by Fiona Riley
Emerson took a breath and tried again. “Actually, I was going to say that I never expected to fall in love with you and I wasn’t ready for the ramifications that it had on my soul. On my entire being.” She paused. “Hayley, these last two months without you have been the most miserable time of my entire life and I wanted to tell you that to your face.”
Hayley only blinked at her. She took that as a win.
“Now, I drove a good while to get here, and I nearly drowned in mud in the process, so I’m going to go to my garbage rental car and pull out the groceries I picked up on the way, and I’m going to make us both dinner. And if you still can’t stand the sight of me in the morning, then I’ll be on the road and out of your hair forever.” Emerson stood over Hayley and added, “But I left my cell phone charger home because I’m incapable of being a responsible adult, so I’m going to borrow yours. While I make risotto. You’re welcome to help me cut veggies if you’d like.”
She turned to go when she felt Hayley’s fingers tug at her sleeve. “What kind of risotto are we talking about?”
She smiled and bent down, bringing her face level with Hayley’s. “It’s wild mushroom and I plan to be heavy-handed with the sauvignon blanc.”
Hayley raised an eyebrow at her and nodded almost imperceptibly.
Emerson took a chance and leaned forward, pressing a tentative kiss to Hayley’s cheek. “I’ll see you inside.”
Chapter Thirty-four
Hayley watched in amazement as Emerson glided around the kitchen like a seasoned pro. She realized that in all their time together, she’d never seen her cook a real meal. They’d barbecued and had salads, or someone brought them dishes through room service or craft services or whatever, but she’d never seen Emerson cook. It was a thing of beauty.
Emerson mixed and folded, stirred and simmered with a practiced ease that hypnotized her. The wineglass in Hayley’s hand was nearly empty. This was her second. She was feeling less and less inhibited from asking the questions that swirled around in her head.
“Okay. I think it’s done. Ready to eat?” Emerson wiped her hands on the apron she’d borrowed and swept a hand through her dark hair, brushing a strand behind her ear in that lovely way she did when she was focused. Hayley tried to ignore the familiarity of it.
“Yup. I’m starving.” Damn wine was breaking down her resistance.
Emerson gave her a genuine smile of relief. “Good. Go sit, I’ll bring everything to you.”
Hayley left her near-empty glass on the island and moved to the couch. It was cool away from the stovetop. An unseasonable chill had settled outside, and a steady breeze was coming off the lake. Even though she’d closed the windows a while ago, it still hadn’t warmed up yet. She would have to start a fire at some point.
Emerson brought over two heaping plates and two small salad bowls. She carried over the water pitcher and two cups, one with ice, one without. Hayley smiled when Emerson handed her the cup with ice, but she didn’t miss the way Emerson’s fingers danced along hers in the transfer.
Emerson held up her water glass and offered a toast. “To a warm meal and good company.”
Hayley didn’t trust herself with words right now, so she merely nodded and sipped from her glass. The coolness was refreshing. Her stomach growled. She was hungry.
Emerson gave her a nervous smile and waited as she tasted the risotto on her plate. The flavors were delightful, a mix of creamy and robust with a subtle earthy, nutty flavor. “This is amazing.”
Emerson beamed and tried some of her food. She smiled as she ate. “Good. I worked up a legit appetite after the ditch-digging mud fight with the car. I was really worried I’d overcooked this and we’d have to share the few granola bars I did pack in lieu of my cell phone charger.”
Hayley laughed and ate some more. “It’s not overcooked at all. It’s delicious.”
“Good.” Emerson settled into the couch next to her and they ate in amiable silence for a bit, until Emerson put down her dish and walked back to the kitchen.
Hayley watched as she refilled their wineglasses and sat next to her again. But this time, she sat at the edge of the cushion, like she couldn’t relax. Like she had something she wanted to say. Hayley put down the rest of her plate, her appetite having faded.
She took the wineglass Emerson offered her and sipped it slowly, savoring the taste on the back of her tongue. It’d been a while since she’d had a nice cold glass of wine. A thought occurred to her. “I’ve never seen you drink wine.”
Emerson took a hearty sip of her glass before she placed it on the coffee table in front of them. “I don’t often drink it.”
“Champagne. Or seltzer water with cranberry. Or warm water with honey.” Hayley listed the drinks she’d recalled Emerson partaking in.
“Or milkshakes.” Emerson brought up the night of their first kiss. Their first night of passion. The night everything changed.
“Why did you come here, Emerson?” Hayley placed her glass on the table next to Emerson’s and faced her.
“I told you. I came here for you.”
Hayley shook her head. That was exactly what she wanted to hear, so it must be a figment of her imagination. “I don’t believe you.”
Emerson reached out to touch her cheek and Hayley leaned back. She wasn’t ready for that yet. Emerson pulled her hand back into her lap and nodded. “I want to tell you something. I want to talk about Rachel. And Rory. And my life before I met you. Is that okay?”
Hayley wanted to hear what Emerson had to say, but part of her wanted to storm out of the room and go cry on her bed, too. She settled for nodding.
Emerson exhaled. “Okay. Good. Great.” She shivered, and Hayley held up a hand.
“Hold on.” Hayley walked to the fireplace and started a fire. By the time she sat back next to Emerson, Emerson had reclined on the arm of the sofa and put a little more distance between them. “Okay.”
Emerson took in a breath. “My life has been lonely, for a long time. So lonely, I’d gotten used to it. Which was all fine and good until you saved me from Drake that day. You were selfless and unafraid and absolutely magnificent. And I felt seen for the first time in a long time. Because even though I didn’t know you then, I knew that somehow you were going to change my life for the better. I just knew it. I knew it in my gut, but more than that, I knew it in my soul.”
She continued, “Fast-forward a bit, and I’m spending all this time with you, learning about myself through your questions, seeing myself through your eyes. Feeling not so alone for the first time since I was fifteen and making the decision to give up custody of my daughter. I realized I hadn’t felt whole, I hadn’t felt not alone, since that day. And I’d been living a numb existence and completely oblivious to it.
“Rachel, for all her faults, opened a new door for me. She exposed a passion and a fear in me that I had been hiding from for a long time. I am so grateful for the misery that woman put me through, because if not for her, I wouldn’t have met you. And I wouldn’t have the relationship with Deidre and Rory that I have now. A relationship of open communication and feelings and no secrets. And it’s hard sometimes and it’s sad sometimes to think of what could have been or ask myself what would be different if I did this or didn’t do that in regard to Rory and her life, but it’s no longer a secret. And that’s a burden I didn’t realize was sitting so heavily on my heart”—she paused—“that is, until my heart found another reason to beat and be happy. My heart found you, Hayley.”
Emerson moved a little closer and took Hayley’s hand. She didn’t pull back this time. She didn’t resist at all. She was tired of resisting.
“My greatest regret in all this, Hayley, is you got hurt. So incredibly hurt. And I can’t imagine the depth of that pain because I’ve spent the better part of my life as the focus of someone’s camera lens, and I haven’t had a private moment in a long time, definitely not one that I would have wanted to protect as fiercely as I wish I could have protected our priva
te moments. The ones that were shown for all to see. But I can tell you I’m sorry. I am so, so sorry that my presence in your life brought you pain. Because I am. I am, and if there was anything I could have done or can do to make it better, I will. I would. I’ll never stop trying.” Emerson brought Hayley’s hand to her lips and kissed her knuckles. “Because at the end of the day, you are the best thing that ever happened to me, and I don’t want to lose you. Ever.”
Hayley felt like her heart was going to beat out of her chest. She couldn’t believe this was happening right now. She couldn’t believe Emerson was here, in person, telling her all the things she wanted to hear. She couldn’t believe it, because if she did, then she could have it taken from her. Like her sense of privacy. Like her dignity. She sighed.
“You didn’t lose me, Emerson.” Hayley turned her palm over and stroked Emerson’s cheek.
Emerson pressed Hayley’s hand to her face and gave her a sad smile. “You left, Hayley.”
Well, that was true. “I did.”
“Why?” Emerson’s eyes searched her face. She looked beautiful in the glow of the fireplace. She always looked beautiful.
Hayley left for a multitude of reasons, but she would be lying if she said that having people camped outside her apartment building and favorite smoothie place wasn’t one of them. “Okay. Fair point. I didn’t love all the stalking stuff. Or the endless phone calls and tweets from trolls. Or the hate mail from the BlancheHards. Plus, I got fired and that was sort of the cherry on top.”
“Yeah. I know. It’s a lot.”
“It wasn’t just a lot, Emerson. It was devastating. I’ve never felt more embarrassed or more violated than I did when Drake leaked those pictures that night. I felt like everywhere I went, people were staring at me, taking pictures…there’s a meme out there of us. A meme. You must have seen it, right?”
Emerson sighed. “I have.”
“Exactly. That’s why I left, Emerson. Because you broke up with me because you were worried something bad would happen, and I tried to convince you it wouldn’t by wearing an overly priced, borrowed dress that later got ruined in a rainstorm, and then something bad did happen anyway and just proved us both wrong. Or right.” She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. What matters is I don’t think I can ever be in the public eye again and definitely not LA, and you being here telling me you love me and want to be with me is very overwhelming and confusing because I love you.” She huffed.
Emerson’s eyes were filled with tears, but a broad smile spread on her face. “I can’t promise you any of that stuff will change. Over time it will wax and wane, but there’s always a chance that someone will pay a hefty price for a photo of you blowing your nose after a spicy dinner.”
Hayley laughed, and Emerson moved closer. She cupped Hayley’s jaw and looked at her with such raw intensity that she was hypnotized.
“I came here for you, Hayley. I came here to tell you these last two months without you have been some of the worst of my whole life and it has nothing to do with my current family drama or my work obligations. It was you. It was always you.” Emerson dragged her thumb along Hayley’s bottom lip. “I love you, Hayley. I’ve known for a long time, but I was afraid to say it out loud because the thought of losing you was far too much for me to handle. But then you were gone, and I thought I’d lost my chance. So I’m here, telling you I love you, because I can’t think of anything else, ever. I love you, Hayley Carpenter. I love you and the only thing I want to do in this whole world is tell you how much you mean to me every day and kiss you to sleep every night.”
Hayley felt like her heart tripled in size. Her chest felt too small to contain the emotions she was currently feeling. “Just kiss me?”
Emerson licked her lips and purred. “Well, to start anyway.”
The last of her inhibitions vanished at the sight of Emerson’s tongue on her lips, and she leaned forward. “Then why wait? There’s no time to waste.”
Emerson didn’t hesitate before connecting their lips, and Hayley didn’t bother trying to fight her feelings anymore. She loved Emerson right back and having her here—in this moment—was exactly what she’d wanted all along.
Chapter Thirty-five
Emerson wasn’t sure how things would play out, and she didn’t have a backup plan if things blew up in her face. But she didn’t waste any time thinking about that when Hayley’s lips connected with hers. This was what she had been missing. This was what she wanted to feel. This was where her heart had been all along.
“I love you.” She kissed Hayley with everything she had. She slid her hands into Hayley’s hair and pulled her mouth closer. Always closer. She couldn’t get enough of Hayley’s lips, her tongue, those soft wanting murmurs…all of it. She loved them. She loved her.
Hayley’s tongue massaged against hers, and Hayley pulled at the sweatshirt Emerson had hastily thrown on after her shower. She sat back against the couch and tugged Emerson up onto her lap. “Come here.”
Emerson spread her legs and lowered herself onto Hayley’s lap. Hayley rewarded her with a dominant kiss and her hands under Emerson’s shirt. One soothed up her back and made delicate patterns on the skin there, while the other cupped her naked breast and kneaded the tissue with affection. Hayley licked across her lips. “I like this no underwear thing.”
Emerson moaned when Hayley teased at her nipple. “It wasn’t planned, but I regret nothing.”
“Good. Neither do I.” Hayley let go of her breast only long enough to remove Emerson’s shirt. “I love you in my clothes. Like, it does things to me. But I really need you out of them.”
Emerson lifted off Hayley’s lap enough for Hayley to work her pants off her hips. She maneuvered them off her legs and let Hayley guide her back to her original position, straddling Hayley’s hips. The look Hayley gave her floored her. Emerson had never felt sexier than she did right now.
“I’m feeling a little underdressed at the moment.” Emerson dragged a finger along Hayley’s collarbone before hooking it into the V-neck of her T-shirt and pulling down to expose Hayley’s bra. Hayley gripped at her hip and pulled Emerson’s naked sex against the fabric of her jeans. It felt heavenly. Emerson rocked into the sensation.
“Really? Because I don’t think you’ve ever been more beautiful.” Hayley leaned forward and licked the underside of Emerson’s breast before closing her lips around her nipple and sucking at the firm nub. Suddenly the blazing fire behind Emerson that was keeping her comfortably warm in her nudity felt much, much too hot.
Emerson threaded her hand into Hayley’s hair and pressed her breast against Hayley’s lips and tongue. She wanted to feel more. She wanted more of Hayley on her body. “Hayley.”
Hayley looked up at her and released her nipple as she licked her lips. She moved her hand from Emerson’s hip and zigzagged her index finger along her abdomen and under her navel. Emerson shuddered as she dipped lower and teased through her wetness. This was just enough to drive her crazy but not enough for her to come. Though Hayley’s fingers were dancing a fine line. She’d wanted this for so long, she didn’t know whether she could hold out with all the teasing. She didn’t trust herself not to climax the moment Hayley slipped inside her. Oh, how badly she wanted that.
“I missed you, Emerson.” Emerson wanted to hear her name said like that for the rest of her life. Hayley abandoned her teasing to grip both of Emerson’s hips. She lifted Emerson off her and slipped out from underneath her, and she had to bite her lip to keep from whining at the loss of contact.
Emerson watched as she pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and laid it on the floor in front of the fire. She stripped out of her clothes and knelt before Emerson, kissing along the front of her thighs and licking everywhere but where Emerson needed her most.
Emerson stroked Hayley’s hair and lifted her chin, bending to kiss her lips. “Lie down, Hay.”
Hayley’s eyes were dark, her pupils dilated, and her lips kiss-plump and waiting. Emerson neede
d to feel Hayley against her skin. All of her. She guided Hayley to the floor and crawled over her, stretching her body on top of her and moaning at the delicious friction. She entwined their fingers and pressed both of Hayley’s hands to the floor above her head. She rolled her hips against Hayley’s and lifted her chest, separating their skin only enough to look down at Hayley. She’d had many lovers in her life, but none of them had the effect on her that Hayley did. None of them got her this wet or this turned on or this close, just from looking at her. “You feel so good. You always feel so good.”
Hayley lifted her head and kissed her lips. “Make love to me, Emerson. Love me like I have loved you every night in my dreams since the weekend we shared here. Love me like I love you, with everything I have. Can you do that?”
Emerson quivered above her and nodded. “I will spend my whole life trying to do just that.”
“Good. Now more kissing and fucking, please, because I have been missing you something serious, and I intend to love you until this fire burns itself out.” Hayley rolled up against her and shifted to slip her leg between Emerson’s thighs, while grinding against the leg now positioned between hers.
“And then?” Emerson saw stars as Hayley released one of her hands only to pull her hips against her leg. Hayley moved her in circles against her muscled thigh, and her clit sent a shock wave through her abdomen. “Fuck.”
Hayley pushed Emerson off her leg and slipped two fingers into her, guiding her back down into her palm and curling inside her. Emerson’s insides clenched and pulled at Hayley’s fingers. She was so wound up, so turned on. So, so wet. She wasn’t going to last. She didn’t want to. “And then I’ll take you into the bedroom and lick you until you faint. Only to revive you to do it all over again. Is that okay with you?”
