“I’m not givin’ it up, not even for you,” he argued.
“I don’t expect you to,” she snarled back. “But you’ll do it on my terms.” They argued back and forth for several minutes, and I wondered if I was watching the beginning of a serious relationship or the start of a war. I wasn’t sure if Danae would be able to overcome his desire for self-destruction, but she seemed to be determined to try.
A thought came to me as they began to wind down. “Hey,” I interrupted. “It might be too soon to say this, but Cyhan told me something a few years ago.”
“About what?” asked Chad, still glaring at the woman across from him.
“About Alyssa,” I said. “He told me that if anything ever happened to him, he hoped you would look out for her, like a father would.”
I had Chad’s attention then. “Bullshit,” he swore. “That big bastard refused to put more than three words in a sentence, and you expect me to believe some horseshit like that?”
I shrugged, hoping his earlier remark about smelling lies wasn’t true.
“If anyone, he’d have picked you for something like that,” said Chad. “You’re the father. He trusted you, not some half-drunk assassin.”
“I’ve got more than enough children to worry about already,” I said bluntly. “He knew I’d do whatever I could for her, but I think he wanted you because you understand her better.”
“What the fuck do I know about girls?” exclaimed the hunter. “I know how they eat, piss, and…” He stopped suddenly as he caught Danae’s stare burning into his forehead. “Anyway, the point is I don’t have a thing to offer her. Not to mention she’s already grown.”
“She’ll be married soon,” I reminded him. “And you know who her mother-in-law will be. She doesn’t have any family of her own. Who’ll stick up for her if she and Rose come to odds?” It was a cheap shot, and I hoped Rose never caught wind that I’d said it, but it did the trick.
Chad nodded. “That’s true. I’m the only one in this whole fuckin’ kingdom willing to stand up to that bi—”
I coughed and gave him a stern look. “Remember who you’re drinking with. I won’t listen to words like that about her.”
His eyes widened for a brief moment, then he closed his mouth. After a second he remarked, “So the rumors are true then?”
“Probably not the ones you heard,” I said, backtracking. “But there’s a grain of truth there.”
He let out a low whistle. “You are a brave man. I knew you were suicidal, but this is a whole new level of insanity. You need to get back so you can start planning your funeral.”
Uncomfortable, I tried to downplay things. “Nothing’s happened, and besides my children are willing to accept it.”
“Your kids, maybe,” shot back Chad. “Did you forget her oxcart-sized son? He’s a walking natural disaster! He killed a mountain lion when he was just a kid—with his bare hands, and that was before you gave him a godsdamned dragon!”
“Gram’s pretty level-headed.”
“He just watched his teacher get murdered,” pointed out Chad. “And then he got to meet his Daddy, who’s been dead all these years. Trust me, that boy isn’t in a good place right now. If you walk into that house and kiss his Momma not five minutes after he saw her locking lips with Dorian...” He sat back and threw up his hands dramatically. “I’ll say something nice at your wake.”
“You don’t know any nice words,” I said dryly.
Chad thought about that for a moment before agreeing, “True. Well, I’ll drink some of McDaniel’s finest and piss on your grave then.”
“You’re supposed to pour a drink on the grave,” I corrected him.
“Fuck that,” he shot back. “I’m not wasting good whiskey on a dead fool.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at that, and Danae and Chad both joined me. Then I said, “I have no intention of going there and doing something like that. I just need to let everyone know I’m alright.” Something occurred to me then. “How’d you get here so fast?”
“Karen took me to Arundel. I left Prissy there. She flew me back from there,” he answered. “If you don’t want to wait here, you should let her fly you back.”
I was already on my feet, heading for the door.
“She’s a couple miles east of town,” he shouted at my back. “If she says anything about having to stay there, tell her I didn’t make it a damn order. She’ll know we talked.”
Chapter 49
I walked the last mile to the house, leaving Prissy to find the other dragons. It wasn’t that I thought my arrival would be any less noticeable. The house was full of wizards, and if any one of them wasn’t in a bedroom with a privacy ward, they’d see me coming almost as soon as I saw them.
Sure enough, Irene and Conall met me half a mile from the front door, nearly running in their haste to get to me. It was a relief just to see they were well and whole, but I couldn’t help but count their arms and legs as soon as they were close enough. Conall seemed to be exhausted, so Irene outpaced him, hiking her skirts and gamboling down the rocky slope like a crazed mountain goat. She slammed into me so hard we both went down, and only our mutual powers kept us from rolling down the mountain.
She had been so mature through all the turmoil of the last year that it had been easy to forget just how young she was, but none of her maturity was in evidence now. “Dad! How are you alive? Is it really you? Are you hurt? Did I hurt you?” Tears ran down her cheeks almost as quickly as the questions tumbled out of her mouth. At the same time, she nearly tore the robe off my back checking me for blood or bruises.
I hugged her and fought back my own tears. There’d be plenty of that after I got to the house, and I needed to pace myself. “For once I’m coming home without a scratch on me,” I told her, patting one cheek and ruffling her hair. Ordinarily that would have earned me a scowl, but her hair was already a wild rat’s nest from whatever she had done earlier. “As for how I’m alive, I’ll explain that later when everyone’s together. For now, let’s just say I got a second chance.”
Her face darkened. “Then we did all that for nothing?”
Thinking of Elaine and Cyhan, I hurriedly shook my head. “No. If it hadn’t been for what you did, I wouldn’t be here.”
Conall had reached us by then, and he dropped to his knees. His head was lowered, as though he was afraid to look at me. “I’m so sorry, Father.”
Struggling with my sudden onslaught of survivor’s guilt, it took me a moment to realize what was wrong with him. It wasn’t the recent deaths that he was apologizing for, but rather his choice of sides when I had been at odds with the Queen. Untangling myself, I crawled over to him and gave him a hug. “You did the right thing, Conall. It would have been much worse for the entire family if you had deserted the Crown. Most of all, I’m proud of you for standing up for your principles. Don’t ever be ashamed of that.”
Irene had her own opinions, I could see that on her face, but she chose to change the subject instead, “He saved everyone today. It was Conall who killed the wizard that almost finished us all off.”
Her brother frowned, shaking his head. “Don’t listen to her,” he protested. “I didn’t do anything. Rennie did it all. Rennie ripped the storm right out of her hands and nearly shoved it down the enemy’s throat.”
Irene opened her mouth to argue, then changed her mind. “Well, I suppose that’s true. But she would have killed me if you hadn’t done what you did.”
I listened to them argue for several minutes, enjoying their banter. Watching them, a sense of gratitude washed over me, and I found my eyes beginning to water. To stave off my emotions I stood and dusted my knees. “Let’s go,” I told them. “Do the others know I’m here yet?”
“George and Myra do,” answered Conall. “We were together in the main room when we spotted you. I don’t know if they told anyone else.”
“She stayed with him,” added Irene. “He shouldn’t be alone.”
Myra stepped out th
e door when we got close, her expression unreadable. The closer I got, the more she frowned. When I was only ten feet away, she held up a hand. “Stop.”
I stopped.
She looked at Conall and Irene. “Move away from him. I know you’ve already talked, but I need to be sure before we let him inside.”
Irene grabbed my arm. “It’s really him, Myra. I would know.”
“No, Rennie, you wouldn’t,” countered Myra. “I could create a copy that would fool you. I am that sort of copy.” Then she stared at me again. “He’s shielding his mind.”
“I always have,” I said, feeling nervous.
“Not like this,” she replied. “You were never this good before. Let me see.”
“Stop it, Myra,” ordered Conall. “You’re being rude.”
A second figure emerged from the doorway, my oldest son, Matthew. “She’s right,” he said. “We don’t know for sure what he is. He might not even know.”
“Or he could be completely genuine, like Dorian was,” argued Irene. Then her face paled.
“It’s really me,” I said. “And I’m not going to vanish.”
“How did you know about that?” asked Matt, his curiosity so cool and calculating that it chilled me for a second.
“Chad told me about what happened,” I answered. And I saw it a few times before, I thought to myself, but this wasn’t the time to try and explain that.
“Drop your shields and let her examine you,” ordered Matthew. Then he glanced at Myra and after a few seconds she nodded, almost imperceptibly.
But Irene noticed. “What did you tell her?” she challenged her brother.
“Don’t worry about it,” said Matthew, his posture tense.
Irene stepped forward, until she was almost nose-to-nose with her oldest brother. “You told her to kill him if she doesn’t think he’s real, didn’t you?” Her eyes swept across to take in Myra as well. “Or maybe you’d do it? You probably told her to stop Conall and me from interfering.” Irene’s aythar was humming as she spoke, growing stronger by the moment. The look on her face was dangerous.
Eager to stop the impending fight, I held up my hands. “It’s alright. I want to be sure too. If I’m not actually me then I don’t want to be here.” I’d been keeping shields around my body and particularly my mind for so long that it took a deliberate effort on my part to drop them, but I did. Almost immediately, I felt Myra’s presence within my head.
Minutes passed while she skillfully rummaged through my memories. I was aware of some of what she saw, but not everything—she was too quick. Myra studied my present thoughts as well as those of the recent past, and she looked at other things I hadn’t even been aware of before, parts of myself that I had no words to describe. As time passed, I began to worry. It was taking too long. Was I really myself? Or had I been through too much for her to recognize me?
“He’s—different,” said Myra at last, and when the others began to tense up, she quickly added, “but it’s him.” Then she answered their questions in the most demonstrable way possible: she hugged me. “Sorry for doubting you.”
Irene let out a loud sigh, and Conall, still exhausted, sat down. “I thought my heart was going to give out,” he complained. Glaring up and Matthew and Myra, he added, “Don’t do that to me.”
My attention was on Matthew as Myra finally released me. “What?” he asked, and I opened my arms. He gave a long-suffering sigh. “I knew it.”
“I just came back from the dead,” I remarked. “Doesn’t that deserve a hug?”
“Again,” said Matt, putting special emphasis on the word. “This isn’t the first time.”
Conall threw his arms around me once more. “I’m here for you, Dad.”
Irene began laughing. “At least someone loves you.” She joined in a moment later, along with Myra. Matthew watched us with an expression of annoyance on his face.
After we had all disengaged, I glanced at him again, lifting my arms. Rolling his eyes, Matt allowed me to embrace him, though he began pushing me away after a brief time. He probably counted the seconds, I thought wryly.
I felt a fresh wave of trepidation as we went inside the house, and seeing George’s despondent features filled me with yet more guilt. My life had been full of similar moments. How many people had paid for my mistakes? Over the years George’s entire family had paid the price for mine—his mother, father, and now his sister as well. And what had it gotten him? An empty title and worthless thanks from people like me.
“You survived,” he said quietly, giving me a weak smile.
…And she didn’t, I finished internally. I wished he hated me. It would have been easier, but I could see in his eyes that he was actually glad for me, despite his own sorrow. If anything, he probably felt guilty for his mixed emotions. Damn it.
One thing I had learned from a lifetime of ruining people’s lives, however, was that they didn’t appreciate hearing about how guilty you felt about it. They wanted to feel like it had meant something, or at the very least that you were grateful for their sacrifice. The last thing they wanted was an apology.
“Your sister was incredible,” said Karen, coming in from the hallway. “I didn’t always get along with her, but I’ve never seen anyone so brave. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for her. I wish it had been…”
I gave her a warning with my eyes and Karen stopped. I had to admire her intelligence. She was learning faster than I had in her circumstances. Then George said something that made my heart ache, “Elaine was a hundred times better than me. After Dad died, I was all she had left, but I couldn’t do anything. Now it’s just me.”
Crouching down in front of his chair, I met his eyes. “I know this sounds trite, but you’re part of our family too. Even though it feels like it, you aren’t alone.” Then, for no other reason than the fact that I’m stupid and still hadn’t learned how to act appropriately, I leaned in to whisper in his ear, “Plus, I have three unmarried daughters.”
George uttered a sad laugh and Irene gasped. Somehow, she had managed to hear me. “Dad!” she snapped, giving me a look of pure spite. “This isn’t the time for jokes.” She hovered beside him protectively.
The last Prathion looked up at her and gave a smile that was almost sincere. “I don’t mind. It was sort of comforting—and funny.”
“How was that funny?” said Irene.
“Where’s Gram?” I asked, though that wasn’t precisely what I wanted to know.
“In Alyssa’s room with her,” answered Myra, not fooled in the least. “Carissa and her mother are in Rose’s room. They were all a little shaken after seeing Dorian.” The look on her face was both sympathetic and a warning to me.
Leaving them in the main room, I headed down the hall, where I encountered Lynn on her way to see what all the commotion was about. She stared at me for a moment, then put her arms around me. It was a rare gesture of emotion from the She’Har girl, though unlike my oldest son, such things didn’t embarrass her. When she let go of me I could see she was full of questions, but she didn’t ask them. She just continued on into the den, confident that I would answer them later.
Sometimes she seems like a child, other times I wish I had half her maturity, I observed, walking onward. I stopped in front of Alyssa’s door, but then moved on. I wasn’t fooling anyone, least of all myself, but when I came to Rose’s door I hesitated.
Like all the bedrooms, it was protected by a privacy ward, so I couldn’t see what was happening inside. Listening for a moment, I heard faint sounds. It wasn’t crying, but Carissa and her mother were having a quiet conversation. The first big round of tears had probably finished before I got home, though there would surely be more to come.
And there I stood, listening in the hall, an intruder, trespassing on their family’s privacy. My knuckles hovered in front of the wooden door, but after a moment my hand dropped down to hang uselessly at my side. Turning away, I went back to the front room.
All eyes were on me. “I kn
ow you all have a lot of questions, but I’m tired. I think I’m going to sleep for a while.”
A chorus of encouragement answered me, urging me to rest. So I went back to my own bedroom, the one I had once shared with Penny. It felt like it had been years since I had been there. As I closed the door, my hand hovered over the lock. I wanted privacy, but it felt like a betrayal to shut them out. Finally, I left it. If anyone needed me, they could come in and wake me.
Stripping off my borrowed clothing, I went to the adjoining chamber and took a short bath. I wasn’t very dirty. In fact, I had reappeared utterly clean, but wearing the discarded robe had left me feeling in need of a cleansing. Then I climbed into the bed and pretended to sleep.
I was very tired, but not sleepy. It was emotional exhaustion, and all I really desired was to be alone. Thinking on it, I decided that was probably why everyone had already split into separate rooms before I arrived home, and why they hadn’t been impatient for answers.
At the moment, all I wanted was to see Rose, which made me feel guilty all over again.
***
Hours later, I woke at the sound of the door opening. Although the room was dark, my magesight told me it was Rose. She closed it and then my ears heard a distinctive ‘click’ as she locked it behind her.
I had been sleeping on my side, and my back was toward her as she stopped beside the bed. “Mort? Are you awake?” she asked, her voice almost a whisper.
What should I say? Why was she here? Those and a dozen other questions ran through my mind, but in the end, I chose the easy course and pretended to be asleep. Then I felt her pull the covers back and the bed shifted as she settled onto it, easing in to lie next to me. Her breath tickled the back of my neck as she scooted closer and wrapped her right arm around my waist.
She wore only a simple shift, and I was naked, but for once my conscience was clear of dirty thoughts. My heart was in a different place, one full of guilt and regret, and at the moment a measure of panic.
Transcendence and Rebellion Page 41
