That had her huffing out a breath. “You make out like we’ve had it easy.”
“I didn’t say that. I just said you’ve been a bit more sheltered.”
Silence fell at his remark, and again, he knew she wasn’t casting about for words but rather was trying to dampen down her anger. He wasn’t surprised when she blurted out, “You have no idea, do you?”
“About what?” he asked, calmly as he could. He knew shockingly little about his mate. She rarely talked about herself. Indeed, tonight was the first time she’d even mentioned her fear of the darkness. And now, it seemed she was going to reveal something else.
His little mate had trust issues, it seemed.
“Christie’s husband died of an illness. She grieved for him until Mundo came into her life. She was kidnapped. And now, she’s so terrified of leaving the goddamn clubhouse, she won’t even leave it to go and get checked out properly. I’m going to have to bribe her somehow into getting a sonogram. That’s how sheltered she’s been.
“And for myself? I was in a car crash when I was little more than a kindergartner, Aaron. I sat and watched my parents bleed out. I watched them die. Sat with them as they passed. If you think that makes me little Ms. Princess, then you’re crazy.”
The condemnation in her tone hurt, but he knew he deserved it. “Jesus, Toni,” he breathed. “I didn’t know.”
“How could you know? I wasn’t ready to tell you. Still, don’t judge what you don’t understand.”
Her words sank in, guilt and shame falling at their side. He hadn’t meant to judge, but he’d made an assumption. A wrong one.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart.”
“Don’t be,” she said stiffly, then let out a bark of laughter. “Do you want to know something crazy?”
He cut her a glance. “Anything you want to tell me…I always want to know. And it’s never crazy.”
She ignored his words and murmured, “You and Christie are the first people I’ve ever told that to.”
“What do you mean?” he asked, scowling at her as he took the turn off for the road that led to the clubhouse.
“Everyone who ever knew, from my grandparents to the EMTs to my psychologists, they all thought I was unconscious at the time.” She cleared her throat. “I wasn’t. I saw it all. And when I saw the darkness take them from me, that’s when I knew to be scared of it…”
Chapter 9
“I’m telling you, man, microbreweries are hot shit this year. All the major ones are fucking terrified of their customers switching for unusual flavors, preferring to support local than big corporations. We’d make a killing if we just looked into investing in a couple.”
Mars shook his head as he swiveled in his seat. Council wasn’t technically in session, but when Justiss had read about an opportunity his financial advisor had just forwarded him via email, he’d approached the Prez with his idea.
“We don’t have the resources.”
“I’ll float the MC another loan.”
Kiko grunted. “You fucking Rockefeller or something?”
“Close but no cigar. I have funds, brothers. Funds I couldn’t spend in a lifetime. What’s the fucking point in having that money if I can’t make it work for my Clan?”
“Why the fuck did you keep this from the other Presidents?” Mars asked, suspicion darkening his tone.
Justiss, rather than be offended, just snorted. “I’m not an idiot, Mars. Don’t take me for one because I work outside the box.”
“I never said you were an idiot.”
“No, but you’ve been wondering what my angle is, what I really want. For the past sixty years, we’ve had shittier President after shittier President, all wanting to get involved in crime. Not even light shit, but hardcore fuckery that would have sent us down for a very long time if the humans had caught wind of what we were doing. You think I’d tell someone I didn’t trust, someone I didn’t believe in, that I was rich? You think I wanted a target painted on my back?
“Look at what Jefferson did to me, shunning me, simply because I argued with him about that trafficking bullshit. When I tried to get him interested in other avenues of revenue, he dismissed me, cast me out. Why would I help someone who didn’t want to be helped?”
Mundo nodded, sitting back in his chair until the hinges squeaked, and murmured, “He’s right, Prez. There’s no one he could have trusted. Not even us, not when his back was really against the wall.”
J ducked his head in thanks for his brother’s understanding.
Mars pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a grunt. “I feel like you’re manipulating me, Justiss. And I don’t like it.”
“Manipulating you how?” he argued. “I don’t fucking want anything. I don’t want to be Prez. How many times do I need to tell you that?”
“Then what do you want?”
“I want the Clan to become what it always should have been, dammit. A community. A business. A home. We’ve been outlaws for too fucking long, and it’s too hard now what with technology. Not that I ever liked it, but I’ve always been a good foot soldier, done mostly everything I was told. But now? The depths Jefferson sunk us to? We were heading for nothing. Nowhere other than trouble.
“It was easier to stay out of it because I knew not a single one of the Presidents would think my ideas were worth shit. I saw where Jefferson was leading us, and I tried to stop him. I went against the promise I made to myself in an attempt to save the Clan, but he did exactly what I knew he would—he shunned me.
“Well, now you all have mates, your brains are back in your skulls. You know we can’t run this place like it’s always been run, not if we want to keep our women safe and stay at their sides and not in fucking prison. I want to help make that happen.”
Mars eyed him, seemed to contemplate what J said, then leaned forward and said, “How do you know this microbrewery is any good?”
Feeling like he’d won a race, Justiss contradicted Mars’s move by sitting back. Mirroring Mars’s body language wouldn’t get him far. He needed to break through the Prez’s reserves. This was too important to fuck up.
“I have some of the best financial advisors in the state on my payroll. Besides that, I’ve been researching this company for the last couple of years. Their branding is phenomenal. They’ve gone from a small, county-wide known producer to having the whole state drink their stuff. It’s only natural they’ll want to be going country-wide next. Let’s be there at the bottom and help them get to the top. That’s how you start making money.”
“You know I’m no good with this shit,” Mars said heavily.
“Bullshit. You kept the Clan afloat while Jefferson was in power.”
He shook his head. “We’re in the red. I didn’t do that good a job of it.”
“You can’t stop a club from hemorrhaging money when the Prez is spending it faster than we can earn it. Not only that, we both know even if you hadn’t said a word, he had secret books, books I bet have only recently come into your possession.”
Mars pursed his lips then admitted, “Yeah. Annette found them.”
Justiss nodded. “Look, I told you before, I’ll pay off the debts, give the Clan a fresh start.”
It was the VP Kiko’s turn to say his piece. “I think we should take his offer with both hands, Mars. Justiss has always been good people. We all know that. You’re just on edge what with all the tension in the Clan. It’s been hard to know which brother stands for who. Justiss has never let the core Clan down.”
“I know he hasn’t,” Mars replied on a sigh, which had Justiss frowning in confusion.
“If you know that, then why have you been giving me such a hard time?”
“Because the way Jefferson treated you?” Mars rubbed his jaw. “I wouldn’t have blamed you if it had turned you against all of us.”
Justiss narrowed his eyes. “You think I was playing the long game.”
Not a question. A statement.
Mars grimaced. “Maybe. I don’t kno
w what I was thinking to be honest. I’ve just been trying to keep the club out of the bank’s clutches.”
“My people have been waiting for you to send the books over to them, Mars,” J told him softly. “The minute you do, the debts will be cleared, and you won’t have to worry about the bank.”
The Prez stared at him a second, studied him, then murmured, “I trust you, Justiss.”
“I trust you, Prez.”
The men nodded at each other, and when the council made to stand, Mars stated, “But, we need to shift some of the positions around a bit. I know I’m Prez, but the books are better in your hands anyway. I only do them because I managed that when I was VP. But Kiko doesn’t have a head for math, and even if he did, your record speaks for itself.”
“It would be an honor to handle the Clan’s accounts.”
Mars nodded. “You say that now until you see the fucking state of them. I’m ashamed at how shitty they are, but what Annette found fucked with the system entirely. It’s like a goddamn warzone on those spreadsheets.”
He rubbed his hands together. “Sounds like a challenge.”
“Once you make sense of it, just let me know when we’re back in the black, okay? I want to listen to you where these investments are concerned, but it’s not enough just to be involved in a financial way. We need jobs, Justiss. We need the brothers to be actively engaged in whatever it is we get involved in. You see that, right?”
“Of course,” he confirmed. “The microbrewery was just a quick way to get in on a wider opportunity that could provide the club with a nice little starting portfolio, but it depends on how we get involved. If we have a big enough investment, we could handle management, get some of the interested brothers jobs there.” He shrugged. “It’s all about opportunity.”
Mars nodded. “Just bring the investments you think are good ones to me, we’ll discuss it, and see if we can create jobs out of it. I know it’s your money, but like you said, if we want this club to be great, then we have to make it work for itself as well as keeping all the men out of trouble. The only way to keep them on the straight and narrow is to occupy them, to keep them busy. That’s been our problem of late. They’ve been sitting around bitching because we’ve been reducing our runs. I need to change that before more shit heaps at my feet.”
Because that made perfect sense, Justiss said, “Agreed.”
The council nodded at one another then started to disperse. Mundo and Kiko hung around to shoot the shit with Jarvis and Mars, but J looked at his clock and hurried down the stairs knowing Toni and Graver would be back any minute. The meeting couldn’t have ended at a more perfect time.
He ran down the steps, uncaring about the heaviness of his boots against the wooden stairs which would undoubtedly wake some of his brothers up, and headed down to the kitchen. Earlier on, he’d poked about in the fridge, had seen there was some leftovers from yesterday’s meal—spaghetti carbonara that Mischa had made and which Tonia had eaten last night and thoroughly enjoyed—and intended on dishing it up into a large bowl for his mate.
Their woman ate less than fucking church mouse.
He and Aaron had taken it upon themselves to fatten her up a bit, and surprisingly, she did very little complaining. Although, that could be more to do with the fact that when she came in, she was dead on her feet with barely enough energy in her to lift her damn spoon, never mind argue with them about how much they were feeding her.
But today was her last day before she got some time off. While things had settled down because of her hours, he knew there was still tension in her from what Aaron had had to do to Moses. He intended on resolving that over her time off and finally laying claim to her.
As he made it to the kitchen, however, he saw she was already seated at the counter, her head on her hands as Aaron bustled around the stove. Justiss watched the man who had sacrificed himself out of love for him, and knew that in the shortest imaginable time, the people in this kitchen encompassed his entire world.
A Bear Shifter was a solitary creature. Which was why a Clan was so damned important. Because of the nature of life pre-Millennium, the families Shifters were born into hadn’t survived for long. Now, with more stringent hunting laws in place in protected spots, few of them were killed by hunters. But back in the day, it was commonplace for every Den to have lost a loved one to the rifle. It had become so bad, that a lot of Shifters had refused to shift for a time, preferring to stay safe over risking it by going for a run in their furs.
Talk had it that was when the females had stopped being born to them. There was a huge discrepancy between live births of males and females, and it was said that when the females had stopped shifting, intent on surviving to rear their cubs, something had happened… The magic had drained from them. Whether that was true or not, he didn’t know, but what he did know was, he’d lost his family young, as had most of his brothers. Aaron, as he’d been born when the humans had changed their laws about reservations and protected parks, was one of the few to have his parents still around.
Justiss had been alone a long time, and it felt fucking wonderful to realize that he wasn’t alone anymore.
A shudder wracked him as he watched his mates. Toni snoozing, Aaron buttering some bread and sprinkling cheese on it before broiling it. He had to grin at the badass biker in a cut, tats rippling up his forearms, biker boots muddy from an earlier ride, taking such TLC over the grilled cheese he was making Toni.
“I know you’re there, jackass,” Graver sniped without looking up. “We both agreed she needs the extra calories.”
He chuckled. “We did. You won’t hear me arguing.” They’d taken to adding cheese to everything or putting butter or oil wherever they could. She’d complained that her arteries were going to start clogging up, but that complaint usually came as she was munching on whatever they fed her before falling asleep as soon as they tucked her in bed.
Aaron just grunted, peered at the broiler, and smirked with satisfaction when the grilled cheese came out to perfection. He loaded up six slices onto a place, grabbed the bowl of spicy sausage stew most of the clubhouse had chowed down on earlier, and plunked it and a cup of chamomile tea loaded with honey in front of Toni.
Justiss bent down, moved her hair away from the back of her neck, and pressed a kiss to her nape. “Sweetheart, it’s time to eat.”
“Sleepy,” she grumbled after a few moments silence. “Eat later.”
“Aaron’s gone to a lot of trouble,” he chided, knowing that would have her opening her eyes. Begrudgingly.
He wasn’t wrong. She half-opened one, squinted at them, then whispered, “Is that more grilled cheese?”
He bit back a laugh, but Graver murmured, “Yep. We’re having some too.”
“I should hope so. Jesus, I can’t eat six slices to myself. Well, I could try,” she countered. “But I´d probably feel like hell afterward.” She sounded more awake, but that was something they’d noticed. Justiss guessed it was to do with her residency days, sleeping whenever and wherever she could, only to be awake and alert at a moment’s notice. Toni yawned, rubbed her eyes, then reached for the bowl. “What is it?”
“Chorizo stew. At least, that’s what Mischa called it.” Aaron pointed to the dollop of sour cream in the middle. “Take a bit of that with every bite, it’s really good.”
She did as suggested and groaned. “Shit, this is delicious.”
They both chuckled. “Glad we woke you up now?”
Toni hummed as she nodded. In a handful of minutes, she’d slurped the whole bowl down and was reaching for the grilled cheese Aaron had made her.
“You want some more of the stew?” J asked her.
“No, I’m full. But I can’t turn down grilled cheese. You already know it’s my kryptonite.”
They did. It was why they kept serving her it.
J reached for his second piece and took a bite, watching as his mates did the same too. They sat in silence, enjoying the simple meal and the simple tastes, a
ll of it enhanced just because of the company.
The warmth in his heart was only beaten by the warmth in his soul. For the first time in so long, the cold chill of solitude, of being alone in the world, shunned even by his Clan, had disappeared. Where once there’d been ice, now there was this heat, a fire burning inside him, stoked and fed by these two people here.
He could have choked on his snack when emotions bombarded him. Instead, he bit them back because it was more important that Tonia eat than it was for him to have an emotional breakdown.
He watched her eat two more slices, each one with a grimace as though she knew she shouldn’t, but was going to anyway. He and Aaron shared small smiles, but other than that, they left each other to their thoughts, safe in the cocoon surrounding the three of them.
When she’d finished and her two mates were satisfied she’d eaten enough, J asked, “Do you want some ice cream?”
“Jesus, are you trying to fatten me up or something?” she groaned, then bit her lip. Peering at him from under thick black lashes, she whispered, “Is it bad that I want some?”
He outright laughed at the about-face. “No, it’s not bad. And no, we’re not trying to fatten you up, just trying to make sure you eat enough.”
“That grilled cheese alone was all I needed for a day’s caloric intake. I’m a doctor, babe. I know what I’m supposed to eat.”
His stomach clenched at the endearment, and his voice was husky as a result, “And what did you eat through the day, huh? When you were rushed off your feet? I’ll bet you left your lunch in your locker and didn’t eat a damn thing we packed.”
She flushed, then surprising him, she ducked her head, breaking eye contact for a split second—a second that had him stiffening a little, awareness hitting him that she was about to either lie to him or circle around the truth.
He wasn’t wrong. Brightly, she murmured, “Nope, you’re not wrong. It is in my locker.”
Justiss And Graver (MC Bear Mates Book 4) Page 15
