Death's Doorway

by Crin Claxton

  “Why would she say that?”

  “I don’t know. Has Jade had any history of confusion, or, well, not quite seeing things as they are?”

  Tony tensed. She didn’t want to talk about Jade. She knew it was ridiculous, but she associated Jade with that night, with what had happened and with the things the boys threatened to do. She knew it would all settle down with a little time, but not if Maya picked at it.

  “Are you listening to me, Tony?” Maya said sharply. Tony knew one fast way to irritate Maya was if she felt ignored.

  Tony looked Maya in the eye. “Yes. Why do you think something’s wrong with Jade? I’m sure she’s fine.”

  “I went to see her today. She doesn’t look good. She’s not sleeping. She’s misplacing things. And I noticed she was scratching her skin a lot.”

  Tony bit back a laugh. “Oh my God, that must mean she’s completely crazy, Maya.” Tony shook her head. Maya’s habit of analyzing everyone was annoying. Her father had had real mental health problems, but that didn’t mean everyone in the world did. “Look, Maya, I know you know a lot about these things, and you’ve done a counseling course—”

  “Yeah, I’m thinking of taking my MSC,” Maya interrupted.

  “Oh, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Tony said quickly. She shut her mouth when Maya glared at her.

  “Why?” Maya said.

  Tony took a moment to think. She didn’t want to be insensitive. Maya couldn’t help the fact that she saw mental health issues everywhere. “Well, never mind about that now. Back to Jade. Maybe she’s mistaken about the texts, but you can’t jump to her having some kind of episode. She doesn’t have any mental health problems.”

  “She has a history of anxiety.”

  “Why do you say that?” Tony put her beer bottle down.

  “She told me. She was treated for anxiety when she was seventeen.”

  “For God’s sake, that was years ago. And completely understandable. Her aunt, her only family in this country, died. That’s enough to make anyone anxious.”

  “You didn’t see her. Something’s not right.” Maya narrowed her eyes.

  Tony stared at Maya, not liking her attitude at all.

  “I’m just saying.” Maya took a sip of wine.

  “Well, don’t. You need to back off people. You get too much in people’s faces.” Tony couldn’t believe how one-track minded Maya was sometimes.

  “By people you mean you. We’re not talking about Jade now, are we? Why do you feel so vulnerable?”

  “I don’t,” Tony said, feeling vulnerable as hell.

  “You’ve been real quiet since I got back from the herbal conference. What’s going on?”

  Tony felt backed into a corner. “Nothing,” she lied. “I know Jade, okay. I know her a lot better than you. I am upset she hasn’t called me, but I’m going to give her the space that I think she needs.”

  “She doesn’t want space from you, or me. Why don’t you go and see her?”

  “Okay, but I’m not going to just barge round there. I’ll text her and get a date to go round.”

  Maya sighed. “That’s your stuff. You learned from your father to take space when you can’t handle things.”

  Tony really wanted some space at that moment, from Maya. “God help me, Maya, stop analyzing me.”

  “Why are you so resistant, Tony? If you don’t face these things you’ll never move on.”

  “You’re behaving like a therapist, except not a very good one because you’re really not subtle at all.”

  “I’m not meaning to be subtle. I’m not acting as a therapist. I’m your girlfriend, and I’m being open and transparent with you. I want to improve our communication. I happen to have counseling training, and I’m using it to try to make our relationship better. At least I’m trying,” Maya said, her prissy voice bursting past the forced calm tone that set Tony’s teeth on edge.

  “Well, here’s something for you to stick in your counseling pipe: you’re behaving exactly like my therapist mother did to my ghost-seeing father. So what do you make of that, Sigmund Freud?” Tony spat the words out more angrily than she meant to.

  Maya flinched. Tony wished she hadn’t said anything.

  “Okay. Well, you’re being honest. That’s good.” Maya went back into calm-voiced counselor mode.

  Tony slowly counted to ten.

  “Maya, you spent most of last year convinced I was mad.”

  “I would never have used that term,” Maya said.

  “I know. But nevertheless, you thought I was mad when I was in fact seeing ghosts.”

  “You know how that sounds, right?” Maya giggled.

  Tony cracked a smile.

  “Yes, you have a point,” Maya admitted. “But then a lot of why I believed you was because Jade could hear ghosts…” Maya tailed off.

  “Seriously? Seriously, you’re going to tell me you don’t believe me anymore. We’re going back to you thinking I’m hallucinating.” Tony was half off the sofa. Maya’s disbelief in her had been painful. Tony’s feelings were about to burst out of her, and that was the last thing she wanted. She hated exposing her feelings.

  Maya reached for Tony’s hand. “No. No. I don’t think that. Come on, baby, sit back down.”

  Tony sat down. She was all churned up. Maya picked up her hand and nestled it between both of hers.

  “I saw my dad, remember?” Maya’s eyes searched Tony’s. “In the middle of that storm, on the boat. I saw him. And even if I tell myself I hallucinated for a moment, I know for a fact my uncle saw him. So, Tony, I do believe you can see and talk to ghosts. It’s good for us to clear the air about some of this stuff, but I don’t want to argue with you.”

  “I don’t want to argue either.” Tony pulled Maya into her arms. She smelled of tomato, herbs, and red wine, with a faint whiff of cleaning fluid. Tony stayed snuggled up to Maya’s neck. “I’ll call Jade again,” she said, prepared to do anything, anything at all except talk.

  Chapter Seven

  Maya was halfway through an online order. With an hour between clients, she had decided to check the levels of her herbal tinctures, dried herbs, and ointment bases, and to replenish the stock.

  It was a beautiful day. Sunshine poured through the large window that overlooked the practice garden. Maya had the blind up and the window open to air the room. The sunshine showed up every speck of dust on the glossy white surfaces. Maya stopped her stock check for the fourth time in ten minutes to wipe dust away. She wasn’t sure whether to clean Suni’s half of the cupboard. She wrinkled her nose at the dust gathering around Suni’s Ayurvedic tablets, teas, oils, and tinctures.

  Ten minutes later, Suni’s half of the cupboard was sparkling, and Maya felt her stomach muscles begin to relax. She was getting used to sharing a practice room with Suni. The downside was that Maya never saw her, as they worked on different days. Maya would have liked the chance to get to know Suni. The clinic manager had rented out Suni’s old room to a Reiki practitioner. The manager had pointed out that it made sense for the two herbalists, as he called them, to share the locked tincture cupboard, as they both used tinctures, oils, and dried herbs in their work.

  Maya had found a way to deal with Suni’s bright yellow sharps disposal box. On her days, Maya propped a picture of a purple lavender field in Provence in front of it. The only thing that had really bothered her was the thought of Jade and Suni having sex on the examination couch. Maya had scrubbed the couch as soon as she’d had the chance, and then rubbed it down with tea tree and geranium oils. Maya didn’t have a problem with people making out in unusual places, but she was absolutely clear that sex had no place in her practice room. Tony had come on to her a couple of times when she’d picked her up after work. Maya had firmly turned her down. Maya needed to draw a clear line when she was in work mode. Being a healer was a pure thing for Maya. She needed to keep her sexual energy separate from her healing energy. She realized everyone didn’t feel the same. Suni clearly didn’t.


  What if Suni and Jade regularly had sex on the couch? Maya grabbed the bottle of tea tree oil, poured some onto a cotton wool pad, and gave the couch a good once-over, just in case.

  Maya sighed. She needed to get that order done before her next client arrived. She walked over to the computer, the list of items in her hand. The little desk in the corner of the room was the only area that was hard to share. There wasn’t enough space to leave anything on the desk surface. Maya tidied her stuff away into the top drawer beneath the desk at the end of every day, but Suni regularly left a small pile of papers on top of it. Maya had to admit that Suni was generally tidy. This was the only area where she was messy.

  Maya picked up the pile to straighten it out of habit. There was a piece of folded paper that wouldn’t allow Maya to create a neat line. Maya unfolded it. It was an advert cut out of a magazine. Maya glanced over the picture of a log cabin in the middle of woodland. It was a rental cabin up in Scotland. The advert promised total seclusion in natural surroundings. Maya smiled. Suni must be planning a romantic trip away.

  Maya glanced at the clock on the wall in front of her. Goodness! Her client was due in the next five minutes. Maya quickly stuffed Suni’s pile of papers into the second drawer. She didn’t like to move Suni’s stuff, but it wouldn’t be hard for her to find them. If it annoyed Suni, maybe it would encourage her to file her own papers. Maya realized that she was being passive aggressive. Maybe she’d have a think about that later, but for the moment she needed to concentrate on finishing the order.

  She shut the drawer and got her head into the online order form.

  *

  Beth called out to Tony as she walked past the stage management office on her way up to the lighting box.

  “A card came for you, Tony.”

  Tony stuck her head round the door that was wedged open with a red travel case from Cabaret, the musical. Beth was brandishing a white envelope with Tony’s name and the address of the theater on it.

  “Did you read last night’s show report?” Beth asked.

  Tony shook her head. “I was going to check it out while I powered up and flashed through.”

  “Oh, I love it when you talk lighting,” Beth said suggestively.

  Tony smiled weakly.

  “Well, the director popped in and he thought that Audrey wasn’t in light during ‘Skid Row,’” Beth said.

  “She’s in a follow spot. You should talk to the operators. They’ve been sloppy lately. I saw Seymour’s follow spot bobbing up and down all the way through ‘Suddenly Seymour’ the other night. When I ran down to the auditorium left spot box, the guy was opping one-handed while playing a game on his phone with the other. He wasn’t even looking at the stage.”

  “That’s appalling. Why didn’t you tell me before? I’m going to have a word with management right away.” Beth was up and out of her chair before she’d even finished her sentence. “Oh.” She stopped midway through squeezing past Tony in the narrow corridor. “While I remember, you never got back to me with dates to go out clubbing.”

  Tony vaguely remembered Beth suggesting they all go out. Beth was pressed up against her and looking hopeful. “Maya’s very busy at the moment,” Tony said, even though she’d forgotten all about it and never even mentioned it to Maya.

  “That’s okay. It’s you I wanted to go out with anyway. You’re my friend, and a good dancer. God knows what Maya’s like on the dance floor. Those quack healers are notoriously wafty.” Tony couldn’t even begin to get inside Beth’s mind. She didn’t try.

  “Er, I’ll have to consult my diary,” Tony said.

  “You can let me know after the show,” Beth said in the same commanding tone she used to give Tony the lighting cues. “It’ll be fun. You can help me find a girlfriend. You can be my wingman, or beard, or whatever.”

  Tony was tempted to correct Beth’s terminology but didn’t want to prolong the time they were pressed up together in the corridor. Fortunately, Beth took off, presumably to harangue management about inattentive follow spot operators.

  Tony climbed the stairs to the lighting box. Beth talking about Maya made Tony think about their conversation. Maybe Tony should have confided in Maya. She felt so stupid. It wasn’t as if anything had really happened. Tony knew it wasn’t rational, but she felt sick at the thought of talking about it to anyone.

  While the lighting board powered up, she opened the card that Beth had given her. On the front was a picture of a bunch of flowers and the words “thank you” in multicolored block lettering. Inside was a note from Frankie White’s girlfriend Rose.

  Dear Tony,

  Thank you so much for bringing me the letter from my partner, Frankie. Inside was some important information. Finding out that information has allowed me to finally let go of the past. Unfortunately, I’ve been acting on false information for the past fifty years. I’m very thankful to find the truth out now. I’ve shut down the Justice for Frankie campaign. I’m not surprised now that the home office never listened to me. I only wish the letter had been delivered all those years ago so that I could have done something different with my life.

  I will always be grateful that you took the time to track me down.

  Kind regards,

  Rose Henderson

  As Tony read the card, an uneasy feeling in her gut grew stronger and stronger. She’d had premonitions all her life. She hadn’t always known exactly what the warning meant, but something always went wrong soon after. This time she didn’t feel any danger but she was sure Rose was being led up the garden path. She hadn’t a clue how or why.

  Tony glanced at the clock above the lighting board. She still had half an hour before show call.

  “Deirdre,” she said quietly. A few seconds ticked by. “Deirdre,” she said again, a little louder.

  Tony tried to summon her spirit guide without shrieking at her. She shut her eyes and visualized Deirdre. For a second, she wondered what Deirdre would look like without a wig and not in female clothing. It seemed indecent to think of her that way. Almost as bad as imagining herself in a dress with long hair. Tony winced at the thought.

  “If it’s that bad, take a Dulcolax.”

  Tony opened her eyes to find Deirdre perched on the edge of the long workbench that the lighting desk sat on. She was wearing bright pink tights under a leopard print leotard, six-inch leopard print stilettos, and a bright pink headband. “I was relaxing at home. Whaddaya want?” Deirdre ran her words together when she was annoyed.

  “Relaxing? Seriously? Haven’t you heard of onesies?”

  “Whoseys? Whatseys?” Deirdre creased her brow. “Who careseys? What is it?”

  “I got a card from Rose. She’s moving on.”

  “Great. Glad someone is. You could have just sent me an email.”

  “Could I?” Tony had never thought of that possibility. “Where would I send it?”

  “It doesn’t matter.” Deirdre shifted on the workbench. “It’s like a letter to Santa Claus. I’ll get it anyway.”

  “Will you?”

  Deirdre thought for a moment. “Actually, I don’t know. I’ll go away. You send me an email. Let’s see if I get it.” She made a move to get up.

  “Wait. What’s the hurry? You weren’t really relaxing at home, were you?”

  Deirdre pouted. “I might have been. With an angel.”

  “Oh, I see. Well, I won’t keep you long. I have a strong premonition that there’s more to the Frankie White case. Something isn’t right. I feel it in my waters.”

  “Are you sure it’s not gas?”

  Tony grunted in annoyance.

  “Okay. Leave it with me. You’re probably right. The short, scowling one is still hanging around like a bad smell. I’ll start a few lines of inquiry of my own.”

  “Will you?” Tony sat up, full of interest. “How will you do that? What will you do? Who will you ask?”

  Deirdre glowered at her. “I’m busy. B to the U to the S to the Y, girlfriend. I came to see
you because you called so loudly, but you have taken up enough of my time. See you later, investigator.”

  “Oh, I like that. That’s clever. In a while—”

  But Deirdre disappeared before Tony could even begin to think of something witty and funny that rhymed with while.

  *

  The secluded cabin advert had got Maya thinking. She had promised Jade that she would talk to Tony, and somehow that had turned into an argument. That was common when people didn’t own their stuff. Maya found that part of Tony frustrating. The harder she pushed, the more Tony closed down. Maya was prepared to give Tony some leeway. After all, Tony wasn’t familiar with the concepts that Maya was. Maya had spent years studying psychology and counseling. She couldn’t expect Tony to embrace the kind of changes and emotional honesty that Maya was used to demanding of herself.

  Maya couldn’t understand Tony’s attitude. If it was one of her friends, Maya would never have left it so long to make things right. Not unless she didn’t want to, and she was sure Tony was missing Jade just as much as Jade had said she was missing Tony. Tony didn’t tackle things head on. That was Tony’s father all over. He had apparently pretended for years that he didn’t see ghosts. So much so, that it was a real shock to Tony when she’d started to see them herself.

  It wasn’t that far out of the way to Tony’s to take the detour to Jade’s marina. It was a nice evening, and Tony wouldn’t be home till after the show. Maya wasn’t sure what she would say to Jade. She was sure that Jade wanted to hear from Tony, not her. But she couldn’t sit by and do nothing to try to resolve things.

  Although Maya hadn’t liked what Tony had said about her seeing mental health issues everywhere, she was prepared to consider it. After all, if the suggestion made her that uncomfortable, it was a good idea that she have a good look at it. By visiting Jade, Maya could reassure herself that Jade was okay.

  The sun was starting to drop behind the gleaming skyscrapers of Canary Wharf as Maya walked from Blackwall DLR station to the marina gate. Maya pressed the button with Jade’s name on it.