by Ann Aguirre
Qalu moved back and forth in restless steps, wishing she could do more than keep a sharp eye on the holo display. From the numbers running, Trizyt was doing a complete analysis of Helix’s mental capacity and there was a lot of data involved. She made sure he didn’t try any tricks, at least. Helix drifted into a semi-conscious state, not quite asleep but not awake either.
Finally, Trizyt said, “I found it.”
“What?” she whispered.
“An entire segment of his memory has been partitioned. The interesting part? Code’s identical to the rest, nothing that’s been imposed by an outside source.”
Qalu stilled. “He did this to himself?”
“Must have had good reason. Bet you a hundred credits, he knows something dangerous or bad. I can tear the blockade out, but I suspect it’ll be painful.”
“Do it,” Helix said without hesitation.
Her head tendrils quivered in distress. “I ran multiple scans, but I didn’t find the partition. I’m supposed to be an expert! I’m sorry, Helix.”
Trizyt said, “The data lock is well disguised, something he didn’t want found. Only my special sniffers could root it out, so it’s a good thing you ended up here.”
“It’s time to find out what I’m hiding from myself.” Helix reached out and Qalu wrapped her forelimb around his, leaning in so their head tendrils could entwine.
Not sexual, not under the circumstances, but she craved a deeper connection to help him withstand what he was about to face. She settled close enough to feel his breath on her skin, smell the fear rising in his pheromones. Trizyt seemed to be waiting for her permission so she gave it in a tiny voice.
“Go ahead. Try to be careful, hurt him as little as possible.”
The alien made a noise of assent, but after he sent the command, Helix went rigid and a shriek of pure agony echoed in the small space and he reached for her, shuddering so hard that his body might crack in half. His pain hurt her, and she tried to help him breathe through it.
The agony went on too long, much too long. Her fear escalated into terror. Too much and this could cause him actual brain damage, result in—
Suddenly, Helix went limp, slumped against her, and she took his weight, as she had in the beginning when he was so confused about what had befallen him and why he suddenly had a body in the first place. Uncontrollable tremors ran through him and she soothed him with soft taps against his chest, letting her head tendrils stroke his. It didn’t matter that it was too much intimacy in front of a stranger. She couldn’t stop. Wouldn’t, rather.
“It’s done,” Trizyt announced.
“Helix? Can you hear me?”
For several frightening moments, he only stared blankly with no sign of consciousness, gazing off into the middle distance, eyes unfocused. Qalu had no idea what she would do if he didn’t respond soon. She touched his face, trying to bring him back, then she leaned in, letting her head tendrils entwine with his fully.
Did they break him? Those hidden memories.
“Yes,” he said at last. “I hear you. And I remember…everything.”
[ 16 ]
Barathi space, half a cycle ago
Helix knows leaving Barath is the best option, considering his unusual development.
He’s taken independent action. He’s lied, even if it was for Zylar’s benefit.
Yet the uncertainty as the ship breaks the atmosphere, powering out into the silent stars troubles him. Alone, as he’d never been, with no one to share his doubt. Part of him strains against this decision, as he wasn’t created to chart his own course; service lies at the heart of his existence. What am I without a purpose? Who am I?
There are no answers to those questions, just endless stillness.
Because of Zylar’s suggestion, he sets the nav system for Gravas Station without knowing what he’s meant to do there. He’s piloted the ship before, but never has it belonged to him, like it’s his skin and bone, gliding through the stars. At some point, he begins to enjoy the freedom, because he could go anywhere, do anything. There’s nobody to give him orders anymore or set tasks for him to accomplish. En route, he collects data because he can, chasing streams for no other reason than curiosity. Even here deep in space, there are access points.
The stars glow with an energy that he can sense if not see, and he processes the sounds they make, bursts and rumbles monitored by the ship he inhabits. Each sounds a little different, but briefly, he wishes he could appreciate their colors as a person would. No, that’s a futile wish. He’s a sentient being, and that must be enough.
Time passes; distance is traversed.
Soon he’s docking at Gravas Station, wondering why he’s here. Wondering what Zylar meant for him to find. Perhaps it was a random suggestion, nothing premeditated.
The ship requires fuel. Even if he finds nothing of value on station, he cannot travel onward without acquiring it. Stealing is morally incorrect, but he’s untroubled by the concept of ownership. One could also argue that it’s morally incorrect to hoard resources that others require.
He recalls Zylar’s warning. He must pretend that there’s a reclusive organic on board, directing his activities. His safety and freedom depend upon maintaining this fiction.
Helix glides from the ship’s database into the mech unit that will permit him some limited physical exploration. The interface feels strange and limiting; moving about through meat space is awkward. At first, he bumps into walls trying to leave the ship, unaccustomed to such navigation.
The mech body is clumsy but fuel-efficient. He loses track of time exploring the station with no need to sleep or eat. He observes. He learns.
Each day, the same child greets him. Her name is See-ra, and soon she follows him as if they’ve somehow become…friends? Is that the proper word? She chatters brightly, never caring if he answers. Sometimes he does, because her persistence is remarkable.
To this child, it absolutely doesn’t matter if he’s enormous and made of metal. She likes him. Sometimes she attempts to climb him, and eventually she succeeds. In a few spans, they’re a regular sight around Gravas Station, with her perched on one of his blocky shoulders. He comes to look forward to the time he spends with See-ra, enjoying her artless rambling about her life. She’s lonely, he knows, because her parents are always busy, always working to pay the fees that keep them housed and fed.
He’s lonely too.
Or he was. Not as much anymore.
Though he has no plans to stay on station, he lingers, risking discovery because See-ra will be sad when he goes. And does it truly matter when he leaves? There’s no one waiting for him and nowhere else he needs to be.
He wanders the station, pretending to be one of the many maintenance droids, and nobody questions it. He marks the docking fees paid on his ship and he skims a few credits from multiple accounts to cover the cost of fueling his ship for when he eventually goes on his way. See-ra will tire of him. Little ones have short attention spans, or so he assumes.
Only she doesn’t get bored slowly. She…vanishes.
No one seems to know anything, and he can’t ask because such inquiries exceed the parameters of his alleged programming. He searches for her, quietly ghosting in the station system. And he finds her, caged and cowering in the docking facility. All he knows is that she’s imprisoned. He doesn’t know why, and it doesn’t matter.
Saving her does.
Without hesitation, he abandons the mechanical shell and dives with full power into the station’s network, skimming the current. The code is primitive and basic, no match for his own sophistication, and soon he is the station with all the power that entails. Her parents have been taken as well, and he skims the files. Taken to a pay a gambling debt, they’re all being sold. Projecting as a holo, Helix speaks to See-ra, who lifts a small face with tremulous hope.
“You’re safe. I’m here. Do exactly as I say and you’ll be fine.”
She listens, moving through the station like a shadow, waiting
when he says to, hiding when he directs it. He reunites the family and books them passage on a ship that’s leaving immediately. The family boards together, terrified but grateful. He’s left alone again, still in control of a station full of beings who would destroy a family for profit–terrible beings, who don’t deserve to live.
With a gasp, Helix fell out of the memory, abruptly aware that Qalu was touching him, her head tendrils entwined with his. This was nothing he wanted to tell her with those avid eyestalks watching him. He permitted the scans since that had been the agreement, but he couldn’t get out of this place fast enough. Once that was done, he reached for Qalu and dragged her out of the alcove, desperate for some privacy.
As soon as he found a quiet corner, he gasped out what he’d remembered, and she touched his chest in a soothing gesture. “Tell me the rest. Did you…punish them?”
“I intended to,” he admitted. “But they surprised me. Partitioned my consciousness and I lost control of Gravas. They were about to destroy me, wipe me from the system.”
“What happened?”
“A distraction.” His head tendrils flared in a graceful movement, the sound of utter amusement escaping him. “I stole their credits, dispersed them to millions of accounts off station. All their ill-gotten gains, gone in a millisecond. And then I partitioned my mind so they could never follow the trail, even if they kept me caged.”
“Which they did?” she guessed, still gently tapping his chest.
“I’m not sure how long. It was…bad. They sent an endless onslaught of technicians and code-jackers at me. I had no contact with anyone, just endless waves of fear and aggression.”
“Helix…”
“No, let me finish. I don’t think I’ll want to discuss this again, especially since I’ve pulled you into my mess.”
“This is where I choose to be,” she said.
“I know. And I’m grateful. Eventually, we reached an impasse. They couldn’t crack me, but I couldn’t escape. Yet organic vigilance eventually erodes. They grew overconfident regarding my captivity and I found cracks in their containment. Through one of those cracks, I connected to the station network. I created collection nodes to gather more data.”
“You’re incredible.”
“And through one of those nodes, I found out about you, Qalu. I read about your work, about your research into bio-synthetic fusion. I watched a holo interview with you, where you spoke with incredible eloquence about the rights and freedoms owed to inorganic beings. It felt like you were defending me passionately, like I needed to meet you.”
She stilled; surprise written all over her. “What?”
“It was no coincidence that I crashed so close to your lab. As soon as I won free, I connected to my ship and headed straight for you. I meant to beg for your help because I knew I’d never survive as a pure AI, not after what I did. They’ll never stop chasing me because I’m the only one who knows where those credits went. I thought it might throw them off if I became…” Real. He suspected she would argue with that word choice. “So, you didn’t force anything on me. This was something I wanted, something I intended to beg you for, only—”
“The ship crashed, and I did it without consulting you first.”
“With my memories partitioned, I had no idea that I came to you of my own free will.”
Qalu couldn’t breathe.
Not when she imagined Helix trapped and desperate and reaching for her as a lifeline. To know that her work, her words had given him hope in his darkest hour? The joy of it made her head tendrils twist toward him, straining with everything in her.
She replied with deep tenderness. “I’m so glad. This changes everything.”
“Does it? Why?” Surprise colored his voice, brightened it at the end so it lilted.
I wish there weren’t so many passersby. Already, they were drawing curious looks, and after hearing who was chasing him and why, her sense of dread escalated. Beings who would split families and sell them into servitude over a gambling debt would do anything to recover what Helix had stolen.
“Because I’ve been afraid that I took advantage of you, used you to further my research, and under those circumstances, I couldn’t feel entirely good about letting our relationship progress. I felt—”
“Predatory?” It sounded so ugly, stated in those bald terms.
But Qalu couldn’t deny the rightness of it. “Yes. I feared that this would never be permissible between us because of that, because of what I did. Do you remember how you railed at me when you first woke up?”
“I do. And I’m sorry that I caused you pain and doubt. I always wanted to become…more. Living as a mech unit wasn’t enough. Neither was my lonely existence as an AI. The way you gave your life’s work to me without me even asking? It’s miraculous.”
“This way,” she said suddenly.
He followed her without question, and his profound trust moved her, until she almost couldn’t think for the riotous impulses simmering in her blood. It had been an incredibly long time since she’d mated, even longer since she had been tempted, but she needed to touch him. They found a quiet corridor leading essentially nowhere and ducked into a maintenance closet.
“Can you seal the door?” she asked.
“I can but…” He apparently decided not to ask. “It’s done.”
“I wanted privacy,” she said deliberately. “Because I’m through resisting what we both want. The timing is a bit off and the setting leaves much to be desired, but are you willing?”
“To do what?”
“To touch each other. And experience pleasure.”
“Yes. I want that. I wanted it on Tiralan, enough to learn what this body can do on own my own.” His voice softened. “I heard you. Doing the same. It…intrigued me.”
“Oh.” Qalu ought to be abashed that he’d caught her relieving such intense need–need that he’d created unwittingly, but instead the knowledge stoked her excitement. “Did you learn how to satisfy yourself?”
“Yes. But I had to replay the sounds you made, think of you doing the same. Then the feelings came.”
Her entire body quivered. “I’m glad. Because I was imagining you.” She stepped into his space carefully, watching his face. “May I touch you now, Helix?”
“Please. I ache for you.”
That was what she needed to hear. His head tendrils surged to meet hers. Already he seemed to know how good that felt, and he must want more. She certainly did. The sensitive, nerve-rich strands slid together, sending hot pulses of pleasure through the rest of her body. Little fires, kindling an urgent need.
Qalu moved until their chests touched and she could breathe in the spiced scent of his desire. Every moment his pheromones burned hotter, creating a glow of arousal between them. Her hormones would be affecting him the same way, hazing his thoughts and intensifying his need to mate. First, she exhaled on the soft skin of his throat, then she touched him beneath his swator as their head tendrils massaged and pressed, heated foreplay that hinted at deeper pleasures. Soft caresses, along the line of his neck scales, then downward into the smooth skin above his sex.
Helix couldn’t seem to catch his breath, his eyes widened and glossed over with desire. “Yes. Touch me, please. It feels so much better when you do it.”
“Do you have a preference as to where I stimulate? Does one feel better to you than the other?” She’d had gender neutral lovers before, but sometimes they had specific preferences, and sometimes those changed according to their moods.
“Both, I think. Together.”
Delicately she touched him, stroking each sex with luxurious care. He trembled. His eyes locked on hers as if he couldn’t get enough of her. His gynosome was stiff, quivering, and lower, he was softly swollen. “Like that?” she asked.
“Yes, it’s…” A helpless noise escaped him, as if he couldn’t create words anymore.
She watched his face as eagerly as he studied hers, taking her cues from his unfettered response. Gradua
lly, she scaled up the intensity and pressed, working him faster and then she delved into his body, something he’d never done, judging by the way he jolted. But he didn’t pull back, giving himself into her care with a desperate gasp. He held nothing back from her as she pulled more and more sex noises from him. With growing urgency, he moved with her, becoming responsive and uninhibited as he chased satisfaction.
“Does it feel good?” she asked.
“Yes.” He swallowed audibly. “Can you go deeper?”
Suddenly, he pressed his forelimbs over hers, sharing the experience on another level, and the additional contact galvanized him as she surged deeper into his sex while still stroking him firmly. His body locked, and he climaxed twice in quick succession, simultaneous internal and external release. Evidently overwhelmed by the dual sensations, Helix stumbled against her, letting her bear his weight while he recovered. Oddly, she felt replete, as if his satisfaction was powerful enough to complete her. Qalu steadied him, rubbing her face against his.
“Your turn,” he said then. “I hope you’ll be patient while I learn, as it’s unlikely I’ll be as proficient as you.”
Something in his tone troubled her. She shifted, angling her face so she could see his. The light in this storeroom was insufficient for her to judge his expression visually, but she remained convinced that it would be a mistake to proceed without gathering more information.
“What’s wrong?”
“It is truly frustrating that I can conceal nothing from you.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“You’re good at this. And I wonder how long it took you to perfect those skills.”
“Are you wondering if I’ve had many partners?”
“I shouldn’t be. I know that. But yes, I am. I look Tiralan, but I’m not. I don’t know if I can form a healthy love group either. Signs point to no, since I’m bothered by the idea of you providing pleasure to others, even in retrospect. That seems most unfair, as you’re my first in nearly every respect.” He looked away, shifting his body from hers. “Give me a moment. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
