Be Safe
A few preventative measures and some common sense can go a long way toward reducing any risks while traveling.
Learning the Laws and Customs of Your Destination. The U.S. State Department offers information about cultural norms, laws, crime, health considerations, visa requirements, embassy locations, and the use of drugs and alcohol for countries around the world at travel.state.gov. The site also has additional tips for specific types of travelers, including women, people with disabilities, and LGBTI travelers.
Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender tourism has experienced a significant increase in recent years, according to a 2017 report by the World Tourism Organization and the International Gay & Lesbian Travel Association. Yet the report notes that there are still dozens of countries where homosexuality is criminalized and, in some places, punishable by death. Several websites offer detailed information, including the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association (ILGA), which has maps that chart where criminalization, protection, and recognition laws exist. You can learn more at ilga.org/maps-sexual-orientation-laws. ManAboutWorld, a digital travel magazine written by gay men, has an LGBTQ safety guide at manaboutworld.com/lgbtq-travel-safety. The editors there have also pointed out that dating apps may be useful. SCRUFF, for instance, has SCRUFF Venture (support.scruff.com), which allows users to get advice and recommendations from locals and fellow travelers before and during a trip.
Signing Up for Safety Alerts. If you’re a United States citizen, one of the easiest things you can do is register your trip (for free) with the Smart Traveler Enrollment Program, known as STEP. Doing so enables citizens and nationals to receive emails from the nearest embassy about safety conditions in your destination country so you can make up-to-the-minute decisions about your travel plans. It also enables the embassy or consulate as well as friends and family to contact you in an emergency, be it a natural disaster or civil unrest. (This is how I received timely security alert emails about Istanbul.) You can sign up at step.state.gov/step. Additionally, look up the phone number and address of the nearest embassy in the country you’re visiting and write it down in advance of your trip in case of an emergency.
Social networking sites can also be essential tools. Following the right accounts on Twitter can provide the most up-to-the-minute information, be it about hurricanes (the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration’s National Weather Service account is @NWS) or health (the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention main account is @CDCgov). When traveling, follow government agencies and the tourism board to stay in the loop (you can always unfollow them when you return home). Even if you’re not a member of Airbnb, it may be helpful to follow @AirbnbHelp: During emergencies and disasters, like the earthquake in Mexico in September 2017, Airbnb has helped people find temporary accommodations as part of its disaster response program.
In an emergency like an earthquake or mass shooting, Facebook activates its Safety Check tool (facebook.com/about/crisisresponse), which allows users to let their friends and family know they’re safe and to see if others are safe as well.
Getting Health Coverage. Your regular health insurance may cover some of your care if you’re abroad, but call your provider before your trip to find out. When I did so, I got such vague answers that I realized it was best for me to get supplemental insurance. Especially important for adventure travelers, people with preexisting conditions, and those journeying to remote places is evacuation insurance. Few health insurance companies will pay for medical evacuation back to the United States, which can cost $50,000 or more, according to the State Department. A recent search for an annual membership in an air medical transport program (with at least $100,000 in evacuation coverage) that would include repatriation to the hospital of my choice in the United States for my trips throughout the year was about $100 to $270. (Some of the policies also included nonmedical evacuation to a place of safety in the event of political or civil unrest during the trip.)
Travel insurance comparison sites like Squaremouth and InsureMyTrip enable you to filter and compare different insurance policies across multiple providers to find the best plan for your particular needs. Squaremouth recommends having a policy with at least $50,000 in emergency medical coverage (reimbursement for the cost of treatment while traveling) for international travel, and at least $100,000 for cruises or travel to remote locations. A “primary” policy, the company said, allows you to bypass your health insurance and claim directly through your travel insurance policy. (A “secondary” policy can be less costly, though it adds another potentially time-consuming step to the claims process.) In 2017, Squaremouth said the least expensive “primary” policy on its website for two fifty-year-olds taking a ten-day domestic road trip was $42—a small price to pay to make sure you get the care you need.
Minding What You Put Online. If you’re posting travel photos and updates to social media, make sure you’re not sharing information that could put you at risk. If you check in somewhere or have location services enabled on your mobile phone photos, you’re broadcasting your location, possibly making you or your home a target.
Staying in Touch. While you should limit what you post publicly, keeping close friends and family in the loop about where you are and when you’ll check in is a smart idea. Just be thoughtful about with whom you share your information. To that end, you can keep in touch through a communications app like WhatsApp, which allows users to avoid SMS fees by using only the phone’s Internet connection to send messages or make voice and video calls.
Doing Your Research. One of the joys of traveling is figuring things out as you go. But when it comes to logistics, some light homework—about dress codes and transportation, for example—can keep headaches and trouble at bay. For instance, familiarizing yourself with the transportation options available at a particular airport can make for a smoother arrival and help ensure that you won’t get into a car with someone who might try to charge more than you ought to be paying. You may also want to write down the address of your destination in case you need directions, particularly if you’re going to a country where you don’t speak the language. You may think your pronunciation is spot-on, but sometimes looking at an address is easier for the person trying to help you.
Work
For those times when you need more than what a coffee shop can provide (like mail service, a shredder, or an ergonomically friendly chair), there are coworking spaces like Coworkshop in Paris, where you can work alone yet also socialize or collaborate with a community of entrepreneurs and freelancers.
WeWork (wework.com) has communal workspaces in Paris and cities around the world, including in places like the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, Germany, Israel, and China. WeWork’s least expensive membership is the “hot desk” package, which guarantees a workspace in a common area at one location. (Designated desks and private office packages are more expensive.) The cost includes amenities like office supplies, access to a microwave and a refrigerator, and refreshments like coffee and tea.
To see if coworking spaces are in your area just Google “coworking” and the name of your city. You can do the same if you’re interested in exploring cohousing or coliving spaces, some of which do double duty as informal incubators. But lately, a new breed of company has emerged, designed to provide digital nomads—people who chose to travel full time and work remotely—with resources to live and work (wi-fi, local SIM cards) far from home. Unsettled (beunsettled.co), for instance, is one such business. It organizes affordable, month-long coworking retreats with shared workspaces and events (dinner parties and weekend explorations), but private accommodations in places such as Colombia, Peru, Morocco, Argentina, Spain, Bali, Portugal, and South Africa.
Give
Having time to yourself can be wonderful. But for some people, solitude is not a choice. Another way to spend your alone time? Help someone else.
There are countle
ss ways to be of service, including spending time with people who could use a little company. For instance, in the United Kingdom (where in 2018 Prime Minister Theresa May appointed a minister for loneliness to help combat the issue), the charity Contact the Elderly (contact-the-elderly.org.uk) organizes free monthly tea parties for people seventy-five and older who live alone. You can volunteer to drive attendees to and from an event, or host one yourself. And the charity Age UK (ageuk.org.uk) offers “befriending services” that pair volunteers with older people who would like companionship.
One way to find opportunities to help in your hometown is to search websites like idealist.org. When I typed the word “company” under “volunteer opportunities,” for example, one of the first items that turned up was a group that matches isolated seniors with volunteers who make weekly visits. You can also usually find volunteer opportunities by checking your city government website.
Another way to give is to get involved with the placemaking movement, which encourages people to make their local public spaces inviting and meaningful by organizing activities such as block parties or “porchfests,” setting up free book exchange stations, helping create public art, and improving community squares. You can learn more at pps.org.
Of course, there are also an infinite number of simple, spur-of-the-moment things you can do when you’re on your own, limited only by your creativity: Pay the admission fee for the people behind you, share your umbrella, hold the door, give flowers, offer a compliment, or help someone out so that he or she, too, can enjoy a little alone time.
Acknowledgments
Thank you to Jay Mandel, my agent at William Morris Endeavor, for believing in me and in this project, for his indispensable guidance, patience, and ideas.
To Rick Kot and the dream team at Viking: I still can’t believe my good fortune. Rick is the kind of editor a writer is lucky to have the chance to work with once in a career. To benefit from his poetic touch, astute observations, and elegant solutions on a first book has been an unimaginable gift. I am deeply grateful for his sensibilities, intelligence, humor, and generosity of spirit.
Thank you to Viking president and publisher Brian Tart, to Andrea Schulz, editor in chief, and Lindsay Prevette, director of publicity, as well as the designers, copy editors, marketing team, and especially to Nayon Cho, Christina Caruccio, and my publicist and fellow solo traveler, Brianna Linden. Special thanks to Diego Nunez for being such a class act.
Thank you to the team at WME, including Janine Kamouh, and to Matilda Forbes Watson for deftly shepherding the book across the pond. Lauren Shonkoff is an absolute pro who made a newbie feel at ease. To the wonderful team at Transworld Publishers, Penguin Random House UK, especially my thoughtful editor, Andrea Henry, and my publicist, Hayley Barnes, whose creativity, hard work, and enthusiasm were palpable even though they were thousands of miles away.
At the New York Times, Monica Drake, head of the Travel section, is as smart and perceptive a manager as one could hope for. That this book got finished is thanks to her generosity, for not only giving me the time to go and write it, but for being in my corner.
Suzanne MacNeille gave me Paris—though even Paris pales in comparison to what she gives me every day as my editor in Travel: encouragement, bright ideas, books, and a friendship that has spanned seasons. Stories, not only mine, are made better by her finely tuned ear and knowledge of places near and far. This book exists in no small part because of her.
Thank you to Neil Amdur, who eighteen years ago opened the door for me to the Times, and to Dean Baquet, Jill Abramson, and Arthur Sulzberger, Jr. and A.G. Sulzberger who kept it open. I’m deeply grateful to all the editors I’ve had there.
Trish Hall was among the first, and ever since has been a mentor, model, creative force, and wise voice at the other end of the line, for me and for countless journalists. A special thank- you to her and to Larry Wolhandler for their warmth, friendship, and house by the bay.
I’m thankful to Jerry Gray, Joseph Berger, Bill Brink, Mark Prendergast, Jeff Rubin, Trip Gabriel, Glenn Kramon, Bill Goss, Stuart Emmrich, Erika Sommer, and George Gustines for giving me early opportunities. Thanks to Danielle Mattoon, Rick Berke, and Adam Bryant for my boarding pass to the Travel section, and to my colleagues there—Steve Reddicliffe, Dan Saltzstein, Lynda Richardson, John Dorman, Phaedra Brown, and Rodrigo Honeywell—who make the work fun (as did Seth Kugel). Thank you to the editors on the features copy desk from whom I’ve learned so much. Thanks to Phil Corbett and Ron Lieber for book-life advice; and to Tony Cenicola, for making me look good.
I am indebted to the scholars whose work enriches these pages.
Fred Bryant’s groundbreaking research about savoring is surpassed only by his beautiful storytelling about its practice. Talking with him was one of the most pleasurable and meaningful parts of reporting this book.
Bella DePaulo, whose research, books, and articles about single life have long been ahead of their time, was an essential and inspiring source. She could not have been more generous with studies, links, and leads.
Elizabeth Dunn is a leading happiness researcher, author, professor, and adventurer—and yet somehow still made time to answer all my questions about her latest, fascinating work.
Thank you to John Haskins, who taught me how to fly solo, yet has always made sure that the most fun is had when we’re together. And to my dear friend Rusty O’Kelley, for his insights and generosity (including sharing John).
Merci to David and Susan Liederman who, ever since we met in a restaurant in the 7th arrondissement, have been sharing their delightful stories and expertise about food, wine, and France, but most important—their friendship.
Tim Ferriss provided early, invaluable counsel about book-writing (and just about everything else). Pauline Frommer has long been an inspiration, and I am grateful for her time and thoughtfulness. Carol Gillott showed me around her Paris, imparting her knowledge of cheese and éclairs. Don Frantz showed me the joys of getting lost. Vivian Toy kept me sane and supplied with chocolate. Rachel Brodie sat with me, sometimes on the East Coast, sometimes on the West, sparking essential conversations, and following up with postcards and packages of inspiration.
Many thanks to the friends who contributed advice, gave recommendations, or lent an ear, especially Guy Trebay, Charlie Herman, John Dietrich, Chris Widney, Catherine Saint Louis, Natasha Singer, Simone Oliver, Lisa Perriera, Jacob Bernstein, Jad Mouawad, Alexandra Jacobs, Steve Berman, Michele Sacharow, Shannon Bell, Chris White, Jonathan Fuchs, Larry Rand, Nathan Englander, Rachel Silver, MaMerle and the Thanksgiving crew, Peter, and the Ramah gang. Thanks to Allen Salkin and Kiri Tannenbaum for providing encouragement, cheer, and a room at the beach during formative years.
My family—East Coast Adam, West Coast Adam, Keren, Ella, Sophia, Ariella, Doug, Jessica, Ben, Catherine, Joe, Erica, and the Rosenblooms—gives so much love I never feel alone, even when I am.
Speaking of love:
To my father, who taught me about architecture.
To my mother, who taught me about books.
And to my husband, Daniel—who taught me how to savor.
Notes
Introduction: Witches and Shamans
“waking time alone”: Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience (New York: HarperCollins e-books, 1990).
today to 2030: “Households in 2030: Rise of the Singletons,” Euromonitor International, March 20, 2017.
travelers than ever: Airbnb, “Flying Solo: Trending Destinations & Experiences for Solo Travelers,” June 22, 2017, https://press.atairbnb.com/flying-solo-trending-destinations-experiences-solo-travelers/.
first solos only tours: Company email exchange with the author, December 11, 2017.
organizations, MMGY Global: MMGY Global Portrait of American Travelers, 2016–17, https://www.mmgyglobal.com/services/research/portrait-of-american-travelers.
&nbs
p; completely alone sometimes: Mary Madden and Lee Rainie, “Americans’ Views About Data Collection and Security,” Pew Research Center, May 20, 2015, http://www.pewinternet.org/2015/05/20/americans-views-about-data-collection-and-security/.
also by themselves: Euromonitor International Global Consumer Trends survey, 2015, https://blog.euromonitor.com/2016/02/top-6-insights-from-the-2015-global-consumer-trends-survey.html.
to accompany them: Rebecca K. Ratner and Rebecca W. Hamilton, “Inhibited from Bowling Alone,” Journal of Consumer Research 42, no. 2 (August 2015): 266–83.
“Only witches and shamans”: Csikszentmihalyi, Flow.
for fifteen minutes: Timothy D. Wilson, David A. Reinhard, Erin C. Westgate et al., “Just Think: The Challenges of the Disengaged Mind,” Science 345, no. 6192 (July 2014): 75–77.
happy, healthy lives: Robert Waldinger, “What Makes a Good Life? Lessons from the Longest Study on Happiness,” TEDxBeaconStreet, November 2015, https://www.ted.com/talks/robert_waldinger_what_makes_a_good_life_lessons_from_the_longest_study_on_happiness.
“three for society”: Henry David Thoreau, Walden or, Life in the Woods (Walden Pond, MA: Internet Bookmobile, 2004; originally published 1854).
magazine in 1953: “Audrey Hepburn: Many-Sided Charmer,” Life magazine, December 7, 1953.
12,500 miles in 1973: Chloé, “Hit the Road—Around the World with French Explorer Anne France Dautheville,” https://www.chloe.com/experience/us/chloegirls/hit-the-road/.
Alone Time Page 19
