by Carmen Cook
Gavin weighed his words, not sure of the right thing to say. He didn’t consider himself overly adventurous in the bedroom, but he knew what he liked. And Regan fit the bill right down to her willingness to try new things. “It didn’t make you feel sexy? Or,” he struggled to find the right word, “empowered?”
He’d never thought much about it, but as much as he loved seeing a sexy woman in lingerie, particularly his sexy woman, he’d always assumed they got something out of it too. Why else would they do it? A little more bounce in their step, a bit more of a sway to their hips, something that screamed that they were the shit and he was damn lucky to be catching a glimpse of what they were showing him. Not to mention turning him into a blubbering idiot over how great they looked. Weren’t all guys that way?
She bumped his chin with the top of her head when she nodded. “I did. But I didn’t think I would.”
“Your ex is a jackass.” This time her laughter went all the way through her body and into his. He tightened his arms around her and pulled her tighter against him as he settled back against the sofa again.
“That’s what we call him. Todd the Jackass,” she told him once she could catch her breath. “But, yeah, I felt that way with you. Sexy. Beautiful.” She pulled away and turned to look at him. “I feel a lot of things with you that I haven’t felt before.” Her voice was soft and slid over him like a caress. “That’s what got me to buy the lingerie.”
Gavin felt his breath hitch. “What is?”
“How you make me feel.” She shifted around so they were face to face, her legs draped over his thighs, her core pressed solidly against his erection. “When I left Todd, I was angry. Partly at him, but mostly at myself because I realized that I’d lost myself along the way. At some point I’d stopped being Regan and became his girlfriend. Then his wife. It was the same thing I’d done while I was growing up. I was never just me; I was always Joyce and Nicholas’s daughter or Becca and Chloe’s sister.”
He gave her hands a squeeze. “I think you’re underestimating yourself. You’ve always been strong and brilliant. You were a softball star and made your own way. You can do it again.”
“I don’t know what to do. What I want to do.” She lowered her forehead to his and held herself still. Just breathing. Whatever it was she needed to do in that moment. He was humbled she felt safe enough with him to lay all her doubts on the line.
He just wished he could help her figure out the next steps.
And at the same time, he knew the best thing he could do for her, for this budding relationship of theirs, was to let her do it on her own. “I know it’s been intense since you’ve been home, but you have an opportunity to start over.” He brought her hand to his mouth, brushing a soft kiss into her palm before curling her fingers closed. “You can do anything, Regan. You are the strongest, most capable woman I have ever been blessed to know.”
“You just want me to put that teddy on again.”
“Hell yeah.” He laughed. “That goes without saying. But that’s not what I’m talking about here. I know you’re being pressured to make a decision about going back to work or school or whatever. But you can do whatever you want now. You’ve got a chance to recreate yourself. How many of us ever get to do that?”
“You don’t understand,” she started, but stopped when he placed a finger against her lips.
“You’re right. I can’t understand all the pressure you’re under. But I’m here for you, however you need me to be. And I’m not saying this just because you wore that amazing teddy last night. I’m saying it because I care about you. The you that showed up here to take care of my kids and let them help you make kabobs. The same you that has been working so hard on rebuilding the friendships from your past and reconnecting with your sisters. The you that is working to redo your grandparents’ house, and finally putting yourself first to figure out what you want.”
He settled her against him. “It doesn’t matter if you’re a nurse or a doctor or working the drive-thru window at the local fast food place. What matters is you and the person you are inside. That’s the person I’m falling in love with.”
Chapter Eighteen
Regan’s breath hitched at Gavin’s words. “You can’t mean that.”
“Why not?” He smiled the smile that made her melt a little, and tilted his head, studying her. “I mean what I say, Regan. You don’t have to say it back if you aren’t ready, I know it hasn’t been a lot of time. But you are an amazing woman who deserves to be happy. I don’t want you to forget that.”
Her thoughts were swirling, unable to land on just one of the things he had said. “You don’t even know me.”
“I know enough,” he said confidently and leaned forward to place a firm kiss against her mouth before pulling back. “You are amazing, just for being you. Don’t let anyone push you into doing something you don’t feel all the way through your gut, and don’t dismiss your talents.”
Tears filled her eyes and she blinked them back while she tried to identify the ache in her chest. No one had ever said these things to her, let her know that they were there for her. That this man was the one saying it meant more to her than she would ever be able to express.
Giving up on the words, Regan cradled Gavin’s face in her hands and claimed his mouth, the same way he’d claimed her heart. There was no way she could put to words what she was thinking, so she was going to show him. She scrambled more fully into his lap and centered herself right over his straining erection. His grip on her hips tightened as he pulled her tighter, causing a delicious friction that made her moan.
She didn’t want to give up control of their kiss, but she had to take a breath. Her breasts were heavy and her core throbbed while he continued to apply the gentle pressure and rhythm by directing her movements with his hands on her hips. “You’re killing me,” she told him as a thrill shot through her limbs.
“Death by pleasure,” he murmured against her neck. “What a way to go.”
Regan huffed out a laugh and shifted, ending his teasing movements and planting herself firmly against him. This was her show, her seduction, and she wasn’t going to let him take over, no matter how wonderful it felt.
Letting go of the grip she had on his shirt, she pulled back and put her hands to her own collar. Making sure she had his attention, she splayed out her fingers and let her hands drift down her chest.
Gavin’s eyes darkened as he watched her palms skim the soft cotton of her T-shirt. She paused over her nipples, letting her fingers play with the stiffened peaks, rejoicing in Gavin’s reaction. She’d never felt so free to do whatever she wanted. Knowing he loved her, really loved her, had given her a confidence she hadn’t even realized she’d been missing.
And wasn’t that a sad testament to her life, that it took going through the humiliation and pain of her breakup to reach this point.
Lifting her breasts, she stroked them before letting them fall again, grinning at the pained look on Gavin’s face. “You’re enjoying this,” he accused, his voice husky and causing her nipples to harden even more.
“I am,” she admitted with a smirk at his pained expression. “And if I’m not mistaken, so are you.”
He’d lit this fire in her. He was the one who would be on the receiving end of her newfound freedom.
A low sound came from Gavin’s throat, spurring her on, making her even more determined to take her time teasing him. To prolong this sweet torture for them both for as long as she could possibly stand it.
Reaching the bottom of her shirt, she slowly pulled it upward, revealing her skin inch by inch and holding her breath for his reaction. She didn’t know what had inspired her to put the nightie on again this morning before slipping on the T-shirt, but now she was glad she had.
Instead of her ribs, the laces of the bustier came into view. She smiled at his sudden intake of breath and how his fingers dug into her hips again. Once the cotton had made way for the silk his lips descended, stroking the soft flesh of her
breasts. Her head fell back as the shirt was pulled free from her hair.
His hot mouth sent shivers along her limbs. She’d never realized how sensitive her breasts were before Gavin McCabe placed his lips against them.
Unaware of how he managed it, Gavin swung his legs from the sofa and stood, her ass firmly in his hands, her core rubbing against him with each step. He strode to the bedroom, never releasing her lips from the punishing kiss he’d pressed against her, sending her even higher into the frenzy of need. She felt like she was floating, drifting on a cloud of bliss. There was nothing that could shatter how happy she felt at that moment. Nothing that would ever make her forget how whole he made her feel.
Once her back hit the sheets, Regan lifted her hips so Gavin could slip the sleep pants down her legs. His hands lingered on her skin, sliding up as she wrapped her legs around him and pulled him to her. “I think you were exaggerating about your experience in the art of seduction.”
“This is no art,” she breathed, desperately trying to control her heart, which felt like it was about to beat out of her chest. “This is instinct.”
“Your instincts are good.” Gavin nibbled and licked his way up the column of her throat, pausing to pay attention to the sensitive spot just behind her ear. His breath against her skin made her toes curl and her fingers clench in the sheets.
Gavin made his way down, pausing to suckle at her breast again before leaving his hands there to stroke and plump up her sensitive flesh while he continued to kiss his way south. Regan arched her back and stretched her arms out to the side, aching for him to continue touching her but desperate to touch him as well.
Her fingers found the massage oil on the bedside table. Using her thumb, she flipped open the lid and tipped the bottle, spilling some onto her chest, right over the top of Gavin’s talented fingers. He lifted his head, a wicked gleam in his eye as he stroked the oil, massaging it into her skin. “Are you trying to tell me something?”
“Nope.” Regan sat up, forcing Gavin to sit back on his haunches. She made sure she had plenty of oil covering her before she slid her hand under his shirt. She ran her hands up over his rock hard abs and solid chest. “You have too many clothes on.”
In a flash, he was stripped and back under her hands. His breathing was harsh, filling the quiet space. Regan flipped him over, switching their positions. She sat on his thighs, her hands splayed across his chest. “These too,” she murmured as she slid a finger down to the fly of his jeans. His hands went to work as she continued to rub the oil into his skin.
Once he was completely nude she went to work. Her hands were everywhere, followed by her mouth. The vanilla oil was cool and slightly sweet against her tongue as Gavin’s moans filled the air. She gave up thinking. Gave up everything but breathing in the unique scent of him mixed with the oils.
When she hit his groin, his hands went to her hair. Not steering her, but giving her an anchor to hold on to. Her thumb brushed the wetness at the crest of his penis and he threw back his head in a silent moan. She’d never felt more powerful than she did in that moment.
She reached up, threading the fingers of one hand with his own while she held his cock with her other hand and licked, nibbled, and sucked to her heart’s content. Each thrust of his hips was met with the suction of her mouth. Every time he pulled away, she followed him. There was no escaping.
With a surge, he let go and salty cum filled her mouth. She held on, not willing to let the moment go. She stroked and licked until he was spent, then crawled up his body. Resting her head beneath his chin, she stroked his chest, waiting for him to come back to himself.
“That wasn’t how I’d planned this morning to go.” His fingertips stroked their own lazy pattern along her back and she grinned against his shoulder.
“You know what they say about plans.”
In response, he flipped her over, his still-oiled fingers finding their way to her entrance. “You know what they say about love.”
Her breath hitched. “I thought that was war.”
“Same thing,” he murmured, taking her mouth as his fingers delved into her.
The day was spent in decadent indulgence, unlike anything Regan had ever experienced. After the blissful massage, Gavin had made her a rich breakfast full of omelets and waffles. After that, it wasn’t all that late in the day, but the snow was flying again. Instead of retreating to the bedroom, Gavin had built a fire in the fireplace in the living room. The flames created a cocoon of intimacy that echoed the day.
“What are your plans for Thanksgiving?” Regan asked as she sipped the merlot he’d poured after lunch.
“My mother always serves up a big dinner,” he replied absently, stroking her shoulder with his fingertips. “It never changes. We head to my parents’ place early in the afternoon, play some backyard football while the food cooks, then have dinner. You can join us. My mom would love that.”
Regan smiled, wishing she could join them, but today had given her some insight and strength she hadn’t had before. “I wish I could, but I have to spend the day with my family.”
His arms wrapped around her and gave her a squeeze. “It’s okay. I can meet up with you later.”
She smiled and leaned back against him. “It’s going to be ugly,” she told him. “My parents are determined to make me apply for medical school.”
“I don’t understand their determination to make you a doctor,” he admitted, dropping another soft kiss on her shoulder.
Regan dropped her head back against him. “I can’t blame them for it.” She ignored his snort. “Doctors saved Becca,” she said simply. There was no other explanation for their obsession with her occupation. “Right around the time I was heading to college, Becca got sick. Really sick. Leukemia.”
“I don’t remember that.”
She nodded. “I was getting ready to head off to college, and I was so excited. I couldn’t wait to start my life, but Becca was suddenly fighting for hers. In hindsight it was natural for them to translate their hopes for her onto me.” It was the first time she’d said it out loud, acknowledging the reasons for the pressure her parents had put on her. It didn’t make it right but she understood. Sort of.
When Gavin didn’t say anything, she glanced at him over her shoulder. “You don’t agree?”
He offered her a smile and propped his chin on her shoulder, eyes still glued to the flames dancing in the fireplace. “I think you’re very forgiving and understanding, offering them the benefit of the doubt. But no, I don’t agree with their reasons for putting that type of pressure on you. What Becca went through must have been terrible. And as a father, I can only imagine how scared they must have been. But being on the outside looking in, I get the impression they gave up on you and Chloe to focus on Becca.”
Emotion clogged Regan’s throat. That was how it had always felt to her, but hearing it come from Gavin was a punch to the gut. Swallowing the emotion that was welling up, Regan blew out a big breath. “Right or wrong, they’re my parents and I want to have a relationship with them.”
“Of course you do,” Gavin whispered. “It just bothers me that they don’t give you the support you deserve. It’s a hot-button issue for me.”
“Why’s that?” Regan asked, glad to focus on something other than the broken relationship with her parents.
She felt him shrug behind her. “It’s part of what happened with Kathy, when I decided to go into security instead of continuing to practice law.”
“She wasn’t supportive?” Regan twisted around to look at him, but his face was obscured by the shadows in the room. She didn’t care about Gavin’s ex-wife any more than she cared to talk about Todd, but she was tired of talking about her parents. Her whole world was sliding sideways and every relationship in her life was shifting. It wasn’t a bad thing, but it made her nervous for the unknown.
Nervous and excited.
He shook his head. “No. I can’t blame her for that. In my case, I had a family that needed to be s
upported, and up until that moment I was a lawyer.” He gave a short laugh. “Kathy had no reason to doubt me when I’d told her that’s what I wanted, but I was lying to myself and to her.”
“You were?” He was divulging his darkest secrets and she was thrilled to be the recipient. Even though she didn’t know where this was going, she wanted to know him. Deeply.
He nodded against her cheek. “I always thought I wanted to be a prosecutor. To put away the bad guys,” he added with a humorless laugh. “It was another way to be the hero without the work my dad was putting in as a local cop—the late-night calls, jumping in the middle of a fight. But once I was in the situation, I realized the law wasn’t for me. I needed more to be fulfilled. To really feel like I was making a difference. The problem was that by the time I figured that out, we were expecting the twins. It wasn’t the right time to start a business.”
“But you did it anyway.” It wasn’t a question. She could see the regret in his eyes.
“Yeah,” he admitted. “What I wanted was more important than what Kathy needed. I got an opportunity to start the firm, an old Army buddy offered funding, and that was it. No looking back for me.”
He ruefully shook his head and looked into the fire. “I realize now that I was a selfish prick.”
“I don’t think it’s selfish to follow your dreams. And you love it.”
His dark eyes met hers and he nodded. “I do. It’s not without its own challenges, but at the end of the day I feel like I’ve made a difference.”
Regan smiled at the sincerity in his voice. “That’s what I want,” she admitted, surprising herself with the conviction in her voice.
Gavin gave her a squeeze and rested his chin on her shoulder. “What’s stopping you?”
Sitting there, surrounded by Gavin, she felt safe. Loved. And accepted. She could get used to this.
Thanksgiving dawned as one of those crisp, beautiful days the Rocky Mountains were known for. A light dusting of snow covered the ground, but not enough to require heavy-duty boots. Thank goodness, because Regan was determined to wear some new clothes to help boost her confidence. Traditional family meal or not, she was bracing herself for the nagging lecture she was sure would be served up with the turkey. Particularly after she told them about her newest plan.
