell her that in voicing her worries that Booker might not actually be my kid, she was voicing my own worries as well, the worries I had pushed far back in the depths of my mind where I didn’t have to think about them.
Because I was terrified that one day, Booker’s real dad would come along with some proof that he was Booker’s dad. And I would lose my kid. No matter how much time I had put into raising him.
I didn’t think that was really likely to happen. I wanted to believe that Booker was truly mine. And in my heart of hearts, I did. There were too many things in that letter from his mom that I had found to be too close to the truth. But it was something I had always feared—that I had taken in this kid, poured my heart and soul into him, only for him to turn out to be someone else’s all along.
I got to Ace’s before I really realized that was where I was headed. I glanced at my watch. Nearly two in the afternoon. He was probably at the gym by now. Working with his clients. He didn’t have time to hear about my crisis of conscience.
Not the least of which because he was one of the people who had been pushing, from the time that Booker ended up on my doorstep, for me to get a paternity test. Just to make sure that everything was right for the kid.
I didn’t know whose side Ace would be on. He had tried to set me up with Mallory in the first place. I wondered, not for the first time, if he had actually seen something there, if he had really thought we would have chemistry. Or was it just that she was a woman and I was a man, and we both were single, and therefore we would work out well together, at least for a night?
I wondered what he’d really been thinking. But it was too late to ask him that now.
Was he here? The longer I stared at the house without seeing movement of any kind, the more my heart sunk. I suppose I could always go over to the gym and have him put me through my paces. I had never really been a gym rat, but maybe a little exertion would do me some good. But on the other hand, I didn’t have my workout clothes with me. And Mallory was one of his clients, I knew. There was a chance that I might run into her there. Maybe not a very high chance, given that she was probably still at work. But if she came over on a late lunch break or if she left work early because she was thinking about last night as well, then things could get weird.
I finally decided to get out of the car and try the front door. If Ace was there, he would answer. And if not, then I would assume he was at the gym and either head over there or else head back home. It was a simple enough decision to make.
When I knocked on the door, Ace answered right away. He smirked, not looking surprised at all to see me. “Come in,” he said. I paused for a moment on the doorstep, wondering what he knew. Or what he thought he knew, I supposed. I hadn’t seen him recently enough for him to really know anything about what was going on with me. Had I?
But then again, this was Ace. He was my brother, and even though I had never seriously dated anyone in the past, he knew me better than anyone else. He had to know exactly how I would act around someone like Mallory.
I winced, just thinking about it.
He smiled easily at me. “How’s it going?” he asked. I sighed, and that was all the answer that he needed. His grin broadened. “It’s Mallory, isn’t it?”
“How did you know?” I asked suspiciously. I remembered that he had been the one to set us up. That Mallory was one of his clients. Had she gone in there this morning and said something to him already?
On the one hand, I found that hard to believe. But on the other hand, I knew that I probably deserved to have her bad-mouthing me to my brother. I hadn’t exactly been fair, the night before, with the way that I had kicked her out. And anyway, I was here to talk to Ace about the previous night. Maybe Mallory had thought he was a good choice to talk things over with. After all, she had to realize that Ace knew me as well as anyone.
That theory assumed that she was interested in me, though. And the answer to that, I just didn’t know. There was that conversation that I still needed to have, back in the forefront of my mind again. But I couldn’t do anything about that now.
Ace shrugged broadly, though. “Well, you came in here claiming that you were falling in love with her,” he reminded me. “I figured it was only a matter of time before you actually had that heart-to-heart with her and figured out if you were both on the same page or not.”
I sighed. “I guess we’re not on the same page,” I said, even though I knew that the disagreement that Mallory and I had the previous night had nothing to do with anything Ace was thinking.
Ace frowned. “She doesn’t like you?” he asked, sounding surprised.
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “We never talked about that. But you should have heard her last night.” I trailed off, trying to think of how to phrase it. I remembered all those times that Ace had told me that he thought I should get a paternity test. At the time, I’d sort of thought that it was just because he didn’t want to lose his wingman and thought that the best way to ensure he didn’t was to prove that Booker wasn’t mine.
But suddenly, I wondered if that was the case. Ace had only ever treated Booker like he was my biological son. Like Booker was his nephew. I had to think that paternity test or not, nothing would change between the two of them. And Ace had to realize that nothing would change between Booker and me, either.
Maybe there was another reason for all of it. Maybe a paternity test wasn’t just meant to prove to me that I was Booker’s father. Maybe there was another reason as well—to prove to Booker when he got old enough to start asking the real questions, that he really was part of my family. That no matter how different he and I were, he was mine. Body and soul.
Not only that, but I knew that Mallory was fair in the way that she did business. She had proven that, irrevocably, with the way that she had handled the Tim situation. That man had worked for the winery for longer than I had been alive, practically, and at the end of the day, she had believed me over him when it came to my findings regarding the books.
I had to think that regardless of where our relationship was heading, if we had more children or not—if Booker showed her that he wanted to take over the winery, maybe the place would one day be his. Even if our other kids proved to want the place as well, Mallory would find a way to sort things out so that everyone got what they wanted in the end.
I trusted her to do that. I had to.
I took a deep breath. “She thinks I’m crazy because I’ve never had a paternity test to prove that Booker is mine,” I said slowly. “And I overreacted and told her to leave, even though I knew that she was just upset. And even though I knew that it didn’t mean that she thought any less of Booker.”
Ace raised an eyebrow at me, and I could tell that he was waiting for me to go on. I shook my head. “That’s it,” I finally said. “I screwed things up. I should call her.”
“Probably,” Ace said. He shrugged. “I’ve never seen you interested in anyone the way that you are in her. And I know that you love Booker and that you’re sure he’s yours but is it really so bad that someone wants you to prove that he is just as wonderful as you are?”
I snorted. “You know that most people don’t mean it that way,” I reminded him.
“Is Mallory most people?” Ace asked, and I had to grin as I shook my head.
“Guess not,” I admitted.
Ace looked at his watch suddenly. “Shit, sorry,” he said.
“You’ve got to be at the gym?” I surmised.
“Yeah, someth
ing like that,” Ace said, and I was immediately suspicious.
“Do you have a date or something?” I asked, glancing at my own watch. It still seemed early for a date or anything like that, but with Ace, who knew.
Ace grinned at me. “Something like that,” he said again, just as mysteriously. “We can talk about it later. When, you know, there are details to talk about it. You may owe me a beer first, though.”
I snorted. “Owe you a beer?” I asked. “Because you’re getting laid and I’m not, because you set me up with someone that you should have known I would screw things up with?”
Ace shook his head. “Come on, you haven’t screwed things up that badly,” he said. “I’m sure of it. Just give her a call or whatever. I’m sure you guys can fix things.”
“I don’t know,” I said. And sure enough, when I tried to call Mallory as I walked out of there, there was no answer. I sighed, standing for a moment on the sidewalk, staring down at my car, trying to think about what I wanted to do.
If I drove over to the winery right now, how would that look? I mean, chances were, she wasn’t avoiding me at all, and it wasn’t that she was actively trying not to answer my call or talk to me. She was probably in a meeting or otherwise busy. That was all.
Was I just trying to tell myself that, though?
What would happen if I drove over to the winery right now? Would she be happy to see me? Or would she turn things back around to the way that I had been the night before? Where I had asked her to leave my home, maybe she would turn the tables and ask me to leave now. She wouldn’t want me to cause a scene in front of all of her employees and any guests who happened to be there. And I couldn’t screw any of that up for her.
What about her house? Could I go over there and see if she was home? But it was the middle of the afternoon. She was bound to be at the winery. And if she wasn’t, it was probably my fault.
Or she would be over at her mom’s house, or back at the hospital with her. And then, I would feel even more terrible about the way I had handled the night before. But at the same time, making up for that now would probably go a long way in terms of fixing what I had done the night before.
I hoped so, anyway.
Because what if I had lost her for good? What if no matter how I apologized, Mallory didn’t want to see me again? I hadn’t exactly proven myself as a reliable guy the night before. Quite the opposite, in fact. She had come to me in a time of need, and I had told her to leave. Sure, I had my reasons for it. But at the end of the day, those reasons didn’t seem to be enough to explain away my actions.
Because at the end of the day, I loved Mallory. And I hadn’t treated her like that.
So I debated and debated, trying to figure out where I should go to try to meet her. But I couldn’t figure out where she was most likely to be, and the more I thought about it, the more I knew that I couldn’t just go after her. Mallory would never appreciate that. I had to be patient, let her come back to me. If that was even what she wanted to do.
But it might really be that she was out of my life for good. I felt sick at the very thought of it.
So I was shocked when I pulled up at my house, only to see Mallory there waiting for me. “I tried calling,” I said immediately as I walked up to her. Then I shook my head, knowing that wasn’t the most important thing. “I’m really sorry about last night.”
Mallory looked surprised. “You’re sorry?” she asked.
I shoved my hands in my pockets, trying not to look like Booker when he was being scolded. “I know that you needed me last night, and I pushed you away and told you to leave,” I explained. “And no matter how upset I was, I never should have done that. Or I at least should have told you why it hurt me to hear you say all that about getting a paternity test.”
“I know it hurt,” Mallory broke in. She shook her head. “I don’t know why you’re the one apologizing. I should be apologizing. I am apologizing.” She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry that I questioned whether you were Booker’s father. Because of course you are. You’re the one who raised him. I only meant that if Booker was different than you, then maybe things would be easier over time because a lot of the fights that Mom and I have are because we’re so damned similar. But anyway, it doesn’t matter why I said that. It was none of my business and I never should have said it. You were right to tell me to leave.”
“No,” I said firmly, shaking my head. I dared to slowly reach out to her. “After everything else that you went through yesterday, I was just being mean to you, and that wasn’t fair.”
Mallory stepped closer, looking relieved. I closed my arms around her, and she stood against me. “I do still think that you should get the paternity test done at some point,” she said quietly. “Maybe I shouldn’t have brought it up the way I did last night, but I do think it would give you some, I don’t know. Closure. Booker’s bound to start asking at some point.”
I was quiet for a long moment. I knew that she was right. And suddenly, I wanted to tell her why I’d always put it off. “I think I’ve always been afraid that I would find out that he wasn’t mine and then I would have to give him away to someone else,” I admitted.
Mallory was quiet, thinking that over. “Even if he’s not your biological son,” she slowly said, “you know that no one will ever be able to take Booker away from you.” She paused. “For one thing, I doubt Booker would let them.” I could hear the smile in her voice. “That kid loves you more than any child I’ve ever seen. I think it’s safe to say that you’re stuck with him for life.”
I laughed. I still wasn’t so sure about doing the paternity test, but right then and there, with Mallory in my arms, I definitely felt one step closer to trying. She grounded me. And helped me realize that I wasn’t going to lose my sense of family, no matter what the outcome of some silly paternity test was.
I remembered how I had thought before that maybe we were good for each other. That I helped her relax and she helped me stick to a schedule and such. But it was so much more than that, I realized now. And I had to smile.
“I wouldn’t have thought that you would be here,” I said quietly, because I had to say it.
Mallory looked up at me in surprise. “Why not?” she asked. And then, uncertainly, “Do you want me to leave again?”
“Of course not,” I said immediately, pulling her body flush against mine again. I was sure that she had other things that she needed to do today. But I didn’t want her to leave. That was the last thing I wanted, in fact. Still, “This whole time, I’ve been thinking that the third time’s a charm. You walked out of our first date, and you kicked me out of your office the second time. So I was afraid that this time, you were going to decide that clearly we weren’t compatible.”
Mallory giggled. “You were the one who asked me to leave this time,” she reminded me. “As far as I’m concerned, it’s still that the third time’s a charm.” She paused, though, and as she stared up at me, I could see a seriousness in her eyes that belied her flippant tone. “I want to fix things,” she said. “I don’t want to abandon this relationship just because things don’t always go my way. Or your way.”
“So we’re really in a relationship, then?” I asked, smirking down at her. But Mallory didn’t laugh. Instead, she bit her lip and looked off to the side, looking shy—more than I had ever seen her. What a change from that proud businesswoman that I saw around the winery. I liked to see her like this. She looked vulnerable in a way.
In a way that made me want to hold on to her and never let her go.
Mallory seemed to be having similar thoughts. Finally, she spoke. “We’re not always going to agree,” she said, as though I’d had any delusions that we might. “But at the end of the day, Hayden, I’m starting to realize that I’m falling for you.”
I stared down at her in shock. Then, I gave her a rueful smile. While I had been agonizing over whether or not to tell Mallory that I was falling for her, while I had been trying to think up the perfect moment to
say it, she had apparently come to the same conclusion. But unlike me, she was no-nonsense until the very end. She made it sound so simple.
And I had to smile at that.
She was still staring up at me, an expectant look in her eyes. I hooked a fingertip underneath her chin and tilted her face up towards mine so that I could kiss her. It was soft and sweet. Then, I pulled away and breathed the words against her lips, “I falling for you too.”
We kissed again and again, there in the driveway, until we were breathless. I was aching in my jeans, and she was doing nothing to help that, pressing her body up against mine, moving her hips in such a way that I got some pressure there but not nearly the stimulation that I craved.
Still, I wouldn’t have traded it for the world. I only realized then how sure I had been that I was going to lose her, either because of last night or because she just didn’t feel the same way about me as I felt about her. And that was not to say that I couldn’t still lose her. It was entirely possible that she and I wouldn’t make it long-term. There were so many differences there.
But maybe it was worth trying. She certainly seemed to think so, and I did as well.
I cupped her cheeks in my hands, gentling the kiss even more. As I pulled away, she chased me with her mouth, her eyelids slowly fluttering open. A soft smile broke out on her face.
“Do you want to come inside?” I asked her.
She didn’t respond with words. But then again, we were beyond the point where we needed words.
Chapter 38
Mallory
I knew that I shouldn’t let my infatuation with Hayden interfere with my work around the vineyard. I knew that I shouldn’t leave after having that conversation with Charlie. Not that there was all that much I needed to do that afternoon anyway. But with the way that I had been sequestered in my office all morning, and the way that I was leaving in the middle of the afternoon, everyone at the winery was bound to know that something was up.
Love Me Last Page 22
