Those were the things she knew for sure. He’d gone out of his way to play nursemaid all damn weekend.
But…
I think I told him I love him.
Or did he say it to me?
Did either of us say it at all? Or did I dream that?
Why the hell would I dream that?
He said he cared about me… I think.
Everything was such a mess in her head that by the time the door opened and closed, signaling Dean’s return, all she wanted to do was burrow under her comforter and go back to whichever world—dream or reality—where they made sense and it was easy. The one where there was no pressure to be anything but herself and she and Dean were completely at ease with each other. The one where Isak Alfredsson’s name never got mentioned.
Chapter Twelve
Thursday was the first day since Jade’s illness that Dean hadn’t needed to be on set by six in the morning. And that meant sleeping until seven felt almost as good as noon used to. Careful not to disturb Jade, he crawled out of bed and made his way to the kitchen.
Chaz had been right. Taking care of Jade while she was sick had brought them closer. She snuggled up next to him a little more when they slept, and there had been a lot more subtle, innocent touching happening between them. In their first few hyper-sexed weeks together, it had felt like they were trying to cram in as much as possible before it all ended. This slower, quieter life was what she said she wanted, though, and he was starting to see the appeal in parts of it, too.
Though he already missed the sex, and it had only been a few days.
Beyond letting her get better first, slower and quieter didn’t really gel with whips and chains and Russian spies. It didn’t even really go with his dessert-toppings plan. Quietly pulling out pans and turning on the stovetop griddle, he tried to think back to any experience he had with long-term romance and sex.
Firsthand would be a big ball of nothing. Actually, worse than nothing.
Girls at the home were never around long enough to bother with relationships, and girls at his high school weren’t very interested in “the orphan.” By the time he’d made it to college, he was focused on graduating and making something of himself—relationships were a distraction. So, he’d had sex, but never a girlfriend.
Somewhere along the line, he’d realized the romantic notions of marriage and forever—they were illusions. He didn’t remember his own parents, but so many kids ended up in state homes because people bailed the minute things got tough. Transient had come to define so much of his life that even settling down in L.A. had been difficult. But he had Chaz and Todrick and a career. If he lost one of those things because of people moving on—it wouldn’t ruin his life, or anyone else’s. But romance? Life had taught him that romantic ideals left trails of broken hearts in their wake.
Somehow he didn’t feel that potential with Jade. With her, it was like everything ebbed and flowed smoothly. Neither of them had faith in “romance,” but he was starting to have faith in them. If there weren’t illusions, if what they had was based on reality instead, maybe, just maybe, they could weather any storms that came.
For the first time in his life, he wanted to believe two people could work. He needed to.
But, for that to happen, he had to understand what this was supposed to look like, and he had no clue. His friends wouldn’t be any help, either, which meant it was time to consult his old standby—pop culture. If he went back far enough, TV would’ve had him convinced married people didn’t even sleep in the same bed—ever. Fortunately, he knew better than that. Still, it seemed most long-term couples, even on soap operas, didn’t touch each other much in bed. And sex was perfunctory, and almost always missionary.
“That ought to be fun…” As much as he tried not to stress over it as he cooked breakfast, he couldn’t help himself. If that was what Jade really wanted long term, could he deal? Did he want to try? Or would it eventually be the natural progression of any relationship? Was that the pot of gold at the end of the romance rainbow?
If so, it was no wonder so many people were staying single longer these days.
No. He wasn’t going to think that way. In his gut, he knew he and Jade were the real deal. She was just blinded by this obsession with settling down, and Alfredsson was her one-way ticket to that safe and “respectable” life.
Like what she had here wasn’t respectable? At thirty-two she owned a very successful business, earned enough to have a condo in one of Hollywood’s hottest hot spots, rubbed elbows with the rich and famous on an almost daily basis, and could have her choice of men in her bed.
And, for some unfathomable reason, she’d chosen him—temporarily. He just needed to find a way to make her see him as a more permanent possibility.
He flipped bacon in one pan then went back to stirring eggs in the other. Maybe it came down to a deeper connection. What did she know about Alfredsson that she didn’t know about him?
Everything.
The realization hit him like a slap to the face. Jade had his bio and what they’d shared with each other, which meant she only knew what he’d told her, which wasn’t a lot. It had been part of the agreement not to push, and the one day she’d inquired, he’d shut her down because he hadn’t wanted to talk. That was an easy enough thing to change…as soon as he worked up the nerve.
Once the pancakes were done, he loaded two plates onto a tray and took them into the bedroom. Jade was just stretching awake, the move lengthening her body and pulling the covers off. His dick immediately responded to the sight of her nipples perking beneath the silk of her nightie as the air-conditioning hit her body. Time to keep that in check—a feat easily accomplished with some honesty.
“Morning, kitten.” He settled onto the bed next to her, propping the tray between them.
“What’s this?” She sat up, brows pulling together. “It’s not my birthday…”
“I had time this morning. Can’t a guy do something nice?”
“Wasn’t taking care of me when I was sick nice?” She picked up a piece of bacon and bit into it, chewing thoughtfully.
“Sure, but that’s just something I do…” Her arched brow was an opening he couldn’t afford to pass up. Setting down his fork, he blew out a breath as clandestinely as possible. Now or never. “I grew up around a lot of kids. Sometimes when they got sick, I’d help out.”
Jade shook her head, and he was sure she would have backed away physically if moving didn’t mean falling on the floor. “I thought we weren’t going to talk about personal things. The one time I started to break that rule—”
“I need to.” He waited until she nodded to continue. “I know you read my bio, because you’re a pro and you’d want info on me before the shoot, and it’s mostly true. My birthdate is accurate. My parents’ names—as on my birth certificate—were Bob and Sue, but on that stupid piece of paper, mine was filled in as Daniel, with the last name Olson. No siblings, as far as I know. But Nowheresville isn’t a town; it’s what the kids called the state home I grew up in.”
It didn’t matter that Jade wasn’t saying anything. Now that he’d started talking, he actually did need to tell her, to tell someone. It felt like he’d held all of these things inside him for too long, putting on his perfect boy-next-door face for everyone. So he wouldn’t be mocked, wouldn’t be pitied, wouldn’t be judged. Jade didn’t do that. She was the one person he could trust to just hear him.
“I have no memory of my parents, and I legally became Dean Hartley the moment I turned eighteen. I figured if they didn’t want me by that point, I wasn’t going to make it easy for them to find me after. I learned how to be an actor in Nowheresville, putting on a show every time prospective parents came in.” Dean twirled his fork in the eggs, but he didn’t pick any up. Talking about this after so long… He’d lost his appetite. “I was fifteen when I finally accepted that I wasn’t going to have new parents. I know there were some interested couples when I was little, but something always fell throu
gh. Background checks, whatever. It didn’t matter after a certain point.”
“I…had no idea.” Jade looked so shell-shocked, he started to wonder if this had been a bad idea after all, but it was too late to reel it back in now.
The worst of it was out there, so he just plowed ahead. “I became an assistant of sorts at Nowheresville until I turned eighteen. I was lucky…summer baby, so I’d graduated high school before I got kicked out. Need-based scholarships got me through college, and my friend Tod hit a big score at the casino one night a few years ago. The two of us and Chaz moved out here. We’ve been plugging away ever since.”
“Those are your roommates? Kids you knew from—”
“From Nowheresville. Yeah. Tod had some issues that made him a ‘risky’ adoption. And Chaz came late in the game when his family was killed in a car accident. We’re the closest thing one another has to family, so we stuck together.”
She looked around the room as if seeing it for the first time, seeing him for the first time. “Then why the hell are you here with me and not with them? Why would you give that up just to help me?”
This was it—the moment of truth. “Because at a certain point it’s time to grow up and leave home to build a different kind of family.”
…
They weren’t supposed to have this conversation, but now that they were in the midst of it, Jade wasn’t sure how to get out. She was glad to know his past, to understand him a little better. Because of his past, or in spite of it, he seemed to want something more solid with her—it was like all her questions about what they had together were answered in one fell swoop.
And they were good answers. Solid ones. Happy ones.
But he probably had questions, too, and she didn’t want to answer them. Her past was hers, and she wanted it firmly left with the parts of history that never made it into any books.
As it was, her mind flashed to a once beautiful flower garden overgrown with weeds, water flooding the bathroom the day the tub faucet had been left on, her Mom standing unmoving at the stove the day she’d accidentally lit the wooden spoon on fire. She tried to force all those thoughts back where they belonged, but they weren’t budging, and she couldn’t focus on that and the conversation.
“You won’t be alone forever.” She almost winced as she said it. The words were trite and lame and not nearly enough to convey the way his story had broken her own memories wide open.
“I’m not alone now.” Dean’s fingers swept a lock of hair off her cheek then lingered, touching her gently and making her skin come alive.
This she could do. This was safe ground for them to tread on, and it would erase the awful recollections—at least temporarily. She laid her fork on the tray and pushed it away. “Then maybe we could be not alone without something as silly as food between us.”
Dean’s mouth dropped open, eyes wide in what was clearly mock-disgust. “You’ve got to be kidding me. I told you food is one of my favorite things.”
“And I thought the other one was me.”
“It definitely is. Most favorite… With the possible exception of a candied bacon cheddar burger and fries.”
The laugh that erupted from Jade’s mouth was a little tight, but they were finally back to a more normal conversation. “In that case, you just made our dinner plans for your next night off, but right now, I want top billing and an orgasm or three.”
“Three? I must be slipping.” Dean took the tray and shifted it from the bed to the nightstand.
“Well, I have been sick. You might need to go easy on me.” Granted, she felt mostly better, but Dean had been working such long hours, they hadn’t had sex in over a week. How her body reacted to spending yesterday at the studio and how it reacted to a wild hour or two with Dean weren’t likely to be in the same vicinity at all.
“I can do that.” He kissed a slow trail up her shoulder and neck before gripping her short nightgown and pulling it over her head. “You just lie back and let me do all the work.”
That sounded like a plan and a half. She lay back down, wriggled out of her panties, and adjusted her hair to splay across the pillow the way she knew he liked it. Granted, if he was getting a blindfold or anything, it’d be messed up in under a minute, but she didn’t mind.
Good-bye, horrors of 1996. Hello, sexy-ass Mr. Hartley.
When Dean returned, however, he was simply holding a condom. No blindfold. No handcuffs. No vibrator. No…anything. Well, this is going to be different.
His hands skated up her legs, and he gripped her thighs, massaging them as he crawled onto the bed. She loved the way he touched her—firm, controlled. His lips followed his fingers, gentle kisses that had her trembling, wanting more.
Still wanting.
She lifted her head from the pillow to find Dean kissing away, but he seemed to be taking the scenic route to her clit. Scenic wasn’t bad, just…unusual for them. She blew out a breath and relaxed against the pillow. She’d been expecting him to get right to it since they’d gone from sex at least once a day to spending several without any at all, but this was kind of nice. Relaxing. She let her eyes drift shut, focusing on the feel of his lips against her skin.
The pressure of his mouth on her clit nearly had Jade jumping off the bed.
Had he actually relaxed her back to sleep?
She was definitely awake now as he lavished her favorite bit of anatomy with all his attention. Oh God, she needed this like she needed to breathe today.
It didn’t take long before her hands were gripping his short hair. “More, I need more.”
Dean obliged, sliding two fingers between her lips and pumping. Then his teeth grazed the sensitive skin of her hood, and she came, hard, her muscles clutching his fingers like a lifeline.
As soon as the last ripple of her orgasm faded, he withdrew his fingers and knelt up. “Sorry about the teeth. I didn’t mean to do that.”
“It’s completely okay. You can not mean to do it next time, too.”
He didn’t laugh or add to the joke. In fact, now that she thought about it, from the time he’d come back from the bathroom, he hadn’t said much at all. Maybe he’d just wanted to ensure she had her first O before distracting her with dirty talk. But…he still wasn’t saying anything. Instead, he tore open the foil and rolled the condom over his stiff and ready erection.
The minute he thrust into her, she knew things were different. Something had changed beyond the lack of communication. It wasn’t that the sex was perfunctory. He was still paying attention to her cues, shifting his position for better angles or more depth. It wasn’t as rough as she liked, but he was still rubbing against her clit whenever his body made contact with hers. And he leaned over her, taking one breast in his hand so he could lick and suck on her nipple.
Everything he did was still pushing her toward another orgasm. Her body responding to his touch as it always did, wanting more, driving higher and higher to encourage him to give her everything he had in him. But this time, when she tumbled over the edge of that cliff, he came soon after, grunting his release.
Dean caught himself on stiff arms before he collapsed on top of her. Giving a smile, he leaned in and kissed her, deep and sexy, but without the passionate hunger she’d grown used to from him. When he broke the connection, he pecked her nose and drew his length from inside her. “I should probably hop in the shower and get cleaned up.”
And, like that, he was gone.
What the hell just happened?
Jade lay there, blinking at the ceiling. He’d said he was going to do all the work, which he had. He’d said he was going to go easy on her, which he definitely had. It wasn’t that the sex had been bad, either. It was just… Their first time together, she’d joked about ten orgasms, and over the course of the night, he’d made sure to give her a few extras “just in case they’d miscounted.”
Today they’d talked about three.
And he’d stopped at two.
She knew it was a selfish and stupid thing to
dwell on, but every fiber in her being was screaming that this was more than a rush to get to work. It was more than worry over her being sick earlier in the week.
Something with Dean had changed while she’d been ill, and it went beyond the sex and the confession about his past. She didn’t know how far beyond…or how she was supposed to find a way to follow and bring him back.
Chapter Thirteen
Dean didn’t know how the hell this happened, but he was finally going to meet Jade’s best friend Vicky. However, he would have been happier had it been someplace other than at a party, with not only Vicky’s husband but also her brother and his wife, and a bunch of other Hollywood A-Listers. Which meant they ran the risk of seeing Alfredsson.
There hadn’t been nearly enough time for him to woo Jade with his husband-material plan, and if he didn’t think of something fast, today could be the day she decided to stage the dramatic end to their charade. After all, they were rapidly approaching the countdown to Air Sweden.
“Why do you look so nervous?”
Damn it, he was an actor. He should have been better at this. It was only that, up until a few days ago, around Jade was the one time he could drop the act. Now he was on-duty all the time. He’d forgotten how exhausting that could be. “A lot on my mind. Work mostly.”
“Really? I thought filming was finally going well.”
He hadn’t really been thinking about work, but there was truth at the ready to fit into that particular lie. “It is. That couldn’t be going smoother. There’s the potential of more work on the horizon is all.” At her arched brow, he continued, confident that the announcement would force her to think about where they stood with each other. She wouldn’t be the only one with a time limit now. “I got a call from my agent yesterday. He finally received word about a rom-com I read for a while back. They confirmed filming would take place while I was on break from Providence Academy, and they want me for the male lead.”
As soon as he parked, Jade climbed out. He found her staring at him over the hood of his car. “That’s an intense schedule. Are you sure you want to be that busy?”
Playing the Perfect Boyfriend (Gone Hollywood) Page 12
