“You were born a Brother, you just had the misfortune to be a priest first,” said Rhyaz wryly, getting to his feet. “Very well, I’ll concede this to you this time, Lijou.”
Lijou stood up, and clenching his right fist over his heart, sketched a bow to Rhyaz. “Thank you, Guild Master.”
Rhyaz grunted. “Don’t mock me as well.”
Lijou put on an air of injured innocence. “I wasn’t mocking you. I was showing my respect for your judgment.”
Quick as a flash, Rhyaz reached out and clouted him lightly round the ears.
“Ouch!”
“Gotta get my own back somehow,” Rhyaz grinned before leaving.
Shola, gymnasium complex, Zhal-L’Shoh 3rd day, Winter’s Hellmouth (January)
“I’m glad you agreed to help me out at the hospital,” said Vanna, biting a chunk out of her fruit pastry. “You’ve hardly gone anywhere in the last couple of months.”
“I went to the midwinter festival,” said Carrie, picking hers up from the plate in the center of the canteen table and nibbling on one end. “And that was a disaster.”
“So you had to leave early. At least you did come.”
“None of you gave me an option.” It had been held on her bond-mother’s estate this time, and she’d sat at the back of the hall trying to hide from her memories of the one the year before. There couldn’t have been a greater contrast between how happy she’d been then, and how miserable she was now. She sighed, then tore a chunk off the pastry and chewed it, hardly noticing the sweet taste of the berries inside. “I made a fool of myself, breaking down in tears like that.”
Vanna leaned forward and patted her hand. “Hardly anyone but Rhyasha noticed, cub, and she had you out of the hall and on your way home with Kaid in no time.”
Carrie winced as she picked up her mug of coffee. “Please, don’t call me that, Vanna. You know that’s Kusac’s name for me.”
“Carrie, you must stop being so sensitive about everything,” sighed Vanna. “I know how much you miss him, but Kusac will turn up eventually, and then you’ll all know what really happened.”
“Considering the warrants out for his immediate arrest, Vanna, he’d really be mad to come here,” she said quietly. “I’m sure he’s hiding somewhere, waiting for us to find him.”
Vanna sighed. “And here was me thinking how well you’d done today. Do you realize you went a whole morning without mentioning him once?”
She managed a weak smile before she took another bite of her pastry.
“Looks like those two young males found their way over here all right,” said Vanna, flicking an ear toward the entrance off to her left.
Carrie glanced up and saw two Humans heading for the food counter.
“Where did they come from?” she asked, curious in spite of herself.
“Valsgarth hospital. They arrived yesterday. I’ve had them working with Nioku and M’Zio, going through our records. They’re Earth doctors, sent here as part of an exchange scheme to learn how to treat Sholans using our own medical techniques. They’ve been on Shola for about six months, and are now spending some time here to learn about our very specialized requirements.”
“Mmm,” she mumbled, vaguely remembering Kaid mentioning something about them a week or so ago.
“Hi there,” said a cheery voice from behind her, making her jump. “We found our way here. Not a bad canteen. I’m Ray, that’s Andy.”
Carrie looked up and nodded politely. Ray’s pleasant round face was framed by an unruly mop of brown hair that fell to about his jaw level. Andy’s was thinner, his dark hair short cut. Both looked to be in their late twenties. She returned her attention to her pastry.
“Mind if we join you?” A plate with a meat pasty on it and a mug of coffee got placed on the table as one of the two empty chairs was pulled out.
Taken aback, Carrie looked up again. Under the table, Vanna’s tail tip twitched against her ankle warningly.
Let them be, they’re new.
They’re wearing psi dampers, she grumbled. I hate dampers!
I know. It’s the latest idea to enable non-telepaths to work here. Don’t worry about it, they have the necessary Security clearances.
From us or Earth? she asked sarcastically.
Both, chuckled Vanna.
“Ah, I know that look,” said Andy, picking up his snack. “You’re using telepathy to talk, aren’t you?”
“Yes,” said Vanna, treading hard on her foot this time. “I apologize, we don’t usually do it in front of non-telepaths, but this was important.”
“No problem,” said Ray. “Interesting setup you’ve got here. A mix of civilian and military from what we’ve seen.”
“We’re a unique clan,” murmured Carrie. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard that one!
“We’re military,” said Vanna, ears flicking in amusement at Carrie’s comment.
“When we were going through those records, most of the treatments are for civilian-related conditions, very few of the kind you’d expect from soldiers,” said Ray.
“We’re not soldiers,” said Carrie. “We’re Brotherhood. How long did you say you’ve been on Shola?”
“Me, or Andy?” asked Ray with a smile as he raised his mug of coffee. “I’ve been here for six months, and Andy for about four.”
“Then you should know our military setup, and that of our estate,” said Carrie. “Brotherhood members are all paramedics, they treat their own injuries in the field. We don’t see them unless they warrant more treatment. That’s only one side of the estate. The other is treating Leska pairs, and their cubs. You should know all this.” She turned to Vanna. “Who’s in charge of Visitor Reception right now?”
“Hey, slow down, young lady,” laughed Ray, raising his hand. “Your person did the job fine. I’m only making conversation!”
Carrie ignored Vanna’s sending as she gave Ray a long look then got to her feet. “Here it is in brief. Yes, nearly everyone is either a telepath or an empath. No, they are not the same. No, we can’t read your darkest secrets without you being aware of it, we can only hear what is in the forefront of your thoughts. Yes, psi dampers do work, but not when you’re shouting your thoughts at the top of your mental voice. And no, I’m not big on conversation right now.” She turned to Vanna. “I’ve got to go see Ghyan. I’ll catch up with you later.” And don’t you say a word! I know I shouldn’t have done that but he got right on my nerves!
Grabbing her coat, she made good her escape.
“Damn, but she’s feisty. Who is she?” asked Andy.
“I think we just met the boss lady,” said Ray wryly, taking another bite from his pasty.
“That was our Clan Leader,” confirmed Vanna. “You’ll have to excuse her, she’s got a lot on her mind right now, and every newcomer always thinks and asks the same questions.”
The path to the Shrine, though it had been cleared that morning, was snow-covered again and as she crunched through the ankle deep powder, Carrie was glad of the boots she wore. Sunlight glinted off the icy tree branches, and ahead, a faint plume of smoke rose vertically into the bright blue sky above the building. As she got closer, the snow underfoot gradually gave way to slush, then to churned mud.
The large wooden door burst open, spilling out four laughing and chattering younglings, each carrying pails and shovels, into her path.
“Pardons, Liegena,” they exclaimed, scrambling away from her.
“Mentor Ghyan is in his office,” said Dzio, the eldest. “Would you like me to escort you there?”
“I can manage, thank you,” she said, picking her way through the slick, icy mud. “What’s with the pails?”
“We’ve frozen pipes,” said the smallest one, swinging his bucket. “We’re fetching water to melt to unfreeze them.”
“I thought you had central heating now.”
“We have. And frozen pipes!” said the other.
“Khinn! Shaya! Hold your tongues,” said Dzio sternly,
trying to appear in charge of the situation. “You’ve a job to do, get on with it while I talk to the Liegena! Valden, you’re in charge.”
They watched them, black robes flying round their ankles, scamper off down the path in the opposite direction.
“They’re just kitlings apart from Valden,” Dzio said, “and we’ve been shut in all morning learning our Litanies.”
Carrie chuckled as she stepped at last onto the paving stones that fronted the Shrine. She began stamping her boots on the steps, attempting to rid them of the slush and mud.
Dzio held the door open for her. “It’s the laundry pipes that froze overnight,” he said. “We don’t have heating in that outbuilding.”
“Ah, I see,” she said. “But all the others are fine?”
“Oh, yes,” he nodded, glancing over his shoulder to where the kitlings had gone. The sound of shrieking and giggling sounded faintly. He sighed. “I’d best catch up with them,” he said.
“Have fun,” she said as he set off after them. He shot her a look over his shoulder, decided she meant it, and with a huge grin, sped off.
She was still chuckling when she stopped to knock on Ghyan’s office door.
“Carrie, well met,” said the priest, getting up to greet her. “Come, take your coat off and sit by the fire.” He gestured toward the armchairs flanking the hearth. “I’ve been expecting you. I made a transcript of Kusac’s message so I could study what he actually said.” He reached into one of his desk drawers, pulling out a sheet of paper. “I have a copy for you, of course.”
He made his way round his desk and waited until she’d shed her heavy jacket before handing it to her. “Some c’shar?” he asked as she sat down and began to read it.
“No, thank you. I’ve just had a snack at the gym canteen.”
When she’d finished, she looked across at Ghyan. “Did you find anything?”
He shook his head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t.”
She sensed the tiny hesitation. “But what?” she prompted him.
“It’s nothing, really,” he said. “We only went sailing once. Kusac was very ill, in fact,” he said with a smile. “Nearly fell over the side while throwing up. Mind you, we were only ten years old at the time. We stuck to dry land after that. I’m not sure why Kusac would choose to remember that.”
“Where did you get the boat from? Maybe that’s significant.”
“I don’t think so. It was at the small jetty at his mother’s estate. What also struck me was that he mentions feeling his place was beside you and Kaid when you were due to have your cub. Didn’t you say that was part of what he rowed with Kaid about?”
“No. Kaid said the row started over me being taken up to his house in the first place. Kusac said I should have remained at the estate, yet at the time he was pleased for me to go as it meant we’d be nearer him, and Noni.”
“Ah,” he nodded. “Well, I can see why you are convinced there’s a hidden message there for you. It seems straightforward on the surface, but there are just a couple of points that don’t quite feel right, and no logical reason for them. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you further, Carrie.”
“So you don’t think I’m fooling myself, then?” she asked.
“I didn’t say that,” he said gently. “Kusac was ill, my dear, we both know that. An illness like his can cause all his judgment and reasoning to be just slightly off true.”
Carrie felt her eyes starting to fill with tears and blinked furiously to contain them. “I’m sorry,” she said, putting her hand up to brush her damp cheek. “Because he mentioned you by name, you were my last hope.”
“Not your last hope, surely,” murmured Ghyan, getting to his feet and stretching his hand out to her. “Let’s visit the Shrine. Perhaps Vartra might be able to help us. He’s taken a hand in your lives more than once.”
CHAPTER 10
GHYAN had insisted on walking back to the hospital with her. From there, he’d headed up to the villa to see Kaid.
“This is a surprise,” said Kaid, looking up as Nyan ushered the priest into the den. “What brings you here, Ghyan?”
“You, and the mess you’re making of your relationship with Carrie,” he said bluntly, striding over to the desk where Kaid was working. “She’s hurting so badly I don’t know how you can ignore it.”
“Now just a minute,” began Kaid, getting up as Ghyan swept past him and down into the lower level of the den.
“No more avoiding the matter—or me, Kaid—we’ll discuss it now,” he said firmly.
Growling, Kaid joined him. “You’ve no call to come here like this, demanding I talk to you! I don’t care what Carrie’s asked you to say to me . . .”
“Carrie hasn’t asked me to speak to you,” Ghyan interrupted. “I want to speak to you! In Vartra’s name, what are you thinking of, Kaid? The pain she’s in is there for anyone with one eye to see! As for you, you’re walking around cloaked in anger and despair.” Ghyan reached out to take him by the arm. “You and Carrie are leading this Clan now. You must do something about it, before you hurt each other in a way that can never be repaired.”
“Like Kusac hurt me?” Kaid snapped back, pulling away from him. “It’s easy for you, on the outside, to pass judgment on me, Ghyan, but you know nothing about the matter!”
“Then tell me,” said the priest, sitting down.
“It’s private, none of your business.”
“How private can it be when everyone around you knows how you both feel, and is afraid to approach you? How is this affecting your cubs, Kaid? Have you asked yourself that?”
Kaid uttered a wordless snarl and turned away from him.
“Tell me about it,” Ghyan said gently. “I’m a priest, like you. It will go no further, I swear it. How dreadful can this row have been?”
Kaid glanced back at him and laughed, one devoid of any humor, but he did move over to one of the other chairs. “You’re nothing like me, Ghyan,” he said, flinging himself into the seat. “Apart from my children, I’ve only ever loved two people, three if you count Noni,” he said, very quietly. “One of them, after gaining my respect and trust, binding me to his life in ways I never thought possible, then betrayed not just me, but Carrie. He risked her health and life, and that of our child, Ghyan! I cannot forgive him for that!”
“What happened?”
“Why should I tell you?” Kaid demanded, glowering at him. “You don’t care anything for me. For them, yes, but not for me.”
“That’s not true,” said Ghyan. “I’ll admit at first I thought you hard and insensitive, but I came to know you better. Many times I’ve let you know I’m willing to do what I can to help, but you’ve ignored me. I can’t make you accept my help, Kaid.”
“You’re doing a damned fine job of trying right now,” he grumbled, resting his head against the back of the chair.
“Have you told anyone what happened between you and Kusac?”
“Only Carrie.”
“So the hurt is eating away at you just as it is at her. Isn’t it time to share that burden?”
Kaid laughed again. “The row was about sharing.”
Ghyan watched him shut his eyes and sit there in silence. He waited patiently, knowing Kaid would speak when he was ready.
“Just before Carrie was due, Kusac came to see me. He refused to talk to me on the aircar so I went out to meet him. He said I’d had no right to bring Carrie there, she was a Clan Leader and her place was at home on the estate, especially to have her cub. Then he saw T’Chebbi through the window. If you remember, she was pregnant at the same time. He accused me of taking them both there to satisfy my own wishes, not do what was right for Carrie. There was more like that, about me refusing to see him as an adult, being used to everyone looking to me for leadership, not him, that I was trying to take over his life, that kind of thing. He said I’d never even seen him as a real sword-brother because he’d forced me to accept him as one.” He fell silent again.
“And had he?
” asked Ghyan.
“In a way,” Kaid admitted. “It was after we came back from the Fire Margins, when I had difficultly coping with the fact I’d been born in Vartra’s time. Noni suggested Kusac ask to be my sword-brother. She felt that having a relationship with him, as well as with Carrie, would help me come to terms with my past. Vartra knows, I didn’t want a sword-brother, and was afraid to have Kusac as one because of what I felt for him, but he was persistent. No matter what I did to try and put him off the idea, he refused to give in.”
“Sounds like you have a lot in common,” said Ghyan, dryly.
“We did,” said Kaid, and the priest could hear the pain in his voice and see his hands clenching against the arms of the chair.
“Upsetting as all this was, surely it wasn’t enough to make you part so bitterly, was it?”
“No,” said Kaid so quietly Ghyan had to strain his ears forward to hear him. “No, it wasn’t.” He got up, walking toward the veranda doors and looking out into the snow-covered garden.
“We were sword-brothers, Ghyan. That means being there for each other, whatever the need. Remember when he had that brain fever, when we were at the Warrior Guild, training the M’zullians?”
“Who could forget that?” Ghyan murmured. “We thought he was going to die.”
“He nearly did. In his fever dreams, he relived his torture by J’koshuk. Only if Carrie or I shared his bed could he rest quietly. It happened after Carrie had left, the night his fever broke.” He fell silent again, his tail swaying gently from side to side.
“It was his need, Ghyan, not mine. He turned to me and when I refused, thinking him still feverish, he asked me,” he said, his voice barely audible. “It was what we both wanted.”
“And in the row, he accused you of . . .”
“Forcing him, yes,” said Kaid, turning round to look at him bleakly.
Between Darkness and Light Page 37
