Beauty From Ashes

by Lynnette Bonner

  Joe leaned closer to ensure he kept her attention. “It’s in chapter sixty-one, verse three. And the writer speaks of what salvation does for us. The main part of verse three says ‘to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.’”

  He waited for her eyes to light with understanding, or a smile to break out on her face, but she only frowned at him.

  An urgency to make her understand swept over him. “Don’t you see, Liora? At salvation, we all come to Christ broken. We have ashes. We have mourning. We have spirits of heaviness to offer. And God accepts those and returns to us beauty, joy, and an attitude of praise. All to be used for His glory.”

  A light of dawning lifted her brows.

  He pressed forward. “Your life may have been ashes in the past because of your choices, but that’s no longer what you are. Christ’s righteousness has transformed all that.” He reached down and plucked a handful of grass from beside their blanket. Tossing it aside, he dug a little deeper and came up with a handful of ash-black dirt. Reaching over, he cupped her palm and funneled the dirt into her hand. “You are no longer this, Liora. Now you are beauty! You are a sunflower standing tall and strong.” He swept a gesture around them. “And that is why you—and everyone in creation—are worthy of respect and love. Not because of anything you have done, but because of what Christ has done.”

  Tears burgeoned in her eyes and spilled over.

  He frowned. Tears, he hadn’t been expecting. Smiles. Laughter. Shouts of joy, yes. But not tears. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”

  And then through her tears she laughed. “These are happy tears, Joe.”

  Liora laughed some more when Joe’s frown deepened. He was obviously having a hard time reconciling her tears with happiness. But she truly was overjoyed. In fact, she didn’t remember feeling this light and joyful ever.

  Beauty for ashes. What a worthwhile barter. Thank you, Jesus. For a long moment, she studied the dirt Joe had poured into her hand. Sooty-black and gritty, it reflected no light. What a picture of what her life had been like before she’d given everything to God. She sprinkled the dirt back into the grass beside the blanket, rose, and washed her hands in the creek.

  Joe joined her. He was still studying her like he was worried he had broken something inside her.

  Patting her hands dry on her skirt, she tucked them behind herself and looked up at him. “I’m fine. Thank you for sharing what you did. You have no idea what a burden it’s been to feel like I was somehow less due to mistakes of my past. It will probably take some time, but I will try to see myself the way Jesus does from here on.”

  Relief shining from his eyes, he started to reach for her and she felt the familiar jitter of fear she always did when a man looked at her in such a way. He paused when she pulled back.

  She met his gaze, hoping to ease the sting of her withdrawal. “You never finished your story. What happened to you after your father passed?” She returned to her seat on the blanket.

  He shrugged. “Not much more to tell… I was so green behind the ears, I had no idea what to do with myself. I was living here, basically in survival mode, when Zeb arrived and claimed he was going to set up the town. I told him I’d work at doing anything he needed done if he would give me a job. And that eventually worked into me becoming deputy.” He glanced up and met her gaze. “I realized the other day that I’d never given you much of my history. And I figured that you should know if we are ever to…”

  Marry. Her mouth went dry merely at the thought. And she willed down the skittering of her pulse.

  Joe captured and held her attention. “You think any more on that?”

  Liora tore her gaze away and brushed a few bits of grass off her skirts. The truth was, she hadn’t thought on much else since the moment Joe had voiced the idea. “I have.” The words were barely a whisper.

  Joe cleared his throat. “And…?”

  Liora scrambled for words to explain herself. “And… It seems as though the damage is already done. You’ve already quit your job. Though, thankfully, Reagan has said it will be available to you again in the future if you want it. And the women of the town are already convinced that we have done wrong. So, it doesn’t seem as though marrying will solve any of our problems.” She wouldn’t tell him that she didn’t want to saddle him to her for the rest of his life. She wouldn’t mention that she didn’t want him to wake up a couple years from now with regret over the fact that he’d married her during a crisis. And she certainly couldn’t mention that just the thought of any man ever touching her again—the way a man surely would expect of a wife—sent waves of dread through her.

  “And what of marrying for a good old-fashioned reason? Like love?” His words were soft and settled like a warm fire on a cold winter’s day deep inside her.

  She blinked at him. This was the second time he’d mentioned love. Yet he deserved so much more than she could bring to a marriage.

  One of the sunflowers in the vase rolled slightly and tilted toward her.

  She studied the bloom, her heartbeat growing stronger and stronger until it resembled a tympani in her ears. Surely God wasn’t trying to tell her…

  “Never mind. It wasn’t my intention to badger you. Forgive me.” Joe flipped open one side of the basket and started pulling food out.

  “No. It is I who should beg forgiveness, Joe. It’s just that for so long I’ve lived with the notion—and been content with it, if I’m honest—that my future would be lived on my own. Well, with the exception of the women I plan to help. And my mind cannot seem to fathom that after years of mere friendship you’ve suddenly had a deepening of feeling for me.”

  He stilled and lifted his gaze to hers. “Believe it, Liora. Because never has there been a truer fact.”

  She worked her teeth over her lip, wishing beyond reason that she didn’t need to disappoint him. Yet the truth could not be hidden. “Joe, I might be too broken to be mended. Do you understand?”

  Such pain transposed his features that she had no doubt but that he truly did comprehend her meaning. But he was already shaking his head. “There is nothing so far gone that God cannot fix, Liora. And I hope you know that I don’t expect anything from you—wouldn’t expect anything from you—until you’re ready.”

  Warmth shot through her and she looked down to brush at invisible specks on her skirt. Yes, he indeed understood. Would there—could there—ever come a time when she would welcome a man’s touch?

  Beauty from ashes.

  Something gave way inside her—like the first spade of soil for a new garden had just been turned over. And in that moment, she felt the first stirrings of hope. She lifted her focus to Joe, once more. Her breaths came short and shallow. “Don’t give up on me, Joe.”

  He gave her the gentlest of smiles. “Don’t worry. There’s no fear of that. Now”—he gave the basket a tap—“I hope you don’t mind eating food that you likely helped prepare this morning?”

  She laughed. “I do not mind.”

  His abrupt change of topic was both a liberation and a consternation, yet she couldn’t deny that she was relieved to leave the strained conversation behind, at least for the moment.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Sunday morning, Liora knocked on Tess’s door. “Tess, we leave for Sunday services in thirty minutes. Will you be ready to go?”

  Liora willed down the apprehension cramping her stomach. One day she hoped to be able to attend services without getting this sick feeling inside, but she could never seem to get past the slight edge of panic induced by the thought of potentially bumping into Mrs. Hines and Mrs. King.

  The girl cracked open the door, her long curly hair still cascading nearly to her hips. Brush in hand, her expression appeared hesitant, yet her eyes shone with more light than they had since her arrival. Rest and good food were doing her some good, it seemed. />
  “I be ready come time, yes ma’am.”

  “Remember, it’s just Liora. No need for formalities.”

  Tess nodded. “Yes ma’am—Miss—Liora.”

  Liora gave her a smile and a nod, then started for the kitchen where she had eggs boiling, but Tess’s next question stopped her.

  “Do you think someone like me be…allowed to attend services?”

  Liora’s heart fell. Oh, how she understood the desire to be accepted. Oh, how she wished that she could promise the girl that the love of Christ would be the only thing she would encounter at services today. But she wouldn’t allow herself to lie. Yet how to explain it to Tess?

  She pondered for a long moment before she said, “We must remember that people don’t always represent the love of our Lord perfectly. But Christ’s love for us is always perfect.”

  Tess’s expression softened with a touch of disappointment. “I see.”

  “Parson Clay allows us to sit in the entry…” She knew there was no need to elaborate the reasoning.

  Tess pondered for several beats but wasn’t long in nodding her understanding.

  “Eggs will be ready in a moment,” Liora said.

  Tess nodded again.

  Liora settled one hand over her midsection as she headed back to the kitchen. Now she was not only concerned about keeping herself out of sight, but keeping Tess from getting hurt too.

  Joe knocked on the back door just as she stepped into the kitchen. “Come,” she called, removing a loaf from the breadbox on the sideboard.

  He stepped inside and headed straight for the coffeepot on the back of the stove. “Morning,” he murmured. “Wagon is hitched and ready to go.”

  His hair was still damp from where he’d slicked it back at the pump outside. His sleeves were rolled up nearly to his elbows, and the morning light caught and played in the ridges created by the muscles along his arms.

  Liora swallowed and forced her eyes back to the task of slicing bread. It only took her a moment to have several slices buttered and layered onto the hot griddle. They would soon be toasty and warm. That task done, she checked the clock. Thankfully, the eggs were done. She carried the pan to the table and scooped two eggs onto each plate next to the slices of ham she’d already placed there.

  Joe ambled to the table with his cup and sat, angling his chair slightly toward the window. Tess bustled in with her mass of curls now piled atop her head, and he rose out of his seat until the girl sat and then retook his chair.

  Liora’s heart expanded tenfold to the man for such a gesture. She noted Tess studying him quizzically. She doubted the girl had ever been in the presence of a true gentleman before, much less been treated like a real lady.

  After Liora had fetched the toast, and they’d cracked and peeled their eggs, breakfast was consumed in silence and the ride into town was more of the same. If she hadn’t been dreading a potential run-in with the discouraging-duo, Liora would have found the silence comfortable and warm.

  Joe paused the wagon to drop them off at the door of the church, and Liora realized she’d been too distracted to take note of how early they’d actually left the cabin. Normally, she waited till she was certain everyone would already be inside before arriving.

  Liora looked over at Joe.

  He gave her a nod. “Beauty from ashes.”

  She rubbed a hand at the queasy spot in her middle. “Just because the good Lord sees me as a new creation doesn’t mean the townsfolk do.”

  “True. But I think if you give them a chance, most of them will come around to the right way of thinking.”

  When she still didn’t move, Joe gave her a look. “Why don’t you two wait for me inside? I’ll park the wagon and be right back.”

  Liora glanced at the line of people headed this way from town. The Hineses were at the front of the group. “How about we ride with you to park the buggy and walk over together?”

  Joe glanced toward Mrs. Hines, who was in the process of chastising her stepson and yet had her full attention fixed on their wagon. He gave Liora a nod. “All right. We can do that.”

  Thank you, Lord. Maybe everyone would already be inside by the time they returned. Then she could simply tell Joe that she and Tess would remain in the entry.

  Unfortunately, when they got back to the church her chair was not in its normal place in the cloakroom. She spun to face Joe, her hands plunking on her hips.

  He gave her an unrepentant grin. “Yeah I might’ve had something to do with that.” He swept a gesture with his hat towards the entry at the back of the sanctuary. “There’s always plenty of room.”

  Though he didn’t prod her further, there was a light in Joe’s expression that urged her to strength. To trust. Not only in him, but in God’s promises.

  Tess didn’t seem to know what to think about this clash of their wills. She glanced back and forth between them, clearly unsure which side to take.

  Liora would have argued with him further but she had a feeling he was going to win this battle, and she didn’t relish walking into the service late. “Fine.” She made a little impatient gesture to indicate he should lead the way.

  With a smile of triumph, he gave her a bold wink. “Right this way.”

  Liora could literally feel her pulse beating in her throat as they stepped through the double doors and started down the aisle.

  From their left, there came a gasp, and Liora didn’t have to look to know it was Mrs. Hines seated with her family near the back. Her steps faltered. Joe paused and moved to the side of the aisle, allowing Tess to pass. A muscle bunched in his jaw as Liora looked at him. There was compassion in the expression he directed toward her, but when his eyes flicked in Mrs. Hines’ direction, a distinct hard glitter settled into their depths. Despite that, Liora wasn’t sure she should go further. The last thing she wanted was to cause a scene here.

  Joe stepped to her side and settled one hand at her back. Holding out his hat to urge her down the aisle, he spoke low. “Don’t let her tell you who you are. Only God has the right to tell you that.”

  And somehow Liora found comfort in the gesture. Reassurance and the strength in his words. At least enough to keep walking.

  With each step she took she could feel the woman’s glower drilling into her, and Mrs. King’s pinched-lip expression wasn’t any more welcoming when she caught Liora’s attention from the other side of the sanctuary. Liora might have wavered again, but just then both Charlotte and Dixie, who were seated together toward the front right, looked back and gave her beaming smiles. Reagan also looked back and smiled from where he sat by Charlotte’s side. Since Dr. Griffin wasn’t here, he must be out on a call. Liora offered the three a nod and hurried to catch up to Tess.

  Joe directed them to an empty bench halfway down the aisle on the left. He stopped and motioned for them to seat themselves. Tess scooted in first and Liora followed, with Joe bringing up the rear.

  He leaned close. “You’re doing just fine.”

  Liora wasn’t so sure.

  Several people throughout the room whispered to each other. Were they talking about her? Liora cast a sideways glance at Joe, but he had opened his Bible and was reading a passage, seemingly unconcerned.

  She oughtn’t to have had time to wonder more, for just then Parson Clay stepped to the pulpit and asked them all to rise for the first song, but when the sermon ended, Liora felt chagrinned to note that she hadn’t heard one word for all her worrying.

  “I have an announcement I’d like to make.” Parson Clay beamed a large smile toward Reagan and Charlotte who sat across the aisle.

  Liora was already smiling before the parson could even say another word. Beside her Joe grinned too. “Well, I’ll be,” he murmured.

  Charlotte squirmed in her seat and blushed to the roots of her hair, and Reagan raised a gesture of triumph above his head that caused a ripple of laughter.

  Parson Clay chuckled. “I can see that several of you have already caught on to what this announceme
nt is going to be. And it is my great pleasure to inform you that you are correct! It seems that our beloved sheriff has gone and popped the question to the lovely Miss Brindle.”

  Huzzahs and cheers erupted throughout the room.

  “And Miss Brindle has had the good sense to accept the man’s proposal.”

  More cheers.

  Liora realized she had one hand pressed to her chest in excitement and tucked it back into her lap where she clasped it with her other to keep it in place.

  “Moreover, it is my further pleasure to announce that the wedding will be held just before Thanksgiving, only five weeks from yesterday!”

  This time the congregation gasped and then a thick silence fell.

  The parson hurried on. “Miss Brindle has asked me to reassure you that your students will be in good hands. She is still in the process of working out all the details with our founder, Mr. Heath, but will send word to you all next week about the future of the school. So for now, let us wish them both well!” He started clapping and it was only a moment before the congregation regained their enthusiasm. The crowd surged to their feet as everyone scrabbled to congratulate Reagan and Charlotte.

  The parson fought his way down the aisle so he could greet people at the back.

  Ben King and Doc Griffin—who must have come in at some point while Liora was lost in thought—smiled at Joe and approached to shake his hand. And Dixie came over to give her and Tess a hug and say how happy she was to see them here today. Liora didn’t correct her assumption that she hadn’t been attending church previously.

  With the surge of people still clamoring to speak to Reagan and Charlotte, she and Tess had become separated from Joe. She stood on tiptoe and saw him halfway down the aisle. He gestured that he was headed to pick up the wagon and he would be right back. She gave him a nod, her stomach immediately crimping into a painful fist. Somehow this had all seemed easier with him by her side. No matter. She and Tess could just leave right now and wait for him outside.

  But with Parson Clay at the back greeting each person as they left, the going was slow. And amazingly, several families greeted her warmly and told her how happy they were to see her. Each time she introduced Tess, the girl seemed to relax a little bit more. And Liora was surprised to note that the cramping in her stomach had mellowed to mere queasiness. Maybe Joe had been right. Other than Mrs. King and Mrs. Hines, everyone had been most pleasant.