“Do you know where my dad is instead of being here with you?” she turned her now fiery gaze to me.
“He’s meeting with some investors---”
“Investors?” She looked ready to cry, “He’s such a liar. He’s waiting with my mom for me to show up to dinner at a restaurant downtown.”
I didn’t know what to say. I was the other woman and because of that I was causing this young lady so much pain. I felt terrible. I really did. It was a nightmare and I desperately just wanted it to end.
“I believe you and I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you---”
She looked up at me as if she wanted to believe me, but just couldn’t. Or rather she just wouldn’t allow herself to believe that I wasn’t some monster out to ruin the life she’d thought she had. We were both victims here. We had both been deceived and lied to. God, how I wished I had never laid eyes on Jerry Lazarus.
“I’m telling my mom tonight about you. She deserves better than my dad. I don’t care if it ruins my family. But I just thought you should know that my father is a dirty, liar who’s screwing over the woman who stood by him when everyone including her own family said how much of a loser he was to quit his job.”
“So, congrats,” she said giving me a wry smile as she tried to hold back tears, “I hope it was worth it.”
I didn’t know what to say as she marched away. I felt stunned, as if I had just been slapped. And then I felt Dana pulling at my hand.
“Let’s get out of here.”
In silence, I slid off the stool and made my way to the exit, trailing behind Dana, lost in thought. My stomach was topsy-turvy, and I knew at any moment that I would probably be sick. I told Dana to give me a second and made my way to the bathroom.
I went to the mirror and braced a hand on either side of the sink and told myself to just breathe. I wasn’t a homewrecker. I did not date married men. I didn’t. I wasn’t that type of woman. Yet suddenly I was. I believed the girl. What had her name been? Jessica? Yes, I could tell that it had hurt her to come here, to confront me. I readily believed everything she said. She had no reason to lie. And it wasn’t her fault her dad was a no-good cheat. I felt dirty and cheap and a myriad of other unsavory feelings.
I forced myself not to cry, but I couldn’t help the single tear that escaped. Frustrated, I swiped at it. I didn’t deserve tears; I had been the other woman even if I hadn’t known it. I had ruined a marriage, broken up a family. I was the worst of the worst. I cried then, unable to hold back the tears. My parents’ marriage had been crap, my brother was a serial cheater, and now I was an adulterer. It was like we as a family couldn’t do anything right.
When I finally stopped crying, I washed my face and looked in the mirror at my blue eyes that were now bloodshot. I wiped at them, but there was no use. Dana would know that I had been in here crying. With a sigh, I made my way out of the bathroom. Dana was still waiting for me where I had left her in front of the other entrance door. When she spotted me, she rushed over and this time it was she who wrapped an arm around my shoulders.
“You ok?”
“No. I’m an adulteress.”
She shot me a glance. “So, you believe the girl?”
I nodded. “There’s no reason for her to confront me and make up a lie, unless she’s some sort of crazy person making up an entire reality.”
“I checked Google. That high school did have a graduation last weekend and Jessica Lazarus was one of the attendees. I even found a few of her social media pages, Instagram, Facebook, etc. And Jerry is in a lot of her pictures. In fact, he seems to be a very involved father.”
I snorted. “Of course, he is. When he’s not bonking some random woman who isn’t his wife, he’s daddy of the year.”
“Well, I wouldn’t go that far.”
“That’s ok, I will.”
Dana stopped me then and it wasn’t until that moment that I noticed we were standing in front of Dana’s car.
We had ridden together to the show. She unlocked the door and I slid into the passenger seat grateful for the reprieve.
I felt suddenly self-conscious. I didn’t know why. No one else had overheard our conversation. But I felt as if the world had witnessed my shame.
“I had no clue he was married. I never suspected a thing. I feel so stupid. So so stupid.”
Dana sighed, “It’s not your fault. Sometimes men are dicks. Just be glad you found out now and not seven years into your marriage.”
I swallowed. Dana was talking about her own previous marriage. I still felt guilty about Dana’s marriage to my brother Tom. Tom had cheated on Dana while we had been in college and I had never told Dana. At the time, I had thought that she wouldn’t have believed me. When she found out years later that I had known about Tom’s infidelities but hadn’t told her, it had almost meant the end of our friendship.
I hadn’t a clue if Tom had cheated on Dana while he was married to her, but it wouldn’t surprise me if he had. He was my brother, but we had never seen eye to eye. He had always been an entitled jerk, playing with the emotions of others, so it hadn’t come as a surprise to me when he ended up leaving Dana for a nineteen-year-old named Becca. Ironically, Becca had pulled a fast one on Tom and had left him not even a year into their marriage.
Tom hadn’t remarried. He was living in Miami now working in real estate. Or maybe he was a producer? I couldn’t keep up with his career changes or his questionable lifestyle decisions, not that I wanted to.
“Do you think his wife knew? Oh god, how do you think his daughter found out? Do you think she’s been following him around the whole time?” I had so many unanswered questions circling my brain.
Dana just shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. And you’ll probably never know. Tom never admitted to cheating on me while we were married, but you and I both know that he probably did. And often.”
“I feel so stupid.”
“Why?” Dana said taking the nearest exit to my home. “You didn’t know. So don’t blame yourself.” Dana paused and then said half to herself, “Unless you saw some warning signs and ignored them.” She stopped at a light, turned a concerned gaze on me and said, “Tell me you didn’t. Tell me you didn’t see signs and just ignore them.”
I shook my head as I thought back to my relationship with Jerry. We had only been dating six months. And I hadn’t noticed anything weird about him.
“I mean, he always came back to my place. I never once went to his. Is that a warning sign?”
“Umm…yeah. What was his excuse?”
It was my turn to shrug. “He said he was embarrassed of his apartment, that it was disgusting, and he didn’t want me over there. He said his roommate was a slob.”
“Well, your first error was dating someone in his thirties that still has a roommate and your second error was not realizing that his secret roommate was really his wife and kid.”
I winced. “What should I do? It’s not like I can send her a card with an apology. And should I confront him?”
“I would love to throw something in his face or punch him in his nether region, but I’m sure that’s assault. So maybe we shouldn’t confront him.”
“Not WE. Me.”
“What? And miss out on all the action? No way. If you’re confronting Jerry the no-talent, cheater then I’m going too.”
I looked at Dana and knew she was serious. But I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I wasn’t the confrontational type unless I was defending someone I loved. No. I would just move on. Forget about Jerry.
As if reading my mind, Dana said, “Actually, maybe confronting him is a bad idea. It seems like his daughter will probably handle that for you. And you don’t want to be in the crosshairs if his wife shows up and sees you.”
I nodded, “I need better taste in men.”
“No kidding.”
“Hey!”
Dana laughed as she pulled up in front of my house. It was a small, cute home in an up-and-coming neighborhood. I loved it. And I al
ways felt proud when pulling up to it. It was home and I had done a lot of the remodeling on my own.
Dana parked the car and looked at me. “I’m sorry that this happened. For what it’s worth, I know what that feels like and I’m really sorry that happened to you. Jerry’s a dick. And also, you should probably get tested since maybe you weren’t the only one he was playing hide the sausage with.”
I winced, but I knew she was right. And there was one other thing. I had booked us a long weekend at a fancy hotel near a bunch of lakes since Jerry loved water sports. Now I had a super-luxe hotel room for a weekend and no one to take. And if I cancelled now, I wouldn’t get any of my money back.
I mentioned it to Dana, figuring that she would jump at the chance to do something fun.
Dana frowned. “I would love to take it. I really would, but with the twins and Meredith—”
She stopped suddenly and then said, “Take Meredith. She’s been dying to get out of the house and do something fun and she’s on spring break next weekend.”
“You think she wants to spend spring break with her crazy aunt?”
“Better than spending it with her boring parents and annoying siblings.”
“She called you guys boring and the twins annoying?”
“Never out loud. But I have a sneaky feeling---”
I laughed and shrugged. “That’s totally understandable.” I reached out and hugged, Dana. She grunted and said, “That’s a little too hard. I can barely breathe.”
“I’m sorry. I just want you to know that I appreciate you. If it weren’t for you being there in the bar, I probably would be a sobbing mess right now.”
She pulled away and shrugged. “That’s what friends are for.”
At that moment I didn’t feel like I even deserved a friend. I felt lower than low. I didn’t tell Dana that I was silently beating myself up. I felt ashamed, embarrassed, hurt. I just wanted to go into a dark closet and live there. How could I have missed all the signs? Or had I been deliberately obtuse and just ignored them all? Had I put my own search for happiness above what was right? I didn’t want to think that I was THAT kind of person, but maybe I was. And now my selfishness had hurt someone. More than hurt someone, my selfishness had broken up a family. That thought made me sick inside.
I said goodnight and then made my way slowly to my front door. I opened the door, tossed my keys on the table in the entryway, slammed the door in frustration and then collapsed face first on my couch.
The tears didn’t come immediately, but with my face in the pillows finally I let myself cry. I didn’t like crying in front of anyone, even my best friend.
And when I was finally done crying I picked up my phone and noticed that he had texted me. I felt too sorry for myself to be angry, so I read his text.
It simply said, “Hey, where you at?”
I knew the mature thing would be to just ignore him, but I was finally starting to feel something other than shock and shame. Finally, I was feeling anger.
“I’m home. How’s the family?” I texted back.
A few minutes later my phone beeped and I looked at the text, “What are you talking about?”
“I met your daughter today. She looks just like you.”
I sat on my couch, hoping he would deny it. I didn’t doubt the young lady, but deep down I hoped it was all a misunderstanding. I didn’t want to be the bad guy in this story. I didn’t want to be the person Jessica Lazarus thought I was: a homewrecker, an adulterer, a liar. When my phone didn’t buzz again, I knew everything I heard was true. Jerry was addicted to his phone. He saw my text. He didn’t respond because there was nothing to say.
Feeling like a cheap, castoff, I buried my head under a throw pillow, closed my eyes, and went to sleep.
Summer Cooper
Discover the wild girl in you
Besides her love of chocolate, dogs and music… reading and writing is Summer’s number one route to escape from crazy friends, family and the in-laws!
She found her own happily ever after with a martial arts fighter who also happens to be an adorable IT geek! Now, she loves to write about hot alpha males that come with a pretty face and covered in tough-as-nails muscle... who are secretly looking for their true soul mate (shhh…)!
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Also by Summer Cooper
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Mr. Principal Page 17
