All My Life

by Susan Lucci

  Bud Kloss, the producer, must have seen me look up and stare at her.

  “That’s Agnes Nixon. She is the creator of the show. She is going to be watching your screen test,” he said.

  Agnes Nixon didn’t look like anyone I had ever met before and she certainly didn’t look like what I had expected. She was from my mother’s generation. Like my mother, she was very pretty, but she was also such a dynamic stylish powerhouse. She was the first “professional” woman I had ever seen in action. Despite her petite frame, I was mesmerized and completely taken by her gigantic presence. I was impressed from the moment I saw her.

  I watched One Life to Live every day after class at Marymount. Agnes Nixon created that show and was and still is considered daytime royalty. She set what is the gold standard for the medium to this day. I actually read about Agnes Nixon in college, so I was aware of her many accomplishments. Knowing she was there to watch my screen test really put the pressure on.

  The scene was about a fifteen-year-old Erica Kane who was waiting for her math tutor to come over. It was eight pages long and contained dialogue between Erica and her mother, Mona. I was told that Erica’s father had left her mother when she was just nine years old. He was a famous movie director who went to Hollywood. Although he spoiled Erica with money and material things, he never wanted to see her.

  Mona was a single mother. In the early days, the character of Mona used to drink and she wasn’t a great housekeeper. She and Erica lived in a very modest home, full of dirty ashtrays and empty bottles, while Erica continuously waited for her dad to come home. Despite the rest of their humble surroundings, Erica’s room was as glamorous as a fifteen-year-old girl’s room could be.

  Erica’s way of getting ready for her math tutor, of course, was to look in the mirror and apply another coat of mascara. Mona was supposed to be Erica’s constant voice of reason. She kept asking Erica why she was getting so dolled up for her math tutor.

  “Don’t you think you should be studying your math instead of putting on makeup?” she asked.

  The math tutor turned out to be the very cute boyfriend of another girl in Erica’s high school class. Erica’s way of self-soothing was to collect boys like trophies, preferably by breaking up their relationships with other girls.

  “You don’t understand, Mother! This is Phil Brent, and he is very handsome and smart. He doesn’t care if I know math.” That was Erica’s response to Mona’s reasoning.

  In those few pages, Agnes Nixon had established character, relationships, and history, all of which she did with tremendous humor—something you never really saw before between a television mother and daughter. It was written in a very real style, one that was fresh for television back then. I remember thinking that if Mr. Weyand could read this scene, he would know why I was so interested in playing this character. Erica was like a young Scarlett O’Hara. Remember, this was before the Brat Pack and here was a very well-written major part for a fifteen-year-old character. Somehow, I thought Mr. Weyand might just understand that the part was full of possibilities.

  When I finished my screen test, I will say that I felt pretty good about it. I always enjoyed the audition process, no matter the outcome. I thought I had done well, but there really is never any way to tell until you get that call. I loved the part and thought I was right to play the character. Even though I was already out of college, I looked young enough to portray a fifteen-year-old. Plus, I was close enough to that age to understand what a real mother–teen-daughter relationship would look like. There was a lot of role wrapped up in the character, and even more—there was fiery oil and water between Erica and Mona.

  After my screen test, I waited in the lobby of the Reeve Studio on the corner of Sixty-seventh Street and Columbus Avenue for my husband to pick me up. It was a rainy November day. I was staring out the window when I noticed the producer of the show, Bud Kloss, out of the corner of my eye.

  “We’ll be calling your agent in the morning,” he said.

  Did that mean I got the part?

  What else could it mean?

  I was beyond thrilled because I really liked the part. I could hardly wait to tell Helmut the good news. I am one of the luckiest women in the world to have married a man who supports my every move. It is not easy to be the husband of a woman who has a public career. It takes a strong sense of self and a lot of security in your relationship to make it work in the long term.

  Something I always found attractive about Helmut is that he is very much his own man. He is very secure and extremely confident. He has a wonderful sense of humor and has always taken great pride in my talent and career. From the very start, Helmut wasn’t just supportive; he would pitch in. He always did whatever it took to help me be prepared. If that meant he had to cook us dinner or clean the house, he would do it. It was really about who got home first.

  Helmut didn’t believe it was right for one human being to stand in the way of another, especially when the other is your wife. I was so young and naive, and thankfully, Helmut was older, with more life experiences under his belt, so I never once felt like he was anything except loving and supportive, especially when it came to my career. When I told Helmut that I thought I got the part of Erica Kane, he was as happy for me as I was for myself. Naturally, we had no idea what this all meant. In the beginning, it was merely a job.

  The next day my agent called to confirm the wonderful news that I was being offered the role of Erica Kane. They were giving me a three-year contract. My heart just about sank. Three years? I didn’t want to commit to doing a show for three years. My only frame of reference for that period of time was four years of high school and four years of college, both of which had felt like an eternity. I was only twenty-one years old, newly married, and just starting my career. There was so much I wanted to do. If I were tied down to the same show for three years, how would I ever accomplish my goal of becoming a serious actress? I told my agent that I absolutely loved the part, but I didn’t want to commit to three years.

  He explained that contracts can be negotiated, but it was a good offer that he thought I should take. He promised he’d get me out of my contract if I absolutely ended up hating the role. It sounded reasonable enough, so I reconsidered and accepted the part. I desperately wanted to reach out to Mr. Weyand to share my good news. I was certain that if he could read the material I’d been given, he would approve of my decision to pursue television and forgo graduate school. I never did, but a year later, TV Guide did a profile on me and contacted him to ask his thoughts on my work. He said very positive things, so I eventually knew that he approved of my decision, even if I didn’t know it at the time.

  I am so lucky that I had been given the eyes to see and the ears to hear because I knew, without a doubt, that Erica Kane was “the part of a lifetime.” But I had no idea that this expression would end up being so literal in my case. Looking back, it’s practically comical that I was worried about being locked into the part of Erica for three whole years. Forty-one years later, I am still playing Erica Kane and loving every minute of it.

  CHAPTER 5

  The Early Days of All My Children

  Many years after being cast as Erica Kane, I heard a story that Bud Kloss, the original producer of the show, hadn’t been sure if I was right for the part. Apparently, he went to Agnes to suggest that I read for the part of Tara as well as Erica. I was told that Tara was the good girl who was dating the math tutor who was coming to see Erica, and Erica was the naughty girl in town. When Agnes saw my screen test for the first time, she turned to Bud and said, “There’s no way she would be Tara. This girl is Erica. Her eyes are Erica’s eyes.”

  Looking back, it was clear that Agnes had a vision from the start. The mere notion that my eyes were Erica’s is so interesting to me because, as I mentioned earlier, color televisions were just becoming all the rage. Blond hair and blue eyes were what America saw as mainstream. Other shows played into that appeal, but Agnes wasn’t concerned about it. In fact, A
gnes wanted something different for the part of Erica Kane.

  Agnes had worked as the head writer for Guiding Light for many years. NBC was about to cancel the show, when Agnes offered to take a crack at it to help salvage it. Guiding Light quickly became the most popular show in daytime, which is how Agnes began her remarkable track record. Agnes wanted to do stories that were timely, topical, and had meaning. But at the time Procter & Gamble, the owners of Guiding Light, weren’t interested in doing anything that could be construed or perceived as controversial. Agnes wanted to write with purpose, so when she was asked by Michael Eisner to come to ABC and create a new show for them, her only concern was whether or not she would be allowed to write about relevant social issues. They told her she could, and so in 1968, she created One Life to Live. Her first major story line revolved around Carmen Gray, an African-American actress who could pass for white—a courageous and titillating story for the times.

  Soaps were huge moneymakers for the networks and One Life to Live became one of the biggest for ABC. Legend has it that Agnes already had the original script for All My Children sitting in her desk drawer when network executives came to her to create another daytime drama. She had pitched the show to Procter & Gamble and NBC a few years prior, but they rejected the idea. After her success with One Life to Live, ABC said they were looking to do a soap opera that would bring in young viewers. She had the right show, and in 1969, Michael Eisner gave her the green light to move ahead with All My Children. I did an interview with Michael in 2008, during which he shared with me for the first time that he was the executive in charge not only of green-lighting All My Children for the network, but of approving the cast, too, which, at the time, meant my fate was very much in his hands. Thankfully, he liked what he saw and I was able to take on the most delicious role in daytime.

  Agnes once shared a wonderful story with me about the inception for the show and where her inspiration came from. She visited a psychic who told her that she saw Agnes as a teacher and that millions of people would listen to whatever she had to say. The psychic told Agnes that the story she had to tell was coming from an Irish ancestor on the other side. Agnes absolutely believes that a dead relative had given her the story that ultimately became the foundation for the show. As a writer, she took whatever inspiration she had been given and created the most wonderful and exceptional daytime drama in the history of television.

  When All My Children made its debut on January 5, 1970, Agnes became the first writer to create a realistic story line that involved teenagers as main characters, including my character, the young troublemaker and bad girl in town, Erica Kane. Erica was only supposed to be on once a week, but within months of the show’s debut, a major story line was given to me. There were lots of other actors on the show who had paid their dues before me, but rather than encountering jealousy, I was given love and support.

  Although I was somebody who had grown up watching soap operas, I had never seen anyone like Erica Kane before being cast to play her. I thought she was great, mostly due to the tremendous writing of Agnes Nixon. Agnes understood the challenges in the mother-daughter relationship and knew how to convey them with ease, humor, and sensitivity. She knew that Erica and Mona loved each other in spite of their fights and their differences. Maybe it was because Agnes had children of her own that she was able to connect with the material in such a real way. Whatever the motivation, Agnes simply got it, and as a result, the viewing audience fell in love with Erica for all she was worth.

  For a young actress just starting out, it was wonderful to be surrounded by so many caring and appreciative adults who had already been there and back. They encouraged me to grow, stretch, and become the actress I always dreamed of being.

  I was paired with the actress Frances “Fra” Heflin, who was cast as Erica’s mother, Mona Kane. Mona had divorced her philandering husband, Eric, after he deserted her and Erica when Erica was only nine years old. While he found fame in Hollywood as a film director, Mona dedicated her life to raising Erica the best she could. Erica was a true “Daddy’s little girl,” so in spite of all of the attention and things Mona showered her with, she blamed Mona for her father’s leaving. His absence left Erica feeling extremely insecure about herself and on a never-ending quest for love. No matter how beautiful Erica thought she was, she was always worried there would be a prettier girl. She was consumed by her need to be loved and went out of her way to make herself better than everyone else. Erica’s only goal was to be somebody. She always believed that she was meant for more than what her dull life in Pine Valley could offer, and she frequently reminded Mona of this by telling her how unhappy she was living there. Erica was often quoted as saying, “This is just a small town. This is not the corner of Hollywood and Vine! I’m going to be somebody. I’m going to get out of this small town someday.”

  Erica was extremely vain and yet very popular. In today’s world, she would definitely be considered a “mean girl” or “queen bee” by her peers. She considered herself to be the prettiest girl in her school. She couldn’t understand what the object of her affection, Phil Brent, saw in her nemesis, plain and frumpy Tara Martin. She was out to destroy their relationship and take Phil for herself. Erica often played the damsel in distress to get Phil’s attention. Although Phil was a chivalrous gentleman, he only had eyes for Tara. Mona did her best to protect Erica from Phil’s rejection, but her attempts to spare her daughter heartache only ignited Erica’s rage and increased her feelings of insecurity and rejection. She demanded that her mother stay out of her life, which set up the roller-coaster relationship Erica and Mona endured for years.

  Working with Fra was spectacular in every way. The chemistry between us was undeniable. I loved her very much. She was warm, smart, and very talented. Fra had fair skin and very blue eyes. I thought to myself that although we didn’t really resemble one another, in many ways she reminded me of my own mother. I was so excited and truly blessed to be paired with such a lovely soul.

  Fra came from a show business family. She was the sister of Academy Award–winning actor Van Heflin. She herself had studied at the Actors Studio with Marlon Brando and appeared on Broadway with him in I Remember Mama. She worked with Charles Laughton in London, where she lived for many years before returning to New York. Prior to working in soaps, most of her acting experience was stage work in New York and Europe.

  Fra and I shared a dressing room for sixteen years. We ordered and ate lunch together in our tiny cubby every day for those years. Over time, she became extended family to me. I often confided in her and asked for guidance in acting and in life. I got to know her three children, including her son, Jonathan, who became a well-known director for such films as The Accused, White Line Fever, and Brokedown Palace as well as for several episodes of ER. Her daughter Mady went on to become a daytime actress as well, playing roles on The Edge of Night, Texas, and As the World Turns. And I got to know her other daughter, Nora, who has many stage and films credits to her name, too.

  I was a very lucky young actress to be able to observe Fra and have her for a role model. She impacted my life both personally and professionally. She taught me not to be too sentimental, meaning I shouldn’t allow myself to get too self-righteous in my role. Through her stories and experiences, Fra let me know that all of the trappings of fame should be avoided. From the very start, it was apparent that I was surrounded by good actors and not foolish people.

  * * *

  There were two very funny scenes I did with Fra Heflin in the early days that I’ve never forgotten. The first was a scene in which Erica was trying on a dress that Mona was going to hem for her. I was wearing a black slip under the dress, which Fra inadvertently ended up sewing the dress to. When I tried to slip the dress off, it was caught and wouldn’t come down past my knees. We tried to continue with the scene, but I was tripping all over the place. Fra and I both fell down from laughing so hard.

  The other memorable scene with Fra happened while Erica was telling Mona ab
out a doll she really hated from her childhood. There was a fly in the studio that kept landing right between Fra’s eyes. I saw it and she felt it. We tried to keep it together, but we had to do several takes until the fly went away.

  * * *

  Although I had been exposed to wonderful acting teachers and had lived abroad as an exchange student, I didn’t have the many years of experience that someone like Fra had and could share. I got to hear her worldly take on everything from acting to McCarthyism. Although she and her husband, Sol Kaplan, a film composer, were not blacklisted themselves, they were friends with many people who were under investigation, including Zero Mostel and Shelley Winters. These allegations ruined many people’s lives. Writers, actors, directors, and many other important Hollywood people were branded, costing many their livelihoods. Fra and her husband felt the McCarthy investigations were an invasion of privacy. In fact, her husband, Sol, spoke to Congress about the obvious abuse of their First Amendment rights, saying he felt it was a literal witch hunt. Luckily, Sol and Fra were mostly living in London during this time, so they were only slightly involved and therefore only slightly impacted. I remember Fra telling me how loyal she thought Shelley Winters and her husband were for defending people’s rights and for not snitching on anyone. They had a lot of integrity, which I greatly respected and admired. I have no firsthand knowledge of both sides of the story, but I do know that for many artists of the day, the McCarthy investigation equaled career death. The whole McCarthy era was a blight on our national history and certainly on our industry and artistry. As a young actress starting out, none of that made a whole lot of sense to me.

  When All My Children was first televised, the show was a half hour long. We aired from one to one-thirty five days a week until 1975. We had to finish taping the show by two o’clock in the afternoon because the local news station used our equipment. We’d have just enough time to do a run-through and then tape the show. When we finished taping, we’d all gather at an apartment that the show rented near Lincoln Center to do a table read for the next day’s episode. Since we shot the shows in sequence back then, everyone was required to go to the table read regardless of whether or not their character was in the show that day. These table reads were more like protracted rehearsals. Those of us playing the younger characters on the show would be required to put our scenes on their feet the same day by blocking and rehearsing. I don’t recall any of the seasoned actors having to do that, only the younger, less experienced of us. I welcomed that process, as I was one of the few actors on the show who needed the extra time to get the scene right; remember, this was truly my first professional on-screen credit. There were a few other young actors on the show with me, including Karen Lynn Gorney, who played Tara, and Jack Stauffer, who played Chuck Tyler, but they had other credits to their name by the time All My Children went on the air. I had done work on a couple of movies that were shot in New York and a few other things here and there. I even did a day on another soap—Search for Tomorrow—before landing All My Children. At the time my mother and I thought all of the soaps aired live, but Search for Tomorrow was taped. I knew my mother was at home watching the day I did that show and I knew she would be panicked when she didn’t see me on that day’s episode, so after I finished the taping, I ran to the nearest pay phone to let her know I’d made it to New York safely. I was certain she would think something had gone terribly wrong if the episode ended and I wasn’t in it.