by Sara Stone
"Okay." That's all I could get myself to say. There were no "have a good life” or “good luck with new endeavors." Only the sound of him smacking his gum and waiting for me to say something. I couldn't get myself to play nice, and I wouldn't act like I was okay with this. He had just taken everything I worked for and threw it out the window. He hadn't given me any hints this was coming, but I wasn't surprised. They wanted to get as much work as they could get out of me.
Eventually, I hung up. I sobbed. It was heavy body-wracking cries that had me gasping for air in between. I felt utterly lost. Everything I had moved away for was gone. The reason I was never home and visiting Gram was a waste of time. I had missed years of memories with her for a job I held above all else. I sat at the table until I was cried out and walked upstairs to my bed exhausted and emotionally spent. My brain was trying to wrap itself around not working anymore but just couldn't. I tossed myself onto my bed, wrapping up into a cocoon of blankets, drowning out the world. I laid there until I fell asleep, only to wake up and start crying again. Everything normal in my life was falling apart. I spent the rest of the day lying there, a snotty mess. My eyes itched after crying for so long.
Hattie walked in downstairs, and I hoped that would help distract me. I walked into the kitchen, where she unloaded some muffins and other sweets into the fridge from work. She had brought a little of everything. When she turned around and got a good look at me, she walked over and hugged me before even saying anything, which brought out the tears I was holding back. She pulled away and opened the fridge, grabbing the chocolatiest doughnut, and handed it over.
I started blurting out the morning's fiasco to her down to Henry smacking his gum in my ear, feeling childish at the tantrum I was throwing about it. I sat down, picking it apart and taking tiny bites of it after recapping everything, sprinkling my lap in crumbs. Hattie joined me at the table with a maple muffin doing the same thing. I looked up and realized she had bags under her eyes that seemed as heavy as mine felt. The haunted look of something chasing her. I felt selfish for feeling so down about my job being gone when she had bigger things to be upset about.
"I couldn't get myself to turn my back on anyone today. I was afraid to. I jumped out of my skin anytime someone walked up and talked to me when I was distracted," she said, looking down at the crumbling muffin.
"I'm sorry, Hattie. After what you went through, no one would blame you for it," I said, wondering if I would react the same way.
"No one knows, though. They think I'm just sleep-deprived or sick. I love working and love my customers, but I just can't get over this feeling."
"It's okay to want to take time to process everything."
"We both lost something this week. I lost my sense of security. You lost the job that you worked hard for. I couldn't imagine losing the cafe. I have worked hard to get that place going." She shook her head. Her loss was more significant, and yet here she sat, feeling bad for me. My heart filled with love over the friend I had made.
"It's not that big of a deal. I am just overreacting. You have a real reason to be upset," I said, reaching over and patting her hand.
"I don't want to be upset. I want to forget it happened. I see visions all the time that could be worse than what I went through, and yet my own magic let me down." A single tear rolled down her face before she wiped it away quickly.
I hadn't thought of it that way. Her magic betrayed her, and that was worse than the actual attack. She could have gotten a warning and stayed away from the park, keeping her safe. She helped others all the time with the things she saw. If my magic had let me down like that, I would be done with it. I couldn't imagine growing up with that kind of thing being normal. Living life seeing things to help other people and then it not doing anything to help her, except for calling to me. It had saved her life, but it could have kept the attack from happening altogether.
"Maybe it just doesn't work like that," I said gently. I didn't want to hurt her feelings even more. Not living with it myself, I wouldn't really know.
"There are a lot of rules. Sometimes I am shown things and can't say anything. If I do anything, it completely changes the outcome. I wouldn't be surprised if that were it, but it's still hard to accept, you know?" She shrugged as I nodded.
"What if we order a bunch of greasy food and eat our feelings while watching a rom-com?" I asked, giving her a small smile. We both could use the tears a romance would effectively bring, along with laughs from the comedy side. She smiled, and I knew it was what she needed too.
Our conversation was interrupted by her phone ringing. She picked it up and swore like a sailor as she hung up. She went about the kitchen picking up her mess before grabbing her purse.
"I forgot that Brenda set up an interview for our part-time position. I need to get back down there. Give me an hour, and you have a deal," she said, waving as she left.
I had time to get some movies picked out and order some pizza. I picked up a flyer I got in the mail with some coupons and ordered enough food for five people. Fried snacks with some greasy cheese-covered carbs would do us both some good. They even had Tiramisu, and I ordered us each a piece. It would be here just in time for when she got back. I went to work, grabbing blankets and pillows for us to cuddle up with on the couches.
Hattie pulled up at the same time as the pizza guy. My mood had changed entirely. I was looking forward to girl time to distract me. I paid for the food and brought it into the kitchen. I looked over the boxes, realizing I had way over-ordered, but it smelled delicious.
She walked in, moving some of the blankets to sit on the couch, her mouth turned down into a frown. I hovered around for a second, caught off guard by the change in her. She seemed uncaring about the food and ignored me for a moment while texting on her phone.
"Hey Hattie, do you want to dish up, and we can watch the movie?" I asked, hopeful that whatever changed her mood could be solved with our girl's night.
She didn't even look up and acknowledge me. I stood there awkwardly, wondering if I should ask her about it or leave her alone. I went into the kitchen, grabbed the Tiramisu, a couple of forks, and headed back to the couch. I held it out as a peace offering as I sat down. She liked dessert as much as I did. Her nose crinkled up as she glanced over at it.
"I'm fine," she said, going back to looking at her phone. I wondered if it was something to do with the coffee shop that had her upset.
"Okay, do you want to talk about it?" I asked, setting the container on the coffee table and turning myself towards her. This was not going as planned.
"There's nothing to talk about." She rolled her eyes, and it instantly put me in a foul mood. I had been hopeful for a great night up to that point, but the attitude coming off her was enough that I wanted to be done trying. I was getting to the point where I was just drained, so emotionally that it felt physical. Even with everything going on with her, she had never disrespected me. She wasn't that type. Or at least I thought she wasn't.
"Well, I got the extra cheesy meat lover's pizza in the kitchen if you want some dinner," I said, irritated, getting up and heading to the kitchen before I said something about her rolling her eyes. When I was a teenager, Gram always told me she would smack my head to set them straight when I dared try it around her.
She didn't respond, so I went about making my plate and sitting at the table instead of eating it while watching a movie on the couch. Whatever was causing her attitude might go away if I give her enough time to chill out. After I finished two slices without her coming in to eat, I went to work eating the Tiramisu. I was eating it bitterly and not really savoring the sweet as I would in a good mood. I was just passing the time, not wanting to have an attitude in response to Hattie's and wasting time before I went back out there.
I cleaned up the mess and put away the food I knew she wasn't eating. I put the pizza in the fridge, getting irritated that it would be better hot than warmed up later. When I walked out to the living room ready to be insistent, she talk to
me, she was gone. When I peeked up the stairs, the bathroom door was open, and my bedroom was as well. I walked up the stairs, ready to make sure she was okay before going to sleep. I didn't want to be the friend that ignored issues when she was upset. If I were acting like this, I hoped she would talk to me. I got to my room, and it was still dark. The bed was a mess from where I had laid in it, but empty.
Had she left? She wouldn't have done that. She was acting strange, but we all get to have bad days. My phone beeped downstairs. I walked down the stairs in shock that she had gone, silently hoping she had just stepped outside to cool off. I kept thinking about all the things that had gone on the past few days, wondering how I had upset her. Why would she be okay before going back to work and then come here in such a foul mood just to leave?
I picked up my phone and read the message. I read it so many times I had it memorized. Each time took another slice at my already fragile heart.
I can't stay around someone who thinks some pizza will help me feel better after being attacked. Food doesn't mean you weren't responsible for it. I tried to get over it, but I can't.
My hands shook as I stared at my screen. How stupid of me. I had acted like she was okay. It had been my fault, and everyone thought so. She had a right to feel that way. My heart instantly hurt that she seemed not to believe that last night, making me feel like I wasn't the worst person ever. She had a right to change her mind and believe that now. I fought with myself over how she shouldn't feel that way because I didn't try to hurt anyone, but she could if she wanted, as the person responsible for her attack said it was because of me, even though I had no idea why.
I sat down with the numbness taking over. Everything around me was falling apart, and I had no idea how to put it back together. I had no job, no friends, I couldn't find the killer, I couldn't figure out if witches were alive or dead, and I barely understood who I was. The fact that these people thought I could do so was outrageous. I wasn't a detective. I couldn't follow any magical clues. I cursed myself for being so naive that I thought I could take on a coven and fit into this magical world. Finally, all the sad, depressing feelings hit me hard enough to respond to Hattie out of spite. Knowing whatever was said after would be just as upsetting.
Hattie, I am sorry you feel that way. I am sorry you were attacked. You are the last person that would deserve something like that. I hope eventually we can be friends again.
Once I hit send, my self-deprecation kicked in and made me feel worse for sending such a lousy message. These were things I failed to say to her. Why would a text message make anything better? Staring at the message, I picked it apart, thinking of all the things I could have sent instead. The anxiety of how I could have worded it had my heart racing. Would she take it the wrong way? Could it hurt her feelings instead of helping her understand what I meant? All the questions bounced around my head, bringing on doubt to everything I had done lately.
I had been so busy learning magic, trying to work in between all the mayhem, grieving for Gram while trying to hold it together, had kept me from feeling like this. Now I had nothing to do. Rose had put me in charge of the coven, and yet nothing had really come of that. When she had done it, I felt like I could feel everyone as if they were a part of me, but the longer I sat there, the hollower and emptier I felt.
I dozed off on the couch, letting myself wallow in my pity. Tears would come and go, making my eyes hurt and my cheeks feel stiff. Every time I thought of Ulric and needing to train, I thought about how he probably didn't want to help me anymore. I thought about what Judson said and wanted to be upset, but he had been right too. I wanted to get away. I could go back to the city and find another job, sell the house, and pretend none of the magic stuff had ever happened. That would mean leaving these witches to fend for themselves. I didn't want to do that, but I thought about it more than once. It was a little too tempting. Then I would berate myself for thinking about being so selfish. Gram had raised me better than that, even if she hadn't raised me in this magical world that I was struggling to fit into. Every time I had woken up, I checked my phone, hoping that it was just a bad night. That we would get over it, and she would want to be my friend again. I hoped for the silver lining in this dark storm of a night. It hurt me even more when it didn't come.
I finally pulled myself together enough to eat some breakfast and have coffee. I tried to distract myself by making mental notes on what I needed to do around the house. The dust had been accumulating on all the pictures, and I hadn't vacuumed since I had come back. I could stay busy cleaning this big house myself, which had to kill a few hours. I hated chores, but it was better than sitting around feeling sorry for myself all day. Deep cleaning helped me fight off the disgust and disappointment that followed me around, but every time I wanted to feel accomplished with something, it would hit me again.
I thought it would have taken me all day, but by the time I had dusted, mopped, vacuumed, done some laundry, and anything else I thought of to do, I had only killed a few hours. I had even polished the wood furniture, cleaned out the cupboards, and organized them.
I was covered in dust, polishing oil, and grime, so I took a shower. I put on my makeup even though I had no plans to go anywhere, which only consisted of some mascara and blush. I wasn't particularly good with makeup, so I didn't want to end up needing another shower if I ended up looking like a clown. I braided my hair instead of throwing it up in a bun and wondered why I didn't do it more often. The braid turned out cute even though it was a bit messy.
I thought if I had done all these things, I would feel better or work out the bad feelings, but I felt even worse once they were complete. I fiddled with my hair restlessly as I watched a home improvement show. It wasn't working as far as keeping my mind off things. I had just about chewed off all my fingernails. I went into the kitchen to heat up some pizza then changed my mind. Not only had I already cleaned up the kitchen, but I lacked an appetite.
The living room was pristine as I looked around it. I had picked it all up and cleaned every inch of it, as my achy muscles protested even simple movements after all the work I put in. I double checked everything before I went up to the witchy room and reorganized everything in a way that made sense to me. I was the one that would be using it. I felt terrible, thinking that I was changing things Gram had put in place, but then I steeled my resolve, knowing that she would be okay since I was trying to be like her. Or maybe she wouldn't be since she had raised me without mentioning it all, not even once. Either way, I had done it already, so it wouldn't matter anyway.
Sitting down with the book of spells, I went about flipping through the pages. I wasn't looking for anything. I just wanted to be near something my ancestors had written, somehow thinking I wouldn't feel so alone. I rubbed on my amulet, and I read random spells. It was becoming a habit I didn't even think about. I would catch my hand on it often, rubbing the cool smooth stones between my fingers.
My phone started to ring, and I really hoped it was Hattie. My heart skipped a bit when I read the caller ID and it wasn't her. It was Brad.
"Hey," I said, picking it up to my ear.
"Hi Beautiful, I want to come see you." I groaned in my head. That was the last thing I needed. I didn't want him to get upset that I was upset.
"I'd like that but today just isn't a good day," I said, trying to hold all the feelings back. He didn't seem like the touchy-feely type, and I didn't want to spew out all my feelings to him. I was basically alone, except for him.
"What happened?" he asked, sounding sincere. I wanted him to comfort me, but I was too stubborn to let that happen. If he could out stubborn me and came over anyway, then I would.
"Just an awful day. That's all."
"I'm sorry to hear that. I will come make it better for you." I wanted it to mean for him to help make me feel better, but his insinuation was filled with a hidden meaning. It came off as he had something in mind to make him feel better. I didn't think we were at that stage yet, especially while having suc
h a bad day.
"I'm just not feeling it today, rain check?" I asked, hoping it wouldn't be a drawn-out conversation where I tell him how upset I was overall my friends deserting me.
"Let me bring over some lunch. We can watch a movie and just hang out enjoying each other's company," he said. It was slowly breaking down the wall I was putting up, but not quite.
"I'm sorry, Brad, I am just not in the mood today. Can we do that tomorrow or something?" I asked, trying to sound as sincere as possible. I wanted to see him, but part of me just wasn't in the mood for trying to entertain him while he was over here.
"Okay, we can do that. I will text you tomorrow," he said before we said our goodbyes and hung up.
I was debating trying to do another spell to do something after talking myself out of wanting to call him back and change my mind. I didn't want to be alone, but I was grumpy enough that I shouldn't have company in my misery. He was new to me, so making a fool out of myself wasn't high on my list because of some hurt feelings.
I heard a knock at the front door. I thought maybe I was hearing things when it happened again, only louder the second time. I closed the book and room as I made my way down the stairs, thinking it was sort of sweet that Brad came over anyway.
Chapter Thirteen
I opened the door to a tall man holding an umbrella over a haggard-looking Aldon. He was just looking less immaculate than when I had met him. I wanted it to be some weird romantic gesture from Brad to cheer me up, but he had listened when I said not to come over. My own feelings had me waring between wanting something to cheer me up and yet wanting to be alone.
"Lia, please excuse my unannounced visit, but may I come in?" he asked, his air of importance, his swagger, seemed to be muted. He held himself high, but something was just missing. I couldn't put my finger on what.
