by Fiona Neal
“I suppose, but there is not time for that and a betrothal is not necessary for a marriage to be valid.”
“No, it is not,” she stated, gazing into his mesmerizing blue eyes, which were so lovely, so appealing to her. But consummation was necessary—especially if she was to have heirs.
That reality terrified her. Could she allow this man to take possession of her body? The idea took her breath away. She broke eye contact with him and inhaled a slow, deep breath.
“I suppose I should put it on your finger,” he added.
“Yes, I suppose you should.” Alice gave him the ring and lifted her shaking hand.
“Your hand is trembling,” he said as he took her hand in his.
“So is yours,” she said. Still, the contact felt strong and warm—if callused. His touch made her feel strange, but quite pleasant.
Likely, Edmund was probably in love with some woman he could not have. Again the thought greatly annoyed Alice, but she held onto her composure. She had a good bit of practice with that because she had learned a great deal about self-control in the convent.
Edmund slipped the ring on her finger and the band fit perfectly. The event reminded her of the time that he had placed the wedding band on her. Soon, he would do it again, but it would be a true wedding this time—not a masquerade made up by her grandfather.
“Thank you,” Alice said when he finished.
“You are welcome, my lady.”
“I should be thanking you,” she said. “You saved my life twice, and you saved my grandfather, Sir Edmund.”
“I was performing my duty,” he explained.
“I think saving me was more than a duty when your sister’s life hung in the balance,” she said, “much more than your duty.”
“Perhaps,” he said.
They gazed at each other for some moments. Was he wondering what he would be like to make love to her? Alice then looked elsewhere, a blush making her face feel hot…and she felt so embarrassed.
“I have a confession to make, Lady Alice.”
“A confession?” she asked.
“Yes,” he said. “I must tell you that I did not buy the ring,” Edmund revealed. “Your grandfather gave it to me. Lord De Winter said that it was the one he gave his wife. He wanted you to have it, Lady Alice.”
“Dear grandfather,” she said. “He so loved my grandmother. I suppose that is why he never married again. He is still strong. He could have remarried and had more sons, but he never did.”
“No,” Edmund replied. “I suppose it is impossible to replace perfection.”
Yes, it was nigh on impossible, and I should tell Sir Edmund I am not ready to become a wife. I may never be ready.
Maybe she would tell him the truth. If she did, at least he would understand her reluctance. It would mean opening her heart to him and sharing a secret that she had never told anyone.
The very idea made her feel faint, for it bought back the horrible memory of that drunken soldier, trying to violate her. She felt extremely hot and the room seemed to swirl in a blur of colors around her. Suddenly, all went black.
* * * *
Edmund saw her swoon and caught her in his arms. He brought her to the bed and gently placed her there.
This was the fourth time he had seen her lose consciousness—the fourth time he had to lift her and bring her to her a bed. But the first time, she had received dreadful news, and the second, the cold chilled her to the bone. The third time, Camden’s henchman had struck her a hard blow.
Why had she fainted this time? Edmund hurried and summoned her grandfather who was in his adjoining chamber.
“I don’t know what happened, my lord, but the lady just fainted. She frightened me. Is she ill?
“I have no idea,” Lord De Winter answered. They rushed into the room, and Edmund threw more logs on the fire.
“Lady Alice,” her grandfather gently said. He also took her hand. “Her fingers are like ice.” He began rubbing some warmth into them. “Alice, dearest girl, please wake.”
After a few moments, Alice opened her bright green eyes, and Edmund brought her a goblet of some apple juice that she usually kept in a jug on the table.
Lord De Winter lifted her and Edmund held the cup to her lips. Alice took a few swallows, and weakly said, “Thank you, Sir Edmund.”
“You are most welcome, my lady,” the knight said.
“You frightened us, Alice,” her grandfather said. “I think I shall summon the physician.”
“Please do not, Grandfather. She took hold of his hand. “I am better, and he will want to bleed me, and I do not want that. Please, my lord.”
“Very well, Alice, I shall not ask him to come, but if you should faint again, I shall not hesitate.”
“As you wish, Grandfather,” she said.
“I think we should allow her to rest, Sir Edmund. Perhaps your sister will agree to sit with the Lady Alice.”
“Yes, my lord. Edith is good at taking care of people. It is also time they met, since they will soon be related by marriage. I shall ask her to come if you give me your permission to leave.”
“Of course, Sir Edmund, take your leave.”
Edmund hurried away, but he wondered why Alice fainted. In fact, it was hard to think of anything else.
* * * *
A few minutes later, a knock on the door heralded the arrival of a beautiful blonde girl who resembled Sir Edmund, and Alice's fiance had accompanied his lovely sister.
“Ah, Sir Edmund and Edith, his sister,” Lord De Winter said, a smile spreading on his handsome face.
The girl bowed her head and curtsied.
Alice thought the girl had a degree of tranquility about her, and she immediately liked Edith.
So…this is the young girl whom Camden had vowed to kill if Sir Edmund did not murder me.
Poor Edmund must have wrestled with a horrible dilemma. Still, though, he did not kill me, and he was clever enough to save us both.
He must be very intelligent to find a solution to that problem.
“Let us leave the two ladies,” Lord De Winter suggested. “Let them get acquainted since they will soon be sisters-in-law.”
Lord De Winter existed, and Sir Edmund bowed and backed out of the room.
“I am glad to finally meet you, Lady Edith.” Alice smiled.
“Thank you, my lady. My brother has told me many fine things about you.”
It was good to hear that her intended husband held her in high esteem.
“I have many good things to say about him,” Alice related. “He saved my live. He has honor and valor.”
“Yes, Edmund is kind and follows a code of honor. Of all my brothers, I like him the best. He has always been kind and gracious. He has offered me a home here. I mean your grandfather has, but I have a feeling that Edmund asked him to do it.”
“That is probably true.” Alice smiled
“But I am prattling on, and I should be inquiring about if I can get you a drink or another cover for your bed.”
“Thank you, Lady Edith, but I am feeling fine at the moment. Are you enjoying your stay here?”
“Yes, I find Edmund’s apartment to be well appointed and very comfortable.”
“Sit down, Edith, and tell me what you do to keep busy,” Alice said.
“Well, I do sew, spin, and I love embroidery.”
“Oh, so do I,” Alice said, agreeing and smiling. “We’ll have a fine time doing all of those things in my solar, as soon as we can. I love fine embroidery, and I am working on a table cloth and a fine pair of sheets for my grandfather. I shall give them to him for Christmas.”
“I’ve already made a linen shirt for Edmund. He says that he will wear it on his wedding day,” Edith reported and smiled shyly “I suppose I should not say this, but he holds you in the very highest esteem, my lady. I should even go so far as to say he loves you.”
Edith’s word pleased Alice. Edmund had confided in his sister.
But why is h
e so formal with me? And why does that make me happy when I know that I cannot give him the physical love he needs?
“I suppose I should not say this, but I have never seen him so besotted with anyone.” Edith giggled. “I hope I shall find a man who will love me, but that may not happen. Often, our families insist we marry for money and prestige.”
“Yes, but I do not care about either thing,” Alice confessed. “I was in a convent when I was ordered to return here. I was most ready to give up all worldly things to become a Benedictine nun.”
“Edmund did mention that,” Edith replied. “He admires your ability to make such a sacrifice. Nevertheless, he says that while you are unmarried, evil men will plot to abduct and marry you. That thought greatly upsets him, my lady.”
The notion also upset Alice. She shivered at the thought of being forced into the marriage bed with someone she could not abide. She liked Edmund quite a bit, but she still wasn't ready to submit her body to him. Would she eventually be able to do so?
He is a good, honorable man. But a man had his needs.
Alice did not wish to think about that now. That reality shook her quite terribly.
“Edith, I think I should like to embroider. I have plenty of thread and fine linen. Would you care to join me in that endeavor?”
“I should love to do so, my lady, but are you able?”
“Yes, I feel better,” Alice said. “Would you please get the materials in the basket?”
Maybe the satisfying work would get her mind off the act of consummating her marriage. Alice certainly hoped it would.
* * * *
Edmund hurriedly walked over the stone floor on his way to his private quarters in the barracks.
“Edmund,” Sir Nigel called, walking towards him with Sir Crispin. “I have some happy news.”
“Good,” Edmund replied. “What is it?”
“Crispin and I shall marry right after you do.”
“Oh, that is good news. Soon we will all be old married men,” Edmund smiled.
“I look forward to it,” Nigel said. “We considered marrying on Twelfth Nigh,t but none of us wanted to wait that long.”
“Yes, that is almost two months away.”
Sir Nigel laughed. “Yes and a waste of time. I just want to function as a normal man.”
“I understand,” Edmund added. He felt the same, but would his gorgeous bride be willing to learn the ways of husband and wives. Yes, she knew it was her duty to have heirs, but would she be willing?
Alice had wanted to become a nun—a woman who practiced absolute chastity. She seemed very shy and diffident. Still, she impressed him as a woman who would do her duty.
But he did not want her to comply with the demands of marriage out of obligation. He wanted her to be as eager for him as he was for her.
But why was he thinking about intimacy? He thought about it all the time because he loved her. Furthermore, it was the only thing he could give her.
Alice was so far about him in rank that it stunned him every time he thought about being her husband. He had no title, no lands, and very little money. She was a great heiress—the one with all the power and wealth.
“I have nothing to give her but my love and devotion,” he whispered, and his lack of assets rankled him.
Chapter Seven
Alice woke with a start and gasping for breath. It was still quite dark outside, but the fearsome dream banished the usual signs of recent sleep. There was no yawning or rubbing her eyes. She shook with fear as she stared up into the blackness of the tester holding the heavy bed curtains.
Alice had dreamed that she had married Sir Edmund, but at the moment when they were alone, he turned into a monster who was about to strike her with his sword.
Oh, surely this dream was the total of all her fears. The man would not hurt her. He had saved her life, even though his sister's life was in grave danger.
Alice refused to succumb to her fears. She must fight her frightening thoughts with all the good things she knew about Edmund. He had killed the man who knocked her unconscious and the men who had tried to murder her grandfather.
Her intended husband was a man or good moral character. She saw him and his two friends at mass every morning. He behave kindly and respectfully to all, rich of poor, or so she had heard.
Edmund was not a monster. Her fears were the monsters. She must not dwell on them.
Alice rose from bed, and slipped her feet into her icy cold slippers. She found her stockings and quickly donned them. She wrapped her thick robe around her and then drank some apple juice and ate an apple.
Today is my wedding day. I must first attend mass and then get ready for the feast.
Alice thought about discussing her fears with her confessor, but dismissed the idea. She had committed no sin, although a confessor could also be one's confidant. Yet, she did not want to do that. She wished to conquer this fear alone.
God willing I shall do it.
* * * *
Edmund stood in front of the fireplace, savoring the welcomed heat of the flames. He had been awake for some time. Today, he would marry the beautiful Lady Alice. Still, something was not right.
He knew how a woman in love should act. He had some experience with such things, and Alice was not behaving that way a woman in love behaves.
It wasn't that she was cold to him, but she seemed... He didn't know what she seemed. He couldn't even name this thing that bothered him. She was polite and proper in all things, but he got the impression that she did not love him. Yes, that was it. She did not love or desire him.
“God help me,” he whispered.
How was he supposed to make love to a woman who was cold and indifferent to him? The whole notion wreaked havoc with his nerves. He was not the kind of a man who would ever force himself on a woman, and it did not matter that they were married and he was within his rights to do so.
I can never force a woman—ever!
Still, he must protect her. While she remained unmarried, she would be prey to all men who would seek her for her title and her wealth.
“I cannot let her fall into the hands of evil men.”
* * * *
“It was so good of you to come and help me dress for my wedding, Lady Edith,” Alice said.
With the help of servants, Alice had finished bathing and washing her hair a while ago. Now she sat by the fire, combing her long red tresses, which were almost dry.
“Oh, you are so welcome, Lady Alice. I just love helping dress a bride. It is such a happy time. I just love all the festivities.”
“Yes, I like them, too, although in the convent we just celebrated the holy days,” Alice said. “Still, it was happy there.”
“But you will be a happy wife now,” my lady. “And I hope you and my brother will have happy, health children.”
Edith's words almost made Alice drop her comb, and she inhaled a sharp breath. “Uh, yes, children are a blessing.” By how they are made was the problem.
Alice decided to change the subject, “The work you have done on the new tapestry you have started is gorgeous. We’ll have such fun creating pretty things.”
“Yes, until I marry. Then I shall have to go where my husband lives,” Edith mentioned.
“But we shall visit,” Alice replied. “And since we are to be sisters-in-law because I am marrying your brother today, why don’t you just call me Alice, and I shall call you Edith when we are alone or with family.”
“Oh, that would be so nice.” Edith smiled, and her blue eyes, so like Edmund’s, sparkled.
“Well, I believe my hair is finally dry. What shall we do with it, Edith?”
“Let us make a braid. I’ll take the hair from underneath, near the nape of your neck, and place the plait around your head. The rest of the tresses will fall freely, but nothing will be in your face.”
“That is a wonderful idea. You are so clever, Edith.”
“Edmund says I see the beauty in everything.”
&nbs
p; “I think he is right,” Alice said. “You are so innovative.”
Their conversation was interrupted by maidservant who entered the room with Alice’s wedding outfit.
The long gown was light green, which was trimmed around the bell sleeves, neckline, and hem with a band of embroidered gold. The belt was made of the same embroidered gold cloth.
“I suppose I should get my clothes on before you do my hair, Lady Edith.”
“Yes, that is a good idea,” the kind Edith said.
* * * *
The chapel inside the walls of the castle seemed so crowded to Alice. The ambiance seemed stifling to her, although everyone looked so happy.
Ordinarily, the marriage would have taken place in the parish church with Alice and Edmund standing on the church steps, and the vows would have been spoken there.
Nevertheless, because of the chance of abduction, Alice and Edmund stood just outside the chapel of the castle, and the priest stood in front of them.
The couple exchanged their vows, but her voice trembled when she uttered the words. Alice felt was so terribly nervous about being married. As a virgin, her body was hers and God’s. As a married woman, Edmund would have access to all of it—to all of her.
Alice try very hard, but she could not put the assault out of her mind, especially since the place where it all happened was so close to the chapel.
Dear God, please help me. I want to be a good and devoted wife, but I am so afraid of the intimate act of marriage.
Edmund then placed the heavy gold wedding band on her finger, and her hand shook. It was the same ring as the one he placed on her hand when they were pretending to be married. The ring symbolized the love that her grandfather had given to her grandmother.
Will this ring be a happy symbol for us? Alice hoped so, but she had her doubts. What married man would tolerate a union that did not satisfy his most basic and human of needs?
Lord De winter wanted them to have the ring. He had said it was most lucky for him and his wife, and he wanted Alice and Edmund to have them.
Alice very much enjoyed the warm, gentle touch of Edmund’s hand. She was no afraid of that.
Even though, he was a trained soldier, taught to kill, but he was basically a gentle person, a kind person.
