Fatigue crept up on Carlos like thick smoke as he put the card key in the slot and unlocked the door to his room. Watching the sunrise had centered him, given him the time to settle himself and think calmly. His anger and frustration had dissipated with the brightening sky, and now he needed sleep.
He threw his jacket over the rattan chair alongside the tall reading lamp in the corner of the room, and then pulled the blackout curtains closed. He took off his shoes and lay down fully clothed, with his arm over his eyes. His kind usually didn’t get headaches, but Carlos could feel one building at the back of his skull. With the emotional rollercoaster he’d been on, he wasn’t surprised. He closed his eyes and let his exhaustion flow over him like a wave, pulling him under. He was going to be here a while.
***
Carlos still hadn’t returned home. The windows had been replaced, and though there was no physical trace left to the shattered mess, remnants of it still hung in the air. Everyone was anxious, still tiptoeing around as if Carlos was just in the next room.
“Where do you suppose he went?” Margot asked as she and Trevor sat on the couch listening to Miguel practice his twelve-string.
“He could have gone anywhere,” Trevor said idly. He was sitting with his arm around Margot’s shoulders. She played with his fingers, keeping tempo with the lively song Miguel was playing. Are you worried for him, love? He just needs time to think.”
“No, I’m not worried about him,” Margot said. “If anyone can take care of himself, it’s him. It’s just I have this feeling...”
“What?” Trevor asked, paying more attention now.
“I’m afraid he won’t bounce back from this. I’m afraid Trina has left a hole in his heart bigger than anyone’s ever left before. I mean, in two hundred years, do you ever remember seeing him this happy or this miserable? I don’t.”
Miguel stopped playing and both men turned to look at Margot. Her gut instincts about each of them had always been correct. She had always been a little freaky that way, even during her human life. Trevor told them stories of how she was the one who always knew if they were being cheated at the market. That she had been the one who told Jefferson the French would help his cause, but not to be fooled into thinking it was out of fraternity rather than avarice.
If Margot had been born in modern times she would have been called an empath. She could always tell what a person is feeling and why, and subsequently what those feelings were going to affect. Margot was the reason Carlos had accepted Eric into their home. Her intuition assured them he could be healed and that he’d be an asset to the family, regardless of his time with Sandro and his proclivities.
“What are you saying, mija? That Carlos isn’t going to recover from this?” Miguel was afraid of how she would answer but more afraid not to know.
“No, that’s not what I’m saying, but it’s a possibility. Things are changing, Miguel, and not just for Carlos, but for all of us. And it’s only going to get worse before it gets better. There’s a storm coming, I feel it, and it’s coming from outside our family. It’s going to test us, pit us against one another.”
“Are you’re telling me this storm is going to happen and affect all of us simply because one human girl can’t deal with our way of life?” Miguel yelled, and the sound of his raised voice brought Eric and Julian into the room.
“What’s going on?” Julian asked, his eyes moving from Trevor to Miguel, “And why are you yelling at Margot? Haven’t we got enough to worry about with Carlos, without the rest of us sniping at each other?”
“That’s just it, bro. Margot’s got one of her gut feelings again, and this time it’s about Carlos and Trina. That it’s bigger than them,” Trevor said, trying to explain.
“I don’t understand,” Eric said, confused. “What does Carlos’s love life have to do with us, other than having to put up with some drama? It’ll all blow over and Carlos will move on.”
“That’s the point, Eric. Margot is saying not only will he not move on, but that something is going to happen because of it.”
“Well, we’ll just have to prevent that from happening, talk some sense into them. If Carlos just changes Trina, then she’ll be one of us and just have to deal with things the way they are,” Eric said.
“It’s not that simple.” Margot answered delicately, knowing how sensitive Eric was about the entire concept of conversion. “Carlos would have to change Trina with her consent. It would have to be done right or otherwise she…” she trailed off.
“Or she’ll end up like me, right?” Eric said angrily.
“Eric…I’m sorry.”
Trevor was indignant. “What are you apologizing for? You’re right and Eric knows it. He may not like the truth, but that’s too bad. If Carlos takes Trina’s life from her, the way his was taken from him or the way Eric’s was taken, then we’ll be left with another cruel vampire wreaking havoc on humanity. We’ll be responsible for her actions, and it will be left for us to either rehabilitate her or destroy her. I’m sorry to put it so bluntly, but that’s the truth of it no matter how much you want to sugarcoat it.”
“All right, everyone stop it. This is getting us nowhere. Carlos has never done wrong by us before. We’ll just have to trust his judgment and wait and see,” Julian said, leaving his wiseass attitude aside.
Carlos sat sipping his wine as he watched the sunset over Montauk harbor. He loved this time of day and how the sun turned a bright orange red, throwing the last of its rays onto the water. He’d been coming to Gosman’s Dock since the 1950s, when it was just a chowder stand.
He’d been gone for almost a week and knew his family was wondering what had happened to him, but he also knew they trusted him. They knew he’d be back, eventually.
He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. The wind off the water was light and felt good on his skin. The scent of the salt spray mingled with the bouquet of the wine and had him sighing again. He was relaxed, or as relaxed as he could be. He felt much better now that he had made his decision. The hard part was going to be breaking it to everyone else.
With their faces pictured in his mind, he knew exactly who would say what. Julian, of course, would be the most vocal and the most argumentative—and he would be the one to blame Trina. Carlos couldn’t allow that. This was his decision.
He had already checked out of the motel. All clothes and toiletries he’d purchased this week he’d left for housekeeping to dispose of or keep. He was heading back but wanted the sun over the water one more time before he left.
Carlos poured himself another glass of wine, polishing off the bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon. He turned the bottle over in the ice bucket just as his new cell phone buzzed.
“Hola?”
“Carlos? Jeez, man, where have you been?”
“Julian. How are you?”
“How am I? How are you? Where are you?”
“I’m fine and I’m glad you called. I’ll be home tonight. Can you make sure everyone is around? I need to speak with you all.”
“Sure, no problem. You sure you’re okay, though. You’ve never been gone this long without at least a phone call and Margot’s been having some vivid dreams. Her gut’s been going haywire and the longer you’re gone, the worse it’s getting.”
“Dreams? What kind of dreams?”
“Dreams about you and about us and some kind of fight, both from within and without.”
“Huh. That’s strange.”
“To be quite honest that’s the only reason I called. She’s driving us all nuts. Every time one of tries to leave the house she makes us go out in pairs.”
Carlos laughed aloud at that. “Leave it to you to complain for completely narcissistic reasons.”
“What time do you think you’ll get here?”
“I’ll be leaving shortly. Depending on traffic, I should get back around midnight. Can you get everyone to stick around till then?”
“Believe me; once I tell Margot you’re on your way, she’s not going to let anybody l
eave.”
“Good,” Carlos said with a chuckle. “See you later tonight.”
Everyone heard Carlos’s bike pull up to the house. When he came up the stairs from the garage Margot was waiting for him. “Hey little one…just where I expected you’d be,” he said giving her a quick peck. Stepping back, he leaned against the doorframe and studied her face. “Julian tells me you’ve had a hard time sleeping. There’s really no reason for you to worry. I’m fine, mija, trust me.”
Margot nodded and started to say something when Carlos put his hand up to stop her. “Wait. I want to hear everything you have to tell me, but right now I need to grab a quick shower and unwind from my ride.”
She just nodded again, watching as he passed. Climbing the stairs, he could feel her eyes on his back and the worry coming off her in waves. He turned and winked. “Get everyone together in the kitchen. I’ll be down in about twenty minutes.” With a single nod he went up to his room and closed the door.
“I’m leaving,” Carlos told his family as he leaned against the granite counter next to the sink. Julian stood up with his hands on the table, ready for an argument, but Carlos stopped him before he could speak.
“This is my choice. No one else’s,” he said pointedly. “Truth be told, I’ve been restless with the way things have been for a long time, long before I met Trina. I need to get away for a while. I need to figure out where I’m going, where my life is headed. Don’t worry, I haven’t deserted you. I’ll stay in touch and come home from time to time.”
“Why, Carlos? Why now? You can tell us this is your decision, but the truth of the matter is if Trina had no problem with the way things are, you’d be sticking around.”
“Julian, please…”
“No! I know you like I know myself, so don’t try to hide what’s going on. We all knew you were restless, Carlos, but to think you might run? Never in a million years.”
At the sharp intake of breath at the table, it was easy for everyone to see Julian had gone too far. Carlos had never run. Ever. He’d been there for each one of them when it certainly would have been easier to just cut and run.
“I’m sorry you feel that way, Julian. I am telling you the truth when I say this decision is mine and mine alone. It’s true that if things with Trina had turned out differently I might have decided to stay, but it would have only delayed the inevitable. I would still have left. The only difference is I would have taken her with me.”
“Where are you going?” Margot asked in a small voice.
“I feel like I need to go back to the beginning, mija, back to where my life changed. I know you all think I’m some kind of rock, but I have my own set of demons to face,” Carlos said softly.
The weight of their eyes bore into him. How could he tell them what churned in his gut? What had plagued him since the realization of what he was took root so many centuries before?
When he was alive he lived by his sword, fighting for others in the name of God and what he believed was right. There was never a question it was the reason God put him on Earth.
Since then he still fought for others—for his family, saving each one of them from certain death. But had he given them life? Or had he just bartered one miserable existence for another?
Julian said they knew he was restless. Over the years he’d tried to hide it from them, from himself as well—trying on various excuses and rationalizations as to why he felt such regret and listless boredom. His longing for absolution haunted him, yet whatever resolution he found it was never enough. Even the long-awaited forgiveness Isabel granted him on her deathbed afforded only temporary peace.
Trina’s words haunted him this past week. Was his mutually beneficial way of life truly that, or had he just bought into his own self-delusion? Were all vampires opportunistic predators? Base, self-serving creatures, regardless of lifestyle? Was he? Was the life he’d created nothing more than a carefully constructed veneer of selflessness? Truth was he didn’t know, but perhaps going back to the beginning would help him find the answers. And maybe even a way back to Trina.
He walked over to where Margot sat nestled in Trevor’s arms. He put his finger under her chin and lifted her face so her eyes met his. “I will always be here for you, for all of you,” he said, looking around at each of his family members. “I’ll only be a phone call away.”
The room was silent except for the soft sound of Margot’s sniffling. Miguel got up and handed her a box of tissues from the counter. She blew her nose so loudly the unladylike honk was just the comic relief they needed. Laughing, the tension in the room soon disappeared.
“There’s one more thing, though,” Carlos said, clearing his throat after everyone relaxed. Their immediate apprehension told him they were expecting the other shoe to drop, and he didn’t disappoint.
“I’d like you to let the kids know I am releasing them from their blood bonds. They are no longer tied to this house, or me. Of course they can stay as long as they want, no strings attached and under no obligation. This can still be their home if they wish.”
“And you can still stand there and tell us that Trina had nothing to do with all this?” Julian yelled his face a picture of anger and resentment.
“Julian, this is my decision. How many times, in how many ways do you want me to say it? I am bored with all this,” he said sweeping his hand around the room. “There has to be more to my existence than just collecting bodies.”
“You’re bored? Gee, thanks, Dad,” Julian answered.
“Whoa, dude, that was so not cool,” Miguel said, shaking his head.
“I meant that I’m bored with me, with my life—not with the people in it,” Carlos said tiredly. “It really doesn’t matter who you blame. This is my wish, and I hope you will respect it.”
“Of course we will respect your wishes. But I do have one question: How are we to protect the ones who choose to leave?” Julian asked, still bristling.
“You don’t,” Carlos said in an expressionless voice.
“What?”
“You heard me. You don’t, because you can’t. If they come back to the house, offer them whatever help you can, but you can’t follow them around. It’s not practical, nor is it fair. I will give them my protection while they live under this roof, pay for their needs and wants while they prepare themselves for the outside world. If that means paying school tuition or helping them learn a trade, so be it. But the minute they choose to leave this house, they choose to leave my protection.”
“So you are encouraging them to stay?” Margot asked.
“It is the best way for them to ready themselves for life on the outside, but the same way I gave them the choice to come here, I offer them a choice again.”
Margot got up and flung her arms around Carlos’s neck, sobbing. “I knew you meant this in a good way, that you’d never just leave them to the fates.”
“So, are we in agreement?” he asked them all as he disentangled himself from Margot and deposited her back into Trevor’s arms.
They all nodded. Even Julian looked placated if not completely relieved, but then again he was never one to embrace change.
“You do all realize you will have to make other arrangements in terms of blood exchange. The kids are no longer here in that capacity, even if they ask. Is that clear?”
Eric, who had been silent throughout the entire exchange, shrugged. It didn’t affect Margot and Trevor as they provided for each other, and Miguel looked excited at the prospect of hunting. Only Julian grumbled.
“Come on, bro, you and me out together trolling the clubs. It’ll be fun,” Miguel said, clapping Julian on the back. “Melissa will still be around, you’ll see, so cheer up. This is a good thing. We were all getting too lazy anyway. Hell, if vamps could get fat, some of us would be totally porked out!”
At that, Trevor spewed his drink across the table, hitting Eric dead in the face. His stunned look had everyone roaring with laughter and Trevor mumbling apologies as he tried to mop up the mes
s on the table and Eric’s shirt. Even Eric cracked a smile.
“So where are you headed, Carlos, or don’t you know?” Margot asked.
“Spain, mija, back to where it all began.”
“When?”
“Tomorrow, late afternoon. I leave for the airport before the sun sets.”
“So then, this is goodbye,” she said softly, knowing they all would still be asleep when he left.
“Yes,” he answered gently.
Margot hugged him again, but Carlos saw the worry written across her face. He hadn’t forgotten about her dreams or their inherent warning, but tonight had been emotional enough to go into theoretics.
“Don’t worry about your dreams, mija, I trust in the strength of our family. Whatever is coming we will handle together. Like I said, I am only a phone call away.”
Margot let out the breath she had been holding. “I love you, Carlos,” she said, sniffing again.
“I love you too, muchachita.”
Trevor grabbed Carlos in a bear hug. “Take care of yourself and don’t worry. We’ll keep everything running smoothly until you come back.”
Carlos nodded, clapping the big man on his back. “Thank you, Trevor. Just make sure you take care of my little girl, eh?” He let go, giving Margot one last kiss before she and Trevor headed out for the night.
One by one he made his goodbyes, until Julian was the only one left with him the kitchen.
“It’s just you and me now, Carlos. So tell me. Why? Or do you think I won’t understand?” He stood with his back against the granite counter, his eyes accusing.
Carlos exhaled. “I’ve already told you.”
“To face your demons…yeah, I get it. What I want to know is what demons? What could be plaguing you after all this time? We’ve been together for a century and a half. What?”
“Why?”
“What do you mean, why? I think I deserve an answer, that’s why,” Julian shot back.
“No, Julian. I’m not asking you why you want to know, I’m telling you that’s what I need to go and find out. Why? What was the meaning behind my being turned, the purpose for it under God?”
The Cursed by Blood Saga Page 67
