I clench my jaw and start to see red.
Fucking shitbag, sorry excuse for a human being…
Liv turns her head and kisses my chest before resting her head there. It brings me back down, focusing me on the most important thing in the world: my Liv.
“When I aged out of the system, I got moved to a group home. It was so awful, Carter.”
Her muscles tense at the memory and I put my hand on her back, kneading and rubbing the knots in her shoulders.
“He found me, like he always did. Offered me a place to stay and a job. At first, it wasn’t bad. I mean, it wasn’t anything I’d ever choose for myself, but I never had dreams or aspirations or anything, so it was fine. I cleaned and cooked for his gang and he took care of me like he said he would.”
She stops talking and I realize she’s waiting for me to ask another question.
“When did things get bad?”
“After the first year he started expanding what he sold. No longer just weed and party drugs. First it was cocaine, then heroin. Then meth. Then he started cooking his own meth. He made me…”
She stops.
“He made you what, sweetheart?”
She shakes her head.
“Did he make you cook meth for him?”
She nods.
“Fuck, baby. I’m so sorry.”
“He started using, at first cocaine, but then pretty much whatever he could skim off the top. He was already a violent motherfucker, but when he was high he was just… he was completely out of control. Unstable. A monster. He… he kept me on a leash when I wasn’t cooking and called me his pet. Sometimes he’d keep me in the basement for days at a time. It started out each time as a punishment, but then I think he would just forget about me while he was high.”
I knew this from what Slash told me, but hearing the words come out of her mouth has anger and disgust twisting in my gut, making me want to throw up.
“Is that how you got the other scars on your back?”
She nods.
“He liked to use his belt. He had a big belt buckle, one of those stupid ones with emblems engraved on them. He used it as a whip.”
“Jesus fucking Christ!” I roar out. I can’t. I can’t hear this. My precious Liv has been through so much. Too much. So much more that any one person should ever have to endure.
She rubs her hand over my chest again. “I’m ok, Carter. I’m here now, with you, remember?”
I nod and pull her into my lap, cradling her in my arms.
“Slash told me how you got out. Putting opiates in their food?”
She nods into my chest.
“You’re so smart, Liv. So fucking brave. When Slash told me about that, about the woman who escaped Spider, my first thought was how strong she must have been to get herself out of that situation. And then I thought that you two would get along because you’re both so badass.”
Liv chuckles a little, the sound muffled in my shirt.
I kiss her head and continue rubbing her back in slow, comforting strokes.
“When I got out of the house, I took the first bus out of town and got set up in a motel. I took self-defense classes, every day for the first two weeks, along with kick boxing. It helped me feel more in control, ya know? But I kept feeling like I was being watched, so I moved on to another town, stayed there for a week, and then finally came here. I was running low on cash and I knew I had to get a job at some point. I swear, Carter… I swear I didn’t know Slash and Stacy were here too. I didn’t mean to bring all of this drama and pain back to them, you have to know…”
“Shhh, baby, no one thinks that. This isn’t your fault. I have no idea how you ended up here, what the odds are that the place you chose to escape would have you crossing paths with Stacy and Slash, but I’m so fucking glad.”
She sniffles. “You are?”
“Of course, love. It brought you to me.” I kiss her head. “It brought you to Chaos, and honestly, these guys are the best men I know. They will protect you, and the fact that Slash and Stacy are related to Spider, only means we have a leg up on him. I’m so sorry about all the shit you’ve been through, but I promise it’s almost over.”
Liv nods and I stroke her back, running my fingers over the raised skin on her left side, tracing patterns around her scars.
After a while, I hear her soft snores. I don’t want to stay here all night, but I can’t stand to wake her up either. I know it’s been a long fucking day. I decide to sit with her and watch over her while she sleeps. My brave fucking warrior goddess.
***
I must have fallen asleep, because I wake up to Liv jerking in her sleep. She’s snuggled down into the couch with just her head resting on my lap.
“No, Spider, please no!” Her face is twisted in anguish. “I’ll do it, I’ll do it, just… NO!”
Her voice takes on a pleading tone. It fucking guts me. Of course she would be having nightmares after she told me about Spider.
I tuck her hair behind her ear, trying to gently wake her up.
“Liv, it’s ok. You’re ok.”
“NO!” She yells again before sitting up. Her eyes shoot open, the last of her terror draining from her eyes as confusion sets in.
“Hey, it’s ok, love.” She jumps at my voice.
“Fuck. Carter. You’re here.”
“Yeah, we fell asleep on the couch. It’s actually pretty comfortable, you were right.” I try to lighten the mood a bit.
She stands up, shaking her head and rubbing her temples.
Finally, she stops and looks at me.
“You have to go. Now, please.”
“What? No, I’m not leaving you.”
“Get out, Carter. Now!”
She’s getting all worked up, raising her voice and trembling.
I stand up and walk over to her, not getting too close. “I’m not going anywhere, baby.”
“Get the fuck out of my apartment! I’m not fucking around, Carter. Leave!”
Liv charges at me and starts pushing me back towards the door.
She’s literally pushing me away.
I knew she’d regret telling me about everything – her mom, Spider, the car. I knew she’d pull away from me, keep me at arm’s length. I think she’s more scared than she’s ever been of us because she’s finally starting to trust me. Too bad I’m not going anywhere.
“LEAVE goddamnit, go!” She pushes again and again.
I take a step back, but I have no plans to leave her.
“Why do you want me to go?”
“Get out! Get out! Get OUT!” She yells over and over again, ignoring my question.
“Not until you answer me. Why do I have to go?”
Liv stops hitting me, resting her hands on my chest.
“Please, Carter. Please leave.” Her voice is shaking. I don’t know what to do, what move to make next. She’s so fucking skittish, so afraid. Do I hold her close? Do I back off? Do I actually consider leaving her?
“You can’t…” She starts. “You can’t see me like this. I’m a fucking mess. Please, please leave. I don’t want you to see me. I shouldn’t have told you, I… FUCK! Please just go!”
Liv starts pushing me again, slamming her hands down on my chest again and again. I let her take her anger out on me.
Finally, her movements cease. She’s shaking from the physical exertion, tears spilling over onto her beautiful face. She takes several steps backwards and wraps her arms around herself, full on sobbing now.
I can’t fucking stand it. I want to fix it, take all of he fears and doubts away. I step towards her and she flinches, falling to the floor. On instinct, I rush towards her, but she puts her hand up, keeping me away.
“Why are you still here? Aren’t you tired of me yet? Tired of this?” She says in between sobs. “When are you going to see I’m not worth it? This is all I am, just a collection of fucked up memories. I don’t… I don’t have anything else to offer. Fuck, please, Carter. I can’t… I can’t get more
involved with you, it’ll fucking kill me when you leave. Just do it now, please. Please.”
“Goddamnit, Liv, how can I prove to you that I’m not going anywhere? You can’t scare me off, you can’t push me away. I don’t want anything from you. I want to fill your life with so much love that you forget everything that came before us. Let me in, baby.” I kneel in front of her.
This woman literally brought me to my knees. I’d stay here forever if she just let me near her.
“Why?” She croaks out.
“Why? Because you’re incredible, Liv. You are feisty and strong, so fucking beautiful it hurts to look at you. You challenge me, you push all of my goddamn buttons, but I still want more. More of you. Fuck, I want all of you, all of your darkness. I want to cover it in light.”
Liv launches herself at me before I can even process what’s happening. She knocks me to the ground and crushes her mouth against mine in a desperate kiss. She straddles me and presses her soft body into mine, fitting me perfectly.
She finally breaks the kiss and leaves me gasping for air as she sits up and tries to work off my belt.
“What are you doing?”
“I think it’s pretty obvious,” She says with a devious grin.
I have no idea what the hell happened, how she switched from angry, defensive Liv, to horny, sexy Liv.
“Stop,” I say, though my dick is protesting.
She doesn’t stop. She unbuttons my jeans and starts on my zipper. I place my hands over hers and move her hands off of my jeans.
“Stop, baby. Look at me.”
“No, let me do this. Let me make you feel good.”
“Fuck, Liv.” I groan.
“Please, Carter. I can’t give you anything else. But I can do this. Let me do this for you.”
Shit.
Now I know this can’t happen, not tonight.
I sit up, keeping her in my lap. Resting my forehead on hers, I caress her back and hold the nape of her neck so she can’t pull away.
“Liv… Sweetheart, this isn’t a transaction. When we’re together like this, I want you to want it, to need it, to crave it as much as I do. I never want you to feel like you owe me. Do you understand?”
“But I… This is all I have. And I do want you. All the time. More than you know.”
My heart clenches to hear those words. She wants me. All the time.
“Baby, you already give me so much. I didn’t even know what was missing till I met you. We fit together, yeah? I know you feel it too.”
She nods, unable to look me in the eyes.
“Carter, I… Fuck. I… I’m not good with words. I can’t say all of that.”
“I know, love. I’m not expecting you to. I just need you to know how I feel, where I stand. I’m all in, and I know that scares you. But I’m here and you can’t push me away. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Please, please let me show you how I feel. I just… please. I need you to know.”
She places both hands around my face, weaving her fingers in my beard. Then, she bends down and places a gentle kiss on my forehead. Tilting my head up, she kisses my nose, and finally, her lips brush across mine for the hint of a kiss before she moves to my neck, peppering kisses down to my shoulder.
She stands up and looks me in the eye while slowly stripping for me. Starting with her shirt, she inches it up her tummy, revealing her soft, creamy skin. Moving up higher still, the swell of her gorgeous tits comes into view. She tosses the shirt aside and squeezes her breasts. She’s so fucking hot. Trailing a hand down her ribs and stomach, she hooks her fingers in the waistband of the yoga pants she’s wearing. Liv shimmies her hips and bends down, the motion jiggling her perfect breasts.
Finally, she stands naked before me. She walks towards me. I’m still sitting on the floor, totally in awe of her beauty. She tugs and the hem of my shirt, peeling it off me. Standing over me, she gently pushes my chest, guiding me to lay down on the floor. Then she moves to my jeans, still unbuttoned from her earlier attempt at seducing me. This feels different, like she’s trying to tell me she loves me, but this is the only way she knows how. I let her have complete control, even though I’m itching to grab her and dig my fingers into her skin.
I help her slide my jeans and boxer briefs off till we’re both naked, me laying on the floor with her straddling me once again. She leans down and kisses me, soft and slow, at the same time, she reaches down to rub my cock.
I groan at the contact.
She sits up and grins at me. Holding herself up on her knees, I see one hand snake down her waist and into her dripping pussy.
Fuck.
That’s so damn hot.
Her fingers dip into her wet channel and slide up, circling her clit. She bucks her hips on top of me. Diving back into her pussy, she thrusts her fingers in and out before removing her hand and stroking my cock with her juices.
“Jesus, fuck, Liv…”
She continues to rub her cum up and down my shaft at a slow, excruciating pace.
She lifts both hands to rest on my chest, using it as leverage to push herself up, settling on the tip of my cock. Her pussy sinks down onto my raging hard dick, one inch at a time. Liv throws her head back and moans, while I try with every-fucking-thing in me not to explode.
Finally, she’s fully seated on me. Her hips grind down on my cock and I jerk up into her, unable to contain my thrusts. She begins lifting herself up and down, riding me like the fucking goddess that she is.
Her hands move up to her breasts and she pushes them together, kneading the soft flesh and then pinching her nipples.
“Christ, Liv. You’re amazing. Fuck, baby, so fucking gorgeous.”
“Touch me, Carter.”
My pleasure.
I slide my hands up her thighs, gripping her hips as she picks up speed and slams into me again and again.
I trail my hands up her torso, cupping her breasts and pinching her nipples. She jerks her hips and I feel a rush of heat and wetness coat my cock.
“So fucking good, Liv. Goddamn, so good.”
Liv bends down, placing her hands on either side of my head shifting her position slightly. She kisses me, grinding down and bucking her hips again and again.
“Fuck, Carter, fuck!”
“That’s it, baby. Get there, cum on top of me.”
She moves faster now, resting her forehead on mine, breathing hard and letting out small moans each time her hips come down. It’s so fucking hot, watching her take her pleasure, putting on a show for me.
“I… I’m… Oh fuck!” She shouts as her pussy contracts and shoots her cum all over me. Her throbbing cunt releases more of her honey, pulsing again and again.
I use the opportunity to flip us over so I’m on top, taking control. I rest my elbows on either side of her head and begin pumping in and out of her, slowly at first, like she did to me. I feel every goddamn inch of her perfect pussy. She writhes underneath me, still coming down from her orgasm.
I keep a slow, steady pace, in and out, savoring her soaking, hot cunt as it wraps around my cock. Liv opens her eyes and we stare at each other, pouring out all of the things we can’t say. It’s so intense, so… everything. She’s everything and I think she feels it too.
I increase my speed, chasing our pleasure.
“Ah! Carter… It’s too much, fuck, I can’t…”
“I know, baby. I know. Feel this with me, Liv.”
I dip my head down and nibble her neck, leaving little bites up her shoulder to her ear, then kissing away the sting as I travel back down.
Her hands reach up to my back, clawing down as she hangs on to this intense feeling. It hurts so fucking good.
“Liv, god, so good, baby. You feel so fucking incredible. Cum for me, love, let go.”
She digs her fingernails into my back and presses herself against me, squeezing her pussy around me, sliding herself up and down my cock as I continue to thrust into her.
Her head whips back and she arches her
back, pushing her perfect tits into my chest as her mouth opens in a silent scream. Seeing her pleasure ignites my own, my spine tingling as I hold back my release till I feel her cum. She spasms around me at the same time I explode inside of her, coming together. It’s fucking everything.
We pulse together, wringing out every drop of pleasure we can. I look down at my beautiful Liv. I see tears in her eyes and I feel it too. Fuck, I feel like I might cry too, she’s my whole goddamn world.
I lick her tears away, kissing her cheeks before resting my forehead on hers.
“Thank you, Liv. Fuck, you’re just… fuck. You’re everything to me. Do you get that? You’re mine.”
She nods. “Are you mine?” She all but whispers.
“I’m so yours. You own me, baby. Body and soul.”
My arms start to give out and I collapse, rolling to the side and dragging her with me. She props herself up and starts kissing my chest. It’s the sweetest little gesture and fuck if it doesn’t make me fall even more in love with her every time she does it.
She rests her head on my chest and giggles.
I fucking love that sound. I’ve never heard it from her, but now I want nothing more than to make her giggle all the time. Every day. I vow to make it happen. God knows she could use more sunshine and joy in her life.
“What’s so funny, love?
“I’ve had like… a million orgasms today.”
I chuckle and stroke her hair.
“Is that a complaint?” I tease.
“Not at all. In fact, I think I could get used to it.” I feel her smile against my chest. “In case I didn’t tell you before… you’re kind of amazing. I mean, like… wow. Like, best sex ever, hands down.”
I tilt her chin towards me. “You too, Liv. Nothing has ever come close to when I’m with you.”
We stay tangled up in each other for a while, not even caring that we’re on her stained, thread bare carpet. She sighs and says, “I’m sorry I’m so all over the place. One minute I can’t keep my hands off you, and the next minute I’m screaming at you. I feel torn in half. I think I’m scared.”
“What are you scared of?” I already know, but I want to hear her say it.
“I’m scared to depend on you. I’m scared I might need you. I’m scared… shit. I’m not good with words. I’m scared I might… Fuck. I mean, I think I love you.”
Loving Liv (Chaos MC #2) Page 10
