by Brynn Hale
“Damn.” She swallows. “I think I’m hungry, too, Leif.”
I see it in her eyes. The hunger is real. I swallow down every instinct to lift her into my arms, wrapping those toned thighs around me and carry her to the bedroom. But two tiny fists pound on my leg.
“Pood. Pweeze.”
It takes every ounce of will, but I separate from Rissa. “Okay, give me all the directions,” I say as I lift Riley into my arms. “And then we’ll get you some food.”
Rissa, with a still flushed face, leads me around the apartment showing me Riley’s food for the evening, the pajamas laid out, the sippy cups, the diapers, the tub for a bath if she gets too dirty from dinner, the First Aid kit, the fire extinguisher…the thermometer…the Poison Control number…
I grab Rissa’s hand. “We’re going to be okay. I know it’s hard to leave your baby with someone. No matter who it is. She’s going to be fine. Don’t worry.”
“’Ungry!” Riley wiggles in my arm and I lift her up and toss her into the air and she giggles. “’Gain!”
I do it again and Rissa’s eyes widen. I pull Riley back to me and whisper in her ear, “I think we’re freaking Mommy out.”
“Yes, you are,” she says with a smile while grabbing her jacket and purse from the hooks by the door. “If you need anything, please call or text.”
“Will do. Riley, we got this, right?” I hold up a hand for a high-five and she slaps it. “I need to get this little girl fed. See you around what, midnight?”
“Yeah.”
I open the door for her, because I have a feeling if I don’t she’s not leaving. “Have a good night.” I lean in and brush a kiss on her cheek.
Her hand comes up and presses into my cheek. “Thank you.”
“Anything for you, Rissa.”
And with that the door closes behind her.
“Okay, baby girl. Let’s get you some pood.” I tickle her stomach and she wiggles with happiness.
Rissa was right. Riley fights bedtime. But I have the answer. I warm her milk a little and we read a few—okay, maybe more like a dozen—stories. She finally yawns her milky mouth, her eyes half-closed.
I grab the blanket from the living room that she’s been carrying around for the hour after dinner and she reaches out for it, snuggling it under her body and close to her face. Her middle and ring fingers from her right hand slip into her mouth and soft sounds of sucking settle into the air as she settles onto the mattress. I don’t know if Rissa allows it, but she seems to find the move soothing so I’m going to just admire how damn cute she looks and leave it.
I’m searching the web for my next company mower and maybe a couple new sidewalk edgers when my phone pops up a text window.
Jillyn: The lawyer has the paperwork ready. I’ll drop it by your place tomorrow after I pick it up.
I stare as the phone feels like a metal brick in my hand.
Leif: Okay.
I don’t know what to say. Parenthood is the ultimate responsibility in life. It’s not just a one and done night in Vegas. And as much as Viv and Jillyn can do it on their own, I’m not sure I can watch from afar, especially knowing that I’ll still see the baby when our lives entwine so much with friends.
I lay down on the couch around ten-thirty. I do six martial arts twice a week. I’ve been punched by my Muay Thai master several times and I never felt this exhausted.
My eyes close and my phone plops to my chest.
Five
Rissa
I come in quietly and he’s there on the loveseat. Contorted so his six-two size fits in a pretzel kind of way. He’s so handsome that I almost feel like looking away to shut the door on the place in me that I’m quickly letting him into.
I check on Riley and she’s out. I’m sure they played hard, and if I know Leif, he read her a dozen books. She loves to listen to books and I almost believe that she knows how to read, but I know that’s not possible. She can recite some of the books though and that’s just as impressive to me. But as her mom I’m allowed to be impressed by a dirty diaper, too. It comes with the territory.
I knew that he was asking me to show him around and give him details earlier, but I couldn’t help myself and had to kiss him. Just to see how it would feel. I was right. It was fucking amazing. But I chastised myself all night, until Zale came in and he sat at the bar, asking for a beer. We’d been busy and I was a little behind cleaning up.
I asked him what was wrong and he said that he fired Kim. I pushed off the bar and thought that maybe I was next. I hadn’t done anything wrong, but I wasn’t sure that he knew that Leif was taking care of Riley.
I remember back as I look down at Leif.
Zale rubbed the back of his neck. “She was a miserable person. Plus, Vice caught her stealing from the register a month ago. She said she wasn’t to me and I believed him. I had to make sure he was right.”
“Really?” I tried to make the inquiry sincere, but I knew it didn’t come out that way. I had a feeling that Kim would push the boundaries and with her Don’t-Give-No-Fucks attitude.
“And I think she’s been taking for a while. Our numbers just haven’t been adding up. Her nights were significantly less than yours.”
I stepped forward. “I hope you don’t think that I’m—”
“No. When Vice came to me with the information, I put in a security system and I watched the footage for the last week and caught her giving herself cash.” He pointed up at the tiny cameras that I never noticed. “Plus, I wanted to give the video of the wedding to Copper.”
My back straightened. “And?”
“Do you want me to tell Leif to back off, Ris? Just be honest with me.”
A slither of fear came over me… like an icy snake crawling through my veins, but I pushed it away.
He smiled, a crooked smile. “I thought so.”
“What?”
“Rissa, you and I are a lot alike?”
“How’s that?” I started unloading the dishwasher, checking for lipstick and shining the martini glasses.
“Scared to be honest with others and ourselves. Protective of our fears because they might be all we have.”
I looked up. “What if it doesn’t work out?”
He held up his hand and the tattooed band that read “Ella Forever” around his finger said more than any words he could have said. “Sometimes it does. Don’t be frozen by the fear. Don’t be scared of the possibility.”
“Jeez. You sure have gotten sappy.” I tried to lighten the mood because I was being dragged under the tow of his sincerity tidal wave.
“Hey, Leif’s still a work in progress, but I couldn’t be prouder of how he’s changed his life around. He knows rock bottom and I guarantee you that he’ll never let you hit the same.” He rapped his knuckles on the wood surface. “Okay, I’m looking to hire someone, actually, two new bartenders. We’re making good numbers, when Kim isn’t here, and I want to spend more time with Ella and the kids next year.”
“Leif’s taking care of Riley tonight.”
He pauses as he runs a hand through his hair. “Okay. He’s great with kids. And you’re both adults.”
“You ever think of adding to your brood, boss?”
“I can’t.”
“What?”
“Baseball to the groin, the swimmers don’t swim.”
“Wow. That’s horrible.”
“Nah, I found the woman of my dreams who came with two kids. I can’t imagine not having them in my life, so it’s all good. And plus, we can have sex for days and not have to worry,” He says as he walks away.
I yelled, “Didn’t need to know that.”
He chuckled. “I’m going to close up the office.”
“Hey!” I threw the money bag at him and he caught it. “I’ll get the lights.” As they flick off, I was coated by the dark, but I wasn’t afraid. I smiled.
And now I’m back home staring fears and possibilities in the face. That handsome whisker-stippled face. I sit on the c
offee table staring at a person who might be able to calm the fears and crank up the possibilities.
His hair looks so inviting. I’ve never touched it. I want to, but I don’t want to wake him. I reach out and slowly run my hand though those dark strands. How he gets them to stand up was a mystery, but not so much anymore. Thick. And yet, soft. The strands stand up even higher now. I run my fingers through them again and his eyes flicker awake. This close I can see how much green and brown there is in them. They’re like a watercolor painting, blended.
“Hey. How was your”—he yawns—“night?”
“Busy, but good.” I bring my fingers to his cheek and then to that puffy lip, it’s so soft under my fingertips.
I shouldn’t want him as much as I do. This has complications written all over it. And I’ve done this before. I’m scared that he already owns a part of me, but the more I fight it, the more I don’t want to fight.
“One night…Leif?” Maybe I can get him out of my system. Maybe he’ll be like all the others and I’ll understand why I put up a wall.
The lies I tell myself probably hurt me more than I know.
I lean toward him and he stills, not pushing or pulling me, just letting me do what I want to. His firm muscles outline against his t-shirt as I press a hand into his chest. I lift the edge of the shirt and skim my fingers over the soft skin of his stomach. He shaves his chest and lower. But how low? I want to find out. I can’t help myself from finding out. As I look into his mottled eyes, I skim my fingers lower and lower, until they’re dancing along the fabric line of his jogging pants. His mouth is open and his eyes lax, as I sneak my fingers under the waist band. Still smooth as a baby’s butt. I go another inch and I hit coarse hair. His eyes close, the edges of his mouth turning up just barely. And then I feel it.
It.
Damn.
I wrap my hand around what’s at least twice my grip. His hips rock up, forcing the flesh through my tight grip and he moans.
I lean toward his face and press my lips to his soft and lax ones. His hand feeds into my hair, ripping out the ponytail and allowing the long brown strands to fall. I stopped cutting my hair when I was pregnant with Riley, it just grew too fast and now, it’s more I don’t have the money to get it cut. Every penny is planned.
I continue to jack his cock, a little faster, then a little slower. He meets my actions beat for beat.
My tongue swipes along his lips, asking for entrance into his body.
One hand untangles from my hair and slides down my neck, stopping to play with the skull on my necklace for just a second, his long, slightly callused fingers toying with the charm before he moves to cup one of my breasts. My tongue battles with his, rolling and tumbling. My stomach twists and turns like I’m riding a rollercoaster. I’m being turned inside out. I’m being plummeted to the ground. I’m being shot into the air and all the time I can’t breathe. My head lightens. If I don’t come up for air, I might pass out. This man can literally take my breath away and that’s never happened before. I want to be scared and part of me doesn’t want the fear anymore. I want to feel without questioning. And love without worrying.
I back away slowly and his eyes open.
“Jesus woman. You can kiss.”
“Right back, at ya, Mr. Valore.”
“Actually, it’s Va-lor-ay.”
“Oh…I didn’t know the last is a hard ‘a’.”
“It’s Italian.”
I look down at what’s now poking up through his waistband and my hand’s still attached to. “Yes, I’d say you’re an Italian stallion.”
He chuckles. “I’ve heard that once or twice.”
“How was Riley?”
“Little fussy at bedtime, but we read a couple books.” His hand pulls my face closer again and his lips grind against mine.
I back away again. “A couple?”
He chuckles. “Okay, maybe a dozen.”
“She’s got you wrapped around her tiny little fingers.”
“Yes, she does.” He draws me back for another firm, but brief kiss. “And her mom has her fingers wrapped around me, too.”
I shake my head. “I’m not ready for more than tonight, Leif.”
The disappointment is clear on his face, but he nods. “Okay…we’ll start with tonight and we’ll go from there.”
He sits up quickly, leans over, putting his shoulder to my stomach and in a second, I’m thrown over his shoulder and giggling as his pants start to slide down his legs as I loosened the tie with my earlier actions. He doesn’t seem to care and basically walks right out of them.
“That was convenient.”
“You’re gonna hurt yourself!” I shout whisper to him.
“Babe, you’re nothing. I’ve carried two hundred pounds of dirt at a site before.” He slaps my ass. I inhale quickly but reach down and with his bubbly butt right in my face, I give him a nice thwap of my hand and he slides to a stop. “Holy shit that almost dropped me to my knees…and you, too. But I liked it.”
Inside my bedroom, he turns and shuts the door. “You ready for the best one-night stand you’ve ever had?” He sits my feet to the floor gingerly, but his brow furrows when he sees my face. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
It’s time to just be honest with him. “I…I’ve never…you know…” I can’t look at him.
“Hey, please. Ris. You’re telling me that you’ve never had sex? Cause that little girl in there says…” I shake my head. His eyes widen. “Oh. I see. You’ve never orgasmed.” He lifts my chin and I shake out of the touch. “I’m glad you shared. This is important to me and it’s obviously important to you.”
“Not once.” I shake my head, but still can’t look at him. I feel like I’ve done something wrong when I know I haven’t. I tried. I tried hard. I did everything I read. I did everything they told me to do. Relax. Raise your ass. Lower your ass. Flip over. Touch yourself. Don’t touch yourself.
Only to hear: Every girl I’ve been with has gone off this way.
Dude, they were lying. I guarantee it. Because that last dude took all of eighteen seconds to finish. No woman goes off in eighteen seconds.
“Okay, then we’re gonna change that, baby.”
I put a hand to his chest. “No. You can’t go in thinking that it’s going to happen when it hasn’t. I want to be realistic with you.”
“Have you ever faked it?”
I slide my tongue in front of my teeth. I don’t lie…well, not to him and I haven’t yet.
He sets his forehead to mine. “You don’t have to answer that and I shouldn’t have asked it.”
God, he’s just too good to be true. And thinking about being with him makes my pussy flutter.
“I really want to.”
“Orgasm?”
“Could you stop saying that word?”
“Okay… you want to come. Explode. Ride the light fantastic. Have big O. Climax. Gush. Pop the bottle. Reach nirvana.”
“Okay, okay! I got it. Yes. I want to do all of that.”
“Then, baby, let’s get started.”
He walks around me and presses his body up against my back, sliding the shoulders of my jacket off. He swipes all of my hair to one side of my neck and his lips enjoy the other side, gliding down, down. And then he hits the spot, right above my collarbone, his whiskers brush over the sensitive spot and then his lips. My knees wobble and an arm wraps around my waist. Firm, but not tight. He’s holding me up.
I lift an arm and slide my hand into his hair. I love how it feels. How my fingers almost get lost. He releases me, backing away, and I crave for him to touch me again. He slowly stalks around me, nothing on from his waist down and I can’t help but examine the goods. Leif reaches behind his neck and when he pulls his T-shirt over his head, every one of his abs clenches into a hard roll of muscle. I reach out and trace every single one, leading down to his Adonis muscles on either side of his hips. They’re so pronounced. Like a ledge of godliness.
“Damn, Leif…” And then
my eyes fall past those muscles, now actually seeing his cock in the light of the nightstand lamp. “Ummm…that’s not gonna be possible.”
“I promise, it’ll fit.”
“Not a chance in hell.”
His hand slides behind my neck and I raise my head, even if I want to keep one on his dick to make sure it doesn’t climb up his body to look me in the eye. I think it has a separate brain.
“Baby, you and me, we have every chance to be in heaven tonight and I promise, you will come and come hard, and this cock will be inside of you when you do it, at least once, if not multiple times.”
I shiver from the tips of my toes up through my core, through my nipples, and then to my trembling lips, ending with a moan that travels the same path.
I lift my T-shirt and pull it over my head. I’ve never been a small girl, but after Riley, I haven’t had much time to get back down to my normal curvy weight. There’s more to love, in my mind. His hands go to the button on my jeans. He works it and the zipper. I wiggle back and forth so the tight fabric can slip over my round hips.
My baby blue bra and panties are perfect against my lightly tanned skin and he steps back taking it all in.
“Rissa, you are fucking sexy. Like the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen.”
I feel the appreciation in his eyes.
“Are you clean?” he asks.
“Yes, tested while pregnant and no one after.”
“And I recently got tested. So we’re all good.”
I walk to the end table and pull out a box of condoms. I wasn’t planning, but I didn’t want to get pregnant again for a long, long time, if ever. And maybe never.
“For you. I’m not on the pill.”
He walks over and backs me to the bed, releasing the clasp on my bra behind my back before dropping to his knees and pressing his nose against my clit, inhaling deep.
“You’re so sweet, baby. I can’t wait to eat you out.”
“Jesus, Leif.”
“What?”
“Do you say that to everyone?”
“Not everyone, but I’m sure as shit going to say it to you. I’ve wanted to bury my tongue inside of you for months. Makes me hard just thinking about how you might taste.”
