“There’s never a dull moment at the Bryson family meals and holidays,” Carly assured her.
“Thank you. We’ll... I’ll see.” She wasn’t sure that would be good for Levi. She wasn’t sure if it would be good for her.
“And if it’s too much, we’ll understand that, too. Whatever you decide,” Matt finished.
“When can she go home?” Sig asked Carly. Probably more than done with Matt’s speech.
“I don’t want to release her for at least twenty-four hours. I’ll monitor her periodically and then tomorrow, I’ll reevaluate. If you want... I can have someone bring in a cot. If you want to stay with her tonight, that is.”
“Yeah. Not leavin’ her alone.”
He didn’t need to stay since he stated the Shirleys were no longer a threat. And if that clan was no longer a worry, then him staying meant he wanted to be with her. Not to protect her but to simply be near her.
Carly smiled and shot Autumn a knowing look. “Okay, that’s not a problem. I’ll get that set up for you.” She put Levi in the rolling bassinet tucked in the corner and began to push it out of the room.
“Doc,” Sig called out, making Carly pause in the doorway and glance over her shoulder. “Thanks.”
“No, Sig. Thank you for taking care of them.”
Sig knocked back half the beer in the bottle as he stared with a frown at Red on the couch. He was going to need a lot more than that to bring up what he needed to discuss with Red.
He tipped the bottle to his lips again and downed the rest, tossed the empty into the trash, and then went for a fresh one. He stared at the contents of the fridge. He’d never seen such a full refrigerator in his fucking life.
Not just because it was full of titty milk, but because ever since he had brought Red home that morning months ago, Stella, Trip and Red had made sure it had been full.
And again, except for the titty milk stored in both the fridge and freezer, it was probably what most people’s fridge normally looked like.
Growing up, he’d always had to scrounge for food. His mother had never made an effort to keep a good house. Or take care of her kids.
Or keep her legs together.
He twisted off the cap, tossed it into the sink and took another mouthful.
His blood was pumping and he wasn’t sure how to start the fucking conversation they needed to have.
Which was Red’s future and his possible future with Red.
She sat there on the couch reading something on her tablet as the double milking gadgets were sucking her titties dry.
Like a fucking dairy cow.
Each session lasted about twenty minutes and occurred almost every three fucking hours since she came home yesterday from the hospital. If she was going to do that for months, he might lose his fucking mind.
He wanted it to be his mouth on those nipples. His mouth showing her pleasure instead of those two gadgets only giving her full tits some “relief.”
But her milk was supposed to be good for the kid. And that kid needed all the help he could get since he was half Shirley.
Good thing he was half Red, too.
His frown turned into a grimace.
She’d signed the adoption papers with a soft smile and only a few tears shed. And when Carly and Matt Bryson showed her the birth certificate with their names on it, with nowhere on it showing Red had done all the fucking work to make that kid, it made something inside him twist.
But she seemed happy. That was all that mattered.
Wasn’t his kid.
Now Levi wasn’t hers.
She could now start fresh. He just hoped she didn’t want to do that elsewhere. And if she did, he only hoped she’d let him start fresh with her.
If she didn’t want to stay in Manning Grove, he’d consider going anywhere she wanted. As long as it was with her.
Trip might not like it. But it wasn’t up to Trip.
No, it was all up to Red.
But Sig couldn’t imagine she was in a rush to go anywhere. She needed to heal a bit and she told the Brysons she’d provide that titty milk for Levi for a while.
Sig wondered how long “a while” was. And if it would be long enough for him to talk Trip into giving him his half. If he got that, he’d have enough money to set Red up wherever she wanted.
Once everything was settled, he might just take a fucking trip out to Ohio. Or with some of the money, hire someone else to make that trip.
Because, while he was done up on the mountain for now, that whole thing wasn’t done. Not yet. Two people still lived and breathed who had caused Red a lot of hurt. And that didn’t seem fair to him.
Not fucking fair at all.
He sucked air in through his nostrils and deep into his lungs, held it for a few seconds and blew it out before taking another long pull on his beer. He then headed around the counter to where Red sat.
“Hey,” he said softly, putting his beer down on the scratched side table. He noticed he’d left a half of a joint in the ashtray. Maybe he should go smoke that before talking to her. It might soften any sharp blows.
She lifted her gaze from the tablet and gave him a smile. “Hey.” Fuck, he loved her smile, it got him in the gut every fucking time. “You okay?”
“Not sure,” he answered honestly.
Her smile faltered.
“Don’t you get tired of doin’ that shit so often?”
She glanced down at the machine sucking on her tits. “Doesn’t bother me. Carly said eventually I won’t have to do it so often.”
Thank fuck. “That means I get to...”
“Nothing is stopping you from them now, Sig. I mean, now that I’m home. Not right this second, of course.”
Home.
That’s what he needed to talk to her about.
“I just... don’t...” He’d never been with a woman who’d actually been nursing. He wasn’t sure...
“It won’t bother me if it doesn’t bother you.”
Well, damn. “You want me to?”
“Don’t you?”
“Fuck yeah,” he whispered.
“We can’t do everything right now, but we can still be intimate in other ways.”
“Fuck yeah,” he repeated in another whisper, her words giving him some hope.
Her lips twitched.
“Red...”
“What’s wrong?”
Just as he was getting ready to sit, they heard a knock on the door.
“Fuck,” he muttered. He was trying to gather the courage to have a serious conversation with her and then, fucking figures, someone fucks it all up.
With a sigh, he headed toward the door, checked the peephole and then warned her, “Trip,” in case she wanted to cover up. He unlocked the door and yanked it open to see his brother standing with his hands on his hips and a serious expression on his face.
And he smelled like he’d just smoked a fatty.
Fuck.
That meant he had geared up to have a discussion of his own with Sig, who knew it would be coming sooner than later.
And now that Red was home...
“Brother,” he greeted, his face grim. He looked past Sig and gave Red a chin lift and a, “Hey, Autumn, you good?”
“Yes. Not bad, all things considering. Everything okay?”
Trip was staring and didn’t answer, so Sig twisted his head to see Red hadn’t covered up. He moved to block Trip’s view. “Brother,” he growled.
Trip’s dark gaze moved to his and he seemed to shake himself loose. “Yeah. Need to have that discussion.”
Fuck. “Now?”
“Got somethin’ else pressin’?” Trip asked sharply with a raised brow.
Sig’s lips flattened and his jaw tightened as he considered his brother. The brother who’d done nothing but give to Sig and Sig took whatever Trip had given.
Sig realized he hadn’t thanked his brother once. Not fucking once. And the man had even let Red stay when he didn’t have to.
He als
o went up that mountain with the rest of their brothers when he didn’t have to. When he was at risk to end up behind bars again for taking part in that whole thing. A place Trip had sworn he’d never go again. But he went up there anyway.
Trip went to the hospital to check on him and Red, too, when he didn’t have to.
Sig was an ungrateful bastard. He needed to be better than that.
He dug his key out of his front pocket and tossed over his shoulder, “Trip and I gotta talk, baby. Lockin’ the door, ‘kay?”
“Okay. You two aren’t going to fight, right?”
Trip dropped his head, stared at his boots and shook it. When he lifted it, he was grinning. “No.”
“Promise?”
“Promise,” Trip answered her.
“Sig.”
“Promise me and Trip ain’t gonna fight,” Sig assured her, hoping that was true.
“Okay. I’ll be done here in about ten.”
Sig gave his brother a look, then said, “You got ten.”
Trip, fighting a smile, nodded and turned to head down the stairs.
Sig locked the door and followed. “Where we headed?”
“Somewhere we ain’t gonna be interrupted.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
They ended up in the executive meeting room and sitting at the table. Trip took the prez’s normal spot and Sig sat a couple chairs away, staring at the carved Fury insignia in the center of the wood table.
“We talkin’ as Prez to VP or as brothers?” Sig asked.
“Both.”
Sig’s attention caught on the old gavel that laid near Trip’s hand. The one Buck used to wield with the power of a goddamn dictator.
So far, he hadn’t seen any of that in Trip.
Sig lifted his eyes to his brother’s. Same color eyes, same color hair, same temper. All from the same father neither knew they shared until too late. “Jealous of those fuckin’ pumps, brother.”
“I bet. Long wait to get back in there.”
“Yeah.” The doc said maybe six weeks. It depended on how soon Red healed up. If she stuck around that long.
“That where you’re headed?”
“Thinkin’ so,” Sig murmured.
“She on the same page?”
“Hopin’ so. Me and her need to have that conversation. Was bracin’ for it when you came up.”
“Shit. Sorry. Didn’t know.”
“She didn’t, either. Figured when she’s stuck in place with those things stuck to her tits, it’s a good time to have her complete attention.”
“She dealin’ with givin’ up the baby okay?”
“Think so. Haven’t seen otherwise. They gave her plenty of chances to back out.”
“You okay with it?”
“Wasn’t my decision. If it was my kid, then no. Wasn’t my kid, so had no say.”
“Sure if you had stepped up, she mighta considered keepin’ him.”
Sig frowned. “Should I have stepped up?”
“Truth? No. Think she did the best thing for that kid. She went through a lot of shit. She’s handlin’ it well but woulda been reminded of it every fuckin’ day with that baby.”
“Why it worries me about her supplyin’ that milk. That’s gotta be a reminder.”
“Thinkin’ maybe it’s one way she can live with her decision,” Trip said.
“Yeah, maybe. She wants the best for that kid. It ain’t me.” Unlike the Brysons, he might never be able to get over how that baby came to be. It might bother him for the kid’s whole life and that wouldn’t be fair to Levi.
He might always see that goddamn shed and bench. He might always see the way Red looked when she was running down that mountain, dirty, bruised, naked and pregnant.
Trip didn’t say anything for a few seconds, he just tapped his index finger on the table a couple times, staring at it. He lifted his head. “You want her to stick.”
“Like the kid, up to her.”
“But you want her to stick.”
Sig sat back and considered his brother. “Yeah, brother, want her to stick.”
“She gonna be able to deal with your shit?”
“That I don’t fuckin’ know.”
“You worried about it?”
Fuck yeah, he worried about it. He worried about hurting her by accident. He worried about scaring her away when he couldn’t control his shit. He worried about betraying her if he had no choice but to find an outlet for his anger elsewhere. He’d never want to be a cheating whore like his mother.
So, fuck yeah, he worried.
“Were you with Stella?”
“Not really. She was part of the Fury when we were kids, Sig. Autumn wasn’t. She don’t know any of the shit we went through, what we dealt with. She don’t know anythin’ about the club life. Don’t want to say she’s not as strong as Stella, but right now? She’s not as strong. Whether that’ll change down the road?” Trip shrugged. “Remains to be seen. And not for nothin’, you ain’t easy to deal with. You got a past that’ll keep fuckin’ with your head. Though, in truth... we all do. You’re just a little more fucked up than the rest of us.”
Sig needed to make that clear to her. But Trip was right, Red wasn’t as strong as Stella. Not yet. But it didn’t mean she wouldn’t be in the future. It was just getting to that future which worried him. “Seen bits and pieces of the real her, brother.”
“Yeah, and you like what you saw.”
“Yeah.” He liked what he saw even in the beginning when she was mostly a shell of who she was now. He saw past it. He also figured their two broken pieces could make a whole if she was willing to try.
“Stella keeps me sane, brother. Just her touch sometimes keeps me from spinning. That the same with Autumn?”
“Not yet.” He hadn’t had the opportunity to try it with her yet. At this point, if he felt himself begin to spin or the darkness start to set in, he would go as far from her as possible. He didn’t want her seeing it or even being touched by it in any way. He didn’t want to be the reason she retreated into her own darkness. He didn’t want her hiding inside herself to escape his violence.
“Fact is, you got fuckin’ issues. So does she. Might be a while before she’s back to bein’ whole, if ever. She worth that wait?” He scraped a hand down his beard. “When you first came back you told me nothin’ worth havin’ is easy.”
“Yeah.”
“Ain’t gonna be easy with her.”
“Nope. Ain’t gonna be easy with me, either.”
“Gotta talk about that, too.”
Sig muttered, “Great,” under his breath.
“The shit that happened up there. That dark place you went to with that belt in your hand. Been there. Recognized it. Know it’s dangerous as fuck.”
“Can mostly control it if I got the right place to focus it.” But “mostly” might not be good enough.
“And like I said before, that woman in your place...” Trip hooked a thumb toward the apartments on the other side of the wall. “She ain’t ever gonna let you do that shit to her.”
“Know that, brother, but also don’t know what to do about it. Know she won’t be open to that shit. That she won’t be able to handle me when I’m like that or need that...” He raked his fingers through the longer hair on the top of his head. “Fuck! Also don’t wanna lose her. Don’t know what to fuckin’ do ‘cause when I find someone to do that shit, it’s more than just usin’ the belt... It’s just... more. The belt... the whips... whatever I use beats the fuckin’ fire back but it’s the sex that finishes smotherin’ it. And there’s no way she’s gonna let me do that with another fuckin’ woman and then come home and get into bed with her. Even if she let me get the first part elsewhere and then do the second part with her...” He shook his head. “Even the second part’s rough. Gotta be someone who gets the fuck off on pain. Doubt that will ever be her.”
“Don’t fuckin’ blame her.”
“Right. So, don’t know what to fuckin’ do about it. Need so
methin’ but don’t know what.”
“Got an idea.”
Sig’s brow furrowed.
“Called a buddy, a guy I served in the Marines with. He’s a fuckin’ expert with his fists. Teaches people to fight, box, kick box, even a little bit of MMA. He’s also a fellow biker, a part of the Dirty Angels down south. He’s willin’ to come up for a few days and get the two of us squared away with that shit. Give us the outlet we both need. My breathin’ exercise only does so much. Stella ain’t around all the time where I can reach out and touch her when I need to. This would help me, too. Anyone else who wants in on it, can get in on it. Gonna set somethin’ up in one of the sheds. Turn it into a place where we all can take our fuckin’ shit out on a heavy bag or one of those life-like body punching bags. He can set us up with everythin’ we fuckin’ need. Thinkin’ we can also set somethin’ up for you to beat the fuck outta with whatever you need to use. Belt, whip, whatever. Just ain’t gonna be able to fuck it.” His lips twitched. “Unless you put a hole in it, I guess.” He snorted. “Almost like a rage room but more like a place we can punch and kick shit.”
“Think it’ll work?”
Trip shrugged. “Can’t hurt, right? Sure there’s plenty of us who’ll use it. Hey, if it fuckin’ keeps even one of us out of a concrete box, whether above ground or below it, then it’ll be worth it.”
“We got the scratch for it?”
Trip studied him for a split minute. “Yeah, gonna find it. Think this is important enough. Want you to stick, Sig. Want us all to stick. Gonna do whatever we need to do to make that happen. So far, we got the fuckin’ booze, money comin’ into our pockets, roofs over our heads, full bellies and empty nuts. This will just be one more thing to keep our brotherhood solid.” Trip sat back and crossed his thick arms over his chest, drawing Sig’s eyes to the president’s patch on his brother’s cut. “Hopin’ you stick, brother. Nothin’ I want more, ‘cept maybe Stella givin’ me sons.”
“She thinkin’ ‘bout it?”
Blood & Bones: Sig (Blood Fury MC Book 2) Page 30
