by A. J. Downey
“I love you,” I told Angel and stepped back, grabbing a silk in either hand behind me. He blew me a kiss and stepped away, and I hoisted myself up off my feet, keeping my arms straight, pushing off with one foot, raising the other knee artfully. The silk’s light material fluttered behind me and I ‘flew’ in a light arc, away from the spectators, sailing cleanly over the mats.
“Oh, wow!” one of the girls blurted and I touched back down. It had been nothing, really. It looked far more impressive than the tough stuff which I would be getting into soon. I raised my arms, striking a pose, gripped high on the silks and drew myself up, my arms coming down until I had risen off my feet again, only this time, I kicked the silk in a wrap around my foot and stood, climbing the silk as if it were rope, to take position. Thierry and Anya flanked me on silks behind and to either side of me.
I looked down and checked with Giada, who nodded, and got myself wrapped and cradled like I was supposed to be. I checked on Thierry and Anya, who were on their marks, and gave a nod down to Giada. She turned to Aly and said lightly, “Music, if you please.”
Aly hit play and the opening notes came through the speakers. Giada let down her hair and ran lightly across the mat below me, Aleksi following, reaching out artfully. Giada dipped and swayed, twirled as if caught in an eddy of wind, and touched fingertips with Aleksi.
He drew her in flawlessly, Giada spinning lightly on her feet until her back went to Aleksi’s chest and they swayed back and forth together. The vocals hit and she went into the first lift, bowing back, tumbling into Aleksi’s arms, the two of them making it look effortless. They danced beautifully, a combination of acrobatics and dance with a level of skill that was unparalleled.
The music went on into the second verse and still they danced together, a marriage of skill and ability and then the chorus ‒ and I tumbled and dropped. My arms went out as I took wing, I was vaguely aware of Thierry and Anya echoing my grace a step behind me as we perfectly danced and twirled in unison above Giada and Aleksi, mirroring each other in perfect synchronicity, until it was my solo moment.
My counterpoints stopped and I rose, arching, legs split, silk wrapped just so, as I danced nearly twenty feet up, imagining I was one with the sky itself as I twirled and bent, reached and arched, sinuous and graceful, my movements controlled, making everything look as smooth as the silk I hung from.
I curled in on myself, supported, and reached down to twirl the tail of the silks to get a good spin going, elongating my body, hanging upside down by my feet, drawing my arms in, going faster and faster until I flung out my arms and arched forward, stopping my spin as the last note died. Everyone came to rest and applause erupted, cheering and whistles. I gasped for breath and held my position for the proper count before letting myself down. I gripped the silks in front of me with my hands and kicked out of the bindings, controlling my body and lowering my feet below my head with carefully-crafted precision before letting myself down the rest of the way smoothly, hand-under-hand.
My feet touched the floor and I turned to the applause and raised my arms. My castmates joining me. We grasped hands together, Thierry on one side, Anya on the other, Giada beside Thierry, Aleksi on the other side of Anya, me in the center. We took our deep bow and rose, all smiling, and broke apart, all going to each other and hugging tightly.
“Well done,” I breathed, and even more important, “Thank you.”
“That is what this should be, always,” Aleksi said, his blue eyes sparkling.
“That is what could never be with the Night Circus, not anymore; that is why we go,” Anya echoed.
“I love you guys,” I said, tearing up again. “I’m going to miss you so much.” We huddled in a knot, a big group hug, and we cried. We couldn’t help it. This was a perfect ending, but still, it wasn’t how this was supposed to end.
29
Angel…
“Aww!”
“Oh, no!”
Everyone looked stricken at the sudden but inevitable tears. I looked over the faces of my brothers and my sisters and smiled. They all genuinely felt for Claire and I could see she’d been accepted. She was one of us. One of their own, and that did my heart good. I knew when she got past this, it would do her heart good, too.
She’d been even more amazing than the first time she’d performed and pretty soon the little knot of performers broke apart and our people surged off the mats to go talk to them.
Aly gave a joyous shriek, and put out her arms and hugged Claire, crying, “Oh, my God, you can teach me that right? I so want you to teach me that!” She turned to Yale and said, “I can learn how to do that, right?”
Yale laughed, his hands buried in his pockets and said, “We’ll see.”
“Pleeease!” Aly begged.
Lil went to Claire and said, “You’ve inspired me for days! That was phenomenal. I can’t wait to get back to the writing cave. Seriously, you have to let me write you into a book as a character.”
Claire laughed, kind of incredulous. “Me?”
“Yes, you!”
“Um, okay…”
I smiled and let the love and enthusiasm sweep through me and surround her. Golden stepped up next to me and raised an eyebrow, smirking. He nodded a few times and stuck out his hand and I grinned and took it with my own. He shook it and I laughed.
“Congratulations, bro. If she’s that passionate, that good at what she does and she feels that way about you, I don’t think I could ask for anything else.”
“Thanks, man.”
Claire made it back to me and I hugged her tight. She swayed in my arms and laughed, and looked up at me, asking, “You going to tell them?”
I nodded and called out, “Hey, yo, yo! I got something to tell you guys, so listen up!”
Everyone settled down and looked our way.
“I asked Claire to marry me and she said yes. We’ll let you know wedding plans as soon as we make them.”
“Shut the fuck up!” Blaze called, excited.
“Holy shit, bro, congratulations!” Backdraft grinned.
“Reception on The 10-13,” Reflash declared and I laughed.
“Wouldn’t have it any other way,” I told him.
Hugs, handshakes, laughter and even some tears. It was a good way to start a life. The best way.
Claire looked up at me and I smiled and murmured, “Welcome home.”
She grinned up at me and reached for me, whispering against my mouth before she kissed me, “There’s no place like it.”
30
Claire…
“So you’re engaged…”
I froze up and turned slowly. I’d just finished my evening class. My studio space had been open for weeks now and I was happy. It was nice, having the ability to tailor my schedule around Angel’s.
This was unexpected, though. I swallowed hard and turned around to face Carter. He stood in the doorway, his hands buried in the pockets of his khakis. He shrugged his shoulders, his white tee-shirt and light blue, short-sleeved button-up shirt standing out starkly against the glittering night sky painted on the wall behind him.
He looked at his brown loafers, and said, “Would have been nice to know when it happened, but I, I, uh, get why you didn’t tell me.”
I sniffed, my eyes brimming already, and asked, “How did you find me?”
He pulled a postcard out of his pocket and held it out. It was one of the advertising mailing promotions the gym and I had sent out to let Indigo City know I was here and what we now offered. There had been a crazy amount of sign-ups. We didn’t anticipate a lot would stick around, but business was promising enough that we were looking for a belly dance instructor and a couple of yoga instructors to teach classes out of my space when I wasn’t using it.
“And how do you know I got engaged?” I asked.
He huffed a bit of a laugh and scratched the back of his neck, “I just watched you take that ring off your necklace and put it on your ring finger. Doesn’t take a rocket scientist, Sis.”<
br />
I rubbed my lips together and said, “It’s been a long time since you called me that.”
“Really?” he asked, surprised. Then he thought about it and nodded slowly. “Yeah, I guess it has.”
“What do you want, Carter? Because I’m not too keen on letting you hurt me again.”
“I want to fix it,” he said, and the look on his face said he was genuine.
“Mallory followed through?” I asked. It was just a hunch, but pretty spot-on.
“That obvious?”
“Never figured you would come here on your own, otherwise.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. I am here on my own.”
“Let me guess. You want me to talk to your wife?”
“No. Wow, I really was that big of an ass…”
“Yeah, Carter. That’s putting it mildly.” I shook my head.
“Look, I’ve got to go.” I hefted my gym bag up onto my shoulder and he reached for it.
“Let me carry that for you.”
I jerked my shoulder back out of his reach, twisting my body.
“It’s okay, I’ve got it. I’m a big girl, now. You aren’t responsible for me anymore.”
“Shit,” he muttered. “At least let me walk you out while you wait for your driver,” he said.
“I drove myself, and you’re a big boy. You can do what you want, too. Hell, you already did.”
“Wow,” he said. “I mean it, Claire. I’m really sorry. I want to fix this.”
“I don’t think you can,” I told him, and went around him.
He fell into step beside me and said, “Please, let me try.”
“Oh, now you want to try? Figured out there were some consequences? Feeling pretty lonely?” I asked.
“Yeah, to both, and I know I deserve it but – ”
“No ‘but’s’. Just to let you know, how you’re feeling right now? Been there, done that. More than three years’ worth of it.”
“Look, I saw the video,” he blurted, and he was getting worked up.
“Which one?” I asked flatly. “There are several.”
“The one of you and that director guy. I had no idea.”
“I only tried to tell you, like a thousand times,” I said. I would so not cry. I wanted the carrot Carter was dangling in front of my nose, but I was super cautious, which hurt in and of itself, to be honest.
“I know, and I didn’t listen. All I heard was the same old complaints about this dance instructor or that coach. I just – I couldn’t seem to see you as anything other than the bratty little kid sister dogging my steps.”
“I know, I get it, I was a burden mom saddled you with because she didn’t have anyone else to rely on. I totally get it. I ruined your life. Well, congratulations, you sort of ruined mine right back. And to answer your question, yes, Angel asked me to marry him the night you decided to go thermonuclear on our relationship. I lucked into finding a man who actually gives a shit about me and wanted to do anything he could to just make it better, and I recognize that, and I want that, and I’m finally figuring out that I deserve that. So seriously, just –“ I let out a frustrated breath. “Just fuck off, big brother. I can’t and won’t do this again with you.”
“Claire! Claire, stop! Wait!” He caught me by the upper arm and I stopped and waited for all of two seconds before I raised my eyebrows at him.
Someone cleared their throat, and my and Carter’s heads turned on a swivel, in unison. McGowan came around the front desk wrap, his arms crossing over his big chest as he asked, “Everything okay here, Claire?”
“Yeah, Mike. It’s just my asshole brother.”
McGowan hitched up with a laugh and grinned, shaking his head. “Nice to meet you, Asshole. Mind taking your hand off your sister?”
Carter dropped his hand and said, “Actually, it’s Carter. I am an asshole, but our mom gave me a proper name.”
Okay, I was impressed. The Carter of a few weeks ago would have tried to break it off in McGowan’s ass for that shot. Actually, McGowan would have never made it far enough to take it. I would have had my ass chewed up one side and down the other for calling Carter a name. For a half a second it felt like there was hope that I could and would get my brother back, before I slammed the lid back down on the box.
“I’ve got to go,” I said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
McGowan gave a nod and said, “Night, Claire. Don’t be an asshole, Carter. Your sister has an entire department of angels looking after her now.”
“I’m trying not to,” Carter said. “Believe me.”
I’d already started walking away by then, though. He caught up to me in three lanky strides. There was a reason my older brother had played basketball. He had the height and the long legs for it. Ate up court like nobody’s business.
“What can I do?” he asked when we hit the sidewalk. The freezing air was a shock to the system.
I picked my way over the salted sidewalk to the lot next door and said, “Nothing. I just want to go home.”
“I mean it, Claire. I’m sorry, and I’d do anything to fix this, just, please…”
There was a note of desperate pleading to his ‘please’ that stopped me by the gate. I sighed, my breath pluming the air around my face.
“I’m glad you’re working your issues,” I said. “I’m sorry if I don’t know if it’s enough. You really fucked me up, Carter, and I’m leery.”
“I mean, what if I told you I want you to be a part of Gracie’s life?”
I shook my head. “I already am, and are you seriously trying to use my niece as a bargaining chip?”
“What!? No! I didn’t mean it that way, I… Shit! I really can’t win with you or Mal.”
“There’s a reason for that,” I reminded him coldly. “Or did you forget you put your ego above my nearly dying.”
His face pinched and he looked away from me, his eyes misting. He sniffed and turned back to me and said, “You scared the shit out of me with that.”
“Could have fooled me…”
Tears leaked out of his eyes and I came up short. I couldn’t remember the last time I saw my brother cry.
“I’m being real,” he said. “You scared me so bad and all I could do was get angry and I held onto it and the next thing I knew it got so big and so out of control and I couldn’t put the fire out. I let it eat me alive and it burned everybody, everything I cared about, and I’m so sorry. Please just let me make this right.”
“How’d you get here?” I asked.
“I took a car. Mallory took ours when she moved out with Gracie last week.”
I felt my shoulders drop.
“I just saw them earlier this week; she didn’t say anything about moving out.”
He gave me a sad, crooked smile, like he couldn’t make his mouth work enough to give me a whole one. A tear dripped off the end of his nose and he sniffed, swiping an arm across his face.
“Did you ask?”
I shook my head. “We don’t talk about you. My choice. Last thing she mentioned was that you guys were in therapy trying to work things out. She told me not to give up yet. When she stopped bringing you up altogether, I pretty much gave up on the idea you ever cared at all.”
“Man.” He shivered and I frowned.
“Where’s your coat?”
“Ah… I left it in the car. Driver had it like a million degrees. I didn’t even think about it when I got out. Son of a bitch.”
“You’re having a red-letter day,” I said dryly. “Come on, get in.” I hit the button on my key fob and my car unlocked, the back hatch opening up. I stowed my bag back there and he looked over the car, nodding.
“It’s nice,” he said finally. “Angel help you buy it?”
I fought not to roll my eyes. “Nope. Did it all by myself… used all my own money -everything.”
“I’m getting used to the taste of shoe leather, believe it or not,” he said, opening up the passenger door.
I shot him a look over the
roof of the car and said, “Oh, I believe it.”
He laughed a little and got in the car.
“Taking me home?” he asked.
“Actually, it’s my night to cook. Thought we’d stop by the store, pick up a few things and that you could maybe try a take two on that dinner.”
“Think Angel will mind?” he asked.
“Guess we’re gonna find out,” I said, and started the car.
“Great,” he muttered and sounded nervous.
I felt my lips twitch as I tried not to smirk.
“Be grateful Angel’s nothing like his identical twin,” I said.
“There’s two of him?”
I rolled my eyes. “I just said he was nothing like Golden, didn’t I?”
“Okay, fine. Also, I’ll bite. Why should I be glad that Angel isn’t like his twin?”
“Because, one, Golden’s a cop, and two, one of his favorite life mottoes is ‘God forgives so I don’t have to.’”
“Okay.” He clapped his hands down on the top of his thighs and rubbed them back and forth as if to dry his sweating palms. “And you’re sure you want to marry into this family?”
“Hey,” I said tartly, “this family wanted me when my own didn’t.”
A sober silence ensued and he raked his bottom lip between his teeth.
“Touché,” he said, quietly.
I didn’t say anything else. Just let him marinate in that truth all the way to the grocery store. The next thing that was uttered was a somber, “What are we getting?”
I let him carry the basket as we wound our way through the produce section and down aisles. I settled on making a pesto chicken I’d learned from Giada, who I missed terribly. She was back in Italy. Aleksi had managed to get a visa from the Italian consulate and had gone with her. I was glad for that. I’d been afraid of what might happen to him if he went back to Russia.
He was trying to figure out how to come to America, but with the way things were right now, I felt he was better off in Italy.
The drive home held a little inane chatter, but not much. Once we got through the door back at the houseboat I asked him, “You know how to start a fire?”
