by Abbi Glines
It was morning when the searchers found Jace’s body washed up one mile down the shore.
Woods
I stood under the shower spray and let Della wash me. She washed my hair and body so methodically and thoroughly. She never said a word. She didn’t ask me questions. She was just there beside me. I needed her to stay there. If she left me I was afraid the reality would set in and I couldn’t let it. It hurt too fucking much.
“You’re clean,” Della said softly, opening the shower door and stepping out. She picked up a towel and began to dry me. And I let her.
When she was finished she wrapped the towel around herself and pressed a kiss to my chest. “Go, get in bed. You need to sleep,” she told me.
She turned to walk away and I reached out and grabbed her hand. “Don’t leave me.” The words sounded more like pleading. They didn’t sound like me at all.
She shook her head. “I’m not. I just need to get dry. I’ll be in bed in a minute,” she assured me.
“I’ll wait,” I told her as I stood there. I was scared of my own nightmares now. I couldn’t lie down and face them without her with me.
“Okay. I’ll hurry,” she said. I saw the sadness and pain in her eyes.
She dried off her body and wrapped the towel around her hair, then went to the dresser. When she opened it and pulled out a pair of panties, I moved toward her.
“No. Don’t wear clothes.” I wanted her in my arms just like this. I wanted her warmth to reach my empty coldness inside. She was the only reason I was still alive. If it hadn’t been for her I wouldn’t have stopped until I’d drowned, too.
“Okay.”
She reached for my hand and took me over to the bed. I lay down and she climbed in beside me, then pulled the covers up over us. If Rush hadn’t come back I wouldn’t be here now. I held on to her tighter.
She would’ve been here without me. I didn’t want to think about that. Not being there to protect her. To hold her. Not being there to spend forever with her.
“I came back for you.” My voice sounded hoarse.
She tilted back her head and looked up at me. “Thank you.”
I didn’t say anything else. I wasn’t sure what to say. Within minutes, my eyes were too heavy to hold open and the smooth heat of Della’s skin gave me the comfort I needed to fall asleep.
When I opened my eyes, I stared at the ceiling. It was late afternoon. I could tell by the sunlight through the windows. Della’s slow, even breathing told me she was still asleep. I hadn’t dreamed. Thank God.
I hadn’t wanted to dream. It all replayed over and over again in my head. Jace was going to propose to Bethy. He’d been ready to spend his life with her. We had been right there together and everything had been fine.
Then Bethy had changed all that. She’d turned a summer night we were all supposed to enjoy together into a nightmare. One that would never leave us. One that we would all relive over and over the rest of our lives. Remembering the helpless feeling of knowing he was gone and there was nothing we could do to bring him back.
I had lived on this beach my entire life. We had seen more than one death from the water but it had never been a death that impacted me. It had never been someone I loved. It had never been real.
It was real now.
Della moved in my arms and I held her tighter. She was my glue right now. Being able to touch her was keeping me together. Last night she’d sat right there on that beach, refusing to let go of my hand.
When they had found his body she had wrapped her arms around me and used every ounce of strength to hold me as they covered him and took him. I couldn’t have made it without her. Holding her reminded me that I was alive. I hadn’t drowned. When she walked away from me or left me for even a moment, I was under that wave again, being sucked away and unable to fight it.
“Woods?” Della’s concerned voice brought me out of my head and I blinked, then focused on her face. “I’m here,” she said simply, and brushed the hair from my forehead.
I reached up and touched her face. I didn’t have words just yet. I couldn’t talk about it. I just needed her near me.
She moved her body over mine until she was on top of me. She straddled my waist and pressed small kisses to my neck and shoulders. This was her way of easing my pain. I could feel it in each gentle brush of her lips. Her hips moved down until I could feel her wet heat slide over me. The contact was all I needed to be ready.
Della lifted her hips and I slid into her with ease. When I was completely inside she leaned forward and rested her head on my heart. We stayed there a few moments. Joined in a way that only she could achieve.
When her hips began to rock against me she didn’t seek my mouth or get frantic with her need for release. She just loved me. She used her body to love me and hold me in the most intimate way.
I wrapped my arms around her and held her against me. We moved with each other in a perfect rhythm that was selfless. Its purpose was to heal and comfort. When Della’s warmth began to tighten around me and her body started to tremble, I cried out her name and she followed me.
After I filled her with my release she didn’t move from me. She held me inside her as we stared into each other’s eyes. All the pain and devastation of last night was there. We didn’t need words.
“He would have wanted you to come back,” she finally said.
“I know,” I told her.
She pressed a kiss to my cheek. “He loved you.”
“I know.”
Della
The beach was empty. It was the middle of the day in August and the beach was empty. Almost forty-eight hours had passed since Jace drowned. Tourists had already gone back to their lives. It was the locals who were left to mourn. Woods hadn’t wanted to leave the house yet. I was going to have to make him eventually but I didn’t want to push him.
I thought I should call Tripp but I didn’t know what to say. He was probably with family. I would see him tomorrow at the funeral. I knew that. I just felt like I should call. Say something. He would mourn this just as hard as Woods. Jace was his cousin. He was like his little brother.
Then there was Bethy. I hadn’t called Bethy. I wasn’t sure how Woods would react to that. He obviously blamed her for Jace’s death. I was afraid he always would. I wasn’t sure if forgiveness could be granted to her for this. Not from Woods.
Rush had dropped by that morning to check on Woods. He had still been sleeping. I’d told him I’d let Woods know he came by. Grant had stopped by an hour later. His red-rimmed eyes reminded me of Woods’s hollow look.
Woods hadn’t been awake then, either. He had slept until eleven. When he realized I wasn’t in bed with him he had jumped up and come after me. He hadn’t said anything but pulled me into his lap. We had sat there for an hour in silence.
Finally, I had told him about Rush and Grant stopping by. Then I’d convinced him to get dressed and eat something. I turned from my view of the gulf and walked back into the kitchen to check on the chicken Parmesan I had put in the oven.
Woods walked out of the bedroom freshly showered and dressed in jeans and a T-shirt. “I need to go to the office today,” he said.
“Lunch is almost ready. Can you eat first?” I really wanted him to eat.
“After we eat I want us both to go. I want you with me.”
I didn’t ask why, I just nodded. Right now he seemed to need me. I would be whatever he needed me to be. It was my turn to be the strong one. This time I would be his shoulder to lean on.
“It smells good,” he said as he walked around the counter to kiss me. He was doing that a lot lately too. More than normal. Sometimes they were desperate, hungry kisses that led to more, but most of the time they were kisses that held words he couldn’t say.
“I need to go to the store. I worked with what we had,” I explained as I pulled the chicken out of the oven. I kept myself busy fixing us each a plate and toasting some bread and buttering it.
“Soda?” I asked him.
“Do we have sweet tea?” he asked.
We did. I had made it that morning. I fixed him a glass while he carried our food to the table.
“Thank you,” he said as I set the drink down in front of him.
“You’re welcome.”
He reached up and grabbed my hand. “No. Thank you for being exactly what I needed and knowing when I wanted to speak and when I didn’t.” That was one of the longest sentences he’d said since we’d come home from the beach.
“I will always be whatever you need me to be,” I said simply before taking my seat.
We ate for a few minutes in silence.
“I need to see his parents . . . and Tripp. He’s called my phone twice. I should see him too.”
“Okay.”
“I want you to go with me.”
“Okay,” I agreed.
Woods looked out at the water. “Do you know when the funeral is?”
“Yes. Rush said it was tomorrow at two.”
His jaw worked as he stared out the window. “Will Bethy be there?”
“Yes. I’m sure she will be,” I replied.
His jaw continued to shift like he was clenching his teeth.
I reached over and took his hand. “Woods. She loved him too. She made a mistake that she’ll have to live with for the rest of her life, but she did love him. You know that.”
“I can’t forgive her,” he said.
“I understand that. But remember, he loved her. He loved her enough to die for her. She’s suffering. Don’t doubt that. She’s suffering because she knows why this happened. You can hate her but try to remind yourself of the pain she has to be going through. And that Jace loved her more than he loved himself.”
Woods didn’t say anything; he just sat there, letting me hold his hand while he stared out the window.
Everyone in Rosemary was at the funeral. There were more people there than I’d ever seen at any event in town. Bethy was lifeless. Her face was pale and her cheeks were hollowed. She stood beside her aunt Darla and a man I assumed was her father. Jace’s parents I had seen a few times at the club. His mother’s eyes were red and swollen as she clung to his father’s arm. Tripp stood to the side of them. He was dressed in a dark suit. You couldn’t see his tattoos and he looked nothing like a biker bartender but more like the Ivy League graduate that he would have been if he hadn’t run from his parents’ plans for him.
Woods held on to my hand like it was his lifeline. He hadn’t let it go since we arrived. Rush also held Blaire’s hand just as tightly. Nate wasn’t with them today.
Grant stood on the other side of Rush, his hands tucked in his front pockets and his face pinched in a permanent frown. It looked like he was trying not to cry.
The others were there, too, but I couldn’t see them from where we were standing.
Each one of them had had an impact on the others’ lives.
They all had stories.
They had all loved, and many had lost.
They had expected to grow up and become adults together. Get married and let their kids play together.
They’d planned on being the next generation in Rosemary.
What they hadn’t planned on was losing one of their own. Losing a member of their tight group. They hadn’t seen their future minus one. Death hadn’t touched them before. Not like this. Not one of them.
Everything was about to change.
Bethy
My entire life I had loved the sound of the waves. The natural beauty of the gulf. I was proud to live in such a special place.
But that had all changed.
The crashing waves were cruel. It had been two weeks since the water had taken Jace from me. Two weeks since I cheated death and it had taken the man I loved instead.
“It should have been me,” I screamed at the water. I wanted it to know it had messed up and taken the wrong life.
“He wouldn’t have agreed with you.”
I didn’t want to hear that voice. Not now. Not now that Jace was gone. I wanted him to go away.
“No one should have died, Bethy. And Jace made sure it wasn’t you. It wasn’t the water who took the wrong person. Jace made that decision.” I wanted to cover my ears like a child and scream at him to go away. I didn’t want him here. Why was he still here? He knew it was my fault. He knew this was all my fault, yet he didn’t look at me with hate in his eyes the way Woods did.
“Go away,” I said without looking back at him.
“I’m not leaving again.”
Those were not words I wanted to hear right now. Maybe five years ago I would have loved to have heard Tripp Newark tell me he was staying in Rosemary, but not now. Any and all feelings I had for Tripp had died the day I walked out of the abortion clinic Aunt Darla had taken me to, with an ache in my chest where my heart used to be.
“You can do what you want. Just stay away from me,” I snapped, finally turning my angry glare on him. He was still just as beautiful as he had been when I was sixteen and stupid. He had said pretty words and I had believed him.
“I will for now. But I’ve been running for five years, Bethy.”
It wasn’t my fault he had been running. He had left me without an explanation or apology. He hadn’t answered my phone calls. Nothing. Not even the message I’d left him after I had killed our baby. I had been devastated. He hadn’t even called me back then.
“I loved him!” I yelled, and pointed my finger at Tripp. “I loved Jace! It was real! Damn you! It was real. Don’t come to me and tell me you’re coming back. Don’t tell me you’re tired of running. I don’t give a motherfucking shit! I loved him.” My angry screams had turned to sobs, but I didn’t care. He’d asked for this. He should have stayed away from me.
“I loved him,” I said one more time before turning to walk away.
“I loved him, too. He was like my brother. He was everything I wasn’t. He was good. He was honest. He was strong. He deserved you.”
I stopped and let the pain slice through me. He’s gone. How could he be gone?
“I’m sorry, Bethy. I’m sorry that I just left you that summer. I was young and stupid. My parents wanted things for me I didn’t want and I was scared of becoming my dad. So I ran like hell. I wanted to tell you. Dammit, I wanted to take you with me, but you were sixteen years old. You were an even bigger kid than I was. What was an eighteen-year-old trust fund brat going to do taking care of a sixteen-year-old?”
It was the past. Nothing he said made up for what he’d done. It was over. I had let it go and buried it and moved on.
“I was in love with you, Bethy. You were the first girl I ever loved. You’ve been the only girl I’ve ever loved. I never wanted to hurt you. When Jace was smart enough to fall in love with you I knew you’d be okay. He would give you everything you deserved.”
“Shut up!” I snapped, spinning around and glaring at him “Just shut up! He didn’t know! He loved me and he trusted me and he didn’t know. I never told him. I wasn’t worthy of him. I was never worthy of him. I was a liar. I’m tainted. I’m dirty.”
Tripp took a step toward me. “No, you’re not. Just because you trusted me with your love and then gave me your virginity . . . Bethy, that doesn’t make you tainted or dirty. What we had wasn’t wrong. It was real. I was too young to deal with it but it was very fucking real. It never left me.”
Giving him my virginity was stupid. I had been a good girl then. Sex had equaled love to me. But Tripp had changed all that. He had turned me into something that Jace saved me from. The girl Tripp had destroyed, Jace had salvaged and cherished.
“No. Loving you was stupid, not wrong. Trusting you with my virginity was a mistake, not dirty. But killing the baby that we created because you didn’t care enough to return my calls . . . that’s what made me unworthy of someone like Jace.”
I turned and walked away. This time he didn’t try to stop me.
Della
I sat in the window of Woods’s office and watched him
read over some new contracts he needed to sign with a distributor that I had found for the clothing line in the clubhouse. What we had was for an older crowd. The members of the Kerrington Club weren’t all fifty and above.
He hadn’t wanted me out of his sight for longer than a few minutes. It had been two weeks since the funeral and he was still clingy. It was easing up each day, but he still needed me close by. We were also having sex more often than normal, and that was a whole lot of sex.
Blaire had called and invited me over for lunch today at one. That was Nate’s nap time, so she was hoping we could meet at her house. Bethy was also invited. She wasn’t working or showing up anywhere anymore. Blaire was worried about her and I was, too. Woods still wouldn’t talk about her.
“Blaire has invited me to lunch today at her house at one. Are you okay with me going?” Normally I wouldn’t have felt like I had to ask Woods’s permission to eat lunch, but with his need for me to be close to him at all times, I wanted to check and make sure.
He looked up from his contract and frowned. I could see the sadness in his eyes and I almost wished I hadn’t asked him and had just told Blaire no.
“I’m sorry, Della.”
I stood up. “For what?”
“For making you think you have to ask me to go somewhere. These past couple of weeks I’ve been needy, and I’m sorry I’ve done that to you.”
I pulled his chair back and straddled his lap, then grabbed both of his shoulders. “Do not apologize to me. Not for that. You needed me and I was able to be what you needed. I was the strong one this time. Not you. Me. I got to be the one to hold your hand. It was my turn to show you how much I love you. So, don’t apologize for that.”
Woods grinned. He hadn’t grinned since before the accident. He lifted his hand and traced my jaw. “You’re straddling my lap in a skirt. I want you to go but I’m also thinking about your panties and wondering if they’re wet, or if I can get them wet. Hurry and stand up and get away from me before I do something that changes your plans.”
