by Kahlen Aymes
“Jax,” she began with a shaky voice.
My head snapped up and my eyes opened. I didn’t think there was anything she could say to explain things, but for some fucking reason, I was here, alone with her in a posh hotel room. Aching. “Just tell me why?” My voice did not emit any of the inner turmoil that I felt.
She was standing between a dark olive upholstered couch and the huge bed. “I trusted her. I thought—” she said quietly with a barely visible shrug. “You did, so why shouldn’t I?”
My brow dropped into a frown. “Because I told you not to sign the fucking contract, that’s why! That’s why. Even if I could get over the shit storm you’ve landed us in, I can’t accept that you trusted Gloria, but not me.” My throat began to swell, and I swallowed hard against it.
One hand rose and she pressed the back of it against her trembling lips. I could tell she was crying, though the distance between us and the dimness of the big room prohibited seeing tears roll down her face. “I know. I was wrong. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
“You were more than wrong!” I shouted, pushing away from the door and walking quickly toward her, but stopping a few feet from her. She was so brilliant, I sometimes forgot how young she was. “Honestly, Addison, how could you be so reckless and naive?”
She stood straighter and dropped her hand to her side, facing me. Her expression turned from broken to angry. “Gloria said the publishers didn’t want my book, so ghostwriting was a way to go to get my foot in the door. I didn’t want you to think I was using you to publish! She didn’t say that it would be this manuscript. You could have warned me she was a snake!”
The air between us vibrated. My eyes scanned the room for the wet bar. It was well stocked with high end liquor, and I needed a drink. I chose a mini bottle of crown royal and proceeded to pour it into a glass. I grabbed another and added it before picking up the crystal glass and slamming both shots. The liquid burn on its way down. “I knew she was ruthless, and I told you so. I just never thought she’d resort to something like this,” I said, savagely. “You should have called me and told me what she was saying before you committed to anything.” I could hear her still sniffling behind me.
“I know that, and I said I didn’t want to do it! I told her no, but she still wanted to represent me.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me that, then?”
“I was ashamed about the results of her query. I didn’t want to admit that no one wanted my book because I didn’t want you to be distracted from your writing.”
I turned to meet her crystal blue eyes, offering a bitter laugh. I shook my head. “Don’t you get it? She never submitted your manuscript, Addison! This was her plan all along and both of us are fucked because of it!”
“Not if we just let it go. You’ll be, fine and I can always write another book.”
“How does that not fuck you? It could come back to bite me in the ass tomorrow, or years from now, too. If it gets out that I stole one of my student’s manuscripts and passed it off as my own, it will ruin me anyway.”
“No!” Addison shook her head frantically and closed the distance between us. “I’d never tell anyone, Jax.” She laid her hand on my chest and it was a like a lightning bolt passed through me. “You have to trust me.”
Why didn’t she realize that Gloria could spread the rumors, even if we both kept silent?
I could smell the familiar floral notes of her perfume, her skin, her shampoo. I sucked in a breath and closed my eyes, trying to resist the pull. “Like you trusted me?” I snarled, grabbing her wrist and yanking it away from my chest as if she’d burned me, but it only pulled her body closer. There was a mere breath between our bodies. I could feel her warm breath on the base of my throat. “You believed I was part of this. You believed the worst of me! Otherwise, you would have talked to me when I came to your apartment! Let’s not pretend either one of us are mentally challenged.”
My chest was heaving, and my eyes bored into her sad ones. They were wide and imploring.
I still held her wrist in one hand but her free one slid up my chest. “Jax,” she pleaded, dropping her forehead to rest against me above her hand. “Please. Forgive me.”
“You shouldn’t touch me if you don’t want something to happen, Addison. I might be mad, but I’m not made of stone and it’s been weeks.” Desire flooded every cell in my body when she didn’t move away at the warning. My dick went from semi-hard to a raging erection within two seconds. It pulsed to life, pressing and pushing against the confines of my pants. Resisting this woman was like resisting water in the dessert, knowing without it, I’d die in minutes.
Her hand slid up from my chest until her fingers were tangled in the hair at my nape. Goosebumps shot through me as her touch lit me up. It had been so long since I’d touched her, and it didn’t matter that my world was about to implode or that she’d betrayed me. Sex didn’t have to mean we were fine, I reasoned. This might be what I needed to put her behind me. You couldn’t close a door if it was blown open by a thousand-mile per hour wind.
“I want something to happen. I’ve missed you, Jax.”
Instantly, my hands were on her, yanking her to me, and my mouth crushed hers. Both of us were hungry, our hands and mouths demanding. My hands slide down over her butt, sliding her skirt up her thighs to gain access to what I wanted most. Then hoisting her up, I spread her legs, easily lifting her tight against me. Addison made a little mewling sound in her throat when I pressed my hard cock into her softness and I felt her finger dig into my shoulder muscles through my shirt and jacket, then they were shoving at the material. Even with my dress slacks and the whisper of fabric of her panties between us and no penetration it was like heaven.
Our mouths were giving and taking, our tongues melding and laving. Fuck, it was hotter than hell. The time apart made both of us needy but demanding at the same time. With one hand curved around her ass I pressed her so close she could feel my erection, and her legs wrapped around me automatically; her arms slipping around my shoulders. I couldn’t stop kissing her, though I wanted to be naked, but more, I wanted her to be.
I turned toward the king-sized bed and set her on the edge, pushing her jacket free and ripping at the front of her blouse to expose her intricate white lace bra that gently cupped her firm, round breasts. The sound of the buttons flying and some of them hitting the wall and floor was the only sound beyond soft moans and heavy breathing. My hands hovered, ghosting lightly over the womanly swells, as my mouth found hers again with ravenous ardor, my teeth pulling at her lower lip.
“Jax,” she sighed as she worked my shirt free from my pants and pulled at my belt buckle and finally freed my aching cock. “Oh, God… I’ve missed you.”
I sucked in my breath as her fingers ran over the hard muscles of my abdomen and then finally found purchase on the shaft of my dick. Her chin lifted and I buried my face in her neck at the same time as one hand circled her waist and hoisted her up onto the center of the bed and against the pillows. I didn’t care that we hadn’t even pulled down the comforter, I didn’t care that I we were both still half dressed.
Panting, chest heaving, I stared down at her. Her gorgeous face was full of desire, her glorious hair strewn out around her head. Why did she have to be so beautiful? Why did I have to care about her? Something like a spasm seized my heart painfully. This was sheer agony. Her breasts beckoned me from to free them, so I reached out and pulled the sheer white lace cups of her bra down until they lay bare for my admiration. I sucked in a deep breath, still devouring her with my eyes. I knew I was brooding. She had to see the conflict of emotions that I knew were rushing over my expression.
“Jax…” she whispered. “Come.” Her hand ran down her body and she pulled her skirt up further, exposing the matching lace string bikini, dropping her knees, teasing me. Her hips arched provocatively. Blood rushed in a tidal wave into my already engorged dick. It was too much. My head fell back, and my eyes closed as I hovered betw
een her spread legs.
Her head cocked to one side, and her hand reached up to slide down my leg to my bent knee that rested on the bed. “Jax,” she said softly, turning her head to the side and closing her eyes. “Please.” When I saw her bite her lip, I was done. “Make love to me.”
Her words were like a knife gutting me. I had to have her, but I didn’t know if my heart would survive if I made love to her. I could take her roughly, but how could I show the love I would have to deny? How could I worship her with my hands, mouth and body like I was dying to do, when she had been so quick to condemn me? I wanted… so many things that I couldn’t have, but I could fuck her senseless one last time. I could try to get her out of my heart, the only way I knew how. “Didn’t you just say sex wouldn’t fix this?”
“I know, but I can’t help how much I’ve missed you.”
I knew how she felt. If anything, the physical moments between us had always been honest, and I needed what was about to happen. My hand pushed the top of my boxer briefs down below my balls and my cock sprung free. I still had on my pants and my open shirt and Addison lay there, her breasts exposed, her skirt still bunched around her waist, high heels still on. It was sexy as fuck.
I couldn’t wait one more second to be buried deep inside her. I knew she’d be wet and ready. I could see desire all over her. I could smell it, and I had to have it.
The next thing I knew, my fingers were closing around the damp crotch of the delicate panties and I was ripping them free from her body.
Addison’s full lips formed a little surprised “oh”, but she didn’t make sound.
I threw the offending garment aside and used pushed her knees up, and using my hand, I guided my cock to her entrance. I slid the head around in the dampness for a second before I pushed in and fell on top of her. Her knees clung to my hips, and her hands scrapped down my back over my shirt as I thrust into her hard until I was buried balls deep.
Don’t kiss her, just fuck, I told myself, but something inside me broke. I dropped my forehead and pressed it to the side of her head, eyes closed as I fought my private demons. I could feel her breath on the skin of my neck and her mouth found purchase in a series of open-mouthed kisses. It was heaven; and fucking torture.
I fell down onto my elbows bring us closer. Skin on skin, our hips started working together. Her walls were tight, sucking on my dick as she clenched and released. I was getting close already. Her hands were now beneath my shirt, roaming over my chest, and my back, then over my shoulder and to my jaw. Her lifted and opened, begging for my mouth to take hers.
“Jax, kiss me.”
I met her sparkling blue green eyes, and my heart exploded. My hands cupped her head and my hips thrust forward so hard she jerked on the bed. “Is this what you want?” I pulled out and pushed in hard again, and again.
“Mmmmm,” she said, with a soft moan. “I want you. Jax, kiss me. Kiss me,” Addison begged.
Her fingers dug into the skin and muscles of my back, as I fucked her hard. If I kissed her, I knew it would morph into love. I didn’t know if my heart could take it, but I wanted it.
She captured my lower lip in between both of hers, gently sucking it into her mouth. She knew that drove me crazy, and even as I tried hard not to come, I finally gave in.
My mouth took hers brutally, my tongue pushing into her mouth. I wanted it to be harsh, but it was greedy and arousing and beautiful. I was conscious of every breath, every time her hips met mine in eager, hungry abandon. I wanted to use her up, to devour her body and soul so I wouldn’t need her anymore.
Her breathing quickened and her hands tangled in my hair, pulling our mouths closer as we waged our physical war. I knew she was ready to come. I could feel it in the way her hips moved faster and the way she was squeezing around my dick. My balls tightened and I increased the speed of my thrusts. The pleasure we were wringing from each other, couldn’t overcome the pain I was feeling.
I cupped her head with both hands and kissed her with all I had as her body arched and I exploded inside her.
I kissed her softly as our bodies came down, my body still pushing in smaller thrusts into hers. I jerked, remembering that I didn’t want to be tender. I stopped, abruptly pulling my mouth and body from hers and getting off of the bed.
I didn’t bother going to the bathroom to wash the sex from my body. Instead, I put my dick away, and buttoned my shirt, shoving it into the waistband of my pants before I quickly zipped and buckled my pants. Oddly, I still had my shoes on, and I looked for my jacket. Averting my gaze from the stunned young woman on the big bed as I found the discarded jacket of my three-thousand-dollar suit on the floor near the foot of the bed.
“Jax?” she asked perplexed. Her voice cracked. She knew what I was doing. I didn’t say a word.
“I can’t deny the thing between us, Addison. Even I have my weak moments.” I felt defensive. For the first time in my life, I felt the need to guard my heart. It was unfamiliar. My automatic response to the vulnerability I felt was to harden my demeanor.
“So, that’s it? We’re just over? You’re going to leave me here?” I could hear the tears in her voice. If I let myself, I could give in, but that wouldn’t fix the lack of trust.
I forced a bitter laugh as I donned the jacket, casually adjusting the collar and cuffs of my shirt underneath as if I was unmoved. I finally found the strength to look at her. She was disheveled, but she’d scooted to the edge of the bed. Her skirt was pulled down, and she held the edges of her torn white blouse together over her half bare breasts. Tears flooded her eyes and her face was flushed in humiliation.
I opened my wallet and retrieved a business card of the car service I used. “No. Call this number and they’ll pick you up whenever you want. You have the room until tomorrow. Maybe you can call your boyfriend, Luke, to partake of the luxury” I spat coldly, knowing how dickish I sounded. “My treat.”
Her eyes widened in surprise then narrowed with hatred, and the tears finally tumbling down her cheeks. She didn’t bother to wipe at them. “I didn’t think you could do this to me.”
I hated to see her so vulnerable. At least, in this way. It went against everything I wanted to walk away from her, but she didn’t trust me. My brain was screaming the truth at my heart. “That’s the thing, Addison. I didn’t do it to you. You did it to me. We had something great going, and you ruined it.” Despite my outward coldness, inside, I was struggling.
I started to walk to the door and Addison broke; a sob bursting from her. “Jax, don’t do this. Please!”
I stopped with my hand on the door, turning my head back but not all the way. “We can work the book shit out through Jefferson, but I can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust me.”
With that I turned the nob and walked out.
The hallway of the elegant hotel loomed grotesquely in front of me. I felt sick inside at how I’d just treated her, after all, just a few days ago, she’d been the one I wanted to build my future around; I’d been planning how I was going to ask her to marry me. But now…. all I knew was that I needed time and space to survive.
26
There was a hole in my chest where my heart used to live. The feeling of loss was overwhelming. I’d never felt pain like this. It was like I was dying, only if I died, the hurt would stop, but this would go on forever. I knew for sure I’d never get over Jaxon Michaels. My brain flashed with memories of his intense, sleepy, love-drunk eyes, his passionate kiss that owned me, his incredible mind; the way he could be demanding and tender at the same time. He was beautiful in so many ways, and he’d touched me like no one ever would again.
I’d remained in the hotel room crying on the bed for hours, lamenting the hopelessness and despair I felt. I could have stayed the night to get myself together, but I couldn’t bear to sleep in the bed where I’d last been with Jax. I knew he didn’t want it to be tender, but toward the end of it, I felt him come back to me. Until he realized.
When I left to go home, it was
dark outside, but I didn’t bother looking at my phone to see what time it was. If I did, I’d have to see that Jax hadn’t called or texted, and my heart already knew he didn’t. My eyes were swollen, my head was pounding, and I knew I looked a mess. I felt like a hollow shell but welcomed the slight reprieve from the constant misery. It was a feeling I’d had for three or four days, now. They all blended together, and I’d lost count.
I didn’t call Jax’s car service for a ride home, opting instead for a cab that I’d flagged on the street outside the hotel. I wouldn’t give him the fucking satisfaction of being able to check when I arrived home or allow him relief from worry. Let him stew, I thought indignantly. I knew he would worry about me. He had to or what had the past few months been for?
Michelle had been waiting for me when I’d arrived home, but I waved away her questions, crawled into bed, without changing clothes and turned my back on her and cried some more.
“Oh, Addy,” was all she said. “I’m sorry.”
I wasn’t sure how long it was that I lay there suffering, my mind and heart tormenting me. There is this level of disbelief when you have a breakup that hurts this badly. You tell yourself it’s not really over. Convince yourself it’s a bad dream or happening to someone else, but then you wake up after a night of exhausted sleep which was the result of horrible crying, only to find yourself incredibly alone. It takes a beat until you remember the entire thing… then it starts all over again.
A week had passed. Every morning, I dragged myself from my bed and forced myself to go on living, telling myself I only had myself to blame. Jax was right. I should have trusted him more. I breathed in and out, I went to class but stayed away from my friends. There was no use putting them through my own misery and talking about it wouldn’t change a damn thing; Jax was lost to me and I had to face it, but I had to do what I could to save his career. I did stop into Jax’s office once and swallowed my pride enough to ask Luke if Jax was coming back to work. At first, Luke’s response was eager, but after he saw how heartbroken I was, after my refusal to speak about my relationship with Jax, he became more standoffish and awkward. That was last Friday and in the process of another weekend of being alone and introspective, with no contact from Jax. I spent all of my time in the library so I wouldn’t have to talk to Michelle, and I’d come to a couple of pretty big decisions.
