But he did need it.
“Please, take me to see my mom.”
The coroner’s office was at the other end of the same building, but in the basement. Nobody said a word as they walked to the elevator and rode down, or as they slowly walked to the far end. Cole, certain everyone in the room could hear his heart slam in his chest, he was scared. There was no denying it.
He looked up to his uncle. He was scared too. He’d said so. And why say you’re scared and make yourself sound like a wuss if you’re not. But he was going.
More importantly, he’d kept his word. He let Cole decide. Cole felt confident if he changed his mind, his uncle wouldn’t be upset.
They arrived at a pair of doors that swung open each way. There was a man standing there who was old, overweight and dressed like a doctor. He didn’t smile, but his face was kind.
“Are we sure about this?” He spoke to Cole directly.
“Yes,” Cole said.
The doctor of the dead nodded. “Alright. I’m going to explain to you what you’ll see before you go in. I want you to understand. Then I’ll ask you again. If you still want to go in, I’ll take you. Alright?”
Cole nodded.
“Your Mom was killed because someone cut her throat. It caused her to bleed. It would have hurt, but it would have been quick. She would have passed out from the loss of blood within a minute or two. She’s been cleaned up. You won’t see her blood, but she’ll be paler than you remember. I’ll have a sheet over her. You only need to see her face.” He paused a moment. “You can’t touch her. I know that seems cruel, but for legal reason, you can’t. Do you have any questions?”
Cole hesitated a moment. An hour ago, he was full of them. Now, he couldn’t think of any. “No.”
“Do you still want to go in?”
“Yes.”
Drew stepped in front of Cole. “You tell me when you’ve had enough, okay?”
Cole didn’t answer with more than a nod, but when his uncle stepped beside him, Cole gripped his hand.
Together they went in.
The doctor went over to a table. There was a blue sheet draped over something. When the doctor went to stand on the opposite side of it and reached for the sheet, Cole realized it was his mother under there.
The doctor took one last look at Cole, giving the boy a final chance to change his mind. “Are you ready?”
Several seconds passed with Cole frozen, until he closed his eyes and nodded. In his mind, he counted to ten, slowly. He wouldn’t cry. Only babies cried. He wouldn’t cry in front of his uncle, in front of Ollie, in front of his partner or the doctor. He’d been weak too long and he wouldn’t be anymore.
When he opened his eyes, Cole saw his mother.
Kelli Duncan was lying on the table, with the blue sheet pulled up to her neck. Her skin was pale and her eyes were closed. Her blonde hair was flat and clean. He couldn’t see where the man had cut her, and Cole was glad for that.
Tentatively, he took a step forward. He searched for something that would allow him to say, ‘you’ve made a mistake. That’s not my Mom.’ But he knew it was. There was no hiding from it now.
Cole wanted to say goodbye, wanted to tell her how much he loved her, but he couldn’t. Not here, in front of all of these people. Men had to be strong. He had to be strong. But he wasn’t strong enough to stay in this room any longer. He needed to leave, before he broke.
Cole turned to tell his uncle he wanted to leave and nearly gasped. Uncle Drew, who he heard had been a Marine, had fought bad guys with guns and who was strong and solid, had tears falling from his eyes. He stood and cried, unashamed of the fact people could see him.
In that moment, Cole grabbed on to his uncle and wept for his mother.
Chapter 6
Ollie Drops In
Ashley was waiting to pounce the moment Drew and Cole returned home. She was prepared to lay into her idiot brother for taking Cole to see his poor mother. After all, Drew knew the kid less than twenty minutes before he decided he’d known what was best. She had been the one to be there when Kelli first showed up with him. She’d been the one to first fall in love with the kid. She’s been the one who was there for him this past month. She was ready to tear Drew a new one the moment he walked through that door.
Ashley didn’t expect him to walk in holding Cole’s hand.
Cole hated it when anyone touched him, especially men. He got that white face panicked look whenever he was less than two feet from Ollie, who was the gentlest man Ashley had ever known. Seeing his hand in Drew’s was enough to give her pause.
The next thing she saw was Cole’s eyes. They were red and puffy. He’d cried. As much as Ashley hated to see him upset, Cole needed to cry.
Realizing this had been what Cole needed, Ashley started to consider holding off the beheading of her brother until later.
Cole’s eyes met hers, tears once again welling up, he walked over and not only cried, but let her hold him, and she knew she was done.
That night, they ordered from a nearby Italian restaurant Ashley had always liked. Cole got the spaghetti and meatballs dish. It was clear his appetite wasn’t back in full force, but he ate. He chose to sit near Drew.
Ashley tried not to take offense. He was a boy, and Lord knows her brother was a cool kind of guy.
Conversation was muted through the meal. The General and Lilly did most of the talking, mostly to fill the dead air. Ashley noticed Cole still trembled when anyone, including Drew touched him, but it was a little less than before.
When it was time for Cole to head to bed, she made sure she told him to say goodnight to everyone and then she’d be up to say goodnight. She wanted to be the one to put him to bed.
After Cole climbed into bed, Ashley sat on the edge and smiled. “Is there anything you want to talk about? Did today scare you?”
Cole shook his head. “I’m fine.”
Of course he’d say that, but he was anything but.
“I’m sorry I didn’t take you,” Ashley added. “I was afraid it was too much to see her like that.”
Cole sat up a little. “I know. I’m not pissed. I just…” Cole looked off to the window. “I kept thinking it wasn’t real. That you were wrong. I needed to see her.”
Ashley wanted to reach down and touch him, but she was afraid to. Afraid it would scare him. And the thought he’d be afraid of her touch terrified her.
“It’s okay to cry,” Ashley told him. “I’ve cried every night since we found out. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
Cole nodded, but wouldn’t look at her.
“I know you want to be a tough guy like your uncle, but…”
“Uncle Drew cried,” Cole said.
Ashley’s eyes widened. “What? He told you he cried?”
Cole finally made eye contact. “No. He cried today. When we saw Mom. I turned to go and he was crying.” He looked away again as he remembered that moment. Realizing only now as he went over it in his head that he hadn’t felt afraid when his uncle touched him. “It was right in front of everyone, even Ollie and he’s a cop. He just was crying. And he’s like this big guy that looks like he could beat up a bunch of people. He’s tough, but he was crying. So I guess it just felt okay to cry. I know that sounds stupid…”
“No, it doesn’t,” Ashley said. As she said it, she realized she was beginning to cry herself. “I guess it was what you needed.”
Cole looked back at her, saw her tears and reached out his hand to hers. It staggered her that with all he was going through, Cole would still look to comfort.
“I want you to know that I love you,” Ashley said. “And I’m never going to let anything happen to you. Okay?”
Cole nodded. He wanted to say it back, but didn’t dare. He knew what happened to people he loved.
Ashley leaned down and kissed his forehead. “Get a good night’s sleep. We’ll talk in the morning.”
She got up, flipped the lights off and headed for the door.
/> “Mom was right,” Cole said from the dark.
Ashley paused. “About what?”
“She told me Uncle Drew was always really brave. I heard what the General said about him. What he did for that girl. So, I guess he is, but he told me he was scared to come back. So it made me think maybe it’s okay to be a little scared. I didn’t want to cry, because I thought he’d think I was chicken shit. But he did. So it’s okay if I cried for my mom.”
Ashley turned to look at him. Even in the dark, she could see the pain on his face.
“It is, right?”
Ashley walked over and sat down. “Yes, it is. And I think you’re probably the strongest, bravest boy I’ve ever known.”
Cole managed a weak smile as she kissed him again before leaving. When his door was closed, he turned over and stared at the picture on the dresser next to his bed. He knew in his heart he wasn’t brave or strong. But maybe he could learn to be.
Ollie hesitated on the front porch for a good several minutes before ringing the doorbell. He prayed it wouldn’t be Drew Duncan who answered and was grateful when it was a much prettier face that greeted him.
“Hey,” Ollie said. “I hope I’m not intruding at a bad time.”
Ashley pulled him into a hug. “It’s never a good time these days. And you’re never intruding. Come on in.”
Ollie lingered in her embrace. He smelled the familiar scent of her perfume, her shampoo and for a moment he forgot how much anger he’d been carrying around.
When the embrace ended, he stepped inside and saw Drew sitting at the dining room table and the anger was back.
But for Ashley’s sake, he tried to push it down.
“Come on in,” Ashley said, grabbing his hand and pulling him forward. “Let me get you a cup of coffee.”
He started to object. The idea of being nice to Drew Duncan, and how could he not be nice to him after today, turned his stomach.
Ashley realized his hesitation and looked at him. And he knew in his heart that she wanted him there. Maybe needed him?
Ollie said hello to everyone. Shook hands as he was introduced to Paul McAlister, who he was told to call the General and waited until Ashley brought him a cup of coffee and sat down by his side.
“I wanted to stop by in person and let you know the coroner told me he could release the body to you by the end of the weekend,” Ollie said. “I took care of the paper work, and I’ll make sure she’s brought to McGuire’s Funeral Home first thing on Monday morning. I’ve talked to Billy McGuire myself. He’ll take good care of her.”
Ashley covered his hand with hers. “Thank you.”
Ollie blushed. He wished he could do something to take away her pain. Wished he had been able to do something to help her sister. He’d been paying attention, making sure Kelli’s ex hadn’t come back into town. He even considered Edward Hunter might send someone in his place, but as far as he knew, nobody wandered into town that fit the bill. Whatever happened, he hadn’t seen it coming. And now Ashley and Cole were suffering.
“I suppose we need to plan her funeral,” Lilly said.
Ashley turned to her brother. “I didn’t want to have a big thing. Kelli would have hated it. I had already figured we’d do a small mass, then the burial. I can get some food for here afterwards. That’s tradition. You’re not going to give me a hard time about this.”
Ollie wasn’t sure if it was a question or a demand, but it didn’t seem to matter to Drew. “Whatever you want is fine, but you should talk to Cole a little bit. Make him feel like he’s doing something. It’ll mean something.”
Ashley shook her head. “He’s just a little boy. He can’t plan this.”
Drew started to respond, but held off when the General raised his hand.
“And you’ll make the big choices,” the General said. “But there are small ones to be made. When my daughter and her husband were killed by a drunk driver, my wife and I took on my grandson. He was a little older than Cole. Thirteen at the time. We made the arrangements, but my wife had choices to make. Which reading to do? What outfits to put them in? Little things. Simple either or choices. She consulted Matt so he felt like he was doing something for his parents. Right now, Cole must be feeling so many things. Angry, scared, confused. But also as if he has no control. Little things that you can do to give him some control will do him a world of good. It’ll help.”
Ashley considered his words. She could narrow the choices down and then ask Cole to decide. Which words sounded better? What music would Kelli have liked?
It made sense. And when she realized that, something clicked.
“That’s why you took him today,” Ashley said, looking at her brother. “I thought it was just because I had said no, but you wanted to give him some control.”
Drew nodded. “In part. But I also understood why he needed to go.”
Ashley scowled at her brother. He was right, and that pissed her off.
“There’s something else we need to talk about,” Ashley said. “Dad.”
Drew’s face went pale. “What’s there to talk about?”
Ashley shrugged, pretending not to be terrified of contacting him. “She was his daughter. He has a right to be there. I’m not looking forward to having to contact him, but better we prepare than let it just happen. He’ll probably want to meet Cole.”
“Bullshit,” Drew snapped, standing up and jabbing a finger down at the table. “This is a small fucking town. He knows. Everyone is talking about Kelli’s murder and he hasn’t made a single move to contact you or Cole, or we wouldn’t be having this discussion. And he’s not getting anywhere near you or Cole.”
Ashley folded her arms and stuck her chin out. “And what are you going to do if he shows up at the funeral? Kick his ass in front of Cole?”
There was a part of him that would very much want to, but that was the last thing Cole needed. The best thing their father could do was stay away and not ever meet Cole. The thought of Cole being anywhere near him had Drew ready to pound.
“Your sister is right,” the General said, slanting his eyes towards Drew’s chair for a moment. With a huff, Drew sat down. “You can’t leave this up to chance. Cole doesn’t need to see a confrontation at his mother’s funeral. Someone has to deal with it.”
Ashley had to admit, she was impressed the General was able to handle her brother so well. “I’ll talk to him.”
“What?” Drew nearly exploded, started to rise, but settled again with another glance from the General. “Why you?”
Ashley shrugged. “It makes sense. We haven’t spoken since I… left, but we’ve seen each other around town. He goes his way, I go mine. It’s almost like an unspoken understanding.”
Drew started to shake his head.
“He’s older now, and I’m meaner.” Ashley continued. “I’ll let him know. If he wants to go to her funeral, I won’t stop him. But he stays away from Cole.”
Drew fought to keep himself from trembling. “No, you don’t go near him. I’ll do it.”
Ashley rolled her eyes. “Please spare me the big brother routine. You made your choice and disappeared from my life. I’ve managed on my own for years without you. You came back for Cole and God help me; you seem to be good for him. So maybe he could use you in his life. Maybe I’ll work around to forgiving you someday, but I don’t need you. There’s no reason for you to stand between me and Dad anymore. I’ll go.”
Drew shot up from his chair again, running his hand over his head. He looked like a caged animal. “No, you won’t. Ashley, I get you hate me for leaving and you’ve managed on your own without me, but things are different now. With everything that’s happened, Kelli being killed, me being back.”
Ashley snorted. “You really think he’ll care?”
“Ashley, please,” Drew said. Sitting near her, he covered her hand with his. “I’m begging you. Don’t go near him. Let me deal with him. Please. I’m begging you. Ashley, if you’ve ever trusted me, if there’s any part of you
that still can trust me, trust me on this. He’s more dangerous than you realize.”
Ashley locked eyes with her brother. There was something he wasn’t telling her. That was certain, and she would be damned if she was going to start relying on him. The idea he’d leave her again was too terrifying for her to even put into words.
But she had no great desire to speak to her father.
“Fine,” Ashley said. “But on one condition. You don’t go alone. He was cruel to me growing up. He fucking brutalized you. I don’t want to hear that you got in there and literally tore his head off. Cole doesn’t need that. So you go with someone.”
Ollie thought he should volunteer. After all, he was a deputy. And he wanted to understand more about what happened to Ashley all those years ago. Had she really just used the word brutalized?
However, he hesitated. Not out of fear, but simply because he didn’t relish the idea of being with Drew without a buffer. Here, he could be nice for Ashley and Lilly. Earlier, it was for Cole. But if he were alone with Drew, he’d have little reason to be nice.
That moment of hesitation was enough for someone else to volunteer.
“We’ll go in the morning,” the General said.
Drew wanted to object, because he was so completely ashamed of things that might come out, but he couldn’t find a way to say it without opening doors he wanted to remain closed.
The General, being the man he was, was two steps ahead. “Don’t even bother trying to tell me no and don’t you dare try and go without me.” He held his finger up to Drew. A sign the subject wasn’t open for discussion. “You need someone to keep your ass in line, Marine. That someone would be me.”
Drew nodded. “Yes, sir.”
Ashley shook her head. “One of these days, General, you’re going to have to show me how you do that.”
Torn Away (The Torn Series Book 1) Page 7
