by Sosie Frost
Complete with a straw hat.
Alicia stormed the stage. While her attitude had improved since the introduction of a wide-ranging wardrobe—sweaters for the chill, rain jackets for the wet, and breezy dresses for those late Indian days out in the pasture—we’d discovered one little trigger which would flare her temper.
Shiny objects.
Like the glittering sparkles peeking from under Marius’s pants.
The alpaca charged. The war veteran dove for cover.
And the preschoolers systemically dismantled every facet of the pageant’s scenery in a kiddie riot gone sugar-mad.
“Goddamned alpaca!” Marius narrowly escaped a bite to his ankle. “Julian! Get this motherfu—”
Gretchen dove onto the stage and muted the microphone before Marius committed any further acts of sacrilege.
My family burst into action. Cassi and Glory raced between the crucifix and alter, grabbing kids and hoisting them under their arms. Julian and Varius attempted to subdue the alpaca before she attacked Marius.
They failed.
Tidus, fortunately, had remained seated in the perfect position to video as the alpaca wrenched the prosthetic leg off the fallen SEAL. She cast the sparkling, dazzling leg through the air and roared in triumph as the appendage clubbed a preschooler dressed as a goose. The kid went down, the alpaca reared up, and I filled in yet another bingo space.
Stampede.
Desmond panicked. He ran in terror from Alicia, her foaming mouth now a mess of spittle and sequins. Fortunately, one among us was brave enough to bring order into the disarray.
Gretchen considered herself always on duty which permitted her dog to follow everywhere she went—including the labor and delivery room. She whistled for the dog, and the border collie leapt into action. Her chirped orders directed Ambrose as he spun, zig-zagged, and eagerly herded the children and the alpaca into a tight circle. Within seconds, the stage was destroyed, a mayoral candidate had lost a leg, and a baby alpaca painted with black stripes to look like a zebra was discovered in the back room, eating most of the wires out of the sound system.
Cassi and Glory grabbed the kids. Varius and Tidus bridled the animals.
And Gretchen instructed Ambrose to take a bow, all without waking the baby in her arms.
This earned the geese police officer a standing ovation.
Marius hopped to the pulpit and called for order.
“Look, folks…” He shrugged. “The kids are obviously excited to show you how hard they worked. Let them do the pageant. If anyone gives a damn about the debate, we’ll hold it in the parking lot after the show.”
This earned the largest cheer of the night.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. I expected her text. I glanced across the aisle, but Lady was already walking toward the exit.
Did you really false flag the debate with an alpaca?
I smirked. I’d only planned for the kids. Alicia’s coming in handy lately.
Almost immediately, my phone vibrated again.
Come outside. We need to talk while they’re extinguishing the stage.
Julian worked the fire extinguisher over the sound board. Doubted he needed my help. But like a coward, I still hesitated.
She’d wanted to talk for days now. Fortunately, I’d been using her mouth for better things. Moaning. Whimpering. Sucking.
But I couldn’t avoid her forever.
I knew what she wanted to tell me. The feelings she’d hidden. The words she expected to hear.
I only hoped that she would forgive me.
I slipped out of the church. No one saw us leave.
I’d miss the thrill of sneaking around.
Lady led me through the darkness outside the church to the back playground, behind tall shrubs and a few benches. Far from the prying eyes of any member of the congregation sneaking a cigarette.
She leapt into my arms and buried her face in my neck.
Upset already?
How badly would I crush this woman?
“You didn’t answer your phone.” She whispered but couldn’t hide her hushed panic. “Duke is on a rampage. We need to stop him before a lot of innocent people get hurt.”
Christ, she was beautiful. Her skin radiated pure softness, and her lips trembled in a perpetual pout. I couldn’t help it. I ran my hand along her cheek. If this was my last chance to savor that silken perfection, the least I could do was take this selfish moment.
“Don’t worry about him,” I said. “I’ve got it covered.”
“No, you don’t.” She peeked at me from behind her glasses. The woman made bookworm seem so sophisticated. “There’s so much you don’t know. About Duke. About us. Quint…I’m not sure how to tell you this, so I’m just going to blurt it out before it eats me alive. I’m—”
I stopped her the only way I knew how.
With a kiss.
I stole her words. Tasted her fear. Offered her strength.
I couldn’t bear to hear the truth. I knew what she’d say, but those words shouldn’t have been mine. I belonged even less in her heart than I did in her bed.
“Don’t say a thing.” I bumped my forehead against hers. “Listen to me.”
“But—”
“I’ve done some thinking.”
Lady groaned. “Oh, no. Don’t do that.”
“This time I have a good idea. I know what I gotta do. What I should’ve done a long time ago.” A deep breath did nothing to ease the pounding of my heart. Not that it mattered. In a few minutes, it’d be broken anyway. “I’m gonna tell Julian to sell the farm.”
Her gaze shot up, and she held a hand over her mouth and stomach as if she’d be sick.
The woman nearly crumbled. “Oh, God. Quint, that’s the worst thing you can do. Especially now. You don’t understand.”
I wasn’t looking to change my mind. I’d made my decision, and it’d benefit both of us. I hoped.
“Duke is right,” I said. “This is a good opportunity. Might help us live a better life.”
“You said you liked your life.”
I nearly laughed. “Christ, Ladybug. I wouldn’t have slept with you if I actually thought you’d believe anything I said.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re naïve, Lady.”
She poked my chest. “I’m not the one who thinks selling your family’s farm would solve all your problems.”
“Why wouldn’t it?” I shrugged. “The farm’s struggling. It’s just me and Jules working it, and he’s got his hands full with Micah and Max. It’ll take a lot of money neither of us have to get the farm profitable, no matter how many hours we spend in the fields working and planting and harvesting.”
“You understood that risk,” she said. “It never bothered you before.”
“That’s because I never thought about the next planting season. I don’t know how long we can wait before we start making money. But if we hold off, and the farm does worse, we’ll have even less of a chance at selling for a decent price.”
“You won’t have to sell. You and Julian can do this.”
As much as I wanted to believe her, this was bigger than me.
“I gotta think of the family,” I said. “You really think Marius gives a damn about this election? He’s got everything he needs with Gretchen and the baby. It wouldn’t matter if he was in Butterpond or DC or a thousand miles away. As long as he has them, he’s happy.”
Lady possessed an eternal, bubbling optimism. “Or he could become mayor, stay in Butterpond, and raise his family near the farm.”
“And who will be there? Honey should take your brother’s offer. And Tidus will go with her. God knows he’s blown enough of his chances already. I won’t let him squander another minute of his life when he deserves so much better.”
“You know they’d never work for a Barlow.”
And that’s what made it so damned frustrating. “Then they’ll probably keep working the food truck and travel all over the c
ountry. It doesn’t matter what he’s doing. He’s finally out of trouble. He’s sober and clean and healthy. Butterpond didn’t give him that. Honey did. And if she were smart, she’d ride him as far away from this town and it’s temptations as they can get.”
Lady poised to interrupt. I took her hand before she spoke and hated how easily my touch placated her.
“And I gotta think of Cassi. She’s helping Rem raise his nieces, but as soon as they get married, she’s gonna want kids of her own. And, God help Rem, she wants a lot of them. There’s not enough room up in Rem’s cabin for a giant family. They need a bigger place. Good schools. She can’t find that here. Hell, neither can Marius and Gretchen or Julian and Micah. They have to do right by their families. They have to go.”
“This doesn’t make sense, Quint.” She stared at me, but I offered her nothing. “This is your home. You’ve never had a bad word to say about Butterpond your entire life.”
“Yeah…because I thought this was the only place for me. But times change. People change. You were right, Lady. Maybe it is time to leave before we’re stuck here forever…including you.”
She slapped my arm. “Don’t you dare drag me into this. I can’t believe you’d let Duke bully you.”
I laughed. “If bullying me means he’s paying more than the farm is worth, then maybe he can shove me into a locker full of money too.”
“Be serious.”
“I am. I know what my family can do with all that cash.”
“Since when has it been about money?”
At least the playground was dark. I couldn’t see her tears clearly.
“It never used to worry me,” I said. “But I never thought ten minutes passed my next shot. We need money for a good life. Need a hell of a lot more to raise kids and support a family. You’ve been the one talking non-stop about futures. All you wanted me to do was plan a life…so I did.”
She hugged herself as the wind rattled through the trees. I should’ve offered her my coat, but I was too big a coward to touch her.
Feared what would happen if I let her close.
And what wouldn’t happen if I kept her in my arms.
“I wanted you to think about a future you could make in Butterpond,” she said. “With the people you love. What sort of life are you planning if everyone in your family scatters across the state or country?”
I said nothing. That was a mistake. Lady was smart. I faced down the only woman who’d ever seen through my bullshit. In my silence, she realized everything I had attempted to hide.
She reached for me, but I shoved my hands into my pockets and refused that simple act of compassion.
“Why are you doing this?” Her voice softened. “Do you really want to leave here? Talk to me, Quint. What the hell are you thinking?”
I finally concreated on the only thoughts I should’ve had months ago.
Before I let her get so close.
“You tell me,” I said. “Why did you leave Butterpond after high school?”
She stiffened. “That was different.”
“Why’d you come back?”
“Because I thought I’d find something.”
“Did you?”
I loathed myself for being so weak that I’d demanded her confession. It hadn’t taken much to break me. Just the right woman. A soft touch. A tender kiss. I was absolutely, God-forsakeningly in love with this woman that I couldn’t think, couldn’t move, couldn’t even decide if I was doing right by her or wrong to protect myself.
But I wanted to hear her say it. Wanted to know why loving me had hurt her so much she’d needed to run, to make a life beyond what her heart desired.
So that I could do the same.
“This summer…I wanted to see the world,” she said. “I hoped that if I traveled far enough, visited enough places, and met enough people that it might help me find what I was looking for.”
“And?”
She shrugged at me, honest and pure. “I should’ve trusted my gut…and my heart.”
This wasn’t helping. I didn’t know what I’d been thinking or hoping or wishing would change, but neither of us were strong enough to make it work.
“Quint…” Lady sighed. “I have always lo—”
“Duke knows about us.”
She staggered away. “What?”
“He met with me the other night. Told me everything.”
“What did he tell you?”
“Nothing that could change my mind.” Just everything that would torment me forever. “We made a bargain, and I said I’d talk to Jules about the farm.”
“He’s blackmailing you.”
I’d never admit it.
“You wanted to end the feud as much as I did,” I said. “This is how we do it. This is the best way to make peace in the town, especially for anyone in my family who stays behind.”
She searched my expression, but I wouldn’t offer her any false hope.
“Will you stay?” she asked.
I wasn’t a good enough man to ask her for a reason to stay.
“I might not have any lofty ideals about traveling the world, but I always had fun in Ironfield.”
Her eyes welled with tears, but she didn’t let me see them, wiped them away before they fell on her cheeks.
“So, it’s all a lie?” she asked.
What part? “I’m not lying.”
“All this talk about selling the farm and preparing for the future, and your grand plan is to return to Ironfield, fuck some nameless girl, and drink away your shame?”
Just the thought turned my stomach.
But I smirked.
“That’s who I am,” I said.
“You’re so full of shit. You’re a good man, Quint. You don’t want to go out drinking every night, hooking up with strange women just to ignore what you really feel.” She hesitated. “You can make any life you want…with whoever you want.”
That’s where she was wrong.
I couldn’t have her.
And without Lady, I’d never be happy.
“I haven’t changed,” I said. “I’m still the same rat bastard I was before we started screwing around, and I’ll be the same asshole after you leave.”
“I don’t believe you.”
Neither did I. “This isn’t about me anymore. It’s not about winning or losing or right or wrong. It’s always been about Paynes or Barlows. Your family can stay in town. Mine can leave. And everyone will enjoy their new lives.” I clenched my jaw. “I will not stand in the way of anyone’s happiness.”
Lady frowned. “Except your own.”
“If that’s the price, so be it.” And the truth of it slashed me from the inside. “But for this plan to work—if we are to sell the farm—it has to look real. We need to end this, Lady.”
I expected the tears.
Not her defiance.
“No.”
“We’ve gotta stay away from each other,” I said. “Before we get caught by anyone else, and I lose this chance.”
“So lose it.” Lady rarely lost her cool. Kicking a plastic bottle from under the park bench nearly constituted a declaration of war. “So what? Let everyone know about us. Who cares? I’m happy. You’re happy.”
“It’s not about being happy.”
“Of course it is,” she said. “You need to open your eyes, Quint. See what you have in front of you. I can give you everything you thought you never needed. Look at me.”
I did so only because she was too beautiful to ignore.
She took my hand and placed it on her cheek. “You’re the only man who can always make me smile…even when I’m angry with you.”
“Lady.”
She moved my fingers over her heart. Her pulse raced beneath my fingertips.
“Feel it?” She almost laughed. “It’s always that quick around you. Every time you touch me, kiss me, take me in bed. I’m terrified it will one day flutter out of my chest, but I know you’d be there to catch it.”
Not anym
ore.
I couldn’t listen to her, couldn’t risk my own desperation.
But she continued, and she pushed my hand lower still, over her tummy. I pressed against her warmth.
“Quint, I know I said we don’t work well together, but I was wrong. I don’t know how, and I always tried to be so careful, but—”
I already knew.
It was obvious. Even a guy like me could see it.
She loved me.
I placed a finger over her lips and quieted her. The agony in my voice silenced her lovely words.
“Spare yourself the pain, Lady,” I whispered. “Run far, far away from here before you regret confessing this.”
“You’d hide from the truth?”
“Absolutely.”
“Why are you so afraid?”
“Because one of us needs to be strong,” I said.
Even when every breath I took threatened to suffocate me in my own terrible decisions.
I never thought of myself as a gentleman until the day I met my lady, but, by then, the damage had been done.
I couldn’t offer her anything.
I couldn’t be a part of her life. Couldn’t even accept the gift that was her love.
“I’m doing you a favor,” I said.
“Only because you’re afraid to admit the truth.”
No. I couldn’t survive the truth.
“I told you before,” I said. “I’m not a man who ever looks for anything more.”
“So, it was only sex?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“You never imagined anything else?”
I’d imagined everything. All the possibilities.
Every fucking blessing and joyful moment.
Weddings. Houses. Christmases. Our first child. Our second child. The child that would finally make her bat me away with a broom. Kids on the farm. Vacations on the beach. Summer times. Sunsets. A full and wonderful life free of illnesses and pain.
But that wasn’t mine to give her.
I wouldn’t be the one who ruined her future.
“I’m not the right man for you.” The words killed me. I didn’t know how she stayed standing. “I’m sorry if you believed that I was.”
Lady finally broke away, her eyes searching into the dark for anything to distract her from what I’d said.
“You don’t want me?”
The truth would damn me to hell.
