And yet, here Toni was. Knee deep in a motorcycle club.
This morning, the very notion would have made her laugh out loud with the ridiculousness of it.
Now, however, she was seated in what Graver had called the ‘rec room’ and was looking out a patio door onto a blacker than black yard where her two mates were bumbling around like toddlers in their bear form.
It beggared belief. Yet, the fact she could look through the glass onto the garden, and without breaking into a cold sweat, told her something—something she’d learned on the ride over here… When these two men were close, her panic over the dark abated.
Hell, it was still there.
Panic was close to choking her. But by now, it would have choked her already. She’d had panic attacks over less than a full out ride to Channelview in the dark, and now, staring out onto the endless night the way she was should have been like a shot to the gut. But she wasn’t choking.
She was breathing.
Quite easily, too.
Sure, the bottle of beer in her hand might have helped a little, but it hadn’t been a miracle worker before. So, nothing more than knowing those two men were close, that they were hers, helped her phobia.
It was a notion that required further study, but for the moment, she was too tired. Just because she hadn’t had a panic attack didn’t mean she wasn’t still a little buzzy from the adrenaline high of being out at night so long. But the truth was, she was the center of attention in the rec room too, so that was also spreading her discomfort thinner than usual, diverting her focus from her fears.
The room was large, about the size of a ballroom, all told. As mean as it sounded, what shocked her the most, was how clean it was. One side of the space held a long counter. Behind the gleaming block, were hundreds of dust-free liquor bottles and a couple of drafts beer taps that sweated in the warm night. Next to the bar was a pool table. A dozen or so men were around that, some playing pool, others shooting shit, all of them gambling. There were lots of mismatched tables and chairs dotted here and there, lots of men sat next to them, on them, and even beneath them. There were men everywhere.
But she guessed that made sense considering this was a Shifter Clan, and the number of female births was ridiculously low—something like one in every seventy-five male child births—so the disproportionate population of the room’s inhabitants made perfect sense.
Still, the rec room was neither the best, nor the worst, place to sit. It was clean, which was a plus, but there were so many people, which was a negative. She was only here because one of the leaders, Mars, and his mate had gone off to organize them a room. The challenge Justiss had taken part in tonight, the one that had led to his deadly stabbing, had earned him a place on the council. And now that he was mated too meant he got some swanky new quarters.
She wrinkled her nose at the thought, wondering if her idea of swanky and theirs were aligned. The notion made her feel like a snob, but she could feel the differences between herself and her mates. It wasn’t just a case of seeing them, but knowing they existed.
Truth was, in her social strata, this kind of bonding should be a nightmare. It only wasn’t because she existed outside her social strata thanks to her phobias. There would be issues if neither man attempted to address their differences in a healthy way. She understood that they were brothers in this Clan and that the MC functioned in far more ways than simply a club for outlaws, but she had a life of her own, a life that she couldn’t and wouldn’t abandon.
From what she’d seen thus far of the other mated women, that hadn’t happened so much.
Not that she’d had a chance to analyze much, but still, it didn’t take a lot. One of them, a woman called Christie, spent half her time rolling in and out of bed with morning sickness. Annette, the President’s mate, looked like his right-hand man. There was the little blond who had driven them back to the compound, and she had illegal immigrant scrawled all over her. So, of the three women, they were all engaged heavily in the club. And while she’d play her part, she was a doctor.
She knew that would be something they’d think was handy for the Clan, a healer mated into the unit, but Shifters simply weren’t ill often enough to have need of her constantly.
Humans, on the other hand, were not so sturdy.
She didn’t know where her place would be in the MC, and she refused to worry over it. She and her mates would have to meet in the middle, because there was no way she was giving up her life’s work not to function solely in this dump.
Still, she was being harsh. Neither Justiss and Graver had seemed the sort to try to tie her to this place. Graver looked protective, but Justiss had a benevolent air about him, one that made her feel like he’d help her spread her wings, so long as those wings didn’t take her too far away from him.
She could handle that. Now she’d met them, she didn’t want to be all that far from them. And if she had to explain that to a living soul, Toni knew she’d never be able to do it. How she could feel so much and in such a short space of time truly beggared belief.
“You’ll get used to it.”
The voice was both sweet and surly, and it dragged Toni away from her musings. She peered up at a drawn face, wan and pale, thin too, but pretty. A big belly and big boobs gave her away as the pregnant female who spent most of her time worshipping the porcelain goddess.
“I will?”
The woman she knew to be Christie sighed. “Yeah. You’ll have more choices. It will be easier for you.” She didn’t like the sound of that. Christie didn’t have choices? Before she could even question the way the other woman had phrased that, Christie wrinkled her nose. “I need to stop explaining it like that. Mundo, my mate, says it makes him sound like a wife beater or something. Which he isn’t. I-It’s just, I used to be a dentist who worked for the DoJ. A gang thought they could use me as their personal messenger. They kidnapped me, nearly killed Mundo to get to me, and now, Mundo’s so terrified that someone else will try again, he’ll only let me go private practice.”
Toni’s eyes flared wide at the blasé way Christie had mentioned kidnapping, attempted murder, and gang messenger. They hadn’t even introduced themselves and already, she’d poured out that sorry tale. Jesus, what was she letting herself in for?
“The irony is,” Christie continued, ignoring the look of panic Toni was sure was written on her face, “it wasn’t even getting involved with the guys that got me in trouble. I mean, I mated into an MC. You’d think they’d be the source of all my woes. Instead, nope. They’ve gone to war for me though. They’re protecting me even though it’s hurting them.” Her smile was gentle. “I guess that’s one weird introduction, and I’m sorry I offloaded that onto you right from the start, but I was just trying to explain… They may look rough around the edges, but they’re good people.”
“I didn’t think they weren’t,” Toni murmured immediately.
“You didn’t have to say anything. I saw it on your face. You’re pretty easy to read.”
Mortified, Toni ducked her head. As she did, she caught sight of her sweating beer, held onto it like the lifeline it was, and sank back a large gulp. When she did, Christie chuckled and patted her shoulder.
“Man, I wish I could do that. I’ve been craving beer like crazy.”
Toni cocked a brow. “That’s an unusual craving.”
“Tell me about it. Mundo would let me have it. He says that Shifter babies are from tougher stock than human ones, but I’m not screwing my kid up in utero. Hell, we’ll have plenty of chances to do that when the kid’s finally out.”
Toni smirked, amused despite herself. “That’s one way to think about parenting.”
Christie wafted a hand. “Tell me you don’t think I’m right.”
“I can’t.” Christie grinned and took the seat next to Toni, who immediately apologized. “Sorry, I should have invited you to take a seat earlier.”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s good to be on the move. I haven’t been so si
ck today.”
“I overheard Annette saying you were having a good day.”
She nodded. “I am. For once.” Christie hesitated a second, then leaning forward, murmured, “I have a talent for smells.”
Amused, Toni asked, “You have a super nose?”
Christie shrugged a shoulder. “I guess you could put it like that. They won’t tell you this, and I probably shouldn’t either, but when they bind themselves to you, during the mating process, you’ll get a little stronger, a lot healthier, and their magic will lend itself to you.”
“What does that mean?”
Christie was about to reply when a man appeared, inserting himself between them, and making Christie jump in the process as he asked, “You ladies need a drink?”
“Jarvis! You scared the hell out of me!”
“You two looked mighty deep into your conversation. I thought you might be feeling thirsty.”
She patted him on the arm. “Thanks, sweetie. I’d love an iced tea.”
Toni waggled her bottle. “I’m good, thanks. Still have plenty left.”
Jarvis nodded, smiled, then retreated to the bar.
“They do that. Coddle you. We’re like their lifeblood. They’re all waiting for their mate, so when we’re around, we’re like surrogates.”
Toni’s brows rose. “Is that healthy?”
“Probably not, but these guys are over a hundred years old.” She shrugged. “They’re mighty lonely. Plus, it doesn’t do them or us any harm, so why stop them?”
Because she couldn’t argue with that reasoning, she stayed silent as Jarvis returned, glass of iced tea in his hand. He squeezed Christie’s shoulder, tenderly patted her swollen belly, smiled at Toni, then disappeared once more.
Christie took a deep sip of her drink, sighed with gusto, then replied, “That hits the spot. Anyway, I was saying. During the bonding process, you’ll get a gift. Sounds crazy, but it’s just the way it works. Mine is smell. I can smell everything.” She gulped. “I can smell the hospital on your scrubs and the fact that Jarvis had sushi for lunch. It makes it hard when you’re pregnant and uber sensitive to smells. I don’t think there’s any other reason for my all-day-sickness.”
Toni gave her a commiserating grimace. “That sucks, Christie. I’m so sorry.”
“I know. I told Mundo that I thought he and his Goddesses were insane if they thought this was a damn gift.”
“Yeah, it’s definitely a little out there.”
“I’m just tired of being sick all the time. I mean, I always bitched about being curvier than I liked, but this is ridiculous.”
Toni frowned. “How much weight have you lost?”
“Twenty pounds?”
“Have you been to the doctor? Selected an OB/GYN?”
Christie’s mouth pinched. “No. We’re at war with a lot of gangs and cartels at the moment. It’s not safe for me to leave when I’m pregnant. The others go out with guards, but…”
“You need meds, Christie. You need blood work. There are drugs you can take to ease the nausea.”
“I know there are, Toni. I went to med school too.” She ran a fingertip over the rim of the glass then flushed as she looked up. “Mundo is trying to get me to go, but I’m scared to leave this place. I know I’m safe here. The last time I went out, I was kidnapped.” She blew out a breath. “I think I need to see more than just the OB/GYN.”
“Well, shrinks make house calls.”
Christie jerked a shoulder. “I’m sure they do, I just don’t like them. Before Mundo, I was married, but he died, and I visited a lot of shrinks back then, trying to cope. I hated it though. I’ve always been quite a quiet and private person. Sharing all those intimate details about killed me, and now Mundo’s my mate and he’s a Shifter? I don’t want people to know.”
“Why not?”
She wrinkled her nose. “It’s stupid, but they get you all paranoid about it. It’s not something they say or try to enforce, it’s just the way they are, you know? Even my folks don’t know Mundo’s a Shifter. When they come down to meet him, I’ll tell them then, but I just keep it under wraps. Need to know basis, I suppose.”
That was weird. It wasn’t for Toni, because she had no one she’d tell anyway. Her life was pretty quiet on the social front, after all. But a woman who had family hadn’t yet told them? Either she was ashamed or she was uncomfortable. But why?
“Anyway,” she murmured, looking content to change the subject. “I just wanted to introduce myself and say they’re not a bad bunch.”
“I’m not sure if you’ve convinced me, Christie,” Toni told her wryly. When the other woman flushed in discomfort, she reached forward and patted her hand. “It doesn’t matter. I’m not going anywhere. I just—I’m not sure if this life is for me.”
Christie nodded. “I can understand that. It isn’t for me. The minute I’ve popped out Junior here and my head is screwed on straight again, I’m setting up my private practice. Plus, I have my apartment in the city, and I intend for us to live there a lot of the time. They can’t cut themselves off from this place, Toni. I warn you of that. This is like their family home. They can’t do without it. It’s not good for them.”
Relieved that Christie wasn’t as dependent on the Clan as she’d feared and had plans for life outside of the MC when she was better, Toni felt like she could relax a little. Tension seeped from her at the notion this didn’t have to be the center of their world, even if it was a place her mates always called home.
“You’ve made me feel better, Christie. So, thanks for that.”
Christie shrugged. “Least I could do. I mean, Graver and Justiss are important members of the Clan. When Moses attacked Justiss tonight, I’ve never seen the guys so badly hit. Moses will pay for what he did. I don’t think he realizes what he started.
“It’s such shitty timing too. What with all these problems with gangs, the last thing we need is infighting, but it’s been like this since Annette and Mars mated.”
“It has? Why?”
Christie leaned in, settling into the classic, ‘I’m about to gossip,’ pose. “When Annette and Mars met, the ex-President, a douche by the name of Jefferson, was into some really shady business with a cartel. They were trafficking women from the Ukraine, and bringing them into America.”
Toni gasped. “And the men were happy with that?”
Christie’s grimace wasn’t reassuring. “To be honest, I’m not sure. From what I can tell, most of them weren’t, and I know the current council was very unhappy with Jefferson’s rule. But a lot of the guys, they’re just like humans… they listen to the man in charge and do as they’re told without question.
“Well, anyway, that’s all in the past now, and the current council is changing the way the MC does business.”
“I’m glad to hear it,” Toni interrupted, and she knew Christie had heard her sarcasm when she winced in reaction.
“Look, don’t shoot the messenger. I’m just telling you what went down.”
Because she was right, Toni nodded. “Sorry. I just… I see a lot of shit in my job. I don’t want to be around people who are the instigators of those things.”
“I get that. Totally. But they’re not the bad guys. Some were just dumb and did as they were told. Others weren’t, so they changed the status quo.” Her smile was warm. “Our mates were the ones who opposed Jefferson.”
“I’m really glad to hear that,” Toni choked out.
“Anyway, let me finish explaining. So, Jefferson got the MC into bed with a cartel, but Mars and some of the brothers couldn’t stand what they were doing. Mars and Mundo, my mate, got in touch with a reporter, Annette, and when they all met up, Mars and Annette learned they were mates. When he brought her back here for the bonding, the cartel attacked the clubhouse. Jefferson had screwed them over. But a bullet ricocheted into Mars’ bedroom and hit Annette. She’d have died if he hadn’t done this weird blood sacrifice thing, but because of that, he challenged the Prez and won. He was
already second-in-command, but after that, he was the leader. It’s all very primal and raw,” Christie finished with a nose wrinkle. “I sometimes feel like I belong on a HBO TV show, and then I puke, and I realize I’m not so lucky.”
Despite herself, and the bucket load of shit Christie had just tossed her way, Toni chuckled. “I’m not sure how you made all that seem okay, but you did.” She winced a little as she asked, “When you say challenged, you mean…?”
“Fight to the death.” Christie nodded. “Yeah. Told you. HBO show, am I right? Especially with all the sex, because Jeeeezuuuussssss. You have a lot of sex to look forward to. And hell, you have two of them. I expect you to be walking bow-legged tomorrow.”
Though she blushed in embarrassment, Toni couldn’t help but chuckle at Christie’s forwardness. They shared a bawdy laugh, each flushing when their eyes met because what Christie had said was too ludicrous for words and yet utterly, hysterically true too.
“I don’t think there’ll be much of that tonight,” Toni confessed. “I’m exhausted, Justiss almost died, and Graver lost a lot of blood to save him.”
“Oh,” Christie groused, looking disappointed. “That sucks, but of course, I should have realized. Justiss just looks like he did before. It was stupid of me to think he wouldn’t be feeling the after-effects of what happened to him. Trouble is, you stay around these guys for long and you start to think they’re infallible. Mundo works on bikes and at the MC’s bike shops. Last week, a bike ran over his foot. He just hopped around like he’d stubbed a toe or something. I thought he’d have broken at least a couple of toes, but nope. He just had a few bruises. It’s insane how strong they are.”
“Yeah. I guess it must be hard to come to terms with, especially for us. We’re both in medicine, you know? We’re both used to the frailty of mankind.”
Justiss And Graver (MC Bear Mates Book 4) Page 6
