“Don’t be silly, Elden,” she giggled. “It’s simple. You’re happy, and that makes you scared.”
I looked at her incredulously. “What are you talking about? How is that simple?”
“Lia makes you happy. That makes you feel guilty, because you’ve convinced yourself you can’t reciprocate her feelings.” Her tone was oddly jovial for how serious the conversation had become. “You’re terrified that if you admit you love someone else, the life you had with me won’t be as special.”
“That’s not true!” I yelled, jumping to my feet. “Nothing could change that!” My face was hot as I fought to hold myself together; the logical part of my brain knew she was right, which only frustrated me further. “Nobody could ever be like you!”
“Why not?”
“Because you were perfect!”
She clicked her tongue at me. “Elden, you know that’s not true.”
“Yes it is! You were everything I ever wanted, plus all the things I never knew I needed. My memories of you are the only things that keep me going.” I choked back a sob. “I still love you just as much as the day I was sent away. I’ll love you, no matter how many times I die.” My head fell, sending tears streaming to the floor.
Amaya stood from her chair and walked towards me. Soft hands slid down and cradled my face, pulling it upwards to meet her gaze. “I love you,” she whispered. Hearing her voice say the simple phrase finally broke me, and I sobbed into her chest. “If I can’t be with you, the thing that I want most is for you to be happy.”
I shook my head against her. “No...no…” I cried, anticipating what she was about to say.
“Lia makes you happy, Elden. I don’t want you to make yourself miserable on my account.” Her smile was as pure and radiant as sunlight. “I want you to live. I want you to love. Nothing could make me happier than that.”
“I can’t. I’m not...strong enough,” I sniffled pitifully.
“Listen to me, Elden,” she said, her voice taking a serious tone for the first time in our conversation. “Do you remember what we promised each other on the last day we spent together?”
“Of course!” I gasped, offended at the suggestion that I could ever have forgotten. “I promised that I would come home to you, no matter what.”
She nodded. “And I promised that I would wait for you.” Her hand ran through my hair and set a piece of my heart at ease. “I’m still waiting, every single day. But until you come home to me, I need you to be strong. Can you do that?”
“I’m...not sure.”
“Can you try? For me?”
I took a deep breath. “For you.”
“Thank you, Elden.” She knelt down before me, her face only inches from mine. “It’s time to put on your brave face, love. It’s time to wake up.”
“No,” I pleaded. “Just stay with me for a few more minutes. Please.”
“Wake up, Elden.”
---
I gasped as my eyes snapped open. The room around me was pitch black and my mind raced to piece together where I was. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, and my limbs tingled with lingering energy. From the darkness, a soft hand reached out and cupped my face, freezing me in place.
“Lux? Are you okay?” Lia asked, lying just inches away from me. “You were breathing so heavily in your sleep, I was worried.” Her other hand pressed flat against my chest as she felt my heartbeat. “Was it another memory from Hedaat?”
“I’m...I’m fine. Thank you,” I stammered. “I was having a dream. It was...strange. Not like any of the ones I’ve had before.” I placed my hand over hers and gave it a squeeze. “I’m sorry that I woke you.”
“It’s fine,” she said sweetly as she rolled over. “I’m just glad you’re okay.” I draped my arm over her waist and took her hand as I tried to get comfortable again.
I’ll try, Amaya.
***
7. A SIMPLE CONVERSATION
“Lia, your father needs you down in his workshop,” Hana called out from around the corner. “He says it will only take a minute.”
Lia groaned as she pushed away from the dining room table. “If I’m gone longer than five minutes, please come and get me.”
“Oh, no,” I grinned as I waved her away, “I think it’s your turn now. I’ve had my fair share of one-on-one conversations with him.”
She took one last angry bite of her toast and stared me down as she chewed, then turned and walked away in a huff. I couldn’t help but laugh knowing what she was walking into; with Valandra arriving within the hour, we had been waiting for the moment when Marten would call on one of us to impart some fatherly advice. Kicking my feet up on her now vacant chair, I spread an extra layer of asperberry jam on my toast and enjoyed my small victory.
Hana’s head poked out from behind the wall Lia had disappeared behind moments before. “Lux? Do you have a moment?”
Her sudden appearance took me by surprise, and I scrambled clumsily to straighten in my chair. “Oh, um, of course,” I said, my mouth half-full of food. A nervous tingle sparked in the back of my neck as I came to the realization that I had never had a full conversation alone with Hana before. She crossed the room and sat down at the table, clearing the plate in front of her to make a space to rest her elbows.
She scanned me intently with her chin resting gently on her clasped hands. Apart from the two rounded ears poking up through the hair on her head and the faint creases of her face, her resemblance to Lia was uncanny, a fact which only added to my strange feeling of nervousness. I could feel my insides squirm in the uncomfortable silence as I waited for her to speak. Relief came after what felt like an eternity under her inquisitive gaze. “How are you, Lux?”
The question was not one I expected, given how my prior discussions with Marten had gone. “I’m...well, thank you. Uh, how are you?”
A small smile spread across her face, accentuating the well-worn laugh lines in her cheeks. “I’m a bit anxious this morning. It isn’t easy to watch your only child embark on a mission that may take her into danger.” My face flushed as I moved to apologize, but she waved me away. “That being said, there is nobody I would rather her be with than you.”
“Oh,” I said as the heat in my face intensified. “T-thank you. I won’t let anything happen to her.”
“I’m sure you won’t!” Her head tilted from one side to the other, and her smile grew as she examined my face again. “Lia was right about you.”
“Oh?” I repeated myself. Get ahold of yourself, man.
“I’ve done my best to respect her boundaries, but as her mother, I needed to know more about who she decided to travel with.” Hana watched me thoughtfully. “I didn’t get much out of her, but she told me you’re a kind person behind the tough front you put up; that has never been more apparent to me than right now,” she said with a soft giggle.
“I’m glad she feels that way,” I said, partially regaining my wits. “It’s easy for me to be kind when I’m surrounded by kind people. I’ve never felt more welcome in a home than I have in yours.” My warm tone became tinged with bitterness as I continued. “Unfortunately, good people can be hard to find out there. I’ve found that a sharp edge is better than a kind heart in most situations.”
She nodded as a pained expression crossed her face. “We’ve all learned a hard lesson about that recently.” Her interlocked fingers tightened under her chin. “Lia also said that you...carry a great deal of pain,” she said haltingly, “and that you’ve gone through some terrible things.”
I paused to consider how much to tell her. “More than most,” I finally agreed. “The constant fighting and meeting the worst people the world has to offer is certainly tiring. It’s a tough thing to go through alone, and I was alone for a long time.” A smile spread across my face as I continued. “But I’m not alone anymore. I truly enjoy travelling with your daughter; she’s a very special person.”
Hana’s eyes grew misty as she smiled. “We’re very proud of the young
lady she’s become.” After a brief pause, her hand darted across the table to rest on mine. “Lux, I know it isn’t my place to pry, but I hope that you and Lia can—”
Her next words were lost as a door slammed open around the corner from us. “Honestly!” Lia shouted as she thundered her way across the house. Rounding the corner in a fury, she hardly seemed to notice us as she stormed outside. Her face was a deep shade of red, and she stared out with a deadly glare.
Wordlessly, Hana and I stood from the table and moved to assess the situation. She disappeared around the corner towards the basement as I jogged outside. I found Lia aggressively kicking a box next to Marten’s wagon. My approach mirrored that of an animal tamer approaching a dangerous beast: slow, deliberate, and ready to flee at any moment. When I reached an acceptable distance, I called out to her. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“NO!” she shouted as she launched another kick at the crate. The wood snapped on impact, and she recoiled with a hiss of pain. Without warning, she whirled on me with a pointed finger. “And what were YOU doing, by the way? Talking about me, I assume?!” Her usual overexaggerated tantrums after being teased by her father always wore off quickly, often with some degree of laughter. This time, there was no levity to be found.
I rushed forward and wrapped her in my arms. “I’m sorry,” I said softly into her ear.
There was a moment of resistance as she pushed away from the embrace, but she quickly sagged forward into my chest and hugged me in return. I ran my hands up her back and through her hair, lightly scratching the tips of my fingers across her scalp. After a few seconds of repeating the motion, she looked up at me with teary eyes. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”
I shook my head and smiled. “It’s alright.” Releasing her from the hug, I sat down on the damaged crate and patted the open space next to me. She sat down and looked away to wipe her face with the back of her hand. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No!” She exclaimed again. Her tone had changed from anger to one of embarrassment, and I could see what looked like a spark of fear behind her eyes. “It’s nothing, really. Just...my father can be so stupid sometimes.”
The analysis made me laugh. “Whatever it is he said, I’m sure it came from a place of love. That probably doesn’t help you feel any better right now, but it’s good to keep in mind.”
Her brow furrowed as she thought it over, and she eventually gave me a small nod. “You’re right,” she said with a sigh. “I’m leaving again, and he’s trying his best to make sure I’m okay. However off-base he might be.”
I wondered for a moment at exactly what Marten could have said to upset her so badly, but I shook off the thoughts. “That’s a very mature way to look at it.”
“Of course it is. I’m a very mature young lady,” she replied matter-of-factly as she punched my shoulder. With a faint laugh she hopped up from the box and headed across the yard. “We should go wait for Valandra. I’m sure she’ll be here any minute.”
We made our way to the roadside together to wait for our new companion. After a few minutes the front door to the house opened, and Hana exited with Marten following sheepishly behind her. “Lia,” Hana called out as they approached, “your father has something he would like to say to you.”
Marten popped out from behind his wife and stood before his daughter with his hands clasped behind his back. “Marlia, darling, I’m...I wanted to apologize for, um, for what I…” His voice and mannerisms were muted as he fumbled over his words. “What I mean is, I didn’t want to, er, to upset you...I guess I didn’t—”
Lia stepped forward and gave him a rough hug. Judging by the expression on her face, the gesture was more to stop his awkward mumbling than a sign of true forgiveness. He patted her on the back as he returned the embrace, then stepped back in line with Hana. After a loud cough and a moment of fidgeting with his jacket, he turned to address me. “So, here we are again,” he remarked, with some of his usual exuberance returned to him.
“Here we are again,” I replied with a nod. “I have to thank you for the food, shelter, and hospitality you’ve given me once again.”
He waved away the thought dismissively. “Nonsense. You’ll always have a place in our home; you’re practically family now.” I felt Lia tense up beside me, and Marten quickly withdrew with another cough. The conversation died away, and we all turned to watch the road for the King’s Shield in silence.
It wasn’t long until Valandra came into view, and I was surprised by her method of travel; she sat on the front bench of a modestly sized cloth-covered wagon, holding the reins of a massive white horse. I heard a sharp inhale of breath from Marten behind me, but resisted the urge to pester him about it. Instead, I nudged Lia gently with my elbow and said, “I guess there are benefits to working with her, after all.”
A large smile spread across her face as she waved excitedly down the road. When the wagon reached our group, Valandra stepped down from the bench to greet us. “Good morning Lux, Lia.” She looked past us to Hana and Marten. “I have yet to formally introduce myself to you. I apologize.”
“No need!” Marten said graciously. “I am Marten Corell, and this is my lovely wife Hana,” he said as he put an arm around Hana’s waist and squeezed her tightly. “It’s a great honor to have you come all the way out here to our home.”
Valandra moved past me and shook their hands. “Marten, Hana, it is a pleasure to meet you both. My name is Valandra Sesaude, leader of the Trinity Guard and Shield of the King.” She turned to look back at us before she continued. “I am sure it is difficult to watch your daughter leave home.”
“It’s not the first time, and I’m sure it won’t be the last, either,” Marten replied with a grin. “I can’t think of anyone who could keep her safer than you will, Miss Sesaude.”
I swiveled my head to stare at him with wide eyes and raised eyebrows. “Yes, nobody could ever watch over her like she will,” I said loudly. “Truly a task never before attempted.”
Marten ignored me with a dismissive wave of his hand as Valandra turned back to us. “Your belongings are in the back of the wagon. Please make sure everything has been returned to you, and that you are satisfied with the quality of the work. We can return to the keep if anything does not meet your expectations.”
After a few more disbelieving blinks at Marten I grumbled and turned to the wagon. Lia had already run ahead of me and hopped into the back opening, and I followed suit. The interior of the wagon was spacious; one side had a bench where four people could sit comfortably, while the opposite side was lined with small, individually labeled boxes. The floor space in between was wide enough for two people to pass by one another, and the cloth covering was just high enough for me to stand upright without hitting my head.
Two canvas bags sat on the bench, each labeled with a small nametag. Lia was already digging through one and pushed the other towards me when I entered. “This one’s yours,” she said offhandedly as she pulled her armor from the bag. I heard various gasps and giggles as she looked over the gear beside me.
Within my own bag, a small cloth pouch was the first item to catch my eye. It felt as though it were empty when I picked it up, but I heard a small metallic clink from inside when it moved. Upending the bag into my palm produced two steel rings, each of a different size and set with a different stone; the smaller ring was set with an amber colored citrine, while the larger band had a similarly cut sapphire.
I ran my finger carefully along the inside of the larger ring, and was pleased to find the symbols I requested had been engraved correctly. The level of craftsmanship behind the work was impressive; nearly two dozen foreign runes had been perfectly transposed onto both of the small loops of metal. I slid the larger of the two bands onto my right ring finger and gave it a few test spins to ensure the sizing was correct.
As I turned to Lia, a sudden thought gave me pause. You’re giving her a ring. Be VERY clear. “Lia, I have something for you.”
“No,” I smiled, “I have a gift for you. I had the blacksmith at the keep make it.”
She perked up with excitement. “Is it a new weapon?! Maybe a dagger? Or a shield!”
“Nothing like that, I’m afraid,” I said with a laugh. “Here, hold out your hands.” When she complied, I gently set the ring on her upturned palms. “I’ve been thinking a lot about—”
“You had this made for me?” She asked breathlessly. Her face grew red as she looked up at me with glistening eyes. “It’s so beautiful…”
“Wait, let me finish!” I said, flustered. “I’ve been thinking a lot about how to advance our magic training. The last thing I have to teach you is magic runes, so I had them all engraved on the inside of the ring. That way, you’ll always have them on you, even if you don’t have your weapon.”
She held the ring up to her eye and peered through the loop. “Oh, they’re so tiny!” she exclaimed. Turning it end over end in her hand, her smile continued to grow. “And the stone is so pretty, too!”
“I tried to get one that would match your eyes. It’s close, I think, but it’s not the same,” I said, looking away as I felt my cheeks flush as well. “You told me that wizards usually cast spells through gemstones or wands, so I thought we could try to learn that, too.” I flashed the ring on my finger to her. “I had one made for me as well.”
She continued to examine the rings quietly, and the silence only increased the burning feeling of embarrassment in my face. “Well, try it on already!” I called out. “I sort of wanted it to be a surprise, so I couldn’t ask if you knew your ring size. I made a guess based on, um…” I trailed off as my brain caught up with my rambling. “Uh, yeah. I hope it fits. We can get it fixed if it doesn’t.”
Restart Again: Volume 2 Page 11
