Jay, on the other hand, was neither eclipsed nor forgotten. And as the last days of summer drifted toward fall, the number of lovesick girls trailing behind him on any given day seemed to multiply.
While she’d been locked in the grip of her own troubles, Violet had temporarily forgotten to be jealous of those other girls and had finally remembered how to just be Jay’s friend again. During those days before the girl from the lake was finally buried in her hometown, Jay had been the one who kept Violet sane. He slipped candy bars into her backpack for her to find and left little notes in her locker just to let her know he was thinking about her. She leaned on him every step of the way, and he never once complained. And afterward, when she felt back to her old self again, at least mostly anyway, he was still there.
She wondered what she’d done to deserve a friend like him, someone who never wavered and never questioned. Someone who was always there… being supportive, and funny, and thoughtful.
Violet stood in the hallway and watched him. He was digging through his locker looking for his math book, and even though she knew it wasn’t there, Violet just let him search, smiling to herself. Crumpled wads of paper fell out onto the floor at his feet.
He seemed to sense that she was staring and he looked back at her. “What?” he asked.
“Nothing,” she responded, the smile finding her lips.
He narrowed his eyes, realizing that he was the butt of some private joke. “What?”
She sighed and kicked a toe at his backpack, which was lying crookedly against the wall of lockers. “Your book’s in your bag, dumbass,” she announced as she turned away and started walking toward class.
She heard him groan, followed by the sound of his locker slamming, before he finally caught up with her.
“Why didn’t you say anything? Sometimes you really piss me off.”
It was easy to ignore the harsh words when his tone was anything but scolding.
She shrugged. “It’s fun to watch you scramble.”
“Yeah, fun. That’s what I was thinking.”
Grady Spencer fell into step beside Jay.
Grady had started out as one of Jay’s friends but had quickly become Violet’s too. When they were younger, in fourth grade, she’d had a crush on Grady, passing him notes in school that asked him whether he “liked” her too. One even had boxes to check “yes” or “no.” He’d picked yes, and they were officially boyfriend and girlfriend for the rest of the year, which only meant that she chased him at recess, and he pretended he didn’t want her to.
Later, after the first day of fifth grade, she’d cried when she’d realized that they wouldn’t be in the same classroom that year. And that had pretty much been the end of that particular childhood crush. He had moved on to Miranda Grant, a new girl in his class, and Violet fell in love with her fifth-grade teacher, Mr. Strozyk.
“What’s up?” Jay asked Grady.
It was funny to see Grady now, because, like Jay, he’d grown nearly six inches since the last school year, and now he towered over her. Half of the boys in her class had suddenly sprouted and developed into men; the other half were still lingering in boyhood. The girls had been waiting for the boys to catch up for a couple of years, and those who had were considered fair game. It was like open season at White River High School.
“Not much, man,” Grady answered in a deeper voice than she remembered. “You guys going to the game on Friday?”
“’Course. Right, Vi?” Jay said, pretty much answering for her.
“Sure.” She shrugged.
She didn’t mind; she knew they were going. It was autumn, which meant football season. And home games were practically a religion in her town.
They got to the classroom she and Jay shared this period, but it wasn’t Grady’s class. Instead of walking on, Grady paused.
“Violet, can I talk to you for a minute?” His deep voice surprised her again.
“Yeah, okay,” Violet agreed, curious about what he might have to say to her.
Jay stopped and waited too, but when Grady didn’t say anything, it became clear that he’d meant he wanted to talk to her…alone.
Jay suddenly seemed uncomfortable and tried to excuse himself as casually as he could. “I’ll see you inside,” he finally said to Violet.
She nodded to him as he left.
Violet was a little worried that the bell was going to ring and she’d be tardy again, but her curiosity had kicked up a notch when she realized that Grady didn’t want Jay to hear what he had to say, and that far outweighed her concern for late slips.
When they were alone, and Grady didn’t start talking right away, Violet prompted him. “What’s going on?”
She watched him swallow, and his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down along the length of his throat. It was strange to see her old guy friends in this new light. He’d always been a good-looking kid, but now he looked like a man…even though he still acted like a boy. He shifted back and forth, and if she had taken the time to think about it, she would have realized that he was nervous.
But she misread his discomfort altogether. She thought that, like her, he was worried about being late. “Do you want to talk after school? I could meet you in the parking lot.”
“No. No. Now’s good.” He ran his hand through his hair in a discouraged gesture. He took a deep breath, but his voice was still shaking when he spoke. “I…I was wondering…” He looked Violet right in the eye now, and suddenly she felt very nervous about where this might be going. She was desperately wishing she hadn’t let Jay leave her here alone. “I was wondering if you’re planning to go to Homecoming,” Grady finally blurted out.
She stood there, looking at him, feeling trapped by the question and not sure what she was going to say.
The bell rang, and both of them jumped.
Violet was grateful for the excuse, and she clung to it like a life preserver. Her eyes were wide, and she pointed to the door behind her. “I gotta…can we…” She pointed again, and she knew she looked and sounded like an idiot, incapable of coherent speech. “Can we talk after school?”
Grady seemed relieved to have been let off the hook for the moment. “Sure. Yeah. I’ll talk to you after school.”
He left without saying good-bye, and Violet, thankful herself, tried to slip into her classroom unnoticed.
But she had no such luck. The teacher marked her tardy, and everyone in class watched as she made her way to her seat beside Jay’s. Her face felt flushed and hot.
“What was that all about?” Jay asked in a loud whisper.
She still felt like her head was reeling. She had no idea what she was going to say to Grady when school was out. “I think Grady just asked me to Homecoming,” she announced to Jay.
He looked at her suspiciously. “The game?”
Violet cocked her head to the side and gave him a look that told him to be serious.
“No, I’m pretty sure he meant the dance,” Violet clarified, exasperated by the obtuse question.
Jay frowned at her. “What did you say?”
“I didn’t say anything. The bell rang and I told him we’d have to talk later.”
The teacher glanced their way, and they pretended not to be talking to each other. Violet decided that she didn’t need to get in trouble for not listening, especially after being marked late, so she made an effort to pay attention to the lecture. It was nearly impossible to concentrate, though.
She had thought about going to the dance even before Grady had asked her, and she’d hoped, probably in vain, that Jay might ask her to go with him, even if it meant they only went as friends. She would rather spend an evening in his company, even innocently, than in anyone else’s. But now that she’d been asked by Grady, she had to at least consider the possibility of going with him. Why not? She and Grady had been friends for almost as long as she and Jay had been, and as long as he understood that was all they would be, it might be fun to go with someone else.
When class was o
ver, Violet practically had to run to keep up with Jay, who had left the classroom so fast she barely had time to put her books away. She hurried after him, frustrated that he was making her chase him.
By the time she caught up to him, Violet didn’t bother to hide her annoyance. “Why are you in such a hurry?”
He started to say something, and then he seemed to change his mind. “No hurry. I just don’t want you to make me late too.”
Violet shook her head as she watched Jay disappear into the crowd, irritated that he’d left her feeling like she’d done something wrong. Between Grady and Jay, she was more than a little confused about guys in general.
When school was out, Violet wondered if Jay would still want a ride home. He’d spent the entire day snubbing her. That’s what it felt like anyway. He even ate his lunch with some of his guy friends instead of sitting with her and Chelsea. She thought about leaving him at school without waiting to find out what was up with him, but she wasn’t quite mad enough to be that bitchy. So instead, she waited in her car for nearly twenty minutes.
When she heard the tapping on the passenger-side window, she looked up, expecting to see Jay standing outside, waiting for her to unlock the car’s doors and let him in.
But it wasn’t Jay. It was Grady Spencer, and suddenly Violet wished that she hadn’t waited, that she’d followed her first malicious thought and left Jay behind altogether.
She rolled down the window, trying not to look horrified by the prospect of talking to Grady. “Um, hey there,” she said as cheerfully as she could. “What’s up?”
“You’re not waiting for Jay, are you?” Grady asked, surprising her with his question.
“Sort of.” She cringed, suddenly feeling foolish for sitting in her car for so long. “Why?”
Grady looked embarrassed to be the one to tell her, and he hesitated before blurting it out. “Jay got a ride with Lissie Adams and a couple of her friends.”
Violet wouldn’t have been more surprised if Grady had just slapped her across the face, and the sting of his news was just as vicious. She sat there for a stunned moment, completely dazed and unsure of what she should say or what she should do.
And then a jealous, bitterly hot anger flashed through her, and she wasn’t sure which was worse…that Jay had gone home without even telling her why he was avoiding her…or that he’d gone home with Lissie Adams.
It didn’t really matter, though, because suddenly she wasn’t just annoyed with him…she was furious.
She was also acutely aware that Grady was still anxiously watching her, and she didn’t want him to see how upset she was, so she shoved her hands beneath her legs so he couldn’t see them shaking. She took a breath before rolling her eyes and saying, “It would have been nice if he’d said something to me.” Somehow she managed to say it in a voice that sounded teasing and light, even though she was filled with angry frustration.
Grady was visibly relieved, and that seemed to give him the courage he needed to do what he’d come there for. “So, I was wondering if you’d thought about the dance at all.”
Violet looked at his hopeful face. He was smiling at her as he leaned down and peered at her through the passenger window. It was just a dance, just one night, and it was a chance to dress up and hang out with someone she genuinely liked.
And then she thought of Jay, and bitter resentment washed over her.
She smiled back at Grady’s handsome face, making her choice right then and there. “Yeah,” she said, feeling unexpectedly decisive about her last-minute decision. “I’d love to go to Homecoming with you, Grady. In fact, there’s no one else I’d rather go with.”
Grady grinned back at her. “Cool. I’ll give you a call, and we can figure out the details later.”
As she pulled out of the parking lot, thirty-three minutes after school had let out, she waved at Grady, who looked like he’d just won the lottery and needed to find someone he could gloat to.
He waved back at her, but she never even saw him. She was already lost in her own thoughts, trying to figure out why Jay had blown her off so unexpectedly.
CHAPTER 8
VIOLET SPENT THE REST OF THE AFTERNOON brooding…getting angrier and angrier, and feeling worse and worse. She’d hoped that her homework might provide some sort of diversion, occupying her thoughts with something other than being annoyed with Jay.
But there hadn’t been enough homework for her to do, there probably wasn’t enough homework in the world, to distract her for very long. She thought about Jay while she was doing her trig assignment, she thought about him while she wrote her English paper, and she even thought about him when she was reading about the Lewis and Clark expedition. And not a single one of the thoughts she’d had was very pleasant at all.
Violet knew that her parents were concerned about her from the way they kept asking if she was feeling okay, or if everything was all right at school, casually trying to coax her problems out of her. She felt a little guilty that she didn’t want to talk about it, especially after all the worry she’d put them through when she’d discovered the dead girl in Lake Tapps. But she couldn’t help it, and as soon as she finished dinner, which consisted of a delivery pizza and a bag of prepackaged Caesar salad, she hurried up to her room where she could be alone.
She turned on the stereo and tried to finish her math homework. But instead, she ended up doodling along the edges of her paper and replaying the day’s events through her head. She wished again that she had just left after school let out, without waiting there like an idiot for Jay.
And now, with a little distance from the moment, she also wished that she hadn’t agreed to go to Homecoming with Grady. She wouldn’t have done it if she hadn’t been so angry with Jay, so somehow even that became his fault.
She was sprawled across her bed on her stomach, trying to concentrate on the next equation, when she heard her mom knocking on the door. She tried to pretend she didn’t hear it. She just wasn’t up for a lecture about how holding her feelings inside wasn’t healthy and would block her chakras. But her mom didn’t give up easily and she knocked again…louder this time.
Violet pressed her forehead against her palms, trying to ward off the headache that was starting to pound behind her eyes, probably from her backed-up chakras, and she sighed her answer, half hoping it wouldn’t be heard. “Come in.”
She listened as the door opened, but she just couldn’t bring herself to look up. She didn’t have the energy to have this conversation right now, so she decided to lie to her mom. “I have a lot of homework,” she said before her mom could ask her what was wrong again. “I’m fine. Really. And I need to get this done.”
When her mom didn’t say anything right away, Violet felt hopeful that maybe she’d bought it and had decided to leave her alone after all. She waited to hear the sound of the door closing again. Instead she heard Jay’s voice.
“Really…you’re fine? Because I’m not.”
Violet looked up in surprise. Jay was the last person she’d expected to find in her room tonight.
He gave her an apologetic smile when she didn’t say anything right away. “You’re not gonna kick me out, are you?”
Violet wasn’t sure how she should react. She really wanted to stay mad at him; it was easier than admitting, even to herself, that her feelings had been hurt today. But, somehow, seeing him standing there—in person—took some of the wind out of her sails. She suddenly wished she could read his thoughts.
She shrugged, trying to keep her fragile hold on her already disintegrating anger. “No” was all she said, still waiting to see why he’d come. She sat up, watching him cautiously.
He sat down on the edge of her bed, and she felt herself shifting toward him as her mattress sank beneath his weight. “Look, Violet, I’m really sorry about today. I shouldn’t have left without you. You didn’t do anything.”
When she looked at him, listening to his explanation, she felt her heart foolishly clamoring inside her chest.
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br /> He paused, and then continued. “It’s not like I’m mad that you’re going to the dance. I was hoping you’d go to the dance.” He grimaced, and Violet thought he seemed to be choosing his words carefully, and she wondered what it was that he wasn’t saying. He let out his breath and admitted, “I guess I just didn’t expect it to be with Grady.”
So this was about Grady? She opened her mouth and started to say something, to tell him that she hadn’t planned on telling Grady yes, but before she could interrupt him, he plunged on. “I know…it’s stupid, and it’s really none of my business, and we’ve all been friends for so long, and…and I don’t know, Violet…I guess I didn’t want the fact that you two are going on a date to mess things up.”
Violet could no longer hold on to her frustration; now she was struggling with unspoken regret for not being able to tell him how she really felt about him. But he kept talking. “I realize that I had no right to get pissed off about it, though, and I acted like a total baby by leaving school today without telling you. I guess I just didn’t want to run into the two of you since you said you were meeting him after school.”
She picked at a piece of fuzz on her blanket. Violet wished now, more than ever, that she’d told Grady no.
“It’s okay, I guess. But it’s not like Grady and I are dating or anything. It’s just a dance—one night—it doesn’t mean anything. I promise it’s not going to ruin friendships. Especially not ours.”
“I know. I don’t know why I got so bent about it. For some reason it just caught me off guard and I acted like a total jackass. I’m really sorry, Violet.” The sweet sincerity of his voice caressed her.
She grinned at him. “Yeah, I know, you said that already.” She nudged him with her sock-clad foot. “I forgive you…you know, for being such a jackass.”
He grabbed her foot and yanked it until she was lying on her back. She giggled, feeling better already just knowing she didn’t have to spend any more time being angry with him.
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