by Susan Hatler
I remembered that first night out on the beach with Max. He’d noticed the one earring missing, and I could almost feel the touch of his fingers against my skin as he’d brushed my hair back behind my ear. It had only been hours since we’d ended things, and I already ached from missing him. I reminded myself that he’d let me down by keeping a huge secret from me.
He’d had his reasons, though. And he hadn’t known that Grandma’s will mandated that Brian and I had to sell the inn, or it would be donated to charity. He hadn’t known, because I hadn’t told him. I should’ve trusted him, and he should’ve trusted me, too. What a mess we’d made of something that had started out so perfect. I wanted to fix things between us, but I didn’t know how to mend a relationship once it had been broken.
I looked down at the clothes strewn across my bed, waiting to go in the suitcase. Tears threatened, but I brushed them back. I couldn’t stay in Blue Moon Bay after all. It wasn’t old, painful memories driving me away this time. It was new fresh pain.
I slammed a dresser drawer shut and then kicked the closet door closed. I grabbed a heap of undergarments, and tossed them into the suitcase. More tears threatened, and this time I couldn’t hold them back. Walking on the beach with Max had been a simple pleasure, but one that filled me with joy. When I’d worn Grandma’s big hat, it had been like she was walking with us, and I knew she’d be proud of the responsible man that little balcony-jumping boy had become.
Of course Max couldn’t blow off going to Tokyo. He’d made that promise to his dad before he’d met me, before he’d fallen in love with Blue Moon Bay. Max wasn’t the kind of man who would go back on his word. I missed him so much in such a short time.
I had to get back to Sacramento, and get my life back on track. I had to put this whole mess behind me and start over again.
My suitcase looked ridiculously small, but it wasn’t like I’d thrown much into the suitcase when I’d been so stunned and horrified from the news of Grandma’s passing. It had only been a few weeks, but it felt like a lifetime ago. So much had happened.
My cell phone chimed, and my heart raced suddenly. Max! I grabbed my phone, and stared at the screen, but it wasn’t Max. It was Janine.
I swiped the screen with my finger, and the message came up: Good news that you’re coming home. That other townhouse is still available. You’re going to make your dreams come true after all.
I sighed. The happiness I should’ve felt didn’t come. I tapped out a reply, then set my phone back down, and reached for more clothes, but I didn’t feel like packing anymore. Instead, I wandered over to the window, and gazed out at the lovely shining water below. How could a place so beautiful be so painful?
There was a knock at the door, and before I could say anything it opened. Brian appeared through the doorway, and he was holding a big guest book. He opened his mouth, but then his eyes shot to my suitcase, which lay open on the bed with all my stuff already in it.
“What’s going on?” He came into the room, set the book on my nightstand, then looked up at me. “Why is your stuff in the suitcase? Didn’t you ever unpack?”
I had to tell him the truth. I cleared my throat. “No, Brian. It’s packed, because I’m leaving. I’m going back to Sacramento.”
His green eyes pierced mine. “No, you can’t go!”
“I know the thirty-day requirement period isn’t up.” I lifted my chin, and straightened my shoulders. “But what does it matter if this place goes to charity? Maybe then we can ensure it won’t be torn down. Instead of letting Max’s company do whatever he’s planning to do with it.”
“Max?” His face contorted, and he took a few steps toward me. When he spoke his voice shook and his shoulders did, too. “What does he have to do with anything?”
“He’s the one who bought the inn. Apparently that’s what he originally came to town to do. He claims he wanted to cancel the contract so we could keep it, but I told him the conditions of the will, and how we have to sell it.”
He clenched his fingers together. “Have you lost your mind, Wendy? Did you drink some ocean water or something? You said you were going to stay in town.”
I sighed. His eyes were glassy with tears, and mine were, too. I had to tell him the rest of it, and I didn’t want to do that either. “Mom and Dad bailed. They lied to us, again. They up and left, leaving behind a stupid note. They didn’t even have the guts to say goodbye in person this time.”
His face went white, and he blinked a few times. Then he said, “Well, that figures. That’s who they are, Wendy. They don’t know anything besides leaving, but you don’t have to leave.”
I walked toward the suitcase. The long-sleeved shirt on the bed was the one I’d worn on my first sail with Max. Max, who had let me down just like my parents had. I grabbed the shirt, and tossed it in the suitcase. My vision blurred. “All I ever wanted was a family, but everyone leaves. You said it yourself a long time ago. People can’t count on anyone but themselves. I’ve learned that now, just like you taught me when I was eight.”
“I was wrong,” he said, his voice barely a whisper. His green eyes widened, making him look like that scared, vulnerable boy in the diner all those years ago—the one whose parents had just left him. “When they told us they were leaving that day, it was like someone had reached inside me, and ripped out my heart. You turned to me for comfort and I was hurt, so I pushed you away. I’m so sorry,” he said, the veins on his temples throbbing.
Tears burned my eyes. “Brian—”
“Can’t you see how wrong I was?” His eyes filled, and I could see how much he was hurting. I wanted to put my arms around him, but he stepped toward me first. “Grandma never left us. Not for one single minute. She was here for us until the day she died.”
Tears ran down my face, as I grabbed onto his arms, and nodded. “You’re right. She never left us.”
“You said all you ever wanted was family?” He choked on the last word, his face crumpling as he wrapped his hands around my arms. “You have me, sis. I let you down before, but I promise I never will again. I’ll always be here for you. I’m sorry for pushing you away when we were young. I’m so sorry.”
“I forgive you, Brian.” After I said the words, long hard sobs started coming out of my mouth, and my whole body shook like I had some kind of plague. I didn’t know who was more startled by that, Brian or me, but suddenly my big brother’s arms were around me.
I had held all of that pain in for so long. Now that I’d forgiven, everything released in the huge sobs that followed. He rocked me back and forth, saying sweet big brother things like that he was here for me, and everything would be okay. So, I wept harder than I ever had in my entire life.
And it felt good. The pain and misery escaped me, rushing away until there was just this sort of clean numbness left behind. Brian hadn’t meant to hurt me, and I hoped he’d never hurt me again. But I trusted that if he did, it wouldn’t be intentional. I thought of Max and his secret, and something suddenly occurred to me.
I was pretty sure my nose was leaking horrible stuff, but I leaned back, swiping at my cheeks and nose, before I peered up at my big brother. “We can’t sell Grandma’s inn, Brian. We need to keep it safe and sound, the same way she kept us. I might know a way around the will.”
Brian’s phone rang, interrupting the moment. He glanced at the phone. “It’s Mom.”
I laughed at his strained look. He had good reason to worry about answering the phone, given how much emotion I’d just unleashed. “Answer it. I’m fine. I’m just going to unpack.”
“We’ll talk later.” He hugged me again, as his phone rang, then he answered it with a quick hello as he headed out of my room.
I sighed, glanced out the window, then my gaze landed on the book on my nightstand. Confusion shot through me. Where had that come from? Oh, right. Brian had brought it in. I guessed it was the former guestbook, and I was right. There was also a smaller book lying on top of it, which looked like a journal.
I reached for the delicate book, opened a page, and the scent of lilacs drifted out to my nose, immediately invoking a memory of Grandma. A letter fell out, drifting down to the floor. I bent to pick it up, freezing in place when I recognized the handwriting as Grandma’s too.
The letter was addressed to me.
The letter had a date, she had written it one month ago. I remembered she’d left Brian a letter, and it had never occurred to me that she’d leave one for me, too. I wanted to read the letter, but I was too scared. I’d let Grandma down, and so badly. I had left and never came back, and that had to have hurt her. But I’d been so blind to everything but my own hurt.
Anything Grandma said to me in that letter would be true. I had been wrong, so wrong, and it had taken me coming back here to see it. She had to have known that, and knowing Grandma—she had. She had probably set out to make me see how much I’d hurt Brian, so I could fix that. She had loved us, and I had loved her more than anyone I had ever known.
I held the letter and paced around my room. My suitcase was still on the bed, all my stuff still needed to be unpacked but I couldn’t manage that right now. I didn’t even care that there was a pair of bright pink panties sticking up from one side of the suitcase, waving around in the currents of air from the ceiling fan like some kind of crazy flag.
I went to the windows and gazed out at the ocean. From where I stood I could see the slice of beach that Max and I liked to walk on so much. I really wished that Max were here to calm me down and stand beside me as I read the letter. He would’ve held my hand, and told me that everything would be okay.
Only Max wasn’t here. He was probably checked out and on his way to the airport, and then off to Japan, and he would be there for a long time. He’d be there so long I didn’t know if he would still love me when he came back.
He would come back, though. He had said that Blue Moon Bay was his home, and I believed him. I believed in him, too. I should’ve trusted that he had good reasons for not telling me about the offer on the inn. I missed him terribly, and I wanted him back.
Letter in hand, I headed out of my room and the inn, and down to the beach. The water was calm, the waves lapping easily at the sand. I walked along the shore, staring out at the waves. The paper in my hand crackled in the slight wind, and I tightened my grip, but still didn’t have the guts to read it. I stopped at the small monument at the bottom of the bluff, kicked off my shoes, and stared at the plaque that stood between the weathered pillars.
“Kissed by the Bay,” I read, running my fingers along the bronze lettering. “One kiss, right here, under a blue moon will lead to love that lasts forever . . .”
I closed my eyes and could see my grandma, wearing a large hat over her perfectly coiffed hair, standing with her gardening tools in hand. A pang rolled through me. She had always given us everything she had to give: the run of the inn, the sea, her wisdom, and her love.
This was the same spot where she had told me about the legend for the first time. She had stood staring out at the sea, reciting the legend by heart, just loud enough to be heard over the waves. I had stared up at the big moon hanging over the ocean—the same blue moon that had hung in the sky the night I’d met Max.
After hearing the legend as a young girl, I’d hoped that one day I would be kissed right here by the man I was going to love forever. The page crackled again. I dug deep and found the courage to, finally, read the letter. I unfolded the page and looked at Grandma’s handwriting again, that perfect script I had never been able to imitate.
My Dearest Wendy,
* * *
I know you’re mad at me for making you come back and I don’t blame you. I hope you know that my reasons and intentions are good, and that I did it because I needed you to learn something you couldn’t discover in Sacramento.
I know that your parents have disappointed you, and if you give them the chance they will disappoint you again. But that doesn’t mean everyone will.
Your parents are people who can’t stay in one place. It isn’t in them. I wish it were different, and that we’d all been able to spend more time together. I can’t blame your mom, either, because the truth is your dad was always a wanderer and as restless as the waves on the beach.
When he met your mom I knew I had lost him, but I also knew I had lost him to a woman who would always hold him as the dearest thing she had ever known. They are two sides of the same coin, and while I wish they were different for you, at the same time I’m glad they aren’t. Because they found the love that most people only ever dream of, and they have kept it alive. Lasting love is special and rare, even if it’s not always convenient or kind to people outside of it.
You’re not like your parents, Wendy. You enjoy seeing new places, but you don’t have that inborn need to leave. You were never looking past the horizon or wondering what is over the next hill or on the other side of the ocean.
You’re not like them at all. I know you might think you are because you left Blue Moon Bay, but you weren’t running toward something, you were running from the hurt. I forced your return, which I don’t doubt you did on Brian’s behalf. You have a choice now. You can choose to be alone, to protect yourself like I did, thinking that every man will disappoint you. Or you can accept people for who they are and adjust your expectations on what they can give you. Whatever you decide, don’t view their faults as a measure of their love for you.
Let me tell you a story. I know you already know the legend of Blue Moon Bay, but I want to tell it again so bear with me.
One kiss, right here, under a blue moon will lead to love that lasts forever. . .
Know the history of two young people, the daughter of locals and the son of summer guests, who fell helplessly in love at this very beach. When their parents discovered their relationship, they were forbidden to see each other. His parents felt the working girl was beneath their son and her parents feared the scandal could ruin their business. But the night before the family was to return home, the son got a note to his sweetheart and they met here under the stars.
He pleaded with her to wait a year for him to turn eighteen and become a man—that until then they could write to each other in secret and he’d find a way for them to be together. The young girl knew their parents would never allow that to happen, though. She’d always obeyed her parents and wasn’t strong enough to go against their wishes, even for the perfect love she shared with him.
So, with broken hearts, they said goodbye to each other right here at this very spot. A blue moon hung in the night sky, illuminating their final kiss and they promised to love each other always. Then they vowed that everyone who kissed at this exact point by the bay, under a blue moon, would be in love forever—and would never separate as they tragically had.
That woman in the story was me. Your dad never knew his father, but he was my one and only love. He wanted us to stay together long distance but I didn’t think that would work out so I cut things off altogether. He didn’t give up on our love, I did, by not being willing to stand strong for what I believed in. After all of this time, I still think of him and wonder, “What if . . .?”
While I can’t go back in time, I can give you the wisdom of my experience. Don’t close your heart. And don’t close your mind. You just need the courage to recognize love for what it is, even if it looks different from what you expect.
You’re like me in many ways. Not all of them good. I withdrew from people, thinking I was protecting my heart, but all of that safety has a price. Safety, all too often, leaves you alone. You remind me of myself when I was young, wanting love so badly but thinking it needs to fit a certain mold. In truth, some of the best love comes from the opposite of how we think life should go. Love comes in different forms, sometimes unexpectedly, like when a grandmother finds herself burdened with raising her young grandkids, then discovers it was her life’s greatest joy.
* * *
Yours,
Grandma
Tears spilled down my c
heeks, one after the other. I had always thought Grandma had been mad at Mom and Dad for dumping two kids off on her. I had always felt abandoned but I hadn’t been. I’d been lodged into a safe harbor, by two people who were always pulling up the anchor.
I couldn’t believe my grandma was the woman in the legend. She had spent her entire lifetime wondering if she had made the wrong choice. She had been afraid to fight harder, just like me, and she had lost the man who would have been hers forever.
“Oh, Grandma. I’m so sorry I left, and that I didn’t come back.” I dropped to my knees, fingering the warm sand, as a sprinkling of saltwater sprayed my face, and mingled with my tears. “I never saw that I had a home and family right here with you. I hope you forgive me, and know how much I loved you. I’m glad you brought me back here, too. This is where I belong, and this is where I’m going to stay forever.”
I had to find Max and tell him I was wrong—that I was willing to fight hard for us, and never let him go. He was probably already at the airport. I had to hurry!
Chapter Eighteen
Adrenaline pumped through my veins as I jumped to my feet. I needed to get to the airport before Max took off. I had to tell him that I loved him, and that I had been scared—too scared—to even try, but I was ready now.
Max wasn’t leaving me. He was not pulling up the anchor and heading for a far horizon. He was going to work, and coming home again. He was not a dreamer or a drifter, any more than I was. I grabbed my shoes and held them in my hand as I dashed for the stairs so fast that little puffs of sand spurted up around my feet and ankles. Just as I got to the bottom of the steps, Lucky came galloping down, her golden hair flying, and her mouth stretched.
