Sel said, ‘Hush, baby, hush.’
Liquorish said, ‘Call it what you like. We have to be realistic here. I mean, obviously, people are speculating. And obviously, given the diagnosis, it’s only a matter of time till it’s out of the bag. I think we should take the initiative here. A pre-emptive strike. A nice piece on how Mr Starlight and his partner are coming to terms with … whatever you want to call it.’
‘Son!’ Brett said. ‘I’m his adopted son, ain’t I, Sel?’
Liquorish said, ‘Oh yes, the adoption. You never mentioned that happy event to me, Sel. When did that happen?’
Sel sighed. ‘It is something I’ve been thinking about,’ he said.
‘But not formalised?’ Liquorish said.
‘Not exactly,’ he said.
Brett jumped up. ‘See, Sel,’ he said, ‘just like I said. He’s trying to bamboozle you with his ten-dollar words.’
Sel said, ‘Please, baby. Take Peaches, get her coat trimmed. That’s what would make me happy.’ Peaches was the poodle.
I said, ‘Only we were all wondering, after Brett said you’d left him everything, you know? There’s Mam to think of. There’s Pearl. There’s your half-share of the Old Bull.’
‘Cled,’ he said, ‘I haven’t left everything to Brett. You got the wrong idea. I haven’t left anything to anybody yet.’
Liquorish started laughing.
Brett said, ‘Sel?’
Sel said, ‘Leave it, baby. We’ll talk later. Take Peaches.’
Liquorish said, ‘Oh Brett, baby! You should check your facts before you start bragging. I don’t think Daddy signed the papers.’
Brett jumped up and caught him with a fast upper cut, right across the mouth.
Liquorish went crazy. ‘My teeth,’ he was shouting. ‘Did he get my teeth? Jesus! Five hundred bucks a tooth! I only just finished at the dentist.’
Brett ran out of the room, Liquorish ran after him, I ran after Liquorish.
Brett was yelling, ‘I’ll kill you, you sonofabitch.’
Pearl was outside mopping. She said, ‘There’ll be no killing in my house. Now quiet down. Mr Sel all right?’
Liquorish said, ‘I’m the one just been assaulted.’
But he’d only broken the skin on his lip.
Brett said, ‘He did sign. He told me. I’ll get what’s mine.’
Liquorish said, ‘There’s only one thing Daddy’ll be leaving you and he already gave you that, I’ll bet.’
I said, ‘No. They told Brett he was all right.’
‘All right now, maybe,’ he said. He was dabbing at his mouth. ‘But he’ll get it. They all do. Hear that, shithead? You’re toast.’
Brett was backing away. ‘I’ll get you,’ he said. ‘I’ll come after you. All this’ll be mine.’ And he ran off.
We went back in to Sel.
Liquorish said, ‘You should be careful. That boy is a wild animal. Now, I have contracts requiring your signature, VTV, Sony, Premier. That one is Paradigm Promotions, for their insurance. This one’s the syndication deal we discussed, I put a mark where you need to sign. And there’s our agreement with Celebrity!. There too. All straightforward. I have to see a doctor about this injury. I have to get a tetanus shot. I question the sanity of that boy, Sel, I really do. I’ll swing by tomorrow, before I fly back. Firm things up for Mimi Warren. I don’t want to overtire you. But I can’t tell you how happy I am to find you in such good shape. You carry on like this, Liz Taylor could have a wasted trip.’
‘She will anyway,’ Sel whispered. ‘I’m not doing it.’
Elizabeth Taylor. The most beautiful woman in the world.
I said, ‘If I put my pyjamas on do you think she’d hug me?’
That made him smile. He said, ‘I’ve always thought Hazel has a look of Liz Taylor about her.’
Only in her colouring. She never had the build.
I said, ‘It seems a pity not to let her come, if she wants to. It’s all in a good cause.’
‘See, Cled,’ he said. ‘If it turns out I can’t beat this thing, I don’t want to be remembered for how I died. I want to be remembered for my sell-out shows and my fabulous costumes. I want to be remembered for my beautiful homes. My work with sick kiddies. Do you understand? Is Brett back yet? I have to talk to Brett.’
All evening he kept asking, ‘Where’s Brett? Why isn’t he back yet?’
But Brett was gone. Drinking with a bunch of centurions, I expect. And Peaches never did get her coat trimmed.
THIRTY-SIX
‘I’ll wear my Indian pink,’ he said, ‘and my Turkish slippers.’
Mimi Warren was coming with a photographer.
‘A tasteful photo feature,’ Liquorish said. ‘And a few words from Sel.’
Celeste had made him a rail of those kaftans he liked to wear since he’d gone so scraggy. It was quite a production, getting him ready. Dilys put the orange beauty cream on his skin. Candy came in to do his nails and make sure his wig looked right. And Pearl had to judge when to put his dentures in. He couldn’t wear them for long and they were a bit vague about what time they’d be arriving.
Six of them, it took. Mimi had an assistant, the photographer had one. Then there was a make-up girl and a boy to make sure the cushions looked right.
Sel said, ‘They can go. Let them play in the pool. Mr Starlight does his own make-up.’
Hazel was the only one he’d allow to rearrange his clothes. ‘Make sure my ankles aren’t showing,’ he said. ‘My ladies prefer to use their imagination. Let me see those Polaroids. Maybe I should wear a shawl, for added interest. And let’s have Rocky in a few shots. He’s got more wrinkles than I have.’ Rocky was an ugly little boxer dog he’d taken in. It had been found wandering with a gammy leg by one of Pearl’s relations.
Sel kept up the smiles and the poses till they had no film left, but we had to use the wheelchair to get him to bed afterwards. You’d never think, looking at those pictures, what a sick man he was. He always had a knack with cameras.
It was a nice piece.
When you’ve reached the very top, as I have [he said] you have the good fortune to be able to stop and take a breather and enjoy the view. That’s what I’ve been doing since my recent illness. Relishing my achievements and rethinking the future. And you know what? I decided there was something crazy about the way I’ve been living, working so hard I never had time to walk my doggies or just plain relax, here in my lovely home. All work and no play can make even Mr Starlight a dull boy and I owe my fans one hundred per cent sparkle, nothing less. So from now on the world may be seeing a little less of me, but what they do see won’t disappoint. I’ll be taking time to do more charitable work – I’ve always loved working with children, as you know – and I’ve been asked to collaborate on a range of costume jewellery, replicas of some of the fabulous pieces I’ve been privileged to own. I also think it might be fun to create my own signature fragrance and, of course, write the amazing story of my life, an enormous task unto itself. I predict it’ll run to several volumes, so you see, Mr Starlight isn’t so much retiring as changing direction. This year my dear mother celebrated her ninetieth birthday, which I’d say is a very good omen for me.
Young Ricky brought him a book called Defeating the Enemy Within. He said it had helped him have the right attitude when he went into a contest against really stiff competition. The book said if you had a disease and the disease seemed like it was winning, you had to talk to it, man to man, tell it to pack up and leave. Sel had Dilys read to him from it every day. His eyes weren’t so good any more.
I said, ‘Do you think it works?’
Dilys said, ‘No. But Sel does and I’d read Bradshaw’s train timetables backwards if it made him feel better.’
He liked me to sit with him and watch his old shows, the same stuff over and over. Then he’d nod off, but if I tried to tiptoe out he’d wake up. ‘Is Brett here?’ he’d say. ‘Where’s Brett?’
Nobody knew. His bungalow was just as he’d left it. He�
�d left two good leather jackets behind.
‘Rewind the tape, our kid,’ he’d say. ‘I always liked that bit.’
It was a funny time. People wanted to know the latest news, only officially there wasn’t any latest news. Officially Mr Starlight was taking a well-earned break. Even the national president of his fan club wasn’t allowed to know. The gifts kept piling in: pyjamas and candied fruits and bottles of tonic wine. The letters came by the hundred. And Liquorish kept phoning with little ideas he’d had. Information management, as he called it. ‘How about a talking record? Bedtime stories, narrated by Mr Starlight. How about a two-minute piece, fund-raising for Kids in Need? Just a head shot. Just a few words?’
Hazel was like a guard dog. She didn’t even want Sel asked, but Mam always bypassed her. ‘You’ll feel better if you do something,’ she’d say. ‘You’re like me. You’re not suited to idleness.’
‘I’ll think about it, Mam,’ he’d say.
‘That’s right, Selwyn,’ she’d say. ‘Because the more you do, the more you feel you can do.’
I’d been down at the Old Bull interviewing a new barmaid the morning Liquorish had called with his latest scheme. He wanted Craig Vertue to pay Sel a visit, to make his peace.
Hazel said, ‘I told him, Vertue didn’t need to come all the way to Las Vegas to do that. He can write it in one of his articles. A public apology.’
Mam said, ‘You had no business answering telephone calls. Call him back, Cledwyn. It’ll be a nice surprise for Selwyn. I think he’d enjoy a visitor.’
Hazel said, ‘Ignore her. She has no idea.’
I said, ‘We could ask Sel.’
Hazel said, ‘No, Cled, it’s not right. He’s not well enough to know what he’s agreeing to and anyway, it’s nothing but a racket. It’s only because of what he’s got. Nobody’d be interested in him if he’d got emphysema. Well, I’m not going to allow it. There’ll be no more strangers visiting and no more photos, not while I’m here.’
Mam said, ‘He enjoys having his picture taken. It keeps his spirits up.’
I said, ‘What do you think, Dilys?’
‘I agree with Hazel,’ she said.
‘You would do,’ Mam said. ‘You never held an opinion of your own in your whole life. Being swayed by people who aren’t even family. You’d listen to the milkman’s horse.’
Hazel looked at me. Her eyes were blazing. She was looking for a fight.
Dilys said, ‘Hazel is family, Mam.’
‘Not by blood, she isn’t,’ Mam said. ‘Not by my invitation. Cledwyn could have done a thousand times better if he wasn’t such a fool.’
Hazel’s voice was quiet at the start. She said, ‘I’ll give you proper family, you old besom. I’ve put up with you for thirty years. If we weren’t family I’d have throttled you long ago. Done time for it and enjoyed it. They’d have let me out by now.’ She’d been cooped up for days.
I said, ‘Why don’t you go over to Thelma’s, pet, take a break? She’s got company. Nancy Sinatra’s over there.’
‘Bugger Nancy Sinatra,’ she said. That was when she started shouting. ‘If I leave your mam unsupervised she’ll let the whole ruddy circus in. She’ll have him propped up for photos after he’s dead and I can’t trust you to stop her. You’re such a mouse, Cled. You never stand up to her. None of you do.’
Mam was smiling. ‘You wife’s going mental,’ she said. ‘I knew she would, sooner or later. I can always tell the type.’
Hazel said, ‘I’ll wipe that smile off your face.’
‘Can’t hear you,’ Mam said. ‘We don’t listen to mental cases in this family.’
‘We’ll see,’ Hazel said. ‘You’ll be all ears in a minute because I’m going to bring something up that should have been said a long time ago. Shouldn’t it, Dilys?’
And all the colour drained out of Dilys’s face. ‘Oh no, Hazel,’ she said. ‘Not that, please. Not now.’
I didn’t know what was going on.
Mam got up to leave. ‘I haven’t got time to sit listening to loonies,’ she said. ‘I’m going to have five minutes with my boy. Make sure all this shouting hasn’t set him back.’
Hazel said, ‘Why don’t you go with her, Cled? Settle her in a comfy chair and tell Sel we’re all coming in. Because your mam’s got something she wants to tell him.’
Mam was out of the room already, wheezing and leaning on her stick. Hazel’s face and throat were flushed, and she was pacing up and down. It crossed my mind Mam might be right. You do hear of people snapping suddenly. Something pushes them over the edge and the next thing you know they’ve shot the whole family.
I said, ‘Go and have a lie-down. I’ll get you a cold flannel.’
‘Pipe down, Cled,’ she said. ‘Come on, Dilys. It’s now or never.’
Dilys said, ‘I can’t. Not yet.’
Hazel was tugging on her. ‘Not yet?’ she said. ‘It should have been done years ago. And if you leave it any longer it’s going to be too late. Then how will you feel?’
Dilys said, ‘Stop her, Cled.’
But how could I? Nobody ever tells me what’s going on.
Hazel said, ‘How many times have we talked about this, Dilly? How many years have I heard you say you were just waiting for a chance? Well, sometimes you have to make chances. So here it is.’ She was rubbing Dilys’s hands. ‘Come on,’ she said, ‘buck up and get in there before your mam starts spoiling everything. It’s going to be all right, you’ll see. You’re going to feel wonderful afterwards. You’ll feel like a different woman. Come on, Cled. Don’t stand there catching flies. This is important.’
Sel was on the couch in his bedroom with Rocky and two of the mongrels. Mam was fussing over him. ‘He’s not to have upset,’ she said to Dilys as we came in. ‘Look at him. He’s not so good today.’
‘I’m all right,’ he said. ‘Leave the cushions where they are.’
‘Mam,’ Dilys said, ‘I think Hazel’s right.’
Mam never looked up. She was smoothing the coverlet on the bed. ‘Look at these dog hairs,’ she said. ‘No wonder you can’t shake that cough, Selwyn.’
Dilys said, ‘Please, Mam. It could be now or never.’
Mam said, ‘No need for it to be ever. Causing upset. We’ve always been happy. We’d be a happy little family if Cledwyn hadn’t married that loony.’
Hazel didn’t say a thing, but she never let go of Dilys’s hand.
Dilys said, ‘But I would like him to know. I always wanted him to.’ She sat down next to Sel on the couch. ‘Sel,’ she said, ‘I’m not your sister. I’m your mother.’
Sel looked a bit vague. He had been dozing.
Dilys said, ‘I’m sorry for any upset, Sel, but I always wanted you to know. In those days … when it happened … I was too young, you see? And in those days … it wasn’t like now. So I went away till I’d had you. And that was that.… So I’m your real mam.’
‘Mam’s my mam,’ he said.
‘That’s right,’ Mam said. ‘I’m the one who raised you.’
Hazel said, ‘Only because Dilys wasn’t allowed. It was Dilys who had you.’
‘Was it?’ he said. ‘How do you know?’
Dilys said, ‘Because I told her. Hazel knows what it is to have given up a little baby. She knows the heartbreak of it. She’s been a good friend to me. And she’s right about getting things out in the open. Every day of your life I’ve wanted to tell you, Sel. I didn’t want you thinking I was only your sister.’
He said, ‘You’ve been a lovely sister.’
Dilys said, ‘And if ever it had come out some other way, I didn’t want you thinking you were unwanted.’
Mam said, ‘It wouldn’t have come out.’
Sel said, ‘I wouldn’t have thought that. I never felt unwanted in my life.’
Dilys was crying. She said to Hazel, ‘He doesn’t seem very pleased.’
Sel said, ‘I don’t know. I was just sitting here. And then this. Who needs two mams? And now I
’ve lost a sister.’
Mam was fidgeting on the edge of a chair, excited. She could see things were going her way.
Dilys said to Hazel, ‘Now what do I do?’
Sel said, ‘Cled? Were you in on this? Did you know?’
I said, ‘Not a thing. I’ve been down at the pub all morning.’
There were quite a few things I was still trying to work out. I said, ‘Are you my mam too, Dilys?’
Hazel glared at me. ‘Idiot!’ she said. ‘How could she be? Eight years old? Can’t you count?’ Shouting at me. I wasn’t the one who’d upset the pigeon barrel.
Sel put his poor thin arm round Dilys, pulled her closer to him. ‘Don’t cry,’ he said. ‘I don’t want you to cry.’ Of course, if there’s one thing guaranteed to make them cry all the more … He knew nothing about women, really. ‘Strewth,’ he said, ‘this is a turn-up. I shall still have to call you Dilys, though. I don’t think I could call you … anything else.’
‘That’s all right,’ she said. ‘It’s the trend anyway, first names.’ She sat there beside him, but she wouldn’t look at him, bashful all of a sudden.
‘Mam,’ he said, ‘come and sit here with me. I’ll have a mam either side of me.’
Mam didn’t move. She said, ‘I’m having a dizzy spell.’ But I helped her to her feet and she did go and sit next to him.
Sel smiled. He said, ‘It’s a good job I’ve got two arms.’
But nobody else was smiling.
He said, ‘No more shocks, I hope? You haven’t got anybody else waiting in the wings, have you?’
And that was exactly what I was wondering. I said, ‘So if Dilys is his mother, who was his father?’
‘Unknown,’ Mam said. And then the whole room went quiet, except for Rocky scratching himself.
It was Hazel who spoke up. ‘Go on, girl,’ she whispered. ‘You’ve done the hardest part. Finish what you’ve started.’
‘Mam?’ Dilys said. ‘Where’s the harm?’
‘Lies and slander,’ Mam said, ‘that’s the harm. Speaking ill of the dead, who can’t defend themselves. You always were trouble, Dilys, right from a bab. It’s always the girls that make trouble. Well, you’ve both got what you deserve, you and the loony. Daughters! My boys have never given me a minute’s bother. Apart from marrying a troublemaker.’
Mr Starlight Page 27
