99 Percent Mine

by Sally Thorne

  “Settle down.” His warm palms are on my jaw, and he’s drinking in my face. A perfect kiss is pressed onto my mouth. It’s soft and kind, like a friend. “I died without you, too.”

  “We’ve done so much work,” I say, trying to bring him back again for a longer kiss. “Wait till you see.” He evades my lips.

  “I cannot tell you how sorry I am,” he says with a wince. “I’ll fix everything. I won’t sleep until it’s perfect.”

  “I don’t mean the house. It’s fine. Colin’s been the site manager, and I’ve been his deputy. Jamie cut a bunch of costs and the budget is on track. Silly,” I admonish him gently, rubbing him on the arm. “We can fix everything for you.”

  “That’s all you guys ever try to do,” he groans guiltily.

  “What I meant was that Jamie and I have been working on ourselves. We’ve been renovating in here.” I pick up his palm and press it against my heart, over the monitor pads. “We are going to be working on ourselves for a long time. To make sure we never make you run away again. Where did you go?”

  “I think I pretended you were sitting in the passenger seat beside me, and I just . . . drove. We’ve been a lot of places. We took the backroads, stayed in cheap motels, and one really expensive one. The beach. A really great diner that I’m taking you to for real—” His glow fades out, like he’s remembering it’s impossible.

  “Take me there.”

  “But about your passport—”

  “Don’t care.” I manage to get a hand behind his neck and pull him down. My heart is about to turn inside out when we kiss, our mouths open, and we taste each other again. He’s sweeter than sugar, more delicious than anything I’ve ever experienced. My every birthday-candle wish.

  “But it’s unforgivable,” he argues back as he lifts his mouth, and ends on a succulent bite of my lower lip. “It was the worst lie I’ve ever told you—”

  “When you said you couldn’t do this anymore? That was the worst lie. It was a lie, right?” I gasp when his hands cup my throat, warmer, tighter, and the next kiss is electric. I’m surprised I don’t blow up the heart monitor. It’s tongue and biting and exhaling and wanting. So much wanting.

  “You still want me? Even though I’m a screwup?” he asks as he lifts his head, and there’s that dark, dangerous glint that only I can recognize. Everyone else sees a mild-mannered sweetheart. But right here, in these moments between us, he’s my Valeska. The one I’ve always needed beside me, every step that I take.

  “One hundred percent mine.”

  He considers that, then maybe he remembers the desperate hug that my brother gave me. He tips his head toward the door. “Better let him have one percent of me.” He smiles, and I laugh.

  “Okay. Ninety-nine percent mine. That’s got a nice ring to it. Never say that I’m not open to negotiation. Now. I’m going to tell you exactly how much I love you.”

  “I already know how much.”

  I shake my head. “You can’t know. I haven’t told you.”

  “You have always made me feel it. Always.” His eyes burn with intensity. “It’s how I can watch you smile at good-looking delivery drivers. No stranger is going to talk to you for two minutes and take you away from me. You wouldn’t allow it.”

  He’s not indulging himself in male arrogant bullshit. He’s doing what he does best: He’s telling the truth.

  He keeps going. “It’s why you’ve treated me all these years like protecting me is your job. And no one else has ever tried, by the way. Everyone else thinks I’m completely fine, but you’ve always known that I need you, in every way. You’ve felt it.”

  I nod, my breath stuck in my throat.

  “You’ve never dated anyone you could love, because you didn’t want anything to threaten how you feel for me. You were always alone at the Christmas table, looking at me and Megan, with eyes like you were waiting for me to get it together and realize. Sitting outside alone on the back stairs, looking up at the stars, waiting on me.”

  He’s touching me now, slow and easy, like I’m an animal he could startle. “You’ve avoided me for years and traveled, because it was too much for you. You’re scared to death because a person like you only loves once. And it’s me.”

  His words shock through me. His hands are on my waist and he squeezes to prompt an answer. “Am I right?”

  “Of course you are. Now kiss me.” This one is a sweet, gentle thing, until I ruin it with the slide of my tongue. He grumbles a warning in the back of his throat. Mmm, I missed that alpha bass.

  He breaks us apart. “I never told you how much I love you. How do you think I feel? Tell me.”

  I have no experience with articulating feelings, let alone anything this alive and primal, but I have to try. This must be how Loretta felt when she turned over the first tarot card. Use your intuition, she’d instruct. Feel the truth. I press my palm against his heart and his fingers slide into my hair.

  “You slept in a bunk bed in Jamie’s room. That’s one of the ways you’ve had to work hard for me. Putting up with my brother, just to sleep a wall away from me and put your toothbrush next to mine.”

  He nods with a smile and a memory in his eyes.

  “You sleep on the grass outside my window just to be close to me.”

  “More.”

  “When we hug at Christmastime you breathe me in, and you hold it in. Whatever it is you like on my skin, it’s deep in the caveman bit of your brain.”

  I have no idea where this weird truth is coming from, but I’m right. He drops his head down and on my shoulder I feel the pull of air into his nostrils.

  “Even more.” He says it as he exhales. Both of us are getting overheated. I don’t even have to search myself to know what to say. These words have been on the tip of my tongue for a lifetime.

  “Another man’s diamond on my hand is your worst nightmare, and for years you’ve been jolting awake over it.” I feel a tremor run through his body. Now I have to say the really hard thing.

  “Putting a diamond on another woman made you sick to your stomach. But like a nice guy you couldn’t admit it to yourself, let alone her, until the white lace started creeping in at the edges and you saw my insanely-in-love parents together.”

  “Even more than that.”

  “You’d kill for me. You’d dig a grave for me.”

  He laughs. “Yeah. Now you’re getting close.” We are kissing when the door opens again.

  “Alrighty,” Dr. Galdon says as he walks in, and then coughs when we break apart. “Let’s take a look at you, Miss Barrett.” He shakes hands with Tom and introduces himself. Tom takes a seat next to Jamie. I’ve never seen anything more lovely; my two favorite human beings side by side, and they love me.

  “Look at her,” Jamie remarks, jabbing an elbow at Tom. “Got your color back already, Darce.”

  “I was just about to remark on that,” Dr. Galdon says with a laugh. He consults the monitor. “That’s the fastest-healing broken heart I’ve ever seen. One hundred percent improvement on how it was five minutes ago.” His smile fades as he writes something down on my chart. “But we do need to talk about your medication, and we need to do an ECG. There are irregularities here that I haven’t seen before.”

  “It’s okay, just relax,” Tom tells me and Jamie when we both tighten up. It’s in that tone we can never resist. “We’ll get you fixed up, Darce. Good as new. We’ve got a cruise to go on when we’re eighty,” he explains to the doctor. “We need her there for it.”

  “I think that can be arranged,” Dr. Galdon says with a laugh. “As long as she’s got someone looking after her until then.”

  “She will,” Jamie and Tom say in unison. Just like twins.

  I’m so lucky that the room fills with it. Pip-pip-pip, my heart beats like I’m going to live forever. I need it to.

  Chapter 21

  I am in my own place of Zen: My passport is in my hand and I am leaving the country.

  I love this moment—standing adrift in a s
ea of strangers, mocking them in my mind for their pashminas and full-sized pillows. Do they think there are no pillows where they’re going? Some people travel like they honestly believe they’re leaving planet Earth.

  Mars doesn’t sell socks or toothpaste.

  I catch myself; I’m judging people and being nasty. That’s not the person I want to be. I make myself lose the big gray glare and the forehead wrinkle.

  I lean on the pillar beside the floor-to-ceiling windows and try to block out the noise. Everywhere, more and more groups are finding each other, crowing with excitement, taking photos together before departure. A group of young guys, dressed in board shorts, straggle over to the window to look outside. One of them looks over at me and raises his eyebrows in a hey.

  I check my watch. Soon it’ll be time to board.

  “Hey,” Tom says, and when I look up at him my heart unfurls. There’s no better word for it. It’s like a time-lapse photo of a rose opening whenever I think about how he is mine. So, all the time. He’s got bottles of water for us. They’re cold against the small of my back as he wraps his arms around me, a knee nudging between my thighs. He gives the group of boys nearby a dark look, then laughs at himself.

  “I’m being Valeska again, aren’t I.” Getting a grip on himself, he puts the water bottles in his backpack.

  “Every day of your life. Everything okay? You seem nervous.” I tug his T-shirt straighter on his torso. An elderly woman nearby thinks to herself, Lucky girl. That’s the effect this face and body have. It’s something you can’t argue with. I’m going to find him hot when I’m eighty years old.

  “I’m fine,” Tom says, but he’s jittery. “I just had a surprise for you, but it might not work out.” He checks his watch robotically.

  “Hey, I don’t need a surprise.” I put my arm around his waist. “You’re okay.” I succumb to heady smugness as he drops his head and puts his brow to mine. Is there anything more obnoxious than blissed-out-in-love people? Don’t care.

  I put a kiss on his mouth and his hand tightens, low down on my back. Then, because we’re against a pillar, he abandons his good-boy side and takes my butt in one hand and squeezes until I squeak up on tiptoes.

  He’s distracting me. I can’t work out why he’s flustered.

  I try to keep my focus as he kisses under my ear. “The kitchen was delivered this morning.” I am remotely supervising Tom’s team as they renovate Jamie’s beachside investment, just down the road from Mom and Dad. “Jamie’s such a hard-ass, insisting on an outdoor cat run.”

  “Didn’t I tell you? I got him to agree that one cat can be inside at a time.” Tom laughs up at the ceiling and his hands tug me even tighter against his body.

  We will always, always be like this. Get in me.

  “Wow. That’s a huge concession. Be proud.” I run my hand up his back, admiring the muscle. “By the time we’re home, you’re going to be moving her into the last house you ever have to.” Jamie gave Mrs. Valeska an open-ended lease. If Tom wanted to buy it, he could. “We’re all organized. Nothing left to stress about.”

  “And you’re organized.” Tom returns to me. “You got your edits in. Any word?”

  “My agent said that they’re trying to decide which image will be on the cover.” My unexpected book baby came kicking and screaming into my life a few months ago. Turns out, my photographs were good. Better than good. My first photographic art book, Devil’s End, is due out in about six months. Plenty of time for me to start my next submission, The House of Destiny, chronicling the evolution of Loretta’s cottage. All those little photos of mossy bricks and wallpaper cracks actually amounted to something beautiful, and it means my childhood memories can live on. I want to give this book to my parents on their wedding anniversary. Who knew having a goal could keep my heart beating so well? The new medication doesn’t hurt either. I swore to Dr. Galdon that I’d care for my heart from now on.

  Tom nudges me until the pillar chills the skin between my shoulder blades, and bends to kiss me. I feel people staring. I’m getting used to it by now. We’re just so fucking hot, it makes me laugh. Take a look, everyone. Look what I have. Look what’s all mine.

  We break apart just as it’s getting socially inappropriate. “All these people are so old,” Tom says in between breaths. “We don’t want to give any of them heart attacks.”

  Dozens of eyes avert from us as we face the waiting crowds. The older women, those with white hair and walking sticks, don’t even bother looking away from us.

  “They really are old,” I agree. I wonder if Tom’s checked his bank account yet. I’m getting the jitters, too. I hate having secrets from him, but this one was too much to resist, and my brother was far too clever.

  “What’d you expect, choosing a trip like this?”

  I remember something. “I got you a present. Something amazing to toast the house sale.” I dig around in my backpack. “I can’t even tell you how hard I fought for this. Some asshole was trying to outbid me, right down to the last second.” I tug out the bottle and present it to him.

  “You got me a bottle of Kwench.” He laughs and studies the label.

  “It’s worth more than a bottle of Cristal champagne. If it’s not fizzy, I’m going to be furious.”

  “You know I loved Kwench because it was the drink your parents gave me, the first night I had dinner at your place? I hope it wasn’t too expensive.”

  “I’m rich now, remember?”

  He laughs at the carelessness in my tone. “It’s the settlement today, right? Your money should be through. Good timing.” He means before our trip.

  “Yeah.” We’re distracted for a second by an overhead announcement. Boarding will be soon. It makes him more nervous, his hands squeezing. What’s tying him up in knots?

  He refocuses on me. He’s good at that, making me feel like the only one. “Sad about the sale?”

  “No. It was perfect. I still can’t believe the highest bidder was a family with twins. It was our last sign from Loretta. You did an amazing job on the final fitout. It turned out . . .” I don’t use the word perfect anymore. “So well. I’m proud of you. I know it bothers you that you weren’t there for the first bit. But you’ve got a lifetime of houses ahead of you.” I thumb through my bank account app. My big, incredible gift of freedom from Loretta has cleared. So much money. More than I can ever possibly deserve.

  “It’s gone in.” I hold it up to show him.

  Tom looks at the amount in my account, and like I knew he would, his brow furrows. “That’s not right.”

  “Yeah, it is. Has yours gone in?” I keep my face completely neutral as he takes out his own phone and logs in to his account. Then I see his face. He holds his phone next to mine; we have matching deposits. Down to the cent.

  “What did you do?” he starts, but I just laugh and kiss him.

  “You really gotta read the things you sign,” I point out helpfully. “That’s important as a business owner.”

  “No, Darce,” he groans. “This isn’t right.”

  “It isn’t only right.” I decide to make an exception to my rule and use that forbidden word. “It’s perfect. It’s a big slice of cake, cut into three portions. You deserve it. You’re family. You’re my family.”

  “You don’t know what this means,” he groans, putting a hand on his brow. I do know what it means. It means that Tom Valeska doesn’t have to struggle and grind anymore; his mom taken care of and he can be selective on what he flips next. It means that Tom has a lifetime of possibilities, the kind that the Barrett twins have enjoyed so effortlessly.

  He’s just getting ready to scold me when he’s distracted. “Oh wait, here’s your surprise coming now. But seriously, Darce. I’m mad.”

  I follow his eye line as we see someone forcing their way through the crowd. For a second, my eyes play tricks. I look up at Tom with a frown.

  He explains nervously. “I got you something. A surprise. Two surprises. I’m not sure if you’re going to be
happy about one of them.”

  I see what he means.

  Through the crowd, Jamie is weaving his suitcase. “Excuse me,” he says loudly to a chatting couple, and they jump apart in surprise. Plowing through to us, he screeches to a stop and looks at his watch. “Damn taxi driver had absolutely no idea.” He looks at me like he’s afraid. Then he looks back at Tom, down to the bottle of Kwench in his hand and booms, “Darcy, it was you bidding against me?”

  “It was you? Christ, Jamie, I paid through the nose for that damn bottle of Kwench.” I start to laugh. “What the hell are you doing here?”

  “We just thought it would be fun to take the cruise together when we’re under thirty, instead of eighty,” Tom says. I can hear the note of uncertainty in his voice. In all of our naked bedtime whisperings and trip planning, it was always only us.

  Us, kissing in the sun on lounge chairs, the ocean stretching around us to uninterrupted horizons. Us, face-first in the buffet. Alone.

  “I will not get in your way. I’ve got my own cabin, obviously.” Jamie grimaces at us both as the thought passes through his head. “If you guys want to lie around smooching, I’ll sit by myself. Actually, I’ll always sit by myself. You won’t even see me—”

  He stops talking when I put my arms around him and hug.

  I feel the tension fall out of him. My brother? He’s half of me. And I love Tom so much for inviting my twin to come with us. It’s the only way to show him he’s not cut out of our lives and that he will always be with us, floating in a pool like when we were kids.

  “Thanks, Darce,” Jamie says above my head, and I feel his emotion. Nothing has to change. No one has to lose anyone. Then he ruins the moment like only he can.

  “You wouldn’t believe how much my cleaner is charging to housesit my apartment and Diana. It’s extortion. Did you know that cat is awake between two and four A.M every morning? She’s killing me. Maybe my tenant can own seven cats. By the way, take a look at this.” Jamie holds up his phone. Mom has sent a picture of Patty, sunbathing on a beach towel. It’s nice she’s getting her own vacation.