by Belle Harper
“Ranger?” Maverick stood up so fast the chair fell over. The sound made me jump as it hit the floor. My heart was racing. “Fuck, what happened?” His beautiful green eyes looked lifeless as he scanned the room until his eyes finally settled on me.
“Ranger?” I asked, my hand going to my throat. What had he done? Where had he been this whole time? He was not okay, that I could tell. We all could. I took a step to him, my hand reaching for him. God, was he hurt?
He closed the door behind him and walked straight to the bathroom and slammed that door closed. When I heard the shower turn on, I turned back to very worried expressions.
“What does this mean?” I asked the three of them, they all looked like me.
“I have never seen him like this before. Ever. Animal?” Maverick asked Galen as shook his head. Galen walked over to the door, before turning to us, his curls bouncing as he nodded.
“It’s animal blood, not shifter or human.”
We packed up the meal, Galen made a bowl for Ranger and he placed it in the fridge. When he finally emerged from the bathroom, he strode out…naked. His shouldered sagged and his eyes darting to us.
“I have been wandering around most of the night, trying to come up with a reason I did what I did.” He took a deep shuddering breath. His eyes unfocused. “I have an anger in me, a rage of sorts. I used to fight. To let it out. But when I don’t, it just sits in me. It festers until it explodes. I don’t know how to stop it… I don’t know if I want to. That scares me more than anything.”
No one said anything for a really long time, I didn’t know how to respond. So I did what I thought was best. I went to him and gave him a hug. At first he didn’t move, but he slowly wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight. He whispered into my hair, so low I almost missed it.
“Please forgive me, Lex.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Lexi
We were at the courthouse; last night had been pushed to the side for later as we all came to be with Josh on his special day. I gave him the biggest hug; I was so happy for him; he was going to be Josh Rawson today. Officially.
“You wore the blue dress?” Jack asked as he pulled me in for a hug. I smoothed my hands down the front.
“You told me I might need it for a special occasion. Couldn’t think of anything more special than today.” He chuckled and wiped a tear away. Oh no, I had mascara and eyeliner on. If he started with the tears, I was going to follow too. I didn’t want to cry, not yet anyway. Happy tears later.
Jack and Grayson shook the guy’s hands, I saw Shelly talking to someone, maybe a judge or lawyer. Josh held my hand and Grayson as we walked up the stairs and into the courthouse.
It was big inside the courthouse, I had never been in one. Well I didn’t remember if I had. Maybe when I was little.
There were a lot of people around, and children too. I assumed they were here today to get new families also. It made me smile; I took a deep breath. This was something I had always wanted, but I didn’t hold any jealous thoughts to these kids. I didn’t think “why not me?” anymore. I knew that I just had to wait to find my family. These lucky, amazing kids were getting families that would love them to the end of the earth.
“So many people, do you think we are first?” The appointment time was midday, so I would think we had a while to wait.
“No, I think some other kids might be first, but that just means we get to sit together longer, and maybe if we are super nice… Galen will buy us some orange juice and maybe some chips?” Josh turned to Galen, those big eyes pleading. Little did he know that Galen would do it without the eyes. But they added extra’s like some, “choc chip cookies?” Josh jumped up and down.
“Yes, please. Galen, can we please have cookies?” Oh shit, maybe I wasn’t supposed to give him cookies? Like Grayson gives him all those muffins. That was sugar. I looked over to him. He shook his head.
“We just didn’t want him eating too much before. He can get overexcited and sometimes make himself sick.” I turned back to Galen and shook my head.
“We will have cookies after. Maybe when we all go out to lunch and celebrate?” I asked Josh, hoping he would agree because nothing would be worse than him throwing up when we get into the courtroom.
“Okay, but I still get chips, right?” I nodded, that was safer, I would limit that… by eating more. Not a hardship at all.
Oh my god, not a dry eye in the courtroom. Even Shelly shed some tears. When we had all taken photos, and thanked everyone, we left the courtroom and made our way outside. I saw Galen speaking to Shelly. They were laughing, and she nodded a lot. I guess he was catching up with her, because she came over to say goodbye and when she said she would call Galen, I eyed him.
“Call you for what?” He chuckled and wrapped his arms around me.
“Oh, you know. For a night on the town.” I smacked his chest lightly, then played with his bow tie.
“Hell no, the only night on the town you will have is with me.” I pulled on his tie and he came with it as I planted a kiss on his lips. I saw a woman in a business suit, smoking on the stairs of the courthouse. She smiled at me and gave me two thumbs up and nodded.
I smiled and then thought how far could I go… she was telling me she thought Galen was hot. Which even a blind man could see he was. So were my other three. I grabbed Raff’s ass, and he turned, a smile on his face as I kissed him. When I pulled away, she had forgotten her cigarette, her mouth agape. She pointed between Galen and Raff, and I nodded. I could hear her whistle from here as she fans herself with her hand. Galen had caught on.
“Stop teasing the common folk, they can’t handle four mates.” I laughed, he put on that thick English accent that he has. I love it and with a bow tie, it was like he wrapped himself up as a present to me.
“Hold those thoughts, love, we are off to lunch.” He took my hand, Raff haled the other, and I looked back at my shoulder at her. She wiggled her brows at me. And I winked.
At least some people weren’t judgmental assholes.
Ranger tagged behind. He looked so sad. He was exhausted last night when we got back. So it didn’t surprise me he was like a zombie today.
“Babe?” that got his attention. He gave me a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. Ahh… we needed to sit down, really talk. Find out what is going on with him. But we all had to just push this aside. For today especially, when we go to Raff’s old house, I expect there to be some hidden anger underneath all these happy smiles today too.
I was worried, but I knew he needed this. To confront the past, say goodbye to his mom and I had made something. With the help of Jack.
I couldn’t wait to give it to Raff.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Galen
The drive to Russet was solemn, after what happened with Ranger last night. The way he came back to us. We needed to talk about this; he had demons inside that he hid beneath his smiles. They were convincing to most. But we all knew.
We took the twins' Jeep; it was more comfortable on a long drive than any of my vehicles.
I had told Ben we were coming, but with how things were right now, this tension I could feel between us all. It wasn’t the best time to be catching up with him and Hazel.
Raff drove us from Seattle, it wasn’t a long drive, only forty or so minutes before we were winding up through the trees on a road that was full of potholes.
“This is Russet land. There is a fence-line around the property. To keep hunters out… or keep them in.” Raff shrugged as he went over another pothole and the Jeep bounced.
Lexi had fallen asleep and Mav was trying to hold her head steady so not to wake her.
“Are the fence’s intact? Did you need me to get someone out here to take a look?” I wanted to make sure his land was protected. Even though he didn’t seem happy about being back, it was up to him. He could sell the land if he wanted. But he hadn’t indicated that was what he would do. I suspected that his mom would be the reason behind that.
He didn’t answer me, he just shrugged. I would ask him another time. Leave the ball in his court. If he wanted to sell, I would help him. Or if he wanted help fixing it up, I would help him with that too.
When the trees cleared, there was a big open space. Old cars littered around the sides with old machinery and a large barn, rusted, with the roof caved in. There was also an old cottage, it might have once been white but now was a light gray. A smashed window was boarded up from the inside and out the side of the cottage an overgrown garden sat. I could see some white and red roses poking through. That must be his mom’s roses. Where her ashes were scattered.
When the car stopped everyone just sat, waiting on Raff. Lexi was blinking and rubbing her eyes as she took in the area around her. Her mouth dropped a little at the way Raff had been living. She quickly closed it, not wanting to let on how she felt. Although I suspect she was giving off a scent.
Raff opened the door and dropped out onto the dirt below. Everyone took that chance to get out and stretch our legs as we watched him walk towards the house. It was eerily quiet here, like animals actively avoided this spot.
When Raff stopped by the garden, he started ripping out weeds, Lexi ran to him. He froze and watched her as she started to do the same. We all went over to help. No one had said much as we almost cleared it all. It looked so much better once it was all cleared. There were five different rose bushes, one looked sick. But now with less weeds it might get better. I would call someone who would know when we returned home.
Raff pulled out another weed and landed on his ass in the long grass. He didn’t make a move to get us and everyone stopped as he broke down, throwing the weed away, his head between his knees. Lexi was the first to him. She wrapped her arms around his back and laid her head on his back. I moved over to him and held his arm. He didn’t flinch away like I thought he might. He took a deep inhale and let it out slowly. Mav and Ranger sat down beside him, reached over and touched him. I felt like a current through my body.
I gasped, and I heard the others. I could feel his pain; I could feel it all. The hurt, the loss. He grieved for a mother he lost so young. For all the pain his uncles took inflicting on him. His strength, the amazing will to live. And his love for Lexi, that was so deep and strong. His love for us, for all of us. That was powerful, so powerful. How could we feel this? My fangs had descended, wanting to harm those who had harmed him.
“Lexi?” Raff’s voice was thick, husky from the tears and sobs. “Is that you doing this?” I looked over to her, her eyes were bright. Almost glowing as she looked to me, tears tracking down her cheeks. My mind cleared as I retracted my fangs.
“I… I think. I don’t know.” She dropped away from Raff and the connection was lost. Her eyes returned to her amber ones. I took a few breaths to try and center myself. That was a lot to take in all at once. I knew she didn’t mean to, whatever she did. Ranger stood and brushed his shorts out. I saw him wipe his eyes. Mav was doing the same, he watched Raff.
Raff cleared his throat. “I’m gonna go inside and see if there is anything of mine left.” His shoulders hung low as he opened his hand and let the long grass dance over his palm.
“I will go with him.” Lexi jumped and followed him. I didn’t get up, instead I lay back on the grass and looked up to the sky, the white clouds floating past slowly, revealing the blue sky.
I stayed like this for what felt like forever, Mav hadn’t moved from where he was sitting, he just stared off. Not looking at anything, just thinking. When I smelt gasoline. I turned to see where Raff and Lexi were, I could hear them outside the house.
“Raff, I understand why but… just. Maybe we should have some water on hand?”
That had me up fast, Maverick and I ran over and met with Ranger as we watched Raff lighting a match and throwing it into the open door of the cottage.
A powerful wave of heat engulfed us as the house went up in flames.
Fuck… I wasn’t expecting that.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Lexi
I didn’t know how or what happened when we all touched Rafferty. I just felt all his hurt and pain run through me, I couldn’t breathe. So much pain at being back here. At the place he grew up in, no happy memories without his mom. His uncles…
When he wanted to go inside, I knew I had to go with him, I couldn’t let him do that alone. He had suffered so much in this place. The cottage was small, how it housed so many of Russet surprised me, as there were no other places around here. Only this one.
He just stood in the doorway, staring at the old sofa and the coffee table littered with what looked like drugs, needles and beer bottles. It smelled bad as I followed him in. Stepping over the broken floorboards, the kitchen looked just like the coffee table. The tap was dripping into an overflowing sink of used dishes. Like no one around here washed or cleaned.
“Did you want to wait outside?” he asked, I turned to face him. Fuck, he could smell how I was feeling, and I knew he didn’t want people’s pity. I knew he was better than this, that this was just what his circumstances were. He didn’t do this to himself, this was what was done to him.
“Did you want to show me your room?” I wanted him to be the one who chose, if he didn’t want me to see I would leave. He looked up at me through his red-rimmed eyes, the pale blue of his eyes glistened, as I watched them crinkle at the sides.
“Yes,” he whispered with a half-smile. This was important for him to show me. I knew that. I wanted to see, but I was glad he wanted me to.
He took my hands and led me down to the back to a closed door. It had a hole through it, some claw marks like someone scratched at it, trying to get in. I held my breath and waited to see what was beyond. It might be different to how he last saw it. He had been gone for a while, his uncles could have done anything in here.
He let out a sad sound. The room was destroyed, everything was ripped up, the mattress was on the floor, massive claw marks. Oh fuck, if they weren’t dead I would kill them myself. They were going to hell for what they did to him.
“I’m sorry.” I didn’t know what to say, he just stood there, my hand in his unmoving for so long. He shook his head and dropped my hand.
“It’s okay.” I wanted to scream that it was not okay, but I nodded instead. No point in getting angry, upset again. He needed to do this, he needed to heal from these wounds that ran deep. He started picking things up, looking for something. I guess anything that belonged to him. I started moving large pieces of wood, I assumed they were the bedframe out into the hall to help.
He pulled up a bag. It was covered in dust and as he dusted it off the particles floated around, landing on everything around him. He looked inside and nodded, grabbing my hand and leading me back outside. He put the bag beside the Jeep and I stood there and watched as he went into the barn, I would be worried about it collapsing on him if he wasn’t a shifter who healed fast. He came out with what looked like two Jerry cans in his hands.
He didn’t look at me as he walked directly to the cottage. When he went inside, I realized what he was doing. Fuck. I ran over and went inside as I heard him sloshing the can around. The smell of gas was strong as he walked into view.
He turned to me, but the look in his eyes was wild. I didn’t say anything as he dropped the now empty Jerry can on the floor with a thud and picked up the other one. Dousing everything with gas. I stumbled as I made my way outside. He dropped the second can, then came to stand beside me. A box of matches in his hand, and one single match he played with between his fingers, I watched as he clenched and unclenched his fist.
My heart thundering. Where were the guys? This was going to turn out badly, we were surrounded by forest, this could get out of control. I was hoping Galen would at least have heard him. Hell even smelt the gas he was pouring through the place.
“Raff, I understand why but… just. Maybe we should have some water on hand?” I asked nervously, I understood. I knew why he wanted, no needed to do this. But
there was maybe a safer way to do it. The heat of the moment, he might regret it. Maybe not.
Galen was beside me, and Mav and Ranger stood beside him, as Raff lit the match, strode up and threw it in the open door and the house went up with a roar, the heat scorched my skin, and within a few minutes the entire cottage was up in flames.
Raff didn’t say anything, he just stood there, the flames dancing so close to him. He was going to burn himself. It was Ranger who grabbed his shoulders and pulled him back to us. He didn’t let go of Raff. He held him there as we all watched the flames licking the walls, eating everything in its path. Destroying everything bad.
We stayed for half the night, just watching the glow of the embers that remained of what once was Raff’s home. Ben ended up meeting up with us. He brought a hose, which was helpful to catch any embers lighting up around. Plus, he said that Hazel’s house backed onto the forest here, so we really didn’t want to lose control of this.
When it was safe to leave, Ben said he would take care of it. I was grateful. It had been a long day, with so much going on. I thought things would be easier after the blood moon, after Eiji took my scent from others… but now was the hard part. This was what we didn’t get to do before. It was where we learnt about each other, grew with each other, and hopefully be able to move forward together as a family. As one. Because if we couldn’t do those things, we wouldn’t be whole. And I didn’t want anyone to hurt or feel left out. After last night, I realized we had a lot of growing to do. And I was ready for it.
