by A. J. Downey
“Auntie Claire, when will I see you again?”
“Soon,” I said. “I just need to sort things out with your daddy.”
“I don’t know why he doesn’t like you,” she said sadly, and I felt my eyes mist. I exchanged a look with Mallory, who looked like she was on a slow simmer.
“Your daddy loves your Auntie Claire,” Mallory said.
Gracie looked up at her and said, point-blank, “He doesn’t act like it.”
I tried not to laugh, and I almost felt sorry for my brother with the sour look Mallory had on her face. It was a bad sign if Gracie were picking up on the strife between us. Of course, I had no idea what he’d been saying or how he’d been acting in my absence, but I definitely knew it wasn’t good. I think Mallory was on the verge of killing him between that and the bald-faced lie he’d told her.
I got out of the car after a few more careful words with my niece, and they watched as I keyed myself into the gate and walked down the dock. They watched all the way until I disappeared into Angel’s houseboat, and when I shut the door, I finally felt like I could relax.
“Mi alma, are you okay?”
I jumped and let out a shriek, dropping the groceries and clapping my hands over my racing heart.
“You scared the shit out of me!” I cried.
He laughed and came to me, putting his arms around me and holding me tight. I held to him, waiting for my heart to settle, the adrenaline surge from the fear, to dissipate.
“You’re home early,” I murmured and he chuckled.
“Had some stuff to deal with.”
“Oh, no… I’m sorry, I didn’t mess anything up by not being here, did I?”
“Oh, no. It’s nothing like that. I actually just walked in the door a minute or two before you, so it’s all good. We were talking about you, though. What’s going on?”
I told him about running into Mallory and Gracie at the store, about how Carter had lied to Mallory and told her that I had been the one to make the decision to cut ties, and about Mallory's suggestion that the four of us have dinner.
Angel put a hand to the back of his neck and said softly, “Son of a bitch…”
“I wish I could disagree on the sentiment, but I can’t. Still, our mother was actually a fantastic woman and it’s not her fault.”
“No, babe, of course not. I didn’t mean it like that, I’m sorry.” He crushed me to his chest, burying his hand in the back of my hair and kissing the top of my head. I cuddled against him and marveled at how safe and just warm everything was when I was in his arms. The world made sense to me from here, and it was a feeling I cherished. I swore I would never take it for granted.
“I know that,” I said, giggling. I sighed and looked up at him. “I don’t know what to do. I wanted to talk to you and see what you thought.”
“I think it’s a good idea.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. It sounds like your sister-in-law is on your side. You know I’m on your side. I think it’s high time your brother got called out on some of his bullshit.”
“Why do I feel queasy even thinking about it that way?” I asked.
“Because you want him to love you and approve of you, and he doesn’t. That won’t ever stop you from wanting it, though.”
“Well, gee, look at you being all profound… You’re right, though.”
“Mm, I know I’m right on this one,” he said smacking a kiss on my forehead and letting me go so we could pick up the groceries starting to roll across the floor. I realized the house was rocking and frowned. I couldn’t ever remember it doing that before.
“Is the houseboat rocking?” I asked.
“Yeah, storm is coming in.”
“Bad?” I asked.
“Not bad enough that I want to go to Golden’s. At least, not yet. Let’s get this stuff put away and I’ll turn on the news.”
“Okay.”
He helped me get the two canvas grocery sacks reloaded and over to the kitchen counters.
“I think we should have that dinner with your family here,” he said.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“Yeah, for a few reasons.”
“Okay, like what?”
“One, so they can see you’re safe. Two, because this is your house. You live here and if your brother gets too out of line you can tell him to get the fuck out.”
I blinked at him stupidly and asked him, “You haven’t even met him, and you really don’t like him, do you?”
“Nope. He’s being a total asshole to you, and I think it’s bullshit. I’m actually pretty pissed at him, but I can be cool and bite my tongue. At least, until you tag me in, babe. Then I can’t promise anything. All bets are off.”
I sighed and leaned a hip against a counter. The houseboat shifted again and Angel and I traded sharp looks.
“I’m going to turn on the weather channel. I’ll be right back.”
“Good idea,” I said. “I had no idea a storm was supposed to be coming in. I walked to the store just fine and there was a stiff breeze when I got out of the car, but it seems like it’s picking up fast out there, now.”
“Yeah, and I don’t like it much,” he called down from upstairs. I heard the TV come on and he flipped channels. I put the rest of the things I’d bought at the store away and went up to join him. He was frowning slightly.
“Yeah, get a bag together, with a change of clothes for both you and me. Don’t forget something to sleep in. I’m going to go out and shutter the windows.”
“Okay,” I said carefully.
“It’s going to be a cold ride, possibly wet. I think we may have waited too long for it to be comfortable.”
He shut off the TV and went out the sliding glass door and onto the top deck.
I set about getting the things he asked for together and let out a heavy sigh. Good Lord, it felt like the hits just kept on coming, lately. If it wasn’t one thing it was another. I mean, I was used to living life at a hundred miles an hour but this was ridiculous! I just wanted everything to slow down for just five goddamned minutes! Was that too much to ask for?
It had been overcast and grey and heading into evening twilight when Mallory had dropped me off. It was getting dark fast. I worried a bit when the houseboat shifted noticeably again, but it honestly wasn’t too bad. I was just so used to it feeling solid I sometimes forgot it was a boat at all.
When Angel came back inside from letting down the last shutter downstairs, he had to wipe the rain from his face.
“That doesn’t look good,” I commented dryly, setting the two gym bags I’d packed on the dining room table. “Grabbing toiletries,” I called and went into the bathroom.
“I don’t need any, I’ve got a set over there.”
“Okay,” I called back. I threw mine together and brought them out, tossing them into the top of my bag, zipping it closed.
“Come on, I don’t want to be riding out in this for long. I just want to get over to Golden’s and call it good.”
“Guess we’re getting that family dinner early,” I said, dryly.
“With Lys and Manolo, maybe. Golden is probably at work and I am probably going to have to go back in. Medical emergencies don’t give a shit if it’s storming.”
“Wait, so you came home just to seal this place up and take me someplace safe?”
“Yeah,” he said with a reckless grin. “I love you.”
“I love you, too, but you could have just called me, told me to seal it up and get a hotel for the night.”
He shook his head. “No need for you to do all that. I could get the shutters down in half the time and you’re family. We look out for our own.”
He held out his hand and I took it. I smiled and shook my head and with a gusty sigh asked, “Shall we, then?”
“My lady.” He held out his arm and I took it. We went out into the rain and dashed up the dock, our bags slung across our chests, bouncing against our hips.
The ride was cold and mi
serable, but mercifully short. He pulled into a driveway and down in front of a garage door, and revved his bike loudly, twice. The door raised and his twin stood in the recess of his garage looking amused. He pulled his motorcycle in alongside Golden’s, which was much drier, and cut his engine.
“What are you doing here?” Angel asked, as the garage door trundled closed, shutting out the pounding rain. I felt like a wet cat, and stood by, taking off my helmet.
“Meal break: cruiser’s out front, Pruitt’s upstairs. Hurry your ass up, and we’ll drop you by the station house.”
“Dude, bro, you’re saving my life,” Angel said.
“Hey, Claire. Lys is upstairs waiting to give you the grand tour.”
“Hi, and thank you.” I ducked my head and Golden grinned.
We followed him upstairs and back to the kitchen.
“Oh my god, you poor drowned thing!” Lys cried. “Come on, I’ll show you up to your room and bathroom first, so you can get a hot shower and into some dry clothes.”
“I’ve got to get back to the firehouse, so I’ll be back here later.”
“Okay,” I murmured. I was a little freaked-out at being left alone with his family. I think that had more to do with my earlier interaction with my own, though. I’d met Golden before, and I had been looking forward to meeting Lys this Sunday. So what if it was a few days sooner?
Angel leaned down and kissed my fears away, and his brother broke it up by clapping loudly.
“Okay, okay, okay! We get it. We gotta get going. Claire, make yourself at home. Y’all have free run of the guest room when Angel gets back tonight.” He turned to Lys and said, “Baby, I love you, save me some dinner.” He leaned down and gave her a quick kiss and a smack on the ass. She yipped and jumped and laughed, turning scarlet. Angel spared me the indignity of the ass-smacking in front of people I didn’t know and handed me his gym bag to take up for him instead, with a final quick smack of lips onto my own.
“Be careful!” I called after the three of them as they went for the front door and the police cruiser that had been parked at the curb when we’d pulled in.
“As a virgin on her wedding night!” Golden’s partner called back. Lys and I exchanged a look and rolled our eyes.
“Come on, I’ll show you upstairs.”
I followed her up to the second floor and she flipped on a light to a bathroom saying, “Please, grab a hot shower, by all means. I still have a ways to go on dinner.”
We passed the open door to Manolo’s room where he sat on his bed, a comic book open on his lap.
“Hi, Manolo,” I called out.
“Hey, Claire…” he said, his voice sort of far-away. Whatever he was reading, he was really into it. Lys smiled and shook her head.
“That boy and his comic books,” she said with a gusty sigh.
“Could be video games!” he shot back, and Lys rolled her eyes.
“Those, too!” she returned, and opened the door to a guest room. The bedroom set was masculine and blocky, not what I would have expected for a guest room.
She smiled a little wryly and said, “It’s Golden’s old bedroom set. When we first lived together it was as roommates. When we moved in together, we picked something for the master bedroom that was more… ‘us.’”
“Too many conquests?” I asked, and she smiled, amused.
“You said it, not me. Don’t let yourself get grossed out; the mattress is new. His old one went out with the trash.”
I laughed and shook my head. “I could tell you how it goes when it comes to living with a bunch of other circus performers.”
“Oh?”
“Mm, most of the time, you don’t lose your guy or your girl. You just lose your turn.”
“Ew! Gross!”
“Tell me about it. That’s why I would either get them fresh or keep my happy ass single.”
“Right, well, you get comfortable, I’m going to go pour some wine, and we can carry on this conversation while I finish up supper.”
I laughed and set down my bag on the footlocker at the foot of the bed and set down Angel’s bag next to it.
“Wine sounds fabulous,” I said, and she ducked out the door. I pulled out dry clothes and went and took a long, hot shower.
21
Angel…
It wasn’t too bad. The calls, not the storm. The storm was a beast, but we only had to go out in it twice. Once was to give oxygen to a woman whose power went out; her travel tanks were low, and with the power out, her home unit couldn’t run. We did a quick-and-dirty and swapped out the truck’s full travel tanks for her empties and just refilled them from the big tank back at the house.
The second call was a heart attack. That guy made it to the hospital, but passed before we could get done with the paperwork. That was a bummer, but it was also one of the tough realities of being a medic. We’d done our job. We’d done a great one. We got him to the hospital. If Trinity Gen couldn’t save him, then there was no saving him. Period.
Golden swung by in Lys’ cage to pick me up after his shift and we rode over to his place together.
“So, given what she’s been through, she doing okay?” he asked when we got through our usual chit-chat.
“She’s had a real shitty day,” I said. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried.”
He grunted an affirmative and said, “I kind of figured that. She looked a little wrung out.”
“Yeah, well, between her job and her brother, it feels like I’m the only thing holding her together right now.”
“Eh, that’s not good, bro.”
“Oh, shit, no! It’s fine. I’m not worried about it at all,” I said. “I can do it. I know I can, and I will for as long as she needs it. That part is all good. I just want to fix some of it for her, you know?”
Golden nodded carefully, his eyes on the sheeting rain coming down the windshield, the wipers going full bore and still having trouble keeping up. The only good news? The streets were fucking empty, partially from the time of night, but mostly from the storm.
“I can imagine, bro. You just can’t fix everything, you know?”
“Oh, I know, trust me. I totally get it, G. That’s what’s driving me nuts about this whole thing. I mean, the job is a bit of a mourning period because she’s leaving behind a bunch of people that were like family to her, but she gets another one and moves on. I think what’s really killing her is her brother.” I shook my head. “I can’t imagine what I would feel like if you did something like that to me.”
Golden snorted like I was some kind of epic dumbass and said, “You don’t have to imagine that shit. It would never happen.”
I stared out the window, quiet for a while, and said quietly, “What would have happened if she hadn’t come along, G? What if I’d suck-started my gun that night?”
“Truthfully?” he asked.
“No, fuckin’ lie to me.”
He laughed a little, “Well, in that case, I probably would have thrown an epic party and invited all of the guys to roast marshmallows over your barbecuing corpse.”
“Vivid picture,” I said and snorted.
“Seriously, though,” he said, without even acknowledging my comment. “I would have been pissed, I would have been hurt, but I wouldn’t have been able to lie to myself or anyone else and say I didn’t understand.” He was quiet for a second, the sheets of rain drumming across the roof of the car and spattering across the windshield as we waited on a red light. A gust of wind rocked the car and I winced, trying not to think about my houseboat.
“Angel, you aren’t the only one to go through rough times like that, man. I can’t judge. I just dealt with it different.”
“Yeah, like how?” I asked. I didn’t believe him. He was always the stronger of the two of us.
“Like instead of suck-starting my service weapon, I took my happy ass out and drowned myself in meaningless pussy, hoping one of them would be my Claire.” He shook his head, the light turned green, and he accelerated
through the intersection.
“I never thought about it like that.”
“Well, now you know my secret. I wouldn’t want to burden you with my shit, just like I guess you didn’t want to weigh me down with yours.”
“Fuck me, we need to knock that shit off, huh?”
“Well, it’s easier for the both of us now,” he said. “But, yeah. We need to go back to our roots sometimes, dude. Those times where it was you and me against the world.”
I gave a rough chuckle, choking up a bit and said, “It’ll always be you and me against the fuckin’ world, Man. Except now it’s a little bit more than that. It’s you and me, and Claire, and Lys.”
“And Manolo, and Maria, and the rest of the guys with the club,” he reminded me.
“And everyone on the ICPD.”
“And ICFD.”
“Shit.” We said it in unison.
“I mean, we always wanted a big family,” I said, laughing.
“Yeah,” he agreed.
“Remember how we used to get fuckin’ jealous of all the other Mexican and Dominican kids in our classes when they’d come back and talk about all their cousins and cousin’s cousin’s cousin’s…”
Golden laughed, “Shit, yeah. We were like aliens from another fuckin’ planet, just being us, Abuela, Mama, and Maria.”
“Yeah, we laugh about it now, but back then it sucked balls.”
“You always want what you can’t have,” he said with a shrug.
“You know, you’re right,” I said.
“But?” he asked, knowing one was there.
“Except, I don’t really want anything except for shit to get straight so Claire can be happy.”
He nodded. “I can’t say there’s anything I want either. I kind of have it all.”
I grinned. “Yeah, you do.”
He grinned back and pulled up to the curb in front of his place and threw it into park.
“Yeah, I do,” he echoed. “You will too, bro. Just give shit time to settle. She’s still in the thick of it.”
“Yeah, I know,” I said, staring up at his darkened windows. There was a glimmer of light on the top floor, which meant Lys was probably still up, but all I wanted was to go in and crawl into bed beside Claire.
