by Liz Isaacson
He swallowed, and she nudged him on her way back to the table. “Stop staring and come eat.”
He did, positioning himself right next to her, as he usually did. His knee pressed into hers, and she slid a fork toward him. “Sunscreen,” he said. “Might want to bring some of that.”
“I do goat yoga a lot,” she said, though it didn’t usually calm her the way it was supposed to. All of her eating out and rich, creamy casseroles also prevented her from losing any of the extra forty pounds she carried.
Or maybe that was the stress she inflicted on herself from working twelve hours a day. Dave hadn’t said anything about her work habits again, and he’d sat with her in her office a couple of nights when she stayed until seven or eight to prepare paperwork for the following day’s meetings or calls with the auditor.
Her stomach turned at the thought of Mike Doyle. The man didn’t know how to smile, and he could see an errant decimal point from twenty feet away.
“What does goat yoga have to do with horseback riding?” Dave asked, forking up a bite of food. He put it in his mouth, and she saw the exact moment he tasted it. “Oh, wow,” he said around the food. “This is fantastic.”
“I told you.”
“Yes, you did.” He put another bite in his mouth.
“And goat yoga is outside,” she said. “Sometimes I help with all the sessions, and one of them is in the middle of the day.”
“And you’ve never worn a hat?”
“No, sir,” she said, shaking her head with a giggle. She expected him to laugh too, but he didn’t. She glanced at him and found him staring at her again. “What?”
“Sir?”
“I think you have a little gray hair,” she teased. “You’re definitely a sir.”
“Gray hair?”
She laughed at the mortified look on his face. “I saw you take your cowboy hat off for a minute last time you came to lunch,” she teased, stirring her own casserole. “Looked like you were a little silver on the sides.” She looked at him, flirting shamelessly now. “I like a more mature man. Very sexy.”
Dave put another bite of food in his mouth and considered her, a tactic he’d done a few times over their informal lunches together. Finally he said, “My second tour to Afghanistan was a real growing time for me.”
Surprised by the sudden change in subject—especially to something serious—had her whiplashing around for a moment. “Oh,” she finally said. “Tell me about it.”
She ate while he talked, realizing that when he spoke about men she’d once known too that she’d lost a lot more than Dave when they’d broken up.
“I thought I’d never get the sand out of my hair,” he said. “Your gray hair comment reminded me of it.”
“So that’s why you told me,” she said. “I wondering how we got from me teasing you about your hair to your second deployment.”
Dave watched her again, his expression serious. Maybe Sissy was worse at flirting than she thought. He obviously wasn’t picking up any of her playful vibes that day, at the very least.
“No,” he said. “I’ve been wanting to tell you about it.” He took one her hands in both of his. “I’m learning to trust you more, Sissy. It felt like the right time to tell you. So I did.”
There was the Dave she remembered—the one who just said things how they were, even if they were serious or emotional.
“Thank you for telling me.”
An edge entered his eyes. “I think you might have something to tell me, too.”
“Do I?”
“Sometimes my mornings start awfully early,” he said, slipping his hands away from hers and leaning back in his chair. “I’ve seen your car at Sawyer’s house quite a few times.”
Sissy’s muscles seized, and she suddenly regretted eating all that casserole. She focused on her salad, pushing the lettuce around with the cucumbers. “Yeah,” she said.
He waited, but Sissy hadn’t worked out how to tell him about the baby. Brayden was pinker than ever, and getting chubby cheeks and staying awake after feedings. She’d forever be grateful to Jeri for letting her have almost an hour with the baby each morning, but Jeri claimed that Sissy was doing her the favor.
“And?” Dave prompted. “That’s all I get? Yeah?”
“I’m not cheating on you,” she said.
Dave burst out laughing. “I know that, sweetheart. Are you and Jeri…? I don’t even know what you would be doing with Jeri. You two are like water and vinegar.”
“We are not,” she said, feeling her defenses rise. “I love Jeri. We get along great.”
“I know.” Dave softened as he sighed, leaning into the table. “That didn’t come out right. What I meant was, you wear adorable little skirts and blouses made of fabric I can’t even name. Jeri wears tank tops, and jeans, and tool belts.” His eyebrows rose, his point made.
Sissy’s heart pounded. “I’m there to hold—look after—the baby while Jeri gets ready in the morning.”
He pulled in a breath and sat back again, his eyes almost wild. “The baby.”
“Yeah,” she said with a small shrug though this was a very big deal to her. “I really love that baby.” A smile touched her soul and spread across her face, its accompanying dose of sadness hitting her right behind the lungs. “And I’ll probably never have kids of my own, so that little baby is my morning therapy.”
“Why wouldn’t you be able to have kids?” he asked. “Jeri’s as old as you.”
“Well, they’re very lucky,” Sissy said. “And Dave, they adopted that baby. She didn’t carry it and give birth to it.”
Dave looked like she’d splashed ice water in his face. “I know that.”
She peered at him. “You know women can’t have kids forever, right?”
“Of course,” he said, a blush crawling up his neck and into that delicious scruff on his face. “I did hear last week on the radio that fifty is the new forty, though. So, I mean, you’ve still got time.”
“Fifty is the new forty? To have kids?” Sissy didn’t believe that. Not everything someone said not the radio was true. But a seedling of hope entered her heart. She’d definitely look it up later.
“Yeah.” Dave shrugged, meeting her eye again. “Did you—I didn’t think you wanted kids. You wanted to explore the world. Fly everywhere. Climb the highest mountains.”
Sissy picked up her dishes and took them over to the sink in the break room. “I know what I wanted.”
He joined her, one hand slipping around her waist. “Are you saying what you want has changed?”
She looked up into his face, and he looked down at her. Time slowed in that moment, and she trusted him. He was being open and honest with her. She nodded. “Yes, Dave. What I want has changed.”
Finally, he leaned toward her like he might kiss her. Instead, he pressed his cheek to hers and whispered, “And what do you want now?” A shower of shivers streamed down her spine, and she trembled in his arms.
“A house. The white picket fence. You know, the works.”
“A husband?”
“Yes.”
“Kids?” His breath cascaded across her earlobe, and if he didn’t kiss her before he left, she might combust.
“Yes.”
He slipped away, his phone buzzing out that annoying notification as it rang. “Good to know.” He tipped his hat at her and backed away while lifting his phone to his ear. He grinned at her in a way that said he knew he’d left her weak in the knees and wanting.
“Hey, Boss,” he said, finally turning and leaving the break room. Sissy sagged against the counter, her heartbeat tapping out a rhythm that was much too fast.
Chapter 8
May arrived, and so did the first weekend of the month. That meant Dave had to spend his time at Fort Irwin instead of Last Chance Ranch. He normally didn’t mind. Life on the base, in the trainings and the meetings, felt almost like getting out to the cabin. It was something that was only his, and he normally liked that.
Sis
sy had changed that. He wanted to spend all his free time with her, and he’d made a conscious effort not to over the past month since he’d shown up in that bistro to meet BrainyGirl.
They’d spent last Saturday horseback riding and adopting out horses to the public who came to their weekend free riding event. He’d started to open up a little bit about his past. She shared way more than him, but she’d only detailed a few of her trips.
His irritation with her skyrocketed when she started a story with, “So there was this one time I was in Mexico….”
Or Switzerland. Or they Himalayas. Or Japan. Australia. London.
Dave had only left the state of California to go to the Middle East, to fight a war. He sometimes felt so removed from Sissy and the life she’d had. Of course, he was removed from it. She’d removed him from it.
But now, she really seemed like she wanted something different. A house. The white picket fence. Kids. Husband.
All the things he wanted—except the yard work. He sure did like living on the ranch where Scarlett had someone come through and mow everything once a week. It was as much a fire hazard as anything, and Dave didn’t weed or mulch or mow.
“Hey, there’s the cowboy.” Ben sat down beside him, his grin wide and perpetual. “How’s life at Last Chance Ranch?”
“Good enough,” Dave said. “You still with the cable company?”
“Unfortunately,” Ben said, though Dave hadn’t really thought he’d quit. He’d known Ben for years, and he’d hated his job with the cable company since day one. He threatened to quit every time Dave saw him, but he knew he never would.
They paid well, and they got all their services for half off. His wife couldn’t give up that screaming fast Internet or her three hundred channels, premium ones included.
“Starlee’s pregnant again,” Ben said, taking off his dress shoes and throwing them in his locker.
“Wow,” Dave said. “Congrats, soldier.”
Ben rolled his eyes. “Do you think four kids is too many?”
“Even if it is,” Dave said. “What are you going to do about it now?”
“Good point.” He sighed as he changed into his fatigues, spending just as much time as Dave did on lacing the boots just right.
“How old is Starlee?” he asked. Ben was the same age as him, though he didn’t have any of the silver Sissy had accused Dave of having.
“Forty,” he said. “She’s freaking out a little.”
“Why’s that?” he asked.
“I guess there are increased risks when you have a baby in your forties,” he said. “Genetic defects and things like that.” He sighed as he combed his hair. “And we thought we were done. Sophie is six.”
Dave nodded, noticing that Ben was carrying some extra stress too. He was probably freaking out a little too. “I’m sure it will work out,” he said. “You’ll love that baby when it comes.”
He thought of Sissy going to Jeri and Sawyer’s early in the morning to hold their baby. She loved Brayden, and he wasn’t even hers. He’d seen and felt the love coming from her when she’d told him about the baby last week. Jeri and Sawyer loved Brayden unconditionally too.
“I’m sure we will,” Ben said. “We better get in there. Sarge will filet us if we’re late.”
Dave agreed, and he followed Ben down the hall and into the conference room where they’d learn about their trainings and drills for that weekend. His mind didn’t focus on the stratagem though. Instead, he let it wander down the road where he and Sissy had the nice, new house on the ranch. The picket fence. The newly adopted baby.
It was a nice picture, filled with joy and peace.
And he suddenly wanted it very, very badly.
Do we though? his heart asked—the section that still bled from the last time Sissy had carved it out and left it to beat all alone.
Yes, he told it. Yes, we do. He wasn’t exactly sure, but he knew he didn’t want to stay stuck in this holding pattern for much longer.
He didn’t want to go much faster, and he was glad he’d taken some time to work through feelings he hadn’t even known he had. He wanted to trust Sissy, and telling her about his loneliness and utter despair the last time he’d been overseas had lifted a burden from him that only she could carry.
As he sat down and tried to listen to his commanding officer, he wondered how many more burdens he carried, and how long it would take to get to a place where he thought he ould trust Sissy wholeheartedly.
Of course, that would require that he had his whole heart to begin with, and he wasn’t sure he did.
In fact, he was pretty certain, she’d kept some pieces from last time and had already seized a couple of new ones this time.
He wasn’t sure what that made him. Foolish? Desperate? Ridiculous?
Or just a man?
“Merrill,” a man barked, and he flinched.
“Yes, sir,” he said automatically, blinking out of his thoughts. He was definitely stupid for not paying attention to his sergeant during the briefing, and Ben kicked his foot.
Dave cut him a glance, and Ben chin-nodded toward the board, as if Dave should know what to do.
He had no clue, but the drawing on the board looked like a schematic he’d seen before. He stood slowly, trying to guess what Sergeant Sanders had asked him.
“Do you need me to repeat the question?” the Sarge barked.
“Yes, sir,” Dave said.
Sanders got right in his face. “Whoever she is, Sergeant, she’s not here this weekend. Got it?”
“Yes, sir,” Dave said, already thinking about Sissy and how she’d said those exact words to him. He could admit that hearing her call him sir in her pretty little voice had gotten his blood heated in the best way possible.
But she wasn’t here, and he needed to diffuse this bomb from memory.
Sissy’s car waited in front of his house when he returned to the ranch on Monday. As he pulled into his driveway, he watched her emerge from her vehicle with two pizza boxes. His soul sighed at the same time his mouth watered.
“Aren’t you the best girlfriend ever?” he asked, ready to flirt with her after a grueling weekend in the heat, diffusing fake bombs and watching how far the explosive dogs had come in their training.
“Girlfriend?” She tripped in those heels on his uneven dirt driveway, and he threw out a hand to stead her. Or save the pizza. Honestly, he wasn’t sure which.
“Well,” he said with a shrug, not sure what else to say.
“I sort of thought you’d be in your uniform,” she said, a pinch of disappointment in the lines around her eyes.
“Yeah?” he asked. “Well, I’m not. We change when we get there.”
“Three nights away,” she said, lifting the boxes. “I thought you might be hungry.”
“You thought right.” He led her toward his cabin, having a mild moment of panic as he thought about what condition he’d left it in.
Not too bad, as he didn’t make much more than coffee and scrambled eggs. Sometimes he’d pour a bowl of cereal and stick something in the toaster oven. Appliances bigger than that scared him, and he didn’t use the regular oven much.
He didn’t keep his front door locked, and he led her inside. It didn’t smell like dirty laundry or old food, so he figured he was safe to let her in. She glanced left and right as if the cabin itself would be impressive or big.
It was neither, but for Dave, living alone with his dog, it was just right.
“This is nice,” she said. “I haven’t been in one of these.”
“In two years?” he asked. “You’ve never been inside one of these cabins?”
“I guess I came over for Jeri’s wedding,” she said. “But I don’t live here, Dave. And I haven’t been dating anyone else.” She gave him a pointed look. “You never did clarify girlfriend.”
“Nothing to clarify,” he said. “I’m seeing you and no one else. That makes you my girlfriend.” He sat on the couch and kicked off the pinching athletic shoe
s he wore to the base each month. “Does that bother you? The title?” He could call her something else if she wanted.
“You haven’t kissed me.” She kept her back to him as she spoke, and Dave couldn’t judge how she felt about that.
He got up and approached her like he would a hurt animal. “And you want me to kiss you?”
“Duh,” she said, finally turning to look at him. She wore her hair down today, and it fell in loose waves over her shoulders.
“Well, I don’t know if that’s obvious,” he said. “I wasn’t sure.” Of course he’d fantasized about kissing her again. His gaze dropped to her mouth right then, and the way his heart sprinted in his chest, he knew he wasn’t ready.
Which sounded stupid, and another blast of foolishness hit him. What if he was never ready? Why couldn’t he get over her?
In that moment, he realized he didn’t need to get over her. He didn’t really need to trust her. He needed to get over what she’d done to him. He needed to forgive her for what she’d done. Only then would his still-wailing heart be able to consider a real relationship with her.
He just wished he would’ve figured that out before calling her his girlfriend. Because what kind of jerk did that make him if he couldn’t forgive her, couldn’t kiss her, and had to break up with her?
“So not today,” she said, putting a bright smile on her face. “All right.” She faced the pizza boxes again. “I know it’s been a while since I knew all of your favorites. But I’m hoping you still like…supreme with extra green peppers.” She beamed at him for a moment, tucked her hair behind her ear, and opened the second box. “And garlic cheese twists.”
His mouth watered, first at the sight of two of his favorite foods, and then at the sight of the beautiful woman who’d brought them to him.
“You nailed it,” he said.
She giggled, and Dave sure did like the sound of that. He liked having her in his house. He liked spending time with her. He wanted to do more laughing, more hanging out, more of everything.
He’d missed church the day before, but he didn’t have to wait to send up a plea to the Lord. Help me forgive her, he thought, wondering what that felt like, sounded like, looked like.
