I’d hugged her and said, “You’re right. But fighting doesn’t solve anything.”
She had nodded. “Yeah, he punched Daddy pretty hard. I was scared for Daddy.”
“I know, hon.”
“Are you still mad at Principal K?”
“Mad? No. I just... I don’t know.”
“He really likes you, Mom. He just made a mistake.”
And that was the conversation she left me with.
I didn’t go home. I didn’t want to be alone. I sat in my car sniffling, and then called Piper. “Can I come over?”
She didn’t even hesitate.
“Of course.”
About fifteen minutes later, I was knocking at her door.
“It’s open,” she called. “Magic man never locked it.”
“The magician was here?” I asked, curious.
“Yeah.”
“This early in the morning?”
“He spent the night.”
My eyes widened. “Seriously?”
She sat down across from me and said, “He’s great but I don’t see things working out between us. His career is just so demanding.”
I looked at her and my expression must have been dubious.
“Well, it is! He’s always doing birthday parties or traveling to one party or another. I rarely get to see him.”
“Wow, I didn’t think a magician’s world was so intense.”
She sighed sadly. “You have no idea. It’s like he’s a military officer instead of just some dude who pulls rabbits out of his hat.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, trying to sound sincere, but I thought she could do better than a magician.
“It’s okay. Onto the next one,” she said with forced cheer and then her eyes grew serious, “But we’re not here to talk about me. Tell me what’s going on.”
I filled her in, leaving out nothing. She was quiet the whole time and then said, “I think you and Carter need to talk.”
I nodded.
“He’s always hated Tom, rightfully so. Tom was always a controlling bastard. He used to hold my Barbies hostage. But he was mom’s favorite so he never got in trouble for anything. He made my life a living hell.”
“Ditto,” I said.
“But holding Barbie hostage is one thing, holding a kid from her mom is some prime A bullshit.”
I nodded and said, “And now he’s taking me to court.”
She reached across the table and took my hand and squeezed it. “If you need anything, you tell me, okay?”
I laughed. “You know a good lawyer?”
“I don’t, but Carter does… speaking of which, he should be here any minute now.”
“What?” I said. “You told Carter I was here?”
“I did. I hate that my two best friends aren’t speaking to each other.”
I shook my head. “Piper, I don’t know. I’m just so emotional now, I’m just not ready to talk to him.”
“Too late,” she said, looking over my shoulder and through her front window. “He’s here. I’ll give you two some privacy.”
She stood up, grabbed her purse, put on some sunglasses and disappeared through her door.
“See you guys,” she said happily as she bounced past a startled Carter.
We both watched as she climbed into her car and drove off.
“Why haven’t you returned any of my calls?” he asked immediately.
“I’ve had a lot on my mind and didn’t know what to say.”
“Listen, I’m sorry for what happened. I’m not sorry for punching Tom, but I am sorry that I did it in front of Meredith.”
“Okay.”
“Okay is all you have to say?”
“What do you want me to say?”
“I don’t know. You could say that you forgive me.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know how I feel. I really don’t. I just think right now our emotions are raw and I don’t want to say anything that I’ll regret, but I think we should take a break.”
He looked like I’d hit him. The shock that registered on his face…
“A break? We just started seeing each other.”
“I know,” I said, looking down unable to face him. “I just feel like maybe me and you, like maybe this was a mistake… things just went so fast and got complicated so soon.”
“So you regret what happened with us?”
“No. Yes. I don’t know. I just can’t handle this—us—right now. I just can’t. Tom’s taking me to court and I just don’t want to complicate things right now.”
“So that’s it then?”
His voice was quiet, and I forced myself to look at him. He was trying to hide it but I could tell my words hurt him. I swallowed hard, trying to hold back tears, but hoping that I was doing the right thing. I desperately hoped I knew what I was doing. Wasn’t this best for everybody? For Meredith? For me?
“I just know how bitter and mean Tom can be. I don’t want him to destroy your career and I think I’m confusing Meredith.”
“You can stop with the excuses. I get it.” He stood up.
“I’m just looking out for you and Meredith.”
“You don’t have to explain… I get it.” His tone was bitter, and I found myself getting upset. I was feeling judged and so I lashed out.
“Why are you angry with me? I’m just doing what I think is best.”
“I’m tired of hearing the same excuse. I heard it eight years ago and you’re using the same excuse now. I’m not sure why I convinced myself that this time would be different. I’m not sure why I even tried.”
“You’re one to talk. You haven’t even been around for almost a decade. You were supposed to be my best friend but you left. I needed you and you left.” My voice cracked. And now we were getting to the truth of the matter.
“I left because I couldn’t stand seeing you married to him. It was hard enough to know you went back to him after being in my arms and you expected me to just accept it.”
“We were friends, Carter. I didn’t want to mess up what we had by letting our mess up, well, mess things up,” I said, sounding desperate. My voice was already feeling raw.
“Mess things up? Do you know how I felt after you literally went from my bed to seeking him out?”
I gulped. “He was my boyfriend. What did you expect me to do? I woke up that morning and realized that I’d a made a mistake.”
He shook his head. “You considered us a mistake?”
“Yes!” I said too strongly, but my nerves were raw and my emotions were everywhere. I didn’t know. “I was embarrassed and ashamed about what we’d done.”
He stared at me in silence, and the judgment I felt made me tear up.
“You felt ashamed? Sorry that being with me made you feel ashamed. I didn’t know you’d felt that way.”
He stood up and turned and walked towards the door.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m leaving. I don’t want to give you a reason to feel ashamed again.”
“Carter—”
“You’ve said enough, Dana. More than enough.”
“Don’t leave.”
But he was already gone.
I put my face in my hands and tried to just breathe. But I couldn’t think of anything but that night I’d slept with Carter and then left.
It had been cowardly of me. I hadn’t even left him a note. I’d just snuck out of his bed that morning while he was in the shower and made my way back to my dorm where I’d found Tom sitting there.
He’d confessed that he’d cheated. He told me that he hadn’t gone all the way with her. And of course, I hadn’t believed him, but I didn’t have a backbone. I’d felt guilty for what I’d done with Carter, but more than that I’d felt guilty that all the time I’d been with Tom, I’d always been in love with Carter.
And then to my surprise, Tom had asked me to marry him right then and there. He got down on one knee and proposed. And the ring had been a family heirloom. His propos
al represented everything I thought I wanted in life.
And I’d found myself saying yes. As he’d hugged me, I’d wondered if he could smell the scent of Carter on my flesh. If I closed my eyes long enough, I could still feel the way he touched me and caressed me.
A few hours later, Carter had stopped by my dorm and he’d found Tom there. And I’ll never forget the look on Carter’s face as Tom referred to me as the future Mrs. Duran and told me to show Carter the ring.
Carter’s face had registered shock and the hurt I saw in his eyes when he looked up at me made me so sick, I felt my stomach clench.
“Congratulations,” he’d said softly and then he’d walked away. I’d never forgot the look on Tom’s face either. He had looked… victorious.
Part of me died that day. I’d been ashamed of what I’d done with Carter but I hadn’t regretted it.
I looked for him and found him in the library. I’d tried to apologize to him, but he hadn’t wanted to hear an apology and he’d quickly changed the subject. He was still friendly, but I knew that our act and my accepting of Tom’s proposal had changed things between us. There was no going back.
The last time I’d seen him before he’d left the country, had been at my wedding. He’d danced with me. And I remember thinking how I’d wished it had been Carter as my groom even then. But I’d buried that memory because it had made me feel guilty… guilty that even at my own wedding, I’d been thinking of what it would be like to be married to Carter.
And now I would never know.
I stood up and walked to Piper’s couch. I tossed my feet up, buried my head under a throw pillow and sobbed.
My life was a mess. And I had no one to blame but myself.
Chapter Eleven
“Mom, check this out. I can do a cartwheel,” Meredith said as she quickly executed the perfect cartwheel.
“Good job,” I said, reaching out to high-five her. “You’re so awesome.”
“So are you,” she said as she started doing cartwheels across the yard. I sat there and watched her and just felt insanely grateful about how things had turned out.
I retained primary custody of Meredith. Tom hadn’t gotten what he wanted. We were still on an every other weekend and one day a week schedule. The judge had also made us attend a mediation class which had made Tom angry, but ultimately had been good for the both of us. We’d pretty much come to an agreement to mind our own business. I wouldn’t interfere in his life and he wouldn’t interfere in mine.
My lawyer had been awesome, the perfect advocate. If it wasn’t for her, I’m sure Tom’s fancy lawyer would have torn me to pieces.
I had Carter to thank but he still wasn’t speaking to me. It had been three months since he’d come by Piper’s house to see me.
If it hadn’t been for his stepmom acting as my attorney pro-bono, I don’t know what I would have done. She had called me that same day when Carter walked out of my life and even though I’d been a mess emotionally, I’d managed to keep it together long enough to tell her the situation. She had readily agreed to help. It had been like a weight being lifted off my shoulder.
But I didn’t feel so light now. I felt lonely and sad. I missed Carter so much. I thought about him literally every night. I found myself daydreaming at my job, wondering what he was doing and if he missed me too.
I didn’t see him anymore when I dropped Meredith off at school and Meredith had sadly informed me that he had resigned. Piper told me that he was looking for a position elsewhere. I knew I was partially responsible for that. Maybe fully responsible.
He didn’t want anything to do with me, so he was going out of his way to make sure he didn’t have to see me, even if that meant letting go of a job he loved.
When I’d heard, I’d felt so guilty. I’d summoned the courage to call him to tell him how sorry I was, but he never answered. All my calls went straight to voicemail.
So, I just went through the motions, glad that he had cared enough about me, even after I’d rejected him, to get me a lawyer, but at the same time so upset that he wasn’t talking to me and it seemed he never planned to again.
I felt like I was missing a part of myself. I didn’t know what to do. I’d shed quite a few tears and I missed him with my whole heart. I sent emails, made phone calls, left messages with Piper to deliver to him, but there was nothing but silence.
But what had I expected? He’d loved me and had been loyal to me since we first met, but how had I treated that love? And how many times had I pushed him away? I was good at hurting him and I didn’t blame him for not wanting to be around me anymore. I was toxic.
He’d only ever shown me love and friendship and what had I offered to him in return? Drama. Shame. More drama.
I guess I spent a bit too much time feeling sorry for myself because suddenly Meredith was sitting next to me looking at me inquiringly.
“You miss him, don’t you?” she said softly.
I knew it would be useless to be coy. There was no fooling Meredith and it was about time that I was honest with how I was feeling instead of pretending everything was fine.
“I miss him a lot,” I said simply.
“Why don’t you call him?”
“He doesn’t want to speak to me. I tried calling him.”
She frowned. “What did you do? Why is he angry with you? Did you yell at him for beating up Daddy?”
I nodded. “Kind of. And I told him that I didn’t want him around.”
She gasped. “Why’d you do that?”
I shrugged and then sighed deeply. “I don’t know. I was upset and emotional. And he had beat up your father—”
“Well, Dad did dump you in the bushes, so he did deserve to get punched in the face.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing.
“Principal K, I mean Carter, would never dump you in the bushes, he loves you too much.”
“Loved. I’m sure he doesn’t love me anymore.”
She laughed and that made me look at her in surprise. “If someone really loves you, they can’t just stop loving you, Mom. That’s not how love works. Auntie Piper said that Carter has loved you since college. He’s not going to just stop loving you now because you guys had a little fight.”
“Well, it wasn’t exactly a little fight.”
“Stop making excuses, Mom. If you love Carter, just go over to his house to tell him. You went to Daddy’s house to get me back. You were really brave. You can do it again. Just go to Carter’s house and say, ‘I’m sorry I dumped you. I love you. I want you back.’”
“What if he doesn’t want to be with me anymore?”
She looked at me as if I were stupid. “Then I guess you’ll just have to hang out in bars with Becca. She told me she hates the bar scene but she doesn’t know where else to find guys.”
“Becca said that?”
She nodded. I made a mental note to tell Becca to stop talking about bars with Meredith.
“Well, Becca has a point. How about I call her and have her watch you for an hour while I run over to Carter’s place?”
She nodded happily. “Sounds like a plan.”
Before I could lose my nerve, I picked up the phone and called Becca. She promptly arrived ten minutes later.
“Go get ‘em, tiger,” she said to me as I grabbed my purse and looked in the mirror one last time before heading out the door.
I smiled and hoped I appeared confident, but I wasn’t. I was scared he wouldn’t open the door to speak with me. I was afraid he’d just ignore me. Or worse, I was afraid he’d tell me he didn’t love me anymore.
So, as I drove up and parked in front of his car, I was a big ball of fear.
And of course, I found him shirtless, working in his garden. He had on a baseball cap and low riding shorts.
I couldn’t help but stare at his chest. He was still beautiful. Apparently, he hadn’t fallen into a bucket of ice cream after I dumped him. I couldn’t say the same about myself, I thought as I sucked in m
y tummy and straightened my shoulders.
“Come on, Dana. You can do this.” I gave myself a little pep talk before I opened the door and stepped out.
He looked up at my car but didn’t acknowledge me. He just kept working in his garden. I stood at the gate that led to his walkway and waited for him to say something, anything to me.
“I see you’re busy,” I said with a shaky voice. “Want to take a break for a moment to talk?”
“No,” he said, not even turning around to face me.
I instantly wanted to run back to the car and hide, but I was done running from Carter. I was a grown woman and it was time that I started acting like one.
I opened the gate and walked up the walkway and stood next to him. “Look, can you at least hear me out?”
“I’d rather not,” he said as he continued working. I watched how quickly his hands moved over the area in front of him, pulling weeds quickly and efficiently. While I thought of what to say my eyes wandered over the entire garden. Everything was in bloom. I could smell the jasmines again and he’d installed little lights around the perimeter in various sites. The sun was going down and the lights were starting to turn on. I guessed that they were solar powered.
I turned my eyes back on him and thought about all the time he must have dedicated to his garden. He was patient. Good at nurturing things. He was a natural caretaker. Persistent, gentle, forgiving. Everything I wasn’t, but everything that his love had taught me to be.
I squatted down next to him, in my little sundress and heels. “Can I help?”
He still didn’t look at me, he just stood up abruptly and walked to his garage. I stood there awkwardly, wondering if that was my sign to leave.
I was turning away when he reappeared suddenly with an extra pair of gloves. “Here,” he said, still avoiding eye contact as he handed them to me.
He didn’t say another word. He just silently worked in his garden. I watched him for a second then got on my knees in the dirt and started weeding his flower bed.
We worked in silence until finally, it was driving me crazy. “I wanted to thank you for having your stepmom represent me in court. She was amazing. She pretty much crushed Tom’s lawyer.”
He grunted and busily spread some mulch. “She’s a force to be reckoned with.”
Mr. Principal Page 14
