All because I now have another life to live for.
The drive home is going to be brutal with the little sleep I managed last night. I laid awake on KJ’s couch, soaking it all in. A few times, I got up and stood outside Reid’s door like a creeper, watching him sleep, not wanting to miss a thing. Then when he whimpered, I didn’t hesitate to swoop in and try to comfort him.
I found the bottles and formula, I fed him, rocked him and sang to him, the only song I could think of – Lee Brice’s Boy. I’m surprised the little guy didn’t start crying, instead it was just the opposite. I lulled his little body back to sleep on my chest. And there I stayed, in that rocking chair. I would have been there the rest of the night, had KJ not been spying on us boys.
Whenever I look at that woman, I experience a rush of emotion. Anger, distrust, lust. All of which have me wanting to pound my head into a wall and then there’s the tiny part of me that wants to pound my dick into her. To scratch that itch once more. The anger completely wins out though.
I still haven’t wrapped my head around the reason why she kept me in the dark, and I don’t know if I’ll ever move past it. Part of me wants to, for Reid – the other part of me isn’t ready to forgive and forget. And I don’t want to fake a relationship with her for the sake of our son because I fear that will only harm him emotionally. It’s probably for the best if we leave things be and focus on raising our boy – nothing more.
How the hell I’m going to do that, when I’m four hours away, is beyond me. But I’m going to figure it out and make it happen. KJ’s going to have to get used to me calling every day, that’s for damn sure.
Pushing all those thoughts aside, I look down at the little dude on my lap who is currently trying to chew on my finger, in spite of my protests. Lucy, the German Shepard has decided she’s my new best friend too. KJ said something about she’s not allowed on the furniture, but she’s lying beside me on the sofa and has her head on my thigh, barely leaving room for Reid. I’m sure KJ will fuss when she returns from the shower, but for now – I’m enjoying the affection.
“So, little dude. Daddy,” Whoa, I think that’s the first time that word has come from my mouth. Oddly it feels…right, “has to go back to his place in a little bit. I’ve gotta go to back to work soon and keep the bad guys off the street. You’ll have to be the man of the house while I’m gone. Don’t let Mommy and Lucy get into too much trouble.” Beside me Lucy huffs, and I let out a chuckle, “I’ll be back though. It will seem like a long time, but I’ll work on making it shorter and shorter. I promise.”
I can’t help but wonder if I’m kidding myself. Reid’s not going to notice I’m gone. If anything, he might be glad to have his mom back all the time. Right now, though, he’s looking at me like I hung the moon.
“You tell Mommy to call me whenever you want. And I’ll call and check on you too, okay?”
“You realize, he can’t actually make those kinds of demands yet, right?” KJ’s voice startles me. The damn woman keeps sneaking up on me.
Her wet hair is hanging down over her shoulders. I can smell the scent of her floral shampoo, it assaults my senses, taking me back in time. To when things were different. I will my self-control to remain in tack, blocking out the memories.
“Says who? I think he has a way of making all his needs known. I heard the pipes on this kid earlier remember?”
She reaches over and takes Reid from my arms and kisses his cheeks.
“Lucy, down,” KJ points to the floor.
Lucy looks up at me and back to KJ.
“Christ you’ve been here twenty-four hours, and already I’m losing control of my own house. You’ve even charmed the dog,” she mutters. “Lucy, get down. Go get in your bed.”
This time Lucy moves gives me a nudge and huffs, but she climbs down off the sofa and walks to her bed where she flops back down and watches us.
“I told you she can’t be on the furniture.”
I shrug as I stand and begin gathering up my things. “I guess I’ll hit the road now.”
“So…” KJ hesitates. “Two weeks, right? You’ll call when you leave?”
“Yeah,” I replied half-heartedly. “Please don’t ghost me this time KJ.”
Her face contorts, and she pinches her eyes closed for a moment before looking straight at me, “I know my words don’t mean much at this stage in the game. But, I won’t. We’ll be right here when you come back.”
Maybe I’m foolish because I believe her. I can only hope she doesn’t make me regret it this time.
Two weeks.
Fourteen days.
There’s a phone call every single day to check on Reid. The calls are usually short, there’s no small talk. It’s all straight to the point. Saturday, he video called us. We were just waking up. He was just going to bed. Reid was indifferent to the whole thing.
It’s weird, perhaps even awkward but three days before he’s due to come back I found myself itching to send him a picture or two of Reid. It’s an odd feeling because every day since I found out I was expecting – I’ve wanted to keep Reid to myself. Now, suddenly, I want to share him with Rhys. I caved and sent Rhys a picture of Reid giggling and captioned it with ‘Hi Daddy.’ I was shocked when he called almost immediately and thanked me, but that was it. There was chaos happening in the background, and I’m sure he wasn’t alone.
Foolishly, it hurt.
I have no claim on him.
I broke what little trust we had in each other, and he’s free to do whatever he wants. That thought alone sent my mind rampant.
What happens when he meets someone else? What if he’s already met someone else?
Will I have to share Reid with her too?
How long until he asks to take our son to his place for a weekend?
On and on my brain ran wild. I was so distracted that I couldn’t even focus on writing which is a whole new experience for me. Usually writing is my escape, where I can shut my mind off and focus on the characters instead.
Now – Rhys is on his way back to us and all the stress and worry from that day is on repeat in my mind again. Reid’s feeding off my mood and is cranky, too. By the time Rhys pulls up at the door with a smile on his face, I’m ready to sucker punch him and interrogate him about how he’s spent his time away from us. Forget being rational and civil.
Part of me hates myself for feeling this way.
“Hey, there’s my little man,” two steps in the door, he drops his duffle back and takes a crying Reid from me. He automatically settles and stares up at Rhys.
Traitor.
“I’ve missed you, dude. You’ll have to tell me what you’ve been up to.”
Wouldn’t you know it, Lucy’s sitting eagerly at his feet, waiting for attention too.
The flutter in my heart and the explosion of my ovaries makes me want to sock him upside the head even more. “Well, I guess since you’re here now, I’ll just go clean up some stuff and get some work done. Seems like you’ve got things under control,” I sulk.
“Oh, ok,” Rhys looks to me briefly. “I was sort of in a hurry to get here, you mind if I order a pizza or something? Can I get you anything?”
My stomach grumbles an answer, and he laughs at me. “I’ll call it in. What do you want on it?”
“Just cheese is cool unless you want something different. As long as it’s not anchovies,” he makes a face of disgust. Shifting Reid into his left arm, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his card handing it to me. “Use this. I’ll keep an ear out for the door since you’re gonna do some work. I’ll let you know when it’s here.”
“Yeah, thanks.”
I take one more look at him before I walk away. He looks amazing in his basketball shorts and the gray t-shirt that rises the tiniest bit every time he lifts Reid in the air, revealing the slightest hint of that magical “v” that leads to his manhood. Even his hair lays perfectly, looking freshly cut.
A tinge of jealousy sweeps over me.
More
photo-shoot photos released this week. Him, with some pretty sexy models.
There’s no way I can compete with that. At least I can say I showered today and put on a cute pair of skinny jeans and a flowy top. Not like it matters, but I don’t look like a complete bum today.
Tucked away in my bedroom with my laptop, I quickly call in the pizza order then try to tune out the baby giggles and Rhys’ obnoxiously adorable voice talking baby talk to Reid. Lucy scampers in and hops on the bed to keep me company. I’m surprised she’s not out there with Rhys, but I’m willing to bet she’s picked up on my sullen mood today. Usually, I don’t let her on the bed either, but occasionally, I enjoy her cuddles and the sense of security she provides when she’s near. She looks up at me like she’s trying to tell me something before glancing toward the open door and back again.
“I know, he’s back. What are we gonna do, girl?” I stroke her head and exhale. “How about you help me go through edits on this book?” She huffs in response and closes her eyes. “Thanks, Lucy. You’re a big helper.”
Scrolling through my editor’s notes, I get lost in my words again, making changes where I need to and re-reading the story. Eventually, I lose track of everything around me.
Until I hear a throat clearing. I jump slightly, and Rhys tries to hide his laugh. He’s standing in the doorway, hanging onto the doorframe above his head, watching me intently.
My mouth goes dry, and I try to remind myself that things are over between us.
Lucy excitedly leaves me and rushes to my bedroom door with a whine. Thankfully, this forces Rhys to put his arms down as he pays attention to her instead.
“Pizza’s here.”
“Lucy, you’re a terrible guard dog. You’re supposed to bark when the doorbell rings,” I scold playfully as I hit save and close my laptop.
“In her defense, I saw the delivery guy pull up and met him at the door. Little man just fell asleep, I didn’t want to risk waking him.”
Did I mention it’s pretty annoying how he’s slid into his role as a father? Well, it is. The first time he was here, Reid took to him instantly, and it didn’t take him long to figure out our schedule and run with it. I, on the other hand, feel like I’m still trying to figure things out most days.
“I’m going to let Lucy out, then I’ll grab us some plates.”
“I grabbed plates and some glasses already,” Rhys follows me into the kitchen and takes a seat at my kitchen table while I usher Lucy out into the backyard.
Awkward silence surrounds us while we shuffle pizza boxes. I crack open my bottle of soda and pour it into the glass of ice, watching as it fizzes – trying desperately to distract myself and refusing to be the first to initiate a civil conversation between us. It’s quite childish of me, but I can’t bring myself to care. He’s invaded my space and not in an enjoyable way.
“So, how’s the writing going? Writing about any other men that pissed you off?”
My head snaps up to meets his gaze, and I narrow my eyes at him in annoyance. “You’re the only one worthy of the privilege.” Shit. Why the fuck did I just say that?
He lets out a hearty laugh and takes another bite of his pizza, “So where exactly does the inspiration come from for your other uhm, alpha males?”
“What the hell do you know about alpha males?” I can’t believe I’m actually having this conversation with him right now.
“I am one,” he smirks, and I notice the tiniest of dimples on his cheek.
“Oh please,” I roll my eyes and try to redirect the conversation to anything but my writing. Especially since the book I’m currently working on has a pretty intense sex scene, or four, inspired by one of our finer moments together.
Before I went and screwed it all up.
Rhys is a relentless ass who doesn’t give up though. When he admits that he’s read the rest of my books, I’m ready to die of mortification.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not ashamed of what I write, not in the least. I am very proud of my work. Nonetheless, the thought of him reading my words doesn’t sit well with me. I suppose nothing is worse than him reading Hot Cop…or Not, so I shouldn’t bat an eye at the fact that he’s read the five others. Those were tame in comparison to the revenge story I wrote, specifically about him – fictionally, of course.
“I can’t help but wonder, KJ, are you going to write one now about a secret baby? How the heroine hid her son from his father? I’ve heard that’s a pretty popular trope in your genre.”
Moment ruined. For a split second I was flattered that he read the rest of my work, but now I’m hurt. Even though he has every right to be upset, it still feels spiteful and mean.
“Low blow dickhead,” I snap as I push my chair back from the table and stand, fighting back the onslaught of emotions that are threating to explode.
He can go fuck himself. I grab my plate, dumping the half-eaten slice of pizza in the trash before rinsing off the plate and sticking in the dishwasher, slamming it shut a little harder than necessary. “Reid needs to be awake in a half hour, or he won’t sleep tonight. You’ll need to have a bottle ready for him then too. I’m sure you can handle it,” and with those parting words, I start to stomp out of the room.
Until Lucy barks at the back door, reminding me that she’s ready to come inside. I open the door and let her in before making a hasty retreat to my room and shutting the door behind me this time.
This time I don’t even bother looking at my manuscript. Instead, I pick up my phone and text Zoey.
Me: There’s a good chance I’m going to kill him before the weekend is over.
Zoey: I thought you were looking forward to his visit ::wink wink::
Me: Fuck you. We’re still very much in “he hates my guts” territory.
Zoey: Well…
Me: You’re supposed to be on my side!
She doesn’t text back, instead my phone rings.
“I’m always on your side,” she says when I answer. “But I did tell you that hiding Reid from him was not a good idea. You’re not living a secret baby novel…”
“Oh my God, you really can go fuck yourself too! Do you know the dick asked me if I was going to write a secret pregnancy book next? Since it’s such a popular trope and all. He’s read all my books, Zoey. I’m in over my head here.” I put the phone between my ear and shoulder and rub my temples to relieve the tension that’s building. “Seriously, what the fuck am I supposed to do with him hanging around all weekend?”
“I think you’re PMSing. Why don’t you hide in your room and write all weekend? I don’t know Kelsey, this is all new territory for me too.”
“Oh yeah! Speaking of – have you heard anything more from, Dylan?” I ignore her last statement and change topics. Go figure, my best friend would go and have some kind of feelings for Rhys’ partner, Smitty.
“Nice way to change the subject. I told you, we’re just having fun. I’m not down with the whole long-distance thing. I see him when I see him, and we have a good time. Nothing more.”
“Keep telling yourself that Zoey.” A knock on the door interrupts our conversation. “I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later.” Zoey mumbles goodbye, and we hang up as I make my way over to my bedroom door and open it without saying a word to the man standing on the other side.
I’ll admit, I feel a little guilty for being a jerk when we were eating. I know, I need to get my shit together if we’re going to survive this little arrangement. And I should probably work on forgiving her. Hell, after the last two weeks, I was convinced I could forgive her. I drummed up this crazy-ass idea that the three of us could find a way to be a happy family.
Perfectly stupid idea. One that I would have gone on about half-cocked until my brain finally caught up and I put my foot in my mouth earlier. It was a shitty defense move to keep me from making any lead way with her.
As long as we stayed mad at each other, my head and my dick wouldn’t crave her, right?
Wrong.
I still want her. Fuc
k, do I want her. The lust between us is hard to ignore.
It’s likely even stupider that I’m entertaining the idea that we could fuck. Without working anything else out.
Before any of that can happen, I know I need to apologize. So, like a puppy with my tail between my legs, I ball up and knock on her closed bedroom door.
“Everything okay?” she asks nonchalantly.
“Yeah. He’s still asleep. I just… shit. Okay, look, I’m sorry. For being an ass earlier.”
KJ waves a hand in the air and shakes her head. “It is what it is Rhys.”
Not even stopping to think, I grab her hand and pull her into me. She lets out a gasp, I plead with my cock not to harden, but it’s too damn late for that. My lips crash against hers, and it takes everything for me not to push her back into her room and on to her bed. “Its. Not. Okay.” I punctuate through more kisses before she pulls away from me.
She’s looking at me with a yearning in her eyes, and I’m trying to catch my breath.
What the fuck was I thinking? Damnit. I can’t do this with her.
The stark reminder of why I shouldn’t cries out from the other room. She lied. My head screams. She kept him from you.
Why couldn’t she have just told me the truth?
We could be together right now. I wouldn’t be walking away with a case of blue balls.
We’d be living together, raising our boy together.
I’ve been here for a few hours, and I’m already dreading leaving on Sunday afternoon. I don’t want to be the ‘every other weekend’ dad. I want to be the ‘here everyday’ dad. The one who shares in all the little things.
I’m right back where I started. With my head a jumbled mess.
Picking Reid up from the playpen in the living room, he grins and lets out a loud fart that makes me laugh. Leave it to my boy to bring a smile to my face.
“Oh, dude, that wasn’t a fart was it,” I wince and fight back a chuckle. I’m pretty sure he just shit on me. “Come on, let’s get you changed.”
I don’t know what the heck is going on, but I feel warmth and wetness seeping into my clothes as I walk into his room. When I lay him on the changing table and look down, I realize he wasn’t giving me the warm and fuzzies. Oh no, this kid has really shit and pissed on me. I’ve never seen anything like this.
Hot Cop (Too Hot To Handle Book 1) Page 9
