by Forest Wells
I couldn’t stop a cringe. Unlike Rajor might have been, Lonate had only been curious, which left no reason to be angry. Didn’t Jinta tell them? The two together almost made it worse, for the wound was still too fresh.
For the first time I had ever heard of, Lonate forgot the pups, and stepped toward me. He crossed the border, but I didn’t say anything. It wouldn’t have been worth it.
“Luna? Where is she? Where are Martol and Toltan?”
Another pinecone jabbed into my throat. Jinta, why didn’t you tell them? It would hurt so much less. I couldn’t form the words. It hurt too much. I could only stare, my head low and my eyes watering.
Rajor approached as well. My hackles rose, but I waited for him to make the insult before I pinned him for it. Assuming I could find the breath to fuel the charge.
“Luna?” Is he... crying? My ears focused on him. “What happened? Where are they?”
Anger at Rajor, however hollow, broke up the pinecone. I lifted my head and tail lest Rajor push his luck too much. Not that it dried my eyes any.
“I guess Jinta didn’t share what I told her,” I said. “They’re dead. Martol and Toltan died in the winter. So did Carlin. Estrella... she was taken by the humans. I try not to think about what they did to her.”
I waited for it. My legs tensed for the lunge. I saw the spot on Rajor’s neck where I would cut into it again. I wouldn’t tolerate his bullying, not about this. Yet Rajor stood there, silent. He swallowed a few times, seemed ready to speak, but closed his mouth before sound escaped.
Finally, he turned to the pups. “This is the price for being a lone wolf. It is the reason you don’t want to be one or associate with one.”
Was that... reverence? Compassion, even? My tail fell as confusion replaced my anger. Rajor wasn’t saying crimes, just “lone wolf.” His tone held even more respect. A part of me said it was the buildup to the worst insult ever. The rest waited to see what he really had in mind.
A pup asked, “Do you mean he’s responsible for the others’ deaths?”
Rajor said firm and clear, “No.”
What?!
Rajor looked at me, no hate to be found, his tone turning soft... apologetic?! “I only mean he couldn’t provide for them, as the pack can. This is not his fault. Only what he is. That’s why being declared a lone wolf is the worst a wolf can suffer... and the hardest sentence an alpha can ever impose. Remember that.”
I wanted so much to be angry. I was angry at Jinta for forcing this on me, yet I was too confused to act on it. The bully I grew up with was... I couldn’t tell what he was. Rajor had several ways he could sting me jumping down his throat, yet he hadn’t taken any of them. If anything, Rajor had lifted me up in an odd way. Is this my brother?
Before I could decide what to think, fast chirping sounded in the trees. I’d heard that call before. Surely it couldn’t...
“Lone wolf he is not, strong pack Luna has got.”
I forgot everything, almost forgetting Rajor was even there. I followed the sound to my little den bird fluttering onto a low branch. As always, never low enough to reach, but still there. I couldn’t help it. I panted a soft laugh, triggering a sour tension in my chest. I’d wanted him gone, and then when I got my wish, I regretted it. Now he was back, and I couldn’t be happier, or sorrier for how I’d treated him.
“What are you doing back?” I said. “I thought I’d chased you off for good.”
“Like the sun and rain, I shall remain, flying near you, help your pain.”
“I don’t know about that, but I can’t say I’m not glad to see you. Where have you been anyway?”
“Searching, searching, I did go, found, found, yours plus more.”
“Yours plus more?” Rajor said. “What in Wolfor’s name are you talking about?”
“He means me, Rajor.”
My heart stopped while my ears tore toward the sound I couldn’t believe was real. I found two wolves, but I only saw one of them. My body turned to stone, in a permanent perked position, while my eyes took her apart hair by hair. Even then, I could hardly believe it. I stared at her for a thousand years longer, trying to be sure I wasn’t hallucinating.
Estrella, my mate, she stood there proud as ever. From nose to tail, the same as three moons ago, right down to the calm and cool confidence she exuded with every breath. Well, strong, alive, and back within reach.
Then her voice carried across to my heart. “Aren’t you going to say anything, thorn?”
I ran so fast, it felt like I had burst right out of my fur. Twigs flew, I cut my paw on something, and I didn’t feel any of it. The entire world consisted of one wolf I desperately wanted to jump into. The other wolf retreated just before I plunged into Estrella. I knocked her up and onto her back, licking, rubbing, and whimpering like a pup, all while unable to breathe.
I spent the next lifetime absorbing her back into my soul. Her warmth, her aura, her affection, and especially her ego. She was there, right there, where I could feel her fur and smell her breath. It was real. She was real. By the grace of Wolfor, she’d come back.
It was some time before I stopped whimpering enough to speak. Even then, it barely counted as speech. “Estrella. How? How did... forget it. I don’t care. I just... I... Oh Wolfor!”
Estrella had been rubbing and whimpering as well, though nowhere near as hard. “I missed you too, Luna.”
Tears streamed. My heart felt so warm, I thought summer had come early. I leaned into her with everything I had. I’d been so sure, so certain I’d never see her again. I should have known better. I should have guessed even the humans couldn’t keep her from me.
“Luna,” Estrella said softly. “Luna, I’m happy to see you too, but would you mind if I stood up?”
I ruffed a laugh while stepping off of her. Estrella rolled onto her paws, shook her fur clean, then nuzzled against me again.
A young voice reminded me we weren’t alone. “Doesn’t look so terrible to me.”
One of the pups. It forced the memory of Rajor’s presence to return. There goes that tender moment. Yet when I looked back at him, his ears were just coming up from a cringe. I perked my ears to listen to his response while also preparing for a fang-filled reprimand.
Rajor returned to his pack while Lonate rejoined the pups. Rajor traded a quick nuzzle with one, glanced my way again, then back to the pups.
“Come,” he said. “You’ve seen enough for one day.”
“But we want to hunt,” a pup said.
“Soon, young one. Your time will come soon. Now follow.”
Rajor led them away without a word or so much as another look my way. Estrella and I watched him go long after we couldn’t see him anymore. Was that really Rajor?
Estrella broke her stare first. “Did something happen while I was gone? Rajor was almost... respecting.”
I turned my ears back when I failed to find an answer. “If it did, I missed it too. I’ve never seen him like that. What does it matter? You’re back. We’re a pack again.”
I looked past her to get my first real look at the other wolf, who was standing at a respectful distance. His back was mostly an ashy pelt, but his underside was a crisp and pure white like nothing I had ever seen. He didn’t have a black tail tip either, yet strangest of all were his eyes. They were as brightly blue as his under-fur was white. I had never seen an eye color like that on any animal. Even newborn pups too young to see didn’t have eyes that bright.
“And you brought a friend,” I said. “A... blind friend?”
Estrella panted a quick laugh while tapping her nose against the new wolf’s muzzle. “His name is Tilhack, and he’s not blind. Just different.”
“How do you mean?”
“I’ll tell you later. We’ve had a long journey, and while I see you’ve eaten recently, we haven’t. I’d like to hunt before sitting for a long conversation.”
I drew myself up with pride. Time to repay the gift. “No need for that. I’ve got a fresh kill alr
eady. I took a buck down all on my own. Haven’t eaten much of him yet.”
Estrella’s ears perked forward, as did the other wolf’s. “A solo kill of that size?” Estrella said. “Well, Luna, I have to say, I’m rather proud.”
I laughed. Can I call it or what?
“HE’S A WHAT?”
I stared at Tilhack, trying to understand what Estrella had just said. Okay, Tilhack’s eyes were a color I’d never seen, and his underside was a purer white than normal, but he still looked wolf. Even his scent spoke more wild than pet.
Yet Tilhack himself barely flinched when he confirmed it. “The proper term is ‘mutt,’ but yes, I am half ‘domestic dog.’ Husky, to be exact.”
I felt my head spin. If I weren’t lying beside Estrella, I would have worried I might fall over. A wolf mating with a human’s pet? What would drive a wolf to such desperation? Then again, I couldn’t see anything other than a wolf lying there. Tilhack had submitted to me while we ate without any direction, so his instincts were intact. His aura had felt just as wild, so the fierceness was likely there as well. I just couldn’t get my mind to accept that half of his blood was the same of those that once hunted with the humans. Though after seeing wolves take their place, the idea of a wolf mating with a pet seemed almost trivial.
“So how did you two find each other?” I said. “And what happened to you while you were gone? Why did it take three moons for you to get back?” Estrella cringed, and her ears fell further back than they’d ever gone. She looked at me with heavy eyes, pleading with me to do something. I couldn’t tell what, which sent my ears perking curiosity. “Was it that bad?”
“It’s best left behind, Luna,” she said, her voice a soft whisper. The calm confidence nowhere to be found. What did the humans do to her?
I wanted to comfort her, but something about her demeanor suggested she’d shy away if I tried. “That’s not what you said when you came looking for me a few years ago.”
“I had no taste of what you’d faced a few years ago. Please, Luna. Leave it be.”
“How can I when it’s clear it hurts you? How can I sit and do nothing?”
“Luna,” Tilhack said, firm to get my attention, though his ears remained soft, respectful of my position. “Leave her be. You have no idea what kind of pain she’s been through.”
Oh, I’ve got a pretty good idea. “All the more reason I should know, so I can help her.”
“Trust me, you don’t want to know. You can help her by letting her lick her wounds in her own way. She gave everything to get back here, to get back to you. Be the wolf she told me about. That will be enough.”
The wolf she told you about wouldn’t hesitate to share her pain.
My insides warred like never before. Here was my mate in obvious pain, and the best way I can help is to let her suffer? I couldn’t accept that because I’d been there. I’d needed comfort. Being without it turned me bitter in the worst way. Now Estrella sat in need, and they expected me to let her be? How could I do that when it went against everything my blood cried out for?
Except every time I tried to do something, Estrella’s eyes stopped me. They still held that plea, much as they did the day I thought I’d lost her. I couldn’t ignore that either. Not after whatever she went through.
In some ways, I wanted the void back. At least that was something I could work with, or at least endure. This... my mate was in pain, and she didn’t want me to help. What do you do with that?
I rose to my paws, latching onto the only lie I had that could help, if only for a short time.
“That carcass won’t be there for long,” I said. “I better see what I can pull off of it before the birds get there. You two rest up. Sounds like you’ve had quite a journey.”
“Thank you, Luna.” Estrella said, still quieter than normal for her.
It only spurred me faster away toward my last kill. I needed to get away, to get my mind realigned with recent changes. Estrella was alive, and back with me. I couldn’t be happier. I had another pack member on top of that, strange though he may be, also great. Yet Estrella also carried scars she wouldn’t share with me. She knew I cared, she had to. So why wouldn’t she let me care for her? What did the humans do to her that would make her reject me? Had they taken her from me after all?
The thought of that stopped me cold. What an idiot! She didn’t want me to press for details, perhaps she wasn’t ready to snuggle quite as much, that’s all fine. I can respect that. I may not understand why, but I don’t have to. As Tilhack said, I need to be the wolf she expects me to be. That’s not a wolf who would run from the confrontation. I’ll respect her wishes, but I won’t abandon her.
I turned around in a huff, now confident I knew what I was doing. I’ll go as far as she’ll let me without forcing it. I’d needed that in my younger days. Now it was my turn to offer the same to her. She’d get me however she wanted me.
When the wind shifted to blow their scent at me, my pace slowed as Estrella’s scent filled my soul. Oh, how I’ve missed that. Tilhack’s scent was there, but I barely noticed it. I was too busy feeling Estrella slipping into me as she only could on the wind. I stopped in the shadows, staying hidden so I could have my moment before giving Estrella hers. The void needed to be filled, and her scent would do that.
Except my ears heard something else.
“We really should tell him,” Tilhack said.
My ears perked, too curious to not hear what might be the cause of all this. I moved like a ghost until I could see them. Tilhack was standing near Estrella, who hadn’t moved. She was too busy getting her ears back up.
I heard even more pain in her reply. “We can’t do that to him. I can’t... I can’t do that to myself.”
“He deserves to know.”
“He deserves to have his mate back. You don’t know him like I do. Telling him will only damage him. Like it damaged me.”
Damaged her? What did the humans do to her? And how could it possibly damage me?
Estrella remained withdrawn. That is, until Tilhack rubbed his head against her, not in submission, but affection. She perked almost at once, soaking in his rub as she did mine.
“I wish there was something I could do,” Tilhack said. “I feel like I owe you.”
Estrella still didn’t push him away. “You owe me nothing. You did more than enough.”
“I still don’t like seeing you like this.”
She sat up, and my insides sank to the ground when she gave him a deep rub all her own. “Thank you. It’s not possible, but thank you.”
What in Wolfor’s name is going on here? Has she replaced me? But she... she fought to get back to me... she escaped... and she defied Raj... but yet she... she’s back... but she’s... and him... and him! My mind went in so many directions, I couldn’t find one long enough to follow it.
A ruffed chuckle from Tilhack drew my attention once more. Enough that I found anger growing, directed at them both, but mostly him.
“I wonder if I’ll ever find someone like you for me,” Tilhack said.
“You will,” Estrella said, the comforting, soft voice I had heard so many times before. “As I said before, I’d chase you if things were different. I’m sure another female will feel the same.”
“Are you sure they aren’t?”
That was it. I couldn’t allow it. I left my position to walk hard and fast toward them as my hackles bristled. Tilhack was treading on my territory, on my mate. That does not go unchallenged.
“No, they’re not,” I said, not quite a growl, but still glaring.
Both heads snapped toward me. Estrella’s ears were straight up, shock, surprise, and worry all in one. So were Tilhack’s, until he had a chance to see me in all my fury. After that, he sank into the ground, ears gone and tail merging with his underside. He whimpered surrender, enough that I almost let it be enough.
Estrella, however, barely flinched beyond her initial surprise.
“Luna, calm down. There’s no harm he
re.”
“Not yet,” I said, though further from a growl than I had been. Estrella dropped all shock and met my challenge with one of her own. As usual, I knew better than to ignore it. I stopped my approach, dropped my hackles, and let my ears tick forward in approval. “Now there’s the wolf I know.”
“I haven’t changed, Luna,” Estrella said. “Nor have my feelings for you. You are still my mate.”
“Am I? Looked like something different from my point of view.”
“Your point of view is wrong! Luna, why do you think I came back? You are the only wolf worth the effort.”
“And him?”
“He saved my life. He helped me get past human territory alive.”
“And that matters because I wasn’t there to do the same?”
Estrella backed down for the first time. Her ears softened ever so slightly, though her glare didn’t. It went further as she cringed in pain, the same pain she’d returned with.
Tilhack stepped forward before she could come out of it. “Give her time, Luna. It can’t all be shared at once. You can’t understand what she went through.”
Try me! “Oh no? Yesterday, I was convinced she was dead. I only felt the void of where she’d been. Then a moment ago, the void was gone. I didn’t feel anything except her presence, and yours too. I felt the warmth of a pack.”
“And now? What do you feel now?”
My mind went blank. Utterly, totally empty. A thought would last a few seconds before being swallowed by the new void within. She is there, my mate and... she was dead yesterday, but... I have a pack now, what... I couldn’t hold onto anything. Even my anger couldn’t survive. Panic alone survived, spreading into an ever-growing void of nothing within. I have to... something... but I... she... I... he... pain... her...
I turned and ran. I didn’t have a chosen path, I didn’t even know what direction I’d turned. My body just... started running. I didn’t see anything around me. My mind was still so blank, so empty, the only thing there was panic. Pure, terrified fear coursed through me. As I was sprinting away from so many things, I couldn’t find one to settle on.
