I don’t know what’s been going on with me lately. I’ve been having all sorts of crazy dreams the last couple of weeks. I read somewhere that having a notebook by your bedside is helpful if you want to jot down your dreams when you wake up. I’m not into the whole diary thing, but I’ll give it a shot. Maybe I can go back and read this and figure out what these dreams are supposed to mean.
I’ll start with the dream I had last night. I was at home, only it wasn’t my house. There was something about it that didn’t feel right, like something was off about the whole thing. I’m not even sure whose house I was dreaming about. The scene seemed different, yet so familiar. I know it was only a dream, but it felt so real. Almost felt like a memory.
The entry is rather vague and doesn’t tell me much. What’s the point of writing in a journal if you aren’t going to jot down any of the details? I guess it doesn’t really matter. I didn’t exist until the moment Cooper brought me back here. I’m not even entirely sure if anything that occurred prior to my arrival is real. After several more minutes of snooping around in my journal, I put it aside for the time being. It’s not like I remember writing any of this. So before my curiosity gets the better of me and read the whole damn thing in one sitting, I decide to take a tour of the house to clear my mind. I’ll just make sure to be back before Maggie calls me down for dinner.
Towards the back end of the house, I notice a rather large deck in the backyard through the glass french doors, so I go in that direction and head outside. Quilts, like the ones up in my room, are draped over several lounge chairs, and the stone fireplace off the back end of the deck makes the whole area feel cozy. The temperature has dipped a bit, now that it’s dark out, so I snuggle up to one of the quilts and soak in the warm heat generated by the fireplace. Aunt Maggie must have gotten it going after we returned home. Yup, spring is definitely my favorite time of year.
“Knock, Knock. I was on my way home and I noticed the back light on. Thought I’d see if you were back here.” I hear a voice coming from the back side of the fence.
I almost jump out of my seat. “Damn it! You scared the crap out of me.” Where did Alex come from? Does he live in the area too? Probably. All the rich kids live in this neighborhood. I won’t be surprised to find out he lives a few houses down from mine, like Jaime.
Alex strolls over to where I’m seated. “Sorry, didn’t mean to freak you out. Where’s your partner in crime?”
He really is cute. No wonder Jenny hates me. I wasn’t expecting Alex to show up unannounced, but I’m glad he did. This gives me a chance to get to know him better. The photo I found in the journal gave me only a brief glimpse into our relationship.
“Who Jaime? She’s grounded. Besides, I was a bit tired after we got back from Old Town so we dropped her off. I’m supposed to be taking a nap before dinner.” Why am I babbling? He only asked where Jaime was. “What are you doing here?”
“I came by to apologize.” He moves the quilt on the matching lounge chair next to mine and takes a seat.
“For what?” Had he done something since lunch?
“You know, for last Saturday. It was all a misunderstanding. Jenny totally busted in on my night out with the guys. I know she told you that it was a date, but you know she’s just trying to make you jealous.”
“Don’t worry about it. I understand.” Seriously, Jenny actually did that? Not that I’m surprised, she seems to have the same personality here as she did in the reality I just left. I’m going to have to keep an eye on her from now on. There’s no telling what that girl is capable of doing.
“I know you already said it wasn’t a big deal, but today at lunch, it felt like you were still kind of mad at me.”
He looks so torn, I want to reach out and hug him. It’s obvious how much he cares about me. I have to remind myself we aren’t talking about a completely different person. We’re talking about me. But it’s hard to forget that my chances with someone like Alex is pretty much nil to none. Guys like Alex don’t waste their time dating girls like me. But here he is and I can have him if I want.
“It’s not that. I’m just worried about my dad. I haven’t heard from him since he left town for business.” I hope my explanation is convincing enough. Anyway, it’s the partial truth. I am worried about my dad, I just wasn’t really thinking about him when we were sitting under the oak tree during lunch.
“I knew you’d understand. Jenny can be a real bitch,” he adds for my benefit. “But you, you’re not like that at all. That’s why I like you. You seem more determined and sure of yourself.”
I hoot with laughter at the idea. “I’m not sure of myself at all. I grew up an orphan remember?”
“Huh?”
Insert foot in mouth, again. “I just mean that with my mother gone and my dad always being away on business, I feel like an orphan.” There, that seems like a good save. I’m going to have to make a real effort to watch what I say around people.
“Well, you could have fooled me,” he says, excepting my explanation.
Maybe it’s the lighting outside—it’s already past dusk—or my eyes are just tired, but I can tell Alex is inching his way towards me.
“One thing’s for sure. I think you’re beautiful.” He makes his way closer to me.
“You’re just saying that because—” Before I can finish, he leans up against me and kisses me. The kiss is soft, yet purposeful. His hands are cupped behind my head and I can feel him part my lips so he can explore further. It feels like fluttering feathers rippling in my stomach. That’s when I stop him.
I’ve never been kissed like that before. Then again, I’ve never allowed anyone try to kiss me like that before. In fact, I’ve never let myself get close enough to anyone in fear that something bad will happen.
“Alex.” I push him away from me. “I don’t think this is a good idea.” As much as I enjoy being this close to him, I can’t help but feel a little guilty. Not that Cooper and I have shared a moment or anything, but in the back of my mind, I know there’s something that connects us. I’m sure of it. My whole body senses something when I’m around him and I don’t get that feeling when I’m with Alex. The kiss was amazing, but until I figure out what it is between me and Cooper, I felt like I owe it to him not to get too involved with Alex just yet.
“Why not?” He looks both stunned and crushed at the same time. “I thought we were starting something good here—I mean us as a couple,” he clarifies.
Now I feel bad about pushing Alex away. He doesn’t deserve it. “We do have something, but—I should go back inside.” I feel pretty rotten for being a tease, but I can’t just sit here and explain why I’m resisting his advances. Single girl survival tip #2: Don’t inform someone you just made-out with that you’re thinking about another guy.
“No, please don’t.” Alex slides back closer to me. “I just came by to apologize. I don’t know what came over me.”
“I’m the one who should be apologizing. It’s been a long day and I guess I’m just tired.” What I want to say is that I do want to be close to him. Here I am, so far removed from everything I know, yet I’m living a life that’s supposed to be mine. “Maybe this isn’t the best time to talk about this.” I suddenly feel sorry for Alex. There’s nothing I want more than to keep talking to Alex, but I know I’m treading in dangerous waters. Someone is going to get hurt.
“I understand. I’ll show myself out.” He takes his time getting up off the chair. Maybe he hopes I’ll change my mind and ask him to stay.
“Thanks for coming over. It means a lot.” I must be off my rocker. For years I’ve had a mad crush on Alex and I’m turning him away for what, another guy who just happens to make my whole body sizzle, who obviously isn’t interested in me in return?
“It’s okay, we’ll talk tomorrow at school.” Alex leaves the way he came in, through the side door of the backyard fence.
All of the sudden, I hear my Aunt Maggie through the open french doors. “Is Alex staying for dinner?�
�� She calls out. “We have plenty of leftover stew.” How long has she been standing there?
“No. Looks like it’s just you and me tonight.” As soon as the words come out of my mouth, I smile. It’s nice to have an aunt to share dinner with.
I rise up from the lounge chair and head back into the house. I pause for a moment to take in the fragrance of the outdoors before retreating inside. Someone had mowed the lawn earlier, I can tell, and I can still detect the crisp freshly cut grass. Have I ever stopped to notice things like this before—taking time to stop and smell the roses? I giggle at my own cliché.
“Well, go get washed up. The stew won’t sit around forever.”
• • •
Since I slept in and missed dinner the night before, my first official meal alone with my aunt is a pleasant one. We talk about our day, with me mostly listening to Aunt Maggie talk about her day. Turns out she’s a graphic designer and works primarily from home. I think its neat having an aunt who does something cool for a living.
We finish dinner and after Aunt Maggie insists, after much protesting, that she doesn’t need help clearing the dishes, I head straight to bed. She still thinks I’m coming down with something and sends me upstairs to rest.
I go to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. There are so many cleansers and bottles lined up against the vanity that I don’t know which one to use, so I wash my face with a regular bar of soap I find hidden in the medicine cabinet.
And true to her word, Jaime calls right as I tuck myself in for the night. I snuggle up against the sheets and I tell her about Alex’s dropping by.
“Seriously? He came over? What did he say?” Of course she wants all the sordid details. “Was he pissed off about Hunk?”
I wish she’d stop referring to Cooper as Hunk. It’s getting annoying and every time she says it, I can’t help but think about him.
“No, he wasn’t mad about Cooper. He wanted to apologize for that incident with Jenny last Saturday. We actually had a good chat.” I don’t go into detail about the kiss, because I know only too well that Jaime will want to know why I spurned his advances and then I’ll have to admit my feelings about Cooper and who he actually is. If it isn’t already, my life is beginning to get complicated.
“That’s it, isn’t it? You’re hanging out with Cooper to get back at Alex,” she says in a knowing voice. I can picture Jaime sitting up in bed, pointing her long manicured finger in accusation.
“It has nothing to do with Coop. Quit bringing him up.” I stifle a yawn. “I’m beat. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Yeah, I better get to bed too. I don’t want to wake up with those gawd awful circles my mom always ends up getting in the morning. But don’t think this conversation is over.”
No, I imagine it isn’t.
Now that I’m not sleepy anymore, I pull the journal from its hiding place under the bed. I don’t know why I hid it, but I don’t want Maggie to read it. The journal is like a touchstone. Even though it was written by another version of me, just holding it in my hands makes me feel secure. And if I’m going to learn more about myself, I need all the information I can get my hands on.
March 2
Okay, so I know I’m supposed to be documenting my dreams, but I guess I can write down anything I want. So here goes. Jaime’s become a real pain in the ass ever since the Thornberry’s adopted her. I know I should feel happy for her, but what gives? You’d think she was adopted by royalty! I’ve never told her this, but I think Mr. Thornberry is kinda weird. I know he’s this big deal up in Washington, being the Secretary of Defense and all, but frankly her parents are boring and Mr. Thornberry gives me the creeps. I know I should be more supportive and all. She has a lot of self-esteem issues, but jeez, she’s beautiful and whatever. She doesn’t need to act all important.
OK, enough about Jaime. Now let’s get to the good stuff…Alex spoke to me at lunch today! I really think he’s going to ask me out. I can’t believe the cutest guy at Dominion might actually be interested in me. After all this time in trying to get him to notice me, I don’t know what to do now that he has. I hope he asks me out. That would make that bitch Jenny super jealous.
Later.
The entry was written only a few weeks ago, so Alex and I didn’t date long before I jumped over. In a way, I’m glad we don’t have a long history together. This way, I can keep him at arms length until I figure out what to do about Cooper. I like Alex a lot and never in a million years would I ever have imagined him being interested in me and I don’t want to hurt him. It’s weird knowing that a couple of days ago, I would have jumped at the chance to have Alex notice me. The irony isn’t lost on me. But circumstances change and I’m not the same person I was a few days ago. However, if his attention continues to make Barbie jealous, this can actually turn out to be fun. It serves her right for treating me like a total loser my first day of class.
I place the journal back in its hiding spot. Instead of counting sheep, I think about all the ways I can get Jenny and the Barbie Brigade back for the lacrosse incident and all the other things she’s no doubt subjected me to in the past. It doesn’t take long for me to fall asleep.
Chapter Twelve
You Can’t Avoid the Inevitable
The next morning I’m jerked out of a deep sleep by the sound of a beep. I slap my hand against the alarm clock, but two seconds later, I hear the beep again. My eyes struggle to open and I notice a flashing light coming from my cell, right where I left it on the edge of the nightstand after my conversation with Jaime. I don’t remember setting an alarm on it, so I hesitate to reach out to stop the beeping. Only it won’t stop.
Damn. Now I actually have to get up…
I lay motionless in bed, hoping this time the beeping will stop, but there it goes again. Frustrated, I swing my legs over the side of the bed and reach for the phone. Trying to figure out the buttons on the cell, I see another flash of light, and the damn thing beeps again.
“Alright already,” I say in frustration.
What I first thought was an alarm, turns out to be a text message. It’s a text from Alex.
Alex: Want to see you this a.m. Meet me on the back deck before breakfast.
It is way too early in the morning to be texting, so I almost don’t respond. Later, I can pretend I hadn’t seen the message because I was sleeping. Why in the world does Alex want to meet me before class? We already agreed we’d get together at school. If I respond, I don’t want it to appear like I’m encouraging him. What’s another hour anyway? In the end, against my better judgment, I message back.
Etta: Okay. See you in a bit.
I take note of the time. Its 5:30 in the freaking AM. It’s way too early to start getting dressed in my Dominion uniform, so I throw on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. I hope Alex doesn’t expect me to be all showered and presentable at this hour. Surely I’ll have time to get ready for school after he leaves. I don’t plan on entertaining him long anyway.
I check myself over in the mirror to make sure I don’t have crust in my eyes, when it dawns on me that my current wardrobe has to go. Over breakfast, I’ll ask Aunt Maggie if we can go shopping to pick up some new clothes. Wearing outfits from its previous owner gives me the creeps. I know they’re mine; clothes that the cosmos picked out for me, but still. In my mind, the girl who chose this wardrobe was an entirely different person.
Satisfied with my appearance, I’m ready to meet Alex in five minutes flat. I’m not exactly sure where he lives and how long it will take him to get here, so I don’t want to waste any time. With my cell phone in hand, I rush down the stairs and take a quick peek in the kitchen. Maggie is already there, cooking up some bacon. Seriously, since my arrival, I’ve never seen my aunt in any other room in the house. I walk back into the hallway. I don’t want to get into a discussion about boys and relationships, so I avoid the kitchen, so as not to alert her to the fact that I’m already up. I sneak out to the backyard as quietly as I can.
&n
bsp; What Alex is expecting to accomplish by coming over this early in the morning, or what I hope to gain from this talk, I don’t know. But after what happened last night, I know we can’t leave it unsettled. In a way, I’m almost glad he chose to have this conversation before school. For all I know, this could lead to a heated discussion and I’d rather not call attention to myself in the middle of a crowded lunch room.
I’m glad I didn’t spend too much time getting ready, as Alex doesn’t have me wait long for him to arrive. By the time I take a seat in one of the lounge chairs, he’s already coming through the back gate.
“Thanks for meeting me.” He says with a sheepish grin and takes over the lounge chair next to mine. We’re in the exact same spots as we were last night, almost as if we never left.
“Sure. Why so early? Do you think I’m still mad at you?”
“The thought did run through my mind. I just wanted to make sure we were okay and I want to apologize again. This time for being such a jerk. You know, for trying to push you into doing something you aren’t comfortable with yet.”
I smile to reassure him. “Already forgotten.”
Alex clears his throat. “Look Etta, I meant what I said last night. You’re different.”
“I’m not sure if that’s a compliment, but I’ll take it. I feel something too, but if it’s okay with you, I’d like to take it slow.”
“I understand. I came over to let you know that I’m here for you Etta.” He moves in closer and takes my hand in his.
“Thanks.” I’m flattered he feels that way. Now I’m glad I chose to answer his text this morning.
He leans in and kisses me on the cheek. “I better get back home and get ready for school. See you there?” He gets up from the chair.
“Yeah and I’ll even let you walk me to class,” I kid.
Alex quietly slips out of the backyard, leaving me to digest everything. I lean back and take in the early morning scenery. Not being a morning person, this is something new. The only thing missing is a cup of coffee. Now I regret not going into the kitchen and grabbing a cup.
Parallel (Travelers Series Book 1) Page 8
