by Jane Henry
“I need to get that,” she whispered. “I’ve got to take that call.” It was Nora’s ring.
He stepped back quickly and nodded. The moment was lost, but she’d replay that one a good many times, she reflected, as she trotted over to the end table to retrieve her phone.
“Hey,” she said cheerfully, steeling herself to whatever would come. Nora called her daily, and lately, most of the calls were decent. She spent more of her time out of the house, and was rarely home when their mother and her obnoxious boyfriends were. But there were a few times Tessa had answered the phone, only to hear Nora’s irate voice, or, worse, her sobs.
Though she had her back to Tony, she could feel his eyes on her as she spoke with Nora.
“What’s up, hon?”
Tessa had been completely honest with her sister, and hadn’t held anything back when she moved in with Tony. The only thing she’d hidden from Nora was the fact that she hadn’t had a place to live and had stayed in her car for a time, because she knew Nora would feel horrible.
“Quick question, Tess. My English class has a study group meeting at the library in five. But… well, I was wondering. Do you know anywhere I can get a job? I am not asking you for money. You’ve helped me so much. But I want my own money, something I can use to buy myself clothes, or go to a movie with my friends or something. Can you just think about it and let me know?”
“Sure thing, baby,” Tess said, as she took the plate of pizza and salad Tony gave her. He’d even drizzled salad dressing on it for her. She winked at him to thank him, and he grinned at her. She eyed his own plate with four pieces of pizza and not a trace of lettuce on it, and shook her head.
“Okay, thanks! Talk to you later?”
“Later. Love you.” Tony’s eyes flew to hers and he froze, pizza halfway to his mouth. She put the phone down and looked at him strangely.
“You okay?” She pulled out a chair, momentarily dazzled by the fantasy she’d played out of him pulling out the chair himself, and sat down. He pushed a glass of water over to her.
“Thanks,” she said, still completely unaccustomed to how chivalrous he was to her. She’d never been with a guy who did things like open the door for her, or hand her a plate of food.
It felt nice.
“Who was that?” he said, and his voice had a bit of an edge. Weird.
“Nora.”
He knew about Nora and Eva, but that was about it.
“Everything cool?” He’d polished off two pieces to her one, and was picking up his third.
“Do you even chew your food?” she asked, shaking her head. “You Angelico brothers must’ve eaten your mama out of house and home.”
“Course we did,” he said around a mouthful of pizza. “You work up a big appetite, watching zombie movies. All those brains.”
“Ewww!”
He snorted, as he ate half of the slice of pizza in one large gulp.
“Impressive,” she murmured, with a grimace. “So, Nora’s looking for work. I wonder if she can get a job sacking groceries at Stop and Shop or something. Or maybe they’re hiring down at Lowe’s, and she can get a job working the fall garden center. I’ll have to ask around.”
“Ask around?” he said, as he polished off the third slice. “Why don’t you have her come work for us? She can bus. God, we need it. Nicole’s been unreliable lately, and business is really picking up. Think she’d be interested in clearing tables and stuff? And we’d only need her for after school hours anyway. I’ll pay her more than any of those other places would pay, too.”
He was offering her baby sister a job? A lump rose to her throat, and her appetite fled. She swallowed. Nora would work with her, where she could watch over her, and see her on a regular basis, and know that Nora was working for a boss who would treat her well.
“That’d be great,” she said. Her eyes watered and her nose stung. She swallowed a sip from her water and composed herself. “I’ll call her tonight. She’s at a study group now.”
Tony reached for a fourth slice of pizza.
“Awesome,” he said. “That’d be one less thing for me to worry about.”
“Are you gonna touch any of this salad? God, you could feed a small army of rabbits with this thing.”
He snorted. “And that’s supposed to make me want to eat it?”
She giggled. “Guess not.”
They ate in silence for a bit, but it wasn’t awkward. Tess was comfortable around Tony. She’d worried at first that she wouldn’t be able to relax around him, but it had turned out that wasn’t a problem at all. He made her feel at ease. She felt like she could be herself around him. For the first time in her life, she was in a place she could return to at the end of a long day, and not have to worry about what would be waiting for her. A place where she could be at peace. And there was Tony.
His phone buzzed and he glanced at it casually.
“Val?” The minute the word left her mouth, she wished she could take it back. His eyes widened in surprise, and then shuttered. His jaw clenched, and he sat back in his chair.
“Not Val. You know I’m not with Val anymore.”
And why did he feel the need to tell her that? She shrugged as nonchalantly as possible, which was probably way too forced and obvious.
“Sure. I know. But with the amount of texts she sends, it’s like way over the friend zone, much less the ex-girlfriend zone.”
Omg. Tess! Shut UP!
Why couldn’t she stop talking? And why was she having this conversation? She took an enormous bite of her pizza, in the hopes that stuffing food in her mouth would stop the ridiculous flow of very unhelpful conversation.
“It’s Matt. Headed into The Club. Wanted to ask me about some event his friend wants to do at one point.” He paused. “What kind of event would those people want to do?”
Those people? She looked down at the rest of the pizza she’d suddenly lost her appetite for.
“Those people are my people,” she said quietly. She hadn’t been to The Club in a while, but was planning on going the following evening. “They’re normal people. At least most of them. I mean not everyone dresses in latex and leather. If they want an event at Cara, we should do it.”
“Would your ex be there?”
Her eyes flew to his. “My ex?”
He shrugged, polishing off his pizza. “Matt said you go to The Club because an ex got you in. Just wondered if he still went.”
“He’s not there anymore, no,” she said. Louie had moved to the West Coast years ago, and she’d lost touch with him.
Tony leaned back in his chair, and she couldn’t help but notice how large his arms and hands were. It was one thing she loved about him. Other girls would fantasize about being kissed, or more, and sure, Tess let her mind wander in less-than-wholesome places a time or two herself, but what would it feel like to crawl into his lap? To feel his arms around her and snuggle her head on his chest? He was so big and strong, and sweet. Her fantasy, in which she ended up belly down over his lap and he paddled her soundly, sometimes ended not with hot and heavy sex, but being held on his lap after a spanking, while he kissed her tears away.
“So… do you um, wear the leather and latex?” he asked as he got to his feet. “You want a beer?”
Tessa snorted. “No thanks. I’m not into latex, but I don’t exactly wear turtlenecks and full length skirts to The Club.” She had a good variety of outfits she’d picked up, some at the consignment shop in town, and some that girls from The Club had gotten for her.
He mumbled something under his breath, but she didn’t catch it. Then he spoke louder, over his shoulder.
“And, uh, when might be the next time you’re going to The Club?”
Was he asking because he didn’t want her to go? Or did he want to see her in full-on Club attire? She’d always changed at The Club when she was leaving from Cara.
“Why?” she asked with a teasing grin. “You want to make sure my outfit is appropriate? Or do you want to go with m
e?”
He sobered, and she wanted to take the words back. She had to learn to think before she spoke. Without conscious thought, her hands flexed on her thighs, where her scars were. In high school, when she was down on herself for saying something stupid, or for losing her temper, her go-to had been to harm herself.
He lifted the bottle to his lips and shook his head. “I don’t think so,” he said. “Not my thing.”
“Yeah,” she said, swallowing a sigh. “That’s what I thought.”
Even if he was interested in her, though, could she give up what she loved? She craved what she found at The Club, being accepted by people just like her, the edgy group of people who loved deeply and did not judge. She soared when she submitted to a spanking, the hormonal release and erotic charge like drugs. Discovering her attraction to submission had been so freeing to her.
And though Tony was kind, and sexy, and she knew she was falling for him, he would never understand that side of her. Would he?
* * *
God, she needed a spanking. She so needed a spanking. Her hands shook, and for one brief minute she wished she smoked. She needed something, anything, to calm her fraught nerves. She massaged her hands so roughly atop her scarred legs, it hurt.
Tessa rarely drank, and never smoked, but she had been a regular member of The Club now for a good, long while. Submitting to be spanked was her preferred method of stress relief.
Her plan had been to go to The Club a few days prior, before the onslaught of the weekend craziness. But Tony had been testing out a new recipe for Insalata de Carciofi, a raw artichoke salad with lemon and olive oil, in the kitchen at Cara. He’d been singing to classic Italian music in his adorable, off-key baritone, and he’d insisted he needed someone to taste-test. Before she knew it, they’d opened a bottle of wine, and hours passed while they talked and laughed. After that, he’d insisted on just taking her home. So it had been weeks since she’d been spanked, and she was craving it.
But still, everything would’ve been okay for a little while longer, if she hadn’t had to go to her mother’s house. An hour later, she was still quaking with the fury and helplessness that only Desiree Damon could make her feel.
She hadn’t wanted to go. In fact, she’d had every freaking plan to never set foot in that hellhole again. But she had spent the morning hanging out with her sister, window shopping and drinking fancy pumpkin spice coffee before yet another of Nora’s study groups, when Nora had remembered that she’d left her notes at home. Tess wasn’t about to make the girl take the train all the way back home to get them, not when all she had to do was put her big girl pants on and drive her there.
But when she pulled up in front of the two-family house, her stomach clenched. She hated the apartment where she grew up.
“Let’s make this quick,” she said to Nora as she unbuckled her seatbelt.
“You don’t have to come in!” Nora said, “I can just…”
Tessa felt bad making Nora go in alone. “It’s fine. We just won’t stay longer than we have to. I don’t want to even look at her, let alone whatever guy she’s got this week.”
“Mostly only one guy these days,” Nora said looking out at the house with a sigh. “Roger.” Her voice was thick with disgust. “He’s maybe thirty? Mom says he’s energetic and makes her feel younger. Personally, I think it’s probably the rainbow-colored stash of pills in his pocket that makes him energetic, not his youth.”
Tess rolled her eyes. “Sounds charming!” Then her eyes narrowed. “Hey! How do you know what kind of pills he’s got in his pocket?”
Nora looked uncomfortable. “Because he offered me some a few nights ago. I was up late writing a lab report for biology, and he said he knew something that could help me stay up.”
Tess reached across the console and grabbed Nora’s wrist. “Jesus, tell me you didn’t take anything!”
Nora looked at her sister in disbelief. “God, Tess, of course I didn’t! Do you really think after growing up in that house, watching mom strung out on one thing after another, that I would be that stupid?”
Tessa was instantly apologetic. “I know! I know. I’m sorry. I just… I worry so much about you living in that house.”
Nora blew out a breath. “Yeah, I know you do. I wish you wouldn’t, though! You have your own life to worry about. It’s time I take care of myself! I’ll be eighteen in a couple of months!”
Tess smiled halfheartedly. “I just wish you’d get to be a kid for a little while longer.”
Nora’s steady gaze met Tess’s. “Neither one of us could ever really be kids growing up in that.” She jerked her head at the house.
“Anyway,” Nora said, shaking her head as if to clear away the bad thoughts and reaching for the door handle. “She’s scheduled to be at work today, so hopefully we can get in and get out!”
Tess followed suit, and together they walked up the cracked concrete path, wishing their mother had a car to park in the driveway that might indicate whether or not she was home. Sadly, a car was not a luxury their mother could afford. Neither, some weeks, was soap. Or toilet paper. Or food.
This month, their mother was working as a checkout clerk at the grocery store and, fortunately for Nora, worked most afternoons. Who knew how long that would last, though? She hadn’t been able to hold down a job for longer than six months for as long as Tessa could remember. Some of her boyfriends would occasionally chip in for bills, but most were losers who could care less. Tessa and Nora managed to squeak by. Mostly.
Tess inhaled as they went up the stairs, hoping they’d be lucky and the house would be empty.
They were not.
They knew the minute they opened the door to the entryway that someone was home because of the acrid cigarette smoke that stung their noses. Tessa’s stomach churned with nausea.
“Don’t talk to her,” Nora whispered. “Don’t even talk to her, Tess. I just need to grab my stuff from my room. God, I’m so stupid. I should’ve remembered it.”
“Not your fault you left your things at your home, kiddo,” Tess hissed back. “I promise, chickie. God, I promise, soon. Soon, you and I will be on our own.”
Staying at Tony’s had helped her sock money away. God, he paid for everything! And soon Nora would have a job at Cara too. Tony said he was going to interview her, though Tessa knew it was only a formality. He had already decided to hire her.
“I know it, Tess,” Nora said, reaching for Tessa’s hand and squeezing. “I can’t wait.”
When Nora opened the door to the first floor apartment on the left, the smoke hit their senses and Tessa reeled back.
“Well, look who decided to come home!” came their mother’s slurred voice. “Where have you been?”
Before Nora could answer, a male voice purred, “Well, hey, Norrie. Don’t you look fine!”
Tess stepped into the room behind Nora and her eyes flashed to the man sprawled on the couch next to their mother. He was young, as Nora had said, and all arms and legs—a gaunt mass of bones who was likely nearly six feet tall when he was standing… though he didn’t look capable of standing at the moment. His hair was dirty blond and just plain dirty, his pale eyes were red-rimmed and watery above his beaked nose, and the blissful smile that stretched his lips revealed that he was missing more than one tooth.
Mom sure knew how to pick ‘em.
But it was the way he was staring at Nora that had Tess’s senses on high alert. He was eyeing her up like a chocolate sundae.
Her baby sister.
“Who are you?” Tess demanded, stepping in front of Nora.
The man shifted his leer in her direction.
“I’m Roger, baby. Who are you?”
“This here is my other daughter, Miss High and Mighty,” her mother taunted. “Thinks her shit don’t stink. She’s not welcome around here.”
“I thought you’d be at work today,” Nora said nervously.
Desiree waved a hand in the air. “I quit. I don’t need that place.”
Nora shut her eyes. “Oh, Mom.”
“It’s not my fault!” Desiree protested. “Jimmy hired me. He was real laid back, understood how shit worked. New fucking cunt manager comes in and doesn’t like the way I dress, wants me to pee in a fucking cup. Bull shit, I told her.”
Nora shook her head, as if unable to speak. But really, what was there to say?
Tess made a mental note to stick some more grocery money in Nora’s bag before she dropped her off.
“She looks too grown up to be your daughter, Desi,” Roger said, still staring at Tess. His eyes had moved to her chest and he honest-to-God licked his lips.
Tess couldn’t repress her shudder.
“I had her when I was practically a baby myself, Rog,” Desiree whined, rubbing her hand on the man’s emaciated thigh.
This was no more than the truth. In her younger years, Desiree had been a blonde beauty, with hair that hung in waves past her shoulders, and the same brown eyes and curvy figure as Tessa. According to the story she liked to tell, she’d fallen hard for Tess’s father, who’d played guitar in a local band and had promised to marry her. Tess could neither confirm nor deny these details, since her father had barely stuck around long enough for the pregnancy test to turn blue. What she did know was that neither impending motherhood nor being kicked out of her parents’ house had sobered her mother at all, and the last twenty-plus years of drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, and hard living had aged her prematurely. Her hair was now greasy and limp, her skin sallow and drawn, her eyes dull and lined.
“Don’t look at her,” Nora whispered, prodding Tess in the back as if to move her from the room. “Let’s go!”
But Tess wouldn’t budge. Roger, the weasel, was still eyeing her up like she was his dinner. She couldn’t believe her mother would let someone like this live in the house with her teenaged daughter.
Oh, no, wait. Yes, she could.
Desiree seemed to realize that Roger’s attention was firmly focused on Tess, and her face twisted in jealous anger.
“Why are you here, anyway?” she said, rising to her feet. “Coming to slum with us?”
Tessa ignored her and finally allowed Nora to prod her to the small windowless room at the back of the house that served as her bedroom, the bedroom they’d shared when Tess still lived there. Tess shivered when Nora reached around her and pushed the door open. Nothing had changed. It was still dark and coffin-like, containing nothing but two twin beds and an old table that served as a desk. Just being in this house again made her feel sick.
