by Lilly Atlas
Keep telling yourself that, Fia.
Chapter Fourteen
Fia stepped out of her car into the sweltering heat for the second time that day. She scanned the area with a smile on her face. Acer lived in the small downtown area of Crystal Rock, in an apartment above a coffee shop. From the outside, it didn’t look like much, but knowing what she did of him, the interior would be a pleasant surprise.
He swung a long leg over his bike and pulled off his helmet before he strode to her. “I’ll take your bag,” he said of the one small suitcase she’d thrown some clothes in five minutes before she jumped in her car.
“Thanks.” There wasn’t any point in arguing that she could carry it herself.
“You can keep your car parked back here as long as you want, there are always extra spots and no one will bother it.”
“Thanks,” she said again.
He chuckled. “You know any other words?”
Warmth spread across her face. “Sorry, I guess I’m a little unsure of myself here.”
He stroked a finger down her cheek but kept out of her personal space. The tenderness and warmth of the simple touch was more intimacy than she’d allowed anyone in the past two weeks. Friends and family squeezed her hand, patted her shoulder, but that was all she tolerated. Anything further and panic wound around her like a boa constrictor. “It’s just me, Fia. You have nothing to prove to me. I don’t have any expectations.”
She did though. She had to prove that Mike hadn’t destroyed her soul. Prove it to Acer. Prove it to herself most of all. “It’s not that. It’s just, well, we really don’t even know each other, and I’m barging in your life like I have some right to be here.” She sighed and toed a jagged rock with her sandal. “Mostly, it’s just being back here, in Arizona, where…you know.” With a swift kick, she sent the rock bumping across the paved lot. “It just has me a little on edge.”
His features darkened, but his touch remained light as he placed a hand on her back and guided her to the outdoor steps. “Go on up. We’ll talk inside.”
She preceded him up the stairs and waited until he joined her on the landing. With him blocking her view, he punched five numbers into a keypad below the doorknob and twisted it open. “This keypad unlocks the door. I’ll program a unique code for you so you can come and go as you please. Don’t share it with anyone.”
He wouldn’t be sharing his personal code with her. Interesting. She may trust him, but apparently, that trust wasn’t returned. It shouldn’t bother her; she was the one who pointed out how they knew nothing about each other. Two intense experiences, a night of brain-melting sex and a dramatic rescue from a kidnapping, gave a false sense of closeness. In actuality, they were all but strangers. Still, here she was putting her full trust in him. Some measure of reciprocity would have been appreciated.
“You gonna bake out there all day, hon?” Acer’s voice cut through her musings and she jumped. The hair-trigger startle reflex hadn’t diminished over the past weeks.
“Sorry, babe, didn’t mean to scare you.” He reached out as though to grab her arm and pull her in the apartment, but he dropped his hand at the last second, a look of uncertainty on his face.
She waved it off and stepped into the foyer of his apartment, grateful for the rush of cool air. “It wasn’t you. I was lost in thought. Besides, anything and everything makes me jump out of my skin these days.”
He studied her as though he wanted to say something, but instead, moved around her and punched another code into a keypad next to the door. “I’ll program a code for you to the alarm as well.”
She nodded. “Some pretty high tech security you got here.”
“Yeah, well, I have some pretty expensive computer equipment. And let’s just say I don’t want the information on it getting into the wrong hands.”
Yikes. It was easy to forget who he really was when he spoke so well, looked so good, and attended high-class galas, or at least one high-class gala. But she’d be wise to remember that under the shiny exterior was a man with tight control over every aspect of his life. A life she knew little about beyond rumors and hearsay, but if her Google search was accurate, included at least some level illegal activity.
“There are multiple security cameras around the exterior of the building including right here outside the door. They are all accessible through my phone, and I’ll set yours up too. Anyone comes to the door, you’ll know exactly who it is before you answer it. You can talk to them through the intercom, using your phone, as well. You’re safe here, Fia, and I want you to feel comfortable.”
She exhaled about ten pounds of pent up tension. “Thank you.” Sweeter words had never been spoken. What an ignorant fool she’d been in the past to blindly believe she was safe. When she recalled the number of times she’d neglected to lock her apartment door at night, she wanted to travel back in time and scream at the naivety of those actions.
He nodded. “I’ll give you the grand tour later, Come on into the kitchen for now. I want to get this conversation over with before we do anything else.”
Oookay. She trailed behind him down a short hallway. About a third of the way down, Acer hung a left and she followed into a small but luxurious kitchen. The cabinets were dark, almost black with a sandy stone counter top. A stainless-steel oven was built into a wall and matched the refrigerator on the opposite wall. In the far corner, a round table with four chairs boasted a cozy eating nook.
She whistled. “This is nice, Acer.”
He shrugged and shot her a grin. “I guess a little bit of that silver spoon is still stuck in my mouth.”
“You can take the boy out of the money…” she said in a singsong voice.
He laughed and pulled out a chair. “Have a seat. Want a beer or a glass of wine?”
“Oh, wine would be perfect.”
A few moments later two glasses and a bottle of merlot were plunked down on the table. Acer held his out to her and she touched her glass to his. It was good stuff, and if the label on the bottle was any indication, expensive stuff.
Being with Acer like this, in his personal space, was nice, almost domestic, and maybe if she drank enough wine, she could forget the real reason she was here. She studied him openly as they sipped in silence until she could no longer hold back a burst of laughter.
He lifted his eyes to meet hers. “What’s so funny?”
“You are.” She winked at him. “You’re a fascinating contradiction. Leather and miles of tattoos, expensive wine, fancy education, motorcycle club, charity galas.”
One eyebrow shot up at the mention of his education.
She raised her glass to him. “I can google with the best of them. I know you graduated from Harvard with a computer science degree.”
He looked away and hot shame heated her from the inside out. Geez, she must seem so ungrateful. Here she was, making him uncomfortable when he’d been nothing but amazing to her. “Acer, I’m sor—”
He shook his head. “Don’t sweat it, babe. I want you to tell me why you haven’t gone to the police.”
Guess he preferred to talk about her hot-button issues rather than his own. She swirled the wine and stared at the legs that trailed down the inside of the glass. Once upon a time, this man wanted her, as a woman. They’d shared the most intense sexual experiences of her life. The idea of allowing him to see how ugly her life had become was grossly unappealing.
She almost laughed out loud. He’d seen her at what could only be described as the very worst moment of her life. A simple conversation should be a cakewalk in comparison.
But it wasn’t. Some small part of Fia-the-woman, who hadn’t been completely demolished by Mike, didn’t want Acer to remember her as the damsel he rescued. Didn’t want him to remember that Mike had violated her in the worst way possible, reducing her to a mess of nerves and constant anxiety with a newfound fear of men.
“Fia?” The sincerity in his gentle tone convinced her to open up.
“I’m a mess,” she w
hispered, staring at the table. The humiliation of that admission burned in her gut. “Most days I feel like I’m climbing a muddy hill in a down pour. I dig my foot into the muck, grab a chunk of soft earth with my hands, and haul myself up with every last ounce of strength I have, only to slip ten feet farther down the hill. I’m getting nowhere.”
Warmth engulfed her hand as Acer slid palm over knuckles. She lifted her gaze until she encountered his concentrated focus. There was anger in his narrowed eyes and tense shoulders, guilt and remorse too. Selfish as it was, she didn’t have the capacity to try to decipher his emotions. Not right now.
“I have these panic attacks, I freak out if I’m touched, I wake up screaming at night. It’s bad.” She shook her head. “The thought of seeing him again, of prolonging the amount of time I have to think about it and relive it with a trial…”
“Look, I’m not exactly a fan of the cops or the legal system.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “But, don’t you want him punished?”
“Of course, I want him punished. I just don’t want to have to be the one to do it. Looks like under all my tough talk and attitude, I’m quite the coward.” Tears filled her eyes and she was helpless to stop them from falling.
“Jesus, Fia. Is that what you think of yourself? That you’re a coward?” He brought her hand to his lips and nipped at the knuckles.
Seven months, ago his teeth grazing her skin would have had her wet and climbing on the table ready for all he could give her. Now, she was just glad she didn’t shiver in revulsion.
“You seem okay when I touch you.” He dropped his forehead to their joined hands. “Christ, baby, I should have kept you here with me. I’d never for one second have allowed you to think those toxic thoughts. It was a mistake to go with your parents.”
Her heart squeezed at the deep self-loathing in his voice. For the first time since she was abducted, she became aware of the fact that the ordeal she went through may have had a profound impact on him as well. Was it misplaced guilt, or was it possible he cared for her on a deeper level?
She sifted her free hand through his hair. A small bit of stress evaporated as she shifted her focus to the comfort of someone else for a moment.
~ ~ ~ ~
The raw urge to ride to Texas and pound her parents into the ground was almost too strong to ignore. Fia wasn’t weak, she wasn’t a coward, she was traumatized. Had her family done their job and supported her, she’d have been able to face the idea of a trial, Acer was certain of that.
Part of him—the part that beat the shit out of Brandon Epley for daring to lay a hand on his friend’s sister—was glad Fia hadn’t gone to the police. He wanted a shot at the asshole, and if Mike was buried in the system, Acer might never get his chance to make him pay.
Fia deserved to know he would take care of Mike for her. That she’d get justice, at least his brand of justice, without ever having to be within a mile of the man who caused her such pain. “There hasn’t been any sign of him since we found you.”
She inhaled a sharp breath. “How do you know?”
Acer shrugged. “I’ve got eyes on his house, his bank account, credit cards. He hasn’t shown up for work. There was one hit on his ATM card in New Mexico a week ago. I sent a few prospects to investigate, but he was in the wind by the time they got there. Wherever he is, he’s staying off the grid.”
Her eyes widened and her mouth opened as though to speak but she snapped it shut again. She looked away for a beat then turned back to him. “So you’ve been searching for him?”
Acer nodded. “As much as I can, but I don’t think he’s in the state.”
She remained quiet for a tense moment. “Will you turn him in to the police if you find him?” she finally asked.
“No.”
“What will you do?” Her volume dropped to a notch above a whisper.
“Handle it.” He watched her closely for any signs of distress, disgust, or shock at his declaration. Sure, he didn’t voice the actual words, but she was an intelligent woman. She knew what he meant.
Fia took a large gulp of wine and ran a hand through her limp hair. “So…” she began. With a heavy sigh, she took a visual tour of his kitchen until her gaze landed back on him with nothing else to delay her question. “So, if I wasn’t here, if we weren’t having this conversation, you’d track him until you found him and…handle it.”
It was said as a statement rather than a question, but he answered her anyway. “No. That’s my plan regardless of this conversation. Regardless of whether you go to the cops or not, whether he’s incarcerated or not. Prison would make it difficult, but there are plenty of ways to reach a man inside. I have some friends in low places.” He couldn’t soften the deadly tone.
A flicker of relief crossed Fia’s face, as though she preferred his method. She clearly wanted Mike gone, dead, never having the opportunity to hurt her or anyone else. But she was too good a person to come right out and ask him to kill Mike.
“I think—” She swallowed and his eyes were drawn to the delicate rise and fall of her throat. He remembered the sensation of her pulse, fluttering under his lips.
Christ, this wasn’t the time for those thoughts. He should be castrated for those thoughts.
“I feel like I’m supposed to object, to ask you not to take matters into your own hands. But all I can think about is how much I want him gone. How I need to be completely certain he’ll never be able to hurt me or anyone else again.”
“What happens to him won’t be on you, Fia. You aren’t making this choice; you aren’t asking this of me. In fact, I’m not sure I’d agree if you asked me to back off. Your conscience can be clear, hon. You with me?”
She nodded. “And your conscience?”
He gave her hand a squeeze. “You may not want to admit it to yourself, but you know who I am, what I am. You’ve heard enough stories. I won’t lose one wink of sleep.”
“Will you tell me—”
Hell no. He shook his head. “No details. I won’t put you at risk that way, and details won’t help you recover.”
She shook her head and held her hand up as though to ward off his statement. “Oh, no, no. I don’t think I want the specifics. Will you just tell me when it’s over? I’m not sure I’ll ever feel safe until I know.” Her voice shook like she was straining to keep herself together. Mike’s death couldn’t come soon enough.
“That I can do.”
She took another sip of her wine. “Thank you,” she whispered.
They stared at each other across the table, a sizzle of energy snapping and buzzing between them. She may be suppressing it, afraid of it, trying to deny it, but it was there and she had to feel it too. The chemistry between them was off the charts.
This would be the perfect moment to take her back to his big bed and spend the next twenty-four hours making her forget every second of the past month. But she wasn’t there yet, not even close.
She’d get there. Acer would make sure of it, and not just because he wanted to fuck her more than he wanted his next breath. But because she deserved to have that moment when her eyes glazed over and nothing registered but intense pleasure. She deserved to kick the trauma so far into the past it would never reappear in her mind. And she deserved to live again.
Alarm bells sounded in his head, warning him that he was treading on emotional thin ice. He silenced the blare. This wasn’t about emotions. Had nothing to do with emotions.
This was just paying a debt. He had thrown her into this mess; he’d guide her out.
A loud pounding caused Fia to jolt so hard she knocked her wine glass over with a clatter. “Shit! Sorry, Acer. I’m so damned jumpy. At least it didn’t break.”
He swatted her hands out of the way and righted the glass. “And at least you guzzled your drink so there was nothing left to spill,” he tossed over his shoulder as he made his way to the door, his eyes on his phone.
Fia’s laugh followed him down the hallway. “That too.”
“Acer, open up. It’s Lila! I know you have Fia in there and we want to see her.”
He groaned and turned to Fia.
“We?” she asked.
“You’ll see,” he said. He deactivated the alarm and pulled the door open, moving quickly to the side to avoid the three women who practically fell into the apartment.
“Geez, Acer. Took you long enough.” Emily said with a roll of her pale blue eyes. She brushed her long ink-black hair out of her face and dropped a quick kiss on his cheek.
“Fia, meet the No Prisoners’ pep squad,” he said of Striker and Hook’s wives as well as Jester’s live-in girlfriend. He viewed all three women as an extension of his MC family. Each had been through tough times of their own and, with the help of their men, come through shiny and new. He prayed the same would happen for Fia. Even though he wasn’t her man.
“Fia!” Lila moved her tiny body into the hall and the two women embraced in a tight hug. Fia didn’t seem at all phased by the physical contact with another woman. Then again, it wasn’t a woman who’d chained her up, beaten her, and raped her.
“What are you ladies doing out without your ol’ men?” He closed the door behind the group.
It was Marcie’s turn to roll her bright green eyes. “Stuff it, Acer. We’re supposed to tell you that there’s a meeting with Shiv in half hour. You go and we’ll keep your lady entertained.” She was so bubbly she practically bounced as she walked, her long blonde ponytail swishing back and forth.
Acer turned and sent a questioning look Fia’s way. Her eyes were wide and she shifted from side to side in a nervous gesture, but a ghost of a smile tilted her lips.
“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. Go do your thing.”
He really didn’t want to leave her so soon, but what choice did he have? At least the ladies were here so she wouldn’t have to be alone in his apartment five minutes after arriving. He nodded. “Okay, I shouldn’t be long. I’m going to set the alarm so don’t try to leave until I get back, any of you.” He shot them each a stern look. “Make sure the girls take good care of you, Fi.”
