by Erica Penrod
A deep breath, and she smoothed her apron before she walked into the entryway. “Hey—” Monica stopped. Levi’s shoulders slouched as if he were too tired to stand up straight and dark crescent shapes marked the skin below his eyes. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” He exhaled. “I’m just tired.”
“Are you sure?” She stood on her toes and tried to peer around him, in case he’d brought home another guest, but there was no one there. “You don’t look like you’re feeling well.” In her mind, she’d already begun boiling the bird for a homemade pot of chicken noodle soup.
“I’m not sick, but I do need to talk to you.” His eyes met hers, and she didn’t recognize him. She’d seen confident and cocky, unsure and humbled, but she’d never seen anything like what she saw now. The only word that came to mind was despair.
* * *
No matter which choice he made, someone else got hurt, but in every scenario, he ended up brokenhearted. Levi held out his hand and they went into the living room, which still resembled a museum. He grinned to himself, thinking of that first day he’d arrived at The Red Pearl and how he’d had a notion that his life would never be the same. They sat down on the floral-print couch.
“What’s wrong?” Monica touched his face. “You’re scaring me.”
“It’s not what’s wrong; it’s that there’s too many things right.” He’d conjured this conversation in his mind a hundred times over the last two days but never felt good about it.
She smiled, but her eyes didn’t light up. “Usually that’s a good thing, right?”
He shook his head. “Not in this case.” Levi traced her hand with his fingertips. “My dad wants to make me president of Prometheus Rise.”
This time her eyes brightened. Of course she’d be happy for him. The weight in his gut got a little heavier. “That is so awesome.” She threw her arms around his neck, and when he didn’t move, Monica withdrew as she tilted her head and studied his face. “That is what you wanted, right?”
“It was.” How could he do this? The pit in his gut grew deeper and deeper at the thought of hurting her. “The next job is in North Carolina, and then I’ll be in Texas.”
“Oh.” Monica looked down at their clasped hands. “And you’re worried about me?”
“I didn’t plan on us,” he all but whispered.
Monica squeezed his fingers as her eyes brimmed with emotion. “I know you didn’t, and we both knew this was a possibility. You’ve been working for this your whole life.” Her lips quivered as she smiled. “This has been nice, but we’re both adults.”
His thoughts chased around his mind. She was okay with it being over? Levi had envisioned every reaction but complacency. His heart began to crack, and insecurity chipped away at him. Maybe Monica had never felt the way he did about her. They hadn’t known each other long, but he was building her a kitchen in his new house, so there was that. He’d come here to tell her he didn’t know how to make a decision, but apparently, he didn’t need to.
She’d made it for him.
* * *
Monica cried for three hours straight the night Levi left and fumbled her way through Friday. On Saturday, when the big truck showed up with the rest of the new appliances, Alex had to coax her into functioning at all.
“I can’t keep these.” She stood on the front porch as they unloaded the boxes. Thankfully, Sam and Heather had gone on a long ride today, so the house was empty.
“Yes, you can.” Alex touched her shoulder. “They were a gift.”
She sniffled and turned to him. “I can’t believe how much this hurts. How can you love someone in such a short amount of time?”
Alex furrowed his brow. “You’re in love with Levi?”
She nodded as the tears flooded her eyes again. “I’m in love with him.” There was no point in denying her feelings to her friend. It didn’t change anything. Levi was still in some hotel his assistant had found until his house was finished, and then he’d be off to North Carolina in a couple of months.
“Did you tell Levi how you felt?” Alex directed the delivery guy towards the kitchen to remove the old appliances.
“No.” Monica pulled a tissue from her pocket. “I told him we were both adults and it was fine. He’s finally got the job he’s worked so hard for. It’s what he wanted.”
Alex scratched his temple. “I’m not sure that’s true anymore. Did you ask him what he wanted?”
Confusion clouded her brain because she’d been so sure she’d done the right thing. “No, I didn’t ask him, because I already knew, and I would never be the one to take his dream away.”
“One thing I’ve learned—” Alex pulled her to him, and she embraced his hug. “—is that sometimes dreams change.” He took her by the arms and looked into her eyes. “Maybe Levi’s dream changed.”
She searched Alex’s face as she contemplated his words.
“Maybe you’re his dream now.”
* * *
Levi had heard the saying “misery loves company” many times throughout his life, but never had he experienced such a phenomenon.
Nothing had gone right since he’d left Monica’s. It was as if he were walking around with a storm cloud and a lightning bolt over his head. Bates had found him a nice hotel, but the bed was rock hard and his back hurt. Work wasn’t any better, between mixed-up deliveries and one dilemma after another. It was a good thing his dad wasn’t here to see the fiasco now, or else he would’ve never offered him the position. Which might not have been a bad thing.
Stop it. Promotion or not, Monica didn’t feel like he did. Maybe in time she would have, but the way his heart hurt right now, he wasn’t sure he wanted to take the chance.
“What’s wrong with you?” Lily asked as he stopped to pick up paperwork to sign. “I’ve watched you over the last few days, and I’m worried.” She looked up at him. “You’re not coming down with something, are you?” Her eyes widened. “Too much stress isn’t good for the immune system.”
“Lily, I’m fine.” Why did everyone always assume he was sick? Alright, he was sick, but not in the way Lily inferred. Levi didn’t intend to sound so stern, but the last thing he needed was for Lily to find out about his breakup. He’d talked to her more than once about privacy, but the woman was relentless.
Her voice quieted. “Well, you should get some rest.”
His weight shifted from one foot to the other as he rubbed his eyes. “I’m sorry, Lily. You’re right; I think the stress and long hours are catching up with me.” Levi offered her an apologetic smile. “I’ll try to catch up on some sleep this weekend.”
She appeared to forgive him as a smile spread across her face. “You do that.”
Levi remembered the papers in his hand. “I’ll go through these and get them back to you by the end of the day.” He headed towards his office and closed the door behind him. He pressed his back against the wall and drew in a breath. Something had to give. There had to be a way to move on, but everything had changed. He didn’t feel like himself. Work didn’t bring him the same satisfaction as before, nor did it fill the gaping hole in his heart, and he had no idea if anything or anyone would again.
Chapter Twenty-One
Monica tossed the weed into her bucket and scooted on her knees to the next section of the flower bed. Aunt Gwen would be ashamed if she saw how neglected her prize flowers were. A week had gone by since she’d seen Levi, but the pain didn’t diminish with the passing time, only intensified.
“I don’t think that’s what they mean when they tell you to water your flowers.”
She peered up into the shadow standing over her. “Hi, Doris.” Monica sniffled as she stood up and wiped the remaining tears off her face. “It’s these darn allergies.” Not a complete lie. She’d forgotten to take her 24-hour antihistamine pills for the last few days.
“Alex told me about you and Levi.” Doris tilted her head and her eyes brimmed with understanding. “I’m sorry to hear that. You seemed ve
ry happy with him.”
“I was.” Monica slipped her hands from her gloves. “And now I’m miserable.”
Doris put an arm around her. “Why don’t we have a sit down on the front porch?” She led Monica to the set of wicker chairs. “Your aunt and I solved many of life’s problems out here. Somehow the view from the front porch is a little clearer.”
Monica nodded and took a seat.
“Of course, we always had a glass of sweet tea to go with it.”
“I’m sorry I don’t have any tea.” Monica didn’t have much of anything in the house, and she had new guests coming in from Arizona in the morning, so she had little time to get herself together. She hoped some physical labor and a dose of vitamin D might do the trick. So far, all she’d succeed in was adding her tears to the soil.
“That’s okay.” Doris patted Monica’s knee. “Do you mind telling me what’s keeping you from that young man of yours? Seems like when two people are as crazy as you two are about each other, you don’t give up without a fight.”
“There’s not anything to fight for.” Moisture filled her eyes again. It was like a dam had burst, and she couldn’t seem to stop it. “He’ll be gone in a few months, and you can’t fight for someone who’s not here.”
“Hmmm …” Doris gazed out into the yard. “In my experience, very seldom are things black and white. There’s give and take, and when two people are committed to each other, even the most difficult circumstances can be overcome.”
In theory, Doris had a point, but in real life, the odds didn’t seem to be in her favor.
“Did you and Levi talk out your feelings and different scenarios about how this could work between you?”
“No.” Monica just knew she had to give him up. He loved his job and traveled all the time, while she’d be here in Eureka Springs. She didn’t want to hold him back. “I just told him he should take the job and not worry about me.”
“I see.” Doris’s voice hinted at disapproval. “Was that what Levi wanted?”
Monica brushed a tear from her cheek. “He left, so I guess so.”
“Guess?” Doris swatted the air like the word was an annoying insect. “So you didn’t come right out and ask him what he wanted?”
She shook her head. “No, I didn’t.”
“Then there’s your problem right there.” Doris patted Monica’s knee again. “But the good news is, the solution’s right in front of you, if you’re brave enough to take the chance.”
Her heart pounded in her chest as possibility chased her thoughts around like a kid after a kite tail. It might be too late, and that was on her, but she couldn’t live with herself if she let Levi go without knowing how he felt.
Monica grinned at her neighbor. “Thank you, Doris. I think you’re right.” She summoned every ounce of courage she could find. Monica was no expert when it came to love, and despite her few mishaps in the kitchen at The Red Pearl, she was a master chef when it came to seasonings—and regret left nothing but a bitter taste. “I’ve got to try.”
* * *
“Levi Hernandez, paging Levi Hernandez. Please come to your office.”
Levi blew the air from his lungs. What now? “Susie, we’ll have to pick this up where we left off tomorrow.”
“Of course.” Susie nodded as he collected his laptop. Levi had yet to overcome his intimidation of the Amazon-like woman, but he’d discovered she knew her stuff. She still glared at him whenever she saw him in the hallway and argued every point he brought up, but between the two of them, they’d compiled a list of strategies to make the nursing staff more efficient. “I’ll see you later.”
He exited the double doors as he tried to remember if he’d arranged a meeting or an interview with someone and had forgotten, which was something he’d never done in the past, but now he wasn’t sure about anything anymore. Power tools sounded in the distance, a noise that had once brought him joy but only aggravated him now.
Outside of his office door, he tried to calm down and appear casual. Too many people continued to ask if he was feeling okay in the past week, and his job was to lead the hospital, not be one of the patients.
“Hello,” he said as he swung open his office door. His feet stopped, along with his heart. “What are you doing here?”
* * *
She’d never been more nervous in her life. Beads of sweat collected along every inch of her skin, and her pulse raced while she labored to breathe without hyperventilating. “Hi there.” Her mouth tasted like chalk and her words came out raspy. Despite everything, a fire burned in her belly at the sight of him. Her memory had done an injustice when it came to Levi. His white button-down shirt was rolled up to his elbows, and the mango-orange tie was slightly loosened at the neck. His fitted slate-grey slacks showed off the muscular build of his legs, and his hair was longer than it’d been when she’d last seen him. “I wondered if we could talk.”
“Sure.” Levi seemed to have recovered from the shock of seeing her there as he strode around his desk and took a seat. “What can I do for you?” He gestured to the chair directly across from his desk.
Monica managed to get to the chair, though her knees felt like they’d buckle at any minute. “How are things going around here?” Small talk might give her a chance to work up her courage. “It looks like there’s a lot happening with the ER.”
“It’s fine.” Levi’s gaze bored through her. “So why are you here?”
So much for the small talk. Monica dug deep into her soul and needed to know the answer to her question, no matter what it might be, if she was ever going to be able to go on with her life. “When we last talked, I didn’t ask you what you wanted.” Her face heated and her hands shook. “I assumed I knew, but I didn’t ask you directly.” Monica looked into his eyes. “Did you want to accept the position?”
Levi’s shoulders dropped as he studied her face. The truth might hurt, but she needed to know. He took a deep breath. “Yes, I wanted the position.”
His words were like an anchor, and her heart sank. She should just leave now that she had her answer, before it got any worse.
“But I wanted us more.”
Wait. What? She blinked and shook her head. “What did you say?”
He lifted his chin and said more clearly. “I wanted us more.”
“I don’t want you to give up everything you’ve worked for.”
“My father offered me the position, and I was so happy, but I also knew that without you, it didn’t seem to matter.” Levi leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk. “I didn’t think it was an either/or. I wanted to talk to you and figure things out together.”
“I didn’t know.” Self-frustration mounted in her chest at her presumption. Alex and Doris had been right.
“It doesn’t matter.” Levi leaned back in the chair. “You don’t feel the way I do.”
“What do you mean?” Her love for him was the reason her heart was broken.
Rising from the chair, he put his hands in his pockets and met her gaze once more. “I would’ve never let you go, but you had no trouble watching me walk out the door.” His unsteady voice shook her, and his narrow gaze cut right through her. “And now I think it’s time for you to leave.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Levi didn’t know how much longer he could stand in front of her and not break down. He fought to keep his composure, but beneath the surface, a tempest raged—not one of anger and hostility, but the tossing and turbulent kind, when the forces of nature collide and simply cannot coexist in peace. Levi reached out, put his hands on his desk, and braced himself.
Monica watched him, her earth-green eyes a hurricane of their own, as if she were soaking in the storm. She got up, and he prayed she’d move quickly. His head was heavy, and he didn’t know how much longer he could keep up the façade.
“No.” Monica’s head moved left to right and back again. “I’m not leaving until you know how I feel about you.”
He closed his eyes, knowin
g he was about to fall, and when he opened them again, she’d put her hands on the desk and leaned towards him. A few feet of wood lay between them, but in his mind, they were miles apart. Her face was close enough for him to see the moisture beading on her lashes and the quiver of her lips.
Just say it and be done.
“The only reason I let you go was because of how much I care about you. The selfish part of me wanted to keep you here, but I couldn’t.” Her chest heaved and her voice caught. “Because I love you too much to do that to you.”
His nostrils flared. Now he was angry, which felt so much better than pathetic. “Let me get this straight.” Levi scratched his chin as he tried to wrangle in his thoughts. “You broke up with me because you love me?” The woman was infuriating. “I must be an idiot, because I thought when two people love each other, they stay together.”
“Come on, Levi.” Monica sniffled. “You know life doesn’t work that way. Just because you love someone doesn’t give you the right to take their dreams away.” She paused, and her eyes widened. “Wait. You said ‘when two people love each other.’” Her head tilted as she searched his face. “You love me too?”
The hesitation in her voice nearly killed him. “How could you possibly not know that?” His chin jutted back. “I tried to install a showerhead, I went on a ghost tour, and I left work almost every day at five.” He put his hands on the desk and leaned in, closing the distance between them. “None of which I have ever done before.” The anger melted as their faces were inches apart. “And I bought a house with intentions of living there.”
“Temporarily.” Monica gave him a slanted look, but a hint of something else simmered in her eyes.
“That’s just it. I don’t want temporary.” He reached up and touched her face. “I thought I wanted the job more than anything, but not anymore.”
