Alessa peered up at him. Then, without a word, she laid her head against his chest and sighed deeply. He took his cue and settled his head atop hers.
“You have to know that I never want this moment to end, but we have a man at the guard station for about another half hour and if we miss his shift we aren’t going to be able to leave the Capitol.”
“Okay, let’s go,”she said bravely. Camden took her hand after he gathered their necessities and began to walk. He noticed stiffness in her movements. He thought about asking her if she was okay, but decided against it. He was sure she wasn’t. She had just escaped near death, swam the longest distance of her life in almost freezing temperatures, and nearly drowned in the process. He could see the pain all over her face and could tell that she had decided on the stoic route for the remainder of their exit from the Capitol. He would allow her that.
They walked on in silence. Camden kept Alessa’s hand firmly in his and continuously looked over at her to make sure that she was making it. He also couldn’t help to look just to reassure himself that she was really there. He was so incredibly relieved that she had done it and made it successfully. He was in awe of her.
Finally, he spotted the perimeter gate. This one was in a lightly trafficked area and was only manned with one guard at a time. The SDL had gotten one of their men on the rotation several years ago in preparation for this mission.
“Let me go ahead, make sure that everything is okay, and then we’ll go through,”Camden said to Alessa before they stepped into sight of the guard shack.
“But what if he’s not there for some reason? You’re wanted, Cam,”the worry in her voice touched him. He laid his hand against her cheek.
“I’m not nearly as recognizable as you, sweetheart,”he joked lightly,“it’ll be fine, I just want to double check while you’re back here and safe.”And he turned to walk before she could argue. The guards changed shifts in ten minutes. If the next guy was early they would be done for.
Camden peered through the window of the shack. The guard sitting inside startled.
“Where have you been?”The guard demanded,“Jimmy will be here any minute, you sure are cutting it close, get moving!”
Camden smiled at the guard. Clearly he wasn’t dealing with the pressure of his position well. He ran back to where Alessa hid and grabbed her hand,“all clear, let’s go,”he said as he pulled her along.
He noticed that she moved much slower that she was capable of moving. He hoped she was only tired and not injured. The next leg of their trip would be quite difficult if she was injured. Of course, if he had to carry her through the woods for the next three days to SDL headquarters, he would do it. He was fairly certain that he would do absolutely anything for this girl.
Alessa
Alessa had never been so completely exhausted in her life. Not in all the times that her father, or Marston, or even Evan had pushed her to her limit had she felt this thoroughly tired. And afraid. Deep in her bones, she felt a driving fear that she couldn’t quite explain. She had done it. She had escaped the Sacrifice, Camden had been waiting, and they were walking hand in hand towards whatever future was on the other side of the Capitol. And yet, fear still gripped at her chest with a vice.
“Alessa,”Camden’s voice shot through the silence. Even though he spoke softly, he startled her,“are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, yes, I’m fine. I’m just tired, that was quite a swim I just pulled off,”Alessa tried for a triumphant smile, but was fairly certain all that she managed was a grimace.
“You’re amazing,”Camden whispered as he kissed the side of her face. Every time he commented like that she felt a rush of exhilaration swim through her body. His eyes had been filled with wonder when she walked out of the ocean. She wouldn’t soon forget the way he looked at her, as though she was an oasis in an unending desert.
Alessa looked around her. The woods were thick on the other side of the guard station. Alessa was astonished at how quickly the view could change. In the Capitol, the only greenery was carefully manicured and designed. Short of the Great Cliffs and the Sacred Ocean, there wasn’t a section of the Capital sector that man hadn’t touched and molded. Out here, only yards from the guard station, the world was already wild.
“Cam, where exactly are we going?”Alessa asked nervously.
“Well, right now we are going to a safe house about a mile away. Then, in the morning, we are going to set out to SDL headquarters.”
“And where exactly is that?”
“About three days that way,”Camden pointed straight in front of them out into the distance. Alessa felt her breath catch.
“Three days?”Alessa asked, exasperated. How did Camden expect so much of her?
“I know, Alessa, I know it’s a lot. But I also know that you can do it. We are going to rest tonight, eat some real food, and take a real shower. I don’t want you to think about the next three days yet. Just pretend like it isn’t there. All we have is tonight and a warm and comfortable bed waiting for you,”Camden looked like he was pleading with her, his green eyes boring into hers. They had stopped walking and he stood in front of her holding both of her hands tightly.
“No,”Alessa said softly but defiantly,“no, I have spent weeks ignoring the day that comes next. I have spent my entire life thinking that I would just ignore the unpleasantness on the other side of the Ceremony. I’m here. I’ve made it to the other side. I’d rather be tired and hurting than dead. I think I would like to think about it.”Camden’s face broke a large grin.
“That’s my girl, you are incredible!”Camden said jovially and pulled her into a fast and fierce kiss.“Now, we’re almost to the safe house and can rest for the night, come on.”
Camden tugged on her hand and she followed. Although her muscles still screamed their protest against movement, her mind willed her onward. She could do this. She could trek through the woods. After all, she had just swam what she believed was an insurmountable distance after escaping from an inescapable box in the hopes of rekindling what she thought was a nonexistent flame between Camden and herself. She was invincible.
Alessa had started to slow. A simple mile felt like a league after the day that she had already endured. Just when she thought she would fall over, Camden pulled her behind some bushes.
“It’s right over there,”Camden pointed out. Alessa was surprised. In the middle of the trees sat a log house. If Camden hadn’t pointed to it, she would have likely overlooked it as a part of the landscape.
“Wow, I thought people only lived like that in movies,”Alessa replied, laughing.
“Oh, sweetheart, you’ve got quite a few surprises headed your way,”Camden joked back, although Alessa wasn’t sure he was entirely joking.
Camden approached the house silently. He held her hand, but his eyes were locked on the house, Alessa guessed he was looking for signs of life. When he appeared satisfied that they were alone, he walked up to the front door, picked up a stone figure sitting on the top stair, and broke through the small window beside the door handle.
“Whoa, I thought you said this was a safe house, why are you breaking in?”Alessa was incredulous.
“It is, they are SDL, but we have to keep them safe,”Camden replied simply.
“What do you mean?”She asked suspiciously.
“Alessa, they’re going to track us,”Camden said gently as he opened the door and led her into the small home.“They will eventually know that we were here. The people who own this house are on‘vacation’. We have broken into their home and used it to spend the night. That way, when they are questioned they aren’t in any danger. If our use of the home hasn’t been noticed by the time they get back, they will file a report themselves.”
“But, if the Government knows that we started here, won’t they be able to find us?”Alessa asked. The reality of being a fugitive was starting to settle in around her.
“Yes, but we have quite the head start on them. Remember, they haven’t even
pulled your Box up yet. By the time they find this quiet little place in the woods, we should already be at the SDL headquarters.”Camden stroked her arm and propelled her towards the couch.
“Wait, I shouldn’t sit down yet. If I sit down, I’ll never get up. Can I bathe and get out of this gods awful wetsuit first?”Alessa asked with an annoyed look.
“I do admire the wetsuit,”Camden answered suggestively. Alessa forgot to give a smart reply to his blatant flirting,“I’m kidding, the shower is back here.”And he guided her down the hall.
Alessa turned on the old fashioned shower and began to undress. She pulled off the extra clothes and looked at herself in the wetsuit. True to his word, Lai’s hair and make-up were perfect. She would have been a beautiful corpse. Alessa shook her head to clear the image from her mind. It made her sick to think of herself as dead, ethereal and floating in a watery, metal coffin. She quickly pulled the suit off and climbed into the shower. The warm water washed over her, chasing out a bone deep cold that she didn’t even realize she still felt. The water pelted down on her from above. Suddenly, she was reminded of the water pelting her from the hundreds of tiny holes in the Box. That water was cold and biting, this water was so hot it almost stung her skin. She looked at herself. Her skin was pink from the bite of the beams of water. She wondered if her skin was pink when she was in the Box from the stabbing rays of ice that assaulted her then.
She was supposed to be dead now. Her duty was to die. She was in the Box and ready to die. She had left it. She had left duty. She had left her family. She had left Khilyn. Alessa missed them already with an ache that threatened to tear open her chest. Would she ever see them again? Somehow, she doubted it. The guard station with its tiny shack and short fence seemed now to be an impenetrable wall between her and everyone she had ever known and loved.
The water continued to beat down on her. She thought she might drown here in the shower, under the spray of the stinging water that, logically, she knew she could shut off at any minute. She looked around her. The walls of the shower seemed to create a Box of sorts. They felt closer than they had been moments ago. Alessa turned slowly under the water. Her skin was burning, it was too hot. Her heart was still cold, it wasn’t hot enough. She turned her back to the spray, hoping it would help. But the inability to see the source of the water made her fear worse. She closed her eyes and opened them, the walls were still closer. Her breath was coming in fast bursts now. Any minute she would be forced to take her last breath, dive under the water, and hope that she could make it to the next safe point. Would she forever be on the brink of drowning?
Alessa shut off the water. She hurried out of the Box. No, the shower. She hurried out of the shower. She wrapped herself in a towel hanging on a bar and lowered herself to the floor. Alessa wept. She wept for the parents she would never see again. She wept for Khilyn and the feelings he had only begun to express. She wept for her lost sense of duty and the heaviness of what lay in front of her. She wept for fear and for exhaustion. She wept for everything she had been refusing to face for her entire life. She wept for every Sacrifice that came before her, who had to lay themselves in that Box with no escape. Who had to feel that incredible tearing and burning in their chest. The ones who could never raise themselves to the surface of the water for that renewing breath of air.
There was a noise. Alessa wasn’t quite sure what the noise was. It sounded like a dull thud. She guessed it must be her head aching from the sobs racking her body. She buried her face into her knees and made herself into as small of a ball as possible on the cold floor of the bathroom. The noise sounded louder. In a distant world, Alessa heard her name. Then, the cloud of steam that was suffocating her started to dissipate.
“Alessa!”Camden’s voice reached her from far away, like a memory.“Alessa, what happened, are you okay? Alessa, look at me,”Camden was demanding. Alessa felt her face being pulled up. She looked into worried green eyes.
“Alessa, talk to me, please,”his voice was almost pleading now. Alessa tried to find her voice, but she wasn’t sure what to say.
“I’m very tired,”was all she could manage. She felt pathetic. Camden lifted her into his arms, still wrapped in the towel, and carried her into the bedroom. Without setting her down, he somehow pulled back the covers of the bed and settled her into them. He lowered the covers over her just as he pulled the wet towel out from under her.
Camden settled himself on the edge of the bed looking into her face with a worry that aged him a decade. He was questioning if she could do this. He thought she was torn through with agony over fatigue. How pathetic.
“I- I’m sorry, Cam,”Alessa started. Camden smoothed the hair back from her face.
“Shh, it’s okay. I understand, Alessa, I get it, and it’s okay,”Camden said softly, his voice somewhere between a whisper and a song,“if I get you some food, do you think you can eat?”
Alessa nodded weakly. Camden ran his hand along her face again before he left the room. Alessa felt tired in every piece of her body, but she also felt shame and something similar to sorrow. She sat up. Then, realizing she hadn’t dressed, she jumped up to go back into the bathroom. Her legs protested and she almost fell over, but she righted herself on an ancient dresser.
In the bathroom, she dressed herself slowly. Alessa analyzed her reflection in the mirror. She didn’t look any different. Her eyes were red rimmed and her face was splotchy, but she didn’t look like the completely different creature that she felt she had morphed into during the past few hours. A knock sounded lightly on the door.
“Alessa, are you okay?”Camden’s voice was quiet, but held an edge to it. His concern overwhelmed her. He wouldn’t last for the next three days if he worried for her like that the entire time. It would eat away at him from the inside out. Alessa opened the door. Camden stood on the other side with a bowl of what appeared to be a steaming stew. She walked past him and into the kitchen. She sat at the table like a proper person and accepted the bowl in front of her. Camden sat down beside her, watching her warily.
“Have you already eaten?”Alessa asked.
“No, I just got some for you,”he answered.
“Join me, Cam. You have to be starving, too,”Alessa replied. She waited while he gathered a bowl and a glass of water for himself. He situated himself back at the table beside her and together they ate in silence. Camden stood to get himself a second serving. He motioned towards her bowl, silently offering her another serving for herself. She shook her head, silently declining. She wasn’t sure why they had entered this meditative silence, but allowed it to continue until Camden was finished eating.
“Cam, I wasn’t just tired in the bathroom,”Alessa started.
“I never figured you were, Alessa,”Camden said simply,“you’re much stronger than that.”
“You give me more credit than I have earned,”Alessa scoffed. Camden started to respond, but she stopped him,“I had a moment. I was thinking about how the water hit me in the Box, and then I began to think about everyone I left behind. I thought about how I might never see my parents and Khi again. Then, I thought about the Sacrifices before me who couldn’t push a button in the corner of the Box and get out. They couldn’t escape. It must have been horrible.”
“Alessa, I promise you that I am going to do everything I can to help you see your parents and Khi again. And as for the other Sacrifices, yes, I suppose it must have been awful. That’s what the SDL is all about. No young woman should have to face that. We want it to stop. We want you to help us stop it,”Camden answered. Alessa sat, quietly thinking, for a long moment.
“Do you know what the worst point of it was?”Alessa asked. Camden shook his head,“the worst of it was after I started swimming. It was that moment right before I came up for my first breath of air. I was trying to swim as far as I could and get out of sight of the Cliffs before I came up. I was swimming as hard as I could and I felt like I was hardly moving. My body began to push the old air out, without my consent. I was b
reathing out without choosing to do so. I knew that if I didn’t make it to the top, I was going to breathe in. I was going to breathe in whatever was right there in front of me whether I wanted to or not. For a second, I was afraid I wasn’t going to make it to the top and I was going to breathe in the water anyway. My chest was burning with a fire like an incinerator. My muscles were starting to cramp. In those few seconds, I flashed a moment of what it would be like to drown. It wasn’t while I was in the Box. That was the scariest moment of my life, but that wasn’t the worst. It was when I was right there on the brink of breathing in the water. Every sacrifice that has ever lived has gone through that moment and every one before me didn’t get the relief I got. They breathed. Without their own consent, their body breathed and they died.”Alessa stopped for a long moment.
“Yes, Camden, I will help you stop it. No one should feel that, no one should face that fear, no one should have to die that way.”
Camden sat staring at Alessa. He reached over the table and took Alessa’s hands in his. Then, he stood and pulled her into his embrace. He held her, firmly yet gently, almost rocking her in his arms.
“I wish you never had to go through that. I wish with everything that I am that our plan happened before you had to get into that water. I wish I could erase that memory from your mind. But, since I can’t, it’s so incredible that you can use it to inspire yourself. I know I keep saying it, and it’s going to sound old, but you are amazing, Alessa.”
Alessa wasn’t sure what to say. The compliment hung over the room for a few minutes, making her feel awkward and unsure. Finally, she stepped away from him.
“Despite all the bravery talk, I am very tired.”She smiled shyly at Camden and he returned it.
“Of course you are,”he replied on a laugh,“come on.”
The Fourth Ceremony: The Sacrifice Trilogy Page 19
