by A. J. Downey
Dinner was nice, her circus friends were good people, and I suddenly longed to bring her to the 10-13 to meet mine. There was a Thursday meet planned for the next week for those of us that couldn’t get the weekends off. Considering Claire’s line of work, she’d definitely be busy on Friday and Saturday nights, so that suited.
I was on day shift for now; we tended to rotate, so things would change at some point but for now, this worked out. I didn’t know what things would be like when she started performing for real instead of just rehearsing, but we’d cross that bridge when we came to it.
The night flew by, and it felt like Giada and Aleksi had only been there moments instead of hours. They rose and gathered their things and I saw them out to the parking lot to wait for their ride.
“You are a good man to our Kotyonok,” he said in his thickly-accented English. He held out his hand and I smiled and took it. “Thank you.”
“She’s amazing,” I said. “No need to thank me.”
Giada stepped in and kissed both my cheeks. I laughed a little awkwardly at it and she winked at me.
“Ciao,” she declared as their ride pulled up. “Come see us at the Night Circus.”
“I will! I’ll try and bring the club and their families.”
“Perfecto!” Aleksi opened the back door to the rideshare's car for her and she ducked in. He winked a blue eye at me, his teeth straight and white in his grin, and got in behind her. I got the distinct impression they weren’t a couple, just really good friends. I waved and watched my breath plume the air as I sighed.
I found Claire in the kitchen loading the dishwasher and she put a finger to her lips and winked.
“He out?” I asked.
She nodded and I went to her, pulling her into my arms. She looked up at me questioningly and I smiled.
“I didn’t tell Golden about you because I wanted to tell him the whole story and I needed to do that in person. I never told him about that night, at all. I didn’t want to freak him out or upset him.”
Understanding and relief washed over her face.
“I see,” she murmured.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I should have, but I couldn’t.”
“No, no! I understand,” she said.
“Yeah?”
She nodded. “Look what happened with me and Carter.”
I felt my shoulders drop and whispered, “Give it time.” I kissed her forehead and she sucked in a brave breath and kind of shuddered in my arms. I hated how much she was hurting and I wanted to take all of that pain away.
I held her close to me until she felt strong enough to pull away. We finished cleaning up together.
“I’ll go bring him down,” I said and she nodded and went over to the bench seat, pulling back the blankets.
Manolo was out, the TV playing the Desperado DVD’s menu screen on loop and I had to smile. He must have smuggled it over from Golden’s collection because I didn’t own it. I lifted him and carried him downstairs and he didn’t so much as stir. I tucked him into his makeshift bed and Claire stood by smiling.
“He’s a great kid,” she said softly and I smiled and nodded.
“We’re going to the first Mass tomorrow, so we’re going to be up early.”
“I don’t exactly have anything that can pass for Sunday best. I’m going to have to go shopping.”
I put my arm around her shoulders and guided her to the stairs, switching out the lights as we passed. She went up before me and I lusted after her ass. I wanted her so bad I ached, but I wasn’t about to go there with little man in the house.
“I think you need to sleep in tomorrow.”
“I could probably use it,” she confessed.
“You practicing tomorrow?”
“Is it a day that ends in ‘y’?” she asked.
“Seven days a week? Really?”
“If Milo had his way it would be eight days a week, but no, we just don’t really get a day off until he deigns to give us one. Even then, I take myself to the gym and do basic workouts.”
“Claire, this guy sounds nuts. Somebody is going to get hurt if you all keep at it like this.”
“According to Milo, we must all suffer for our art,” she said and huffed out a miserable sigh. I shook my head and we got ready for bed.
“I don’t know what to say, mi alma.”
“There’s nothing to say, love. It just is what it is,” she said softly.
I stared across the bed at her and tossed her one of my tees. She put it on and pulled back the blankets, getting into bed. I climbed in on my side and pulled her against me. She settled and rested her head on my shoulder. I held her tight and smoothed a hand over her hair. She sighed and it sounded measures more content.
“Just promise me you’ll be careful,” I murmured.
“That I can promise you. This art form is my life; I’m not about to subject myself to a career-ending injury.”
“Good,” I whispered and settled down to sleep.
10
Claire…
“Claire, come on! We’re gonna be late!”
“Whoa, buddy. Let’s let Claire sleep, okay?”
“But I thought she was coming with us.”
I was laying on my stomach and I pushed myself over onto my side to see Angel leading Manolo back down the stairs.
“Next week, buddy, I promise, okay?” I asked.
He looked over at me, frowning, and said, “Okay, but who knew circus work was such hard work?”
I smiled and said, “You’ll have to come see us practice and perform and then you’ll know why.”
“Really?” he asked excitedly.
“Really. I’ll get a bunch of family passes for the family performance night.”
“You have those?” he asked curiously.
“We do. It’s one of the final dress rehearsals and we want to perform in front of an audience and make it feel as close to the real thing as possible.”
“Cool!”
“All right, hombrecito, go on downstairs. I’ll be there in a sec.”
“Cool, I don’t want to watch you guys make out anyway.” He trotted out of sight and Angel hung his head. All I could do was laugh.
“Mass is a couple of hours, then I take him over to his paternal grandmother’s. Golden picks him up from there.”
“Okay.”
He bent down and kissed me soundly.
“See you when I get home, and then we can go to the gym.”
“Sounds good, then you can drop me at the big top.”
He nodded carefully. I could tell he didn’t want to, but it was what it was. He left and I cuddled back down into the still-warm sheets. I couldn’t go back to sleep, though, so instead I got up, limbered up, and practiced some yoga in the sunroom.
It was perfect. Tranquil and peaceful, surrounded by all that green, the warm sun through the glass, with the near-endless view of water outside the window. I felt refreshed when I finished and took myself downstairs to fix coffee and breakfast.
I bathed with my coffee and chatted with Giada and Aleksi via a group text. They liked Angel, and they were happy for me, glad the way I wished my own flesh and blood could be. It hadn’t quite been a week since Carter walked out of the family-day group session and the sting from his rebukes still felt like a third-degree burn on the lining of my heart.
I sighed and put together what I would need for the rehearsal today, which was really just an athletic ensemble, tight and close-fitting, more skin than not. I put on more athletic clothing in preparation for the gym. I had no idea what police gym facilities looked like, but I was about to find out.
Angel came home right when he said he would and said, “Let me grab a change of clothes and we can go.”
“We going for a ride?” I asked casually, hoping that the answer would be yes.
He grinned at me and asked, “Thrill-seeker?”
“Which one of us works for the circus?” I asked, and he laughed.
He ran upstair
s and changed, when he came back down, he said, “I’m still not exactly clear on what it is you do,” he said.
“I’ll have to show you. I could explain it, but there’s really nothing like experiencing it firsthand.”
“Well, then…” He came to me and pulled me close by a hand on my ass, giving it a squeeze, he kissed me before finishing his sentence, “I can’t wait to see it firsthand.”
I smiled and bit my bottom lip as a golden glow of happiness suffused me.
He asked me, “Have you ever ridden before?”
“Yep, all over in Europe, it was nothing but motorbikes and scooters.”
He chuckled and said, “The Harley’s no scooter.”
I grinned. “Must go faster!”
He laughed and went into the little closet by the stairs and brought down an extra helmet and held it out to me.
“Come on, I can’t wait to have you on the back of my bike.”
“Oh? And here it was I thought I was your favorite thing to ride.”
“Oh, trust me, mi alma, you are.”
I laughed and followed him out onto the dock. It was a nice day. Crisp, but beautiful. We drifted out to the parking lot hand in hand, our gym bags slung across our chests. I wore my leather jacket which was more fashion statement than actual ‘biker bitch’ but even though it was form over function, it was indeed functional, too.
His bike was kept in a small garage that he had to unlock and open up, which is why I hadn’t seen it before.
It was beautiful, with a sleek, glossy midnight tank, and when I say that, I mean it was a deep and somber black ‒ until the light hit it. Then, it was swept by brilliant deep-blue fire. The paint contained some sort of metal flake to make it happen.
The seats were butter-soft leather and the whole thing was edged tastefully in chrome. The whole effect one of a sleek, glossy, gorgeous piece of machinery that was sure to turn heads wherever it went.
“Wow, Angel, this is beautiful.”
He smiled with silent pride and said, “She’s my pride and joy. Well, next to my house. I’ve worked hard for these nice things.”
“You’ve outdone yourself,” I told him and put the lid on my head. He smiled and swung a leg over the front seat and fired it up. I jumped slightly and laughed, and he winked at me. I got on behind him and held onto him as he steered us out of the lot and took us towards parts unknown.
We ended up on the other side of the city, close to Ridgeview Park and the big top, but in a more industrial-type area. He pulled into a small lot by a warehouse, a mural painted on the side of the building depicting a black-and-white American flag with one blue stripe. In front of it was a larger-than-life, incredibly photo-realistic police badge.
I gave a low whistle as he shut off the bike and I stood by, taking off my helmet.
“That’s some serious artwork,” I said.
“Yeah, we held a barbecue fundraiser to pay the artist,” he said.
“‘We’, as in the police force?” I asked.
“Nah, ‘we’, as in the Indigo Knights.”
I smiled.
“That’s why I asked.”
He took my hand and led me around the fenced-off lot, through the gate, and to the glass doors. He gripped the panel and pulled it open for me and I went through. He went to the front desk and the guy behind it said, “Hey, Rodrigo or Ramiro?”
“The former,” he said, with a wink.
“Yeah, sure. Your brother said you’d be in with your girlfriend. Can we get you guys to fill these out?”
“Sure thing. I’m glad he remembered to call ahead.”
“Yeah, well, wouldn’t have made much difference. You’re family and could have passed yourself off as him, anyways.” The guy manning the counter winked and Angel laughed. Busted.
We filled out the paperwork and the guy made us up some membership cards. We paid the dues and he asked, “You need the tour for your girl or are you good?”
“We’re good,” Angel declared and held out a hand to me. I took it and he drew me further into the spacious warehouse.
It had a mix and match of equipment. Some traditional gym stuff, like weight machines, ellipticals, and treadmills, but it also had a big wide area that was more conducive to CrossFit training. The locker rooms were at the back of the gym and I followed Angel there, pausing briefly at the three widely-spaced climbing ropes attached high up in the rafters.
There were several heavily-sweating men in Indigo City Police Department issue dark blue gym shorts and grey tee shirts, all waiting their turn and shouting encouragement to the men climbing the ropes.
One of the men, with an obvious good ol’ boy attitude, caught me looking and called out, “You think you can hang with us, sweetheart?”
I laughed.
“I don’t know. The question is, do you think you all could hang with me?”
All of them had a really good laugh at that one. I winked, and Angel and I parted ways at the locker-room doors. I found a locker, fancy with the push-button locks: enter a four-digit code, wait for the light to flash, enter it again and presto, your things were secured until you entered the same four digits a third time.
I stored my things and met Angel back out front, and he asked, “Treadmill?”
“Yeah.”
I lingered again, watching them all climb the ropes, and Angel watched me watch them, a mixture of fascinated and amused. He didn’t know what I could do, either, and one of these days, I would show him. I would like to do it here, though.
Unfortunately, today wasn’t the day I would be rehearsing on my silks. Today was the dreaded cast-wide dance number. I was a dancer, and a damn good one, but when Milo couldn’t find any fault with me, it felt like he sometimes just made shit up. At first, I thought I was crazy, but after last night, Giada and Aleksi assured me I wasn’t; that I was, indeed, doing just fine, and Milo was most definitely being unreasonable.
We did the treadmill at a flat run. I went for a couple of miles and felt pretty good. After that, Angel hit some free weights while I hydrated and watched him, talking with him for a while. My eyes kept drifting towards those ropes and I wondered if the hookups up top were the same type of hookup we used at the big top. Eventually, I stopped at the bottom of one and peered up. It looked like a U-bolt secured into the metal rafter by rivets, as secure as it could get. An industrial carabiner held the rope to the U-bolt. It was very similar to our setup.
That was good to know. I might be able to get some extra practice in here, if I asked nicely. It was just a question of smuggling some silks out of the prop room.
Angel dropped me off at Ridgeview and I got off the bike. He shut it off so we could talk but made no move to follow.
“If it’s cool with you, I’m going to run home, grab a shower and a change of clothes, then come back.”
“Absolutely!” I said.
I leaned in and gave him a kiss and heard voices cheering. I looked up and over to Oksana and Thierry cheering and waving.
Thierry shouted at us, “C'est manifique!”
Oksana cried, “So happy for you!” in her thick accent and both laughed and waved before disappearing inside the performer’s entrance.
I shook my head and said wryly, “When you’re here, you’re family.”
“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?”
“Only if you’re okay with basically having close to eighty-seven Golden’s in your life.” I wrinkled my nose.
“Eee,” he cringed. “I see your point.”
“I’ll see you later?” I asked.
“Time to face the music,” he said, and I nodded.
“Certainly feels that way.”
I leaned down and kissed him one last time so that I could carry it with me inside.
“You’ve got this, mi alma.”
“Thanks.”
I didn’t feel like it. I didn’t feel like it at all.
11
Angel…
“What the fuck am I hearing you almo
st offed yourself three years ago, and you didn’t call on us?” Skids growled in my ear.
I took a deep breath and let it out slow.
“Golden told you.”
“Yeah, he told me. He came in fit to be tied after he left your place last night and hit the old barstool confessional.”
I hadn’t been asking, more making a statement, but fair enough. I rubbed my forehead and shut my garage door, holding my phone between my shoulder and ear while I moved the hasp over the ring and slid the padlock home.
“It was three years ago, Skids, and that’s exactly why I didn’t tell any of you.”
He gave a long suffering sigh and asked, “One-time deal?”
“Yeah, I promise.”
“Don’t you scare us like that, boy. The problem of suicide among our ranks is real.”
I knew what he meant. He meant among first-responders, and he wasn’t wrong. We had a tough job and it could wear on us. Bad. I heard Skids suck in a breath and let it out on the other end of the line. There was a pause and he changed the subject.
“So when you plan on bringing this girl around here?” he asked.
“Well, she’s at one of her rehearsal things right now. I can bring her back to the house, let her get cleaned up, and we can do some dinner at the 10-13.”
“Didn’t you come in here last night?”
“Yeah, but I brought it home, not the same thing.”
Skids laughed and said, “All right, then. We’ll see you tonight.”
“Okay, call it tentative, though. I’ll call and let you know if plans have changed.”
“You do that.”
“All right now, talk to you later.”
“Yeah, you better.”
I laughed a little and the line went dead. I felt instantly bad. I’d rattled Golden’s cage but good, which is exactly why I hadn’t told him in the first place. I loved my twin, but he could let shit consume him and drive him crazy if he wasn’t careful. I felt bad about it, so I tended to keep more than I should from him sometimes, as a mercy. I hated seeing him get wrapped around the axle like that.
I went into the house and got cleaned up. Took my time, too. Showered and shaved, went up and found the bed made already, which was nice. I got dressed with an eye towards comfortable and casual, and while I did it, set my phone on the charger. Before I left, I put a load of laundry in the wash, dinged out the fridge, and took the trash with me.
