“Where were you, Emma?” He didn’t drop my hand.
“At his house,” I whispered.
“What? In a hot tub?”
I shook my head. “No. He has a pool.” I grimaced as the words came out knowing that was much worse than the cold icy ocean.
He dropped my hand disgusted and turned his back to me.
“Zach. Please. I love you.” I wrapped my arms around him from behind and he easily broke free.
“You had the nerve to talk to me about Jaycee. All the while, you and Austin…” he shook his head with a sickened expression. “Did you two?” He couldn’t say the words. “Tell me, was the car, payment for services rendered?”
It was like a knife pierced through my heart. “No! I swear. You’re the only person I’ve ever been with and I can’t believe you just said that.” I crossed my arms over my chest trying to contain the pain.
He winced and took two long strides toward me before stopping himself, his wince twisting into a scowl. “Did he touch you?”
“Austin and I have been through a lot and…”
“What like…when he saved you…when he got there in time and your pants were down?”
Zach knew about Paul? How? When? My jaw clenched. Austin had told him. “That wasn’t my fault.”
His eyes danced from side to side as he searched for his words. “I know. But Austin was there for you when I wasn’t. He helped you?”
It seemed like he was asking.
“How did you know?”
“It doesn’t matter. I know the truth, now. Just tell me what happened to the guy…”
“To Paul?”
“Yes. What happened to Paul?”
An overwhelming wave of nausea flooded through me as Zach said his name and with weak knees, I dropped to the sand. “Nothing happened. Seth beat him up then he ran. I haven’t seen him again since that night.”
He bent down to me. “You feel safe with Austin but not with me?”
I sat feeling catatonic, trying to make the words make sense. Nothing was making sense. “No. I feel very safe with you.”
“I’m leaving,” he said flatly.
I glanced up to his face that was only inches from mine cupping his cheeks in my cold hands. “It’s late. Please don’t go.”
He wrapped his hands around my wrists keeping my palms held to his face. “I have to,” he whispered.
My limbs went limp and my hands crashed into the cold sand. “This is because of Paul, isn’t it? That’s why I didn’t tell you. I knew you’d blame me. I knew…” the tears were uncontrollable as I sobbed. “I knew…you’d not want to be with me anymore.”
“Em. Shhh. This isn’t about him. This is about us. I would never hold something like that against you.” His thumb wiped one cheek dry but his eyes were still cold. “I’m really angry right now and I think I should go.”
“Zach. I’m begging you.” As embarrassing as it was, I was not above doing it. “Please stay. Be with me tonight. Let me show you how much I love you.”
His angry features diminished and gentleness radiated from his eyes. “Ba-by,” he moaned and after a long sigh, he said, “I can’t.” And he was gone.
Chapter 29—Dare
Planted in the sand, I had to will myself to look in the direction he walked. He was gone. The dull ache in my chest made it difficult to breathe. The light in my room was on. He was gathering his things. I still had a chance.
I sprinted to his Jeep and waited. When I heard the front door close, my heart sped. He spotted me in the passenger seat, opened his door, tossed the bag in the back and got in.
“Don’t do this,” he pleaded.
“Am I just supposed to let you go without a fight?”
A heavy breath exhaled from his lungs. “Look. I can’t compete with all the guys in your life. You have a friggin’ army. Each of them willing to step up and take care of you…whether it’s in a friendly way or not…and you feel an obligation to let them. There’s a loyalty there…some unspoken commitment. I can’t win with that. You were right. This is your social circle. If another girl were to make that list, she’d being doing it with her friends and I could live with that. But…your buddies are guys and I’m this outsider…I always have been. But you know what…I will always love you.”
This was goodbye. I felt it in every cell of my body.
He continued, “They are all a piece of who you are and I would never make you choose.”
“But don’t you see.” I tilted his chin toward me. “I choose you.”
Air shot up from his throat, almost a chuckle. “Em. I’m not sure I feel the same right now.” His brow lowered as he spoke, measuring my face…my response. I wanted to say something but my lungs held no air to speak. I fumbled for the door handle shaking hysterically as his words echoed in my ears. Outside, even the roaring waves couldn’t drown his voice.
“Em,” he said as the door closed and I methodically placed one foot in front of the other, picking up my pace until I was in a dead run.
Chapter 30—Zach
My tires nearly peeled out as the Jeep rocketed forward in my attempt to flee.
“Fuck this!” I shouted, not giving two shits that the top was down. The pieces of this puzzle continued to grow and I was no closer now to figuring out who had hurt her. I’d certainly eliminated someone though. Austin. He’d pulled her damn pants up! And every one of those guys knew what happened. Speculation also led me to believe that she wasn’t raped, but how damn close did it get? I knew you wouldn’t want to be with me anymore, I heard her cry again in my head. And once again, as I drove away from her, I’d be willing to put money on who was going to be by her side, helping her through it.
It certainly wasn’t going to be me. She kept lying. Getting drunk and skinny dipping with him, really? What the hell? My thoughts were a jumbled mess. I truly believed that once she and I were together, that she wouldn’t want any other. This…whatever it is that happened to her…either really screwed her mind up…or I had merely opened up a door for her. One that she had been scared to explore and so had everyone around her.
I took a long, slow, mediated, deep breath and exhaled just as slowly; and I tried to remember that she was only 16. I’d experienced so much more sexually than she had ever considered. I wanted her…this relationship so much…enough for the both of us. Maybe too much.
My knuckles were white from gripping the wheel so hard. In the heat of leaving, I’d forgotten to buckle. After trying to relax and getting comfy in my seat, I buckled and left Cannon Beach. I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d ever be back.
Chapter 31--Emma
I didn’t stop until I nearly hurdled the steps on the Falsone’s deck stopping shy of busting through the door. A shirtless Austin was leaving the kitchen with a bag of chips until I pounded on the door. His head snapped in my direction and his lips fell slightly apart, a confused look shot across his face. I tried the knob and it opened.
“Emma.”
“Where’s Madeline?”
“I told her to leave.”
Are your folks here?”
His brow lowered. “No. They went to…”
I lunged at him shoving him with all my strength. “I hate you!”
He stepped back and tried to catch my flailing arms as I swung at him, never making contact, then he finally gripped my wrists twirling me around and crossed them in front of my body. My breathing was heavy and as I gasped for a breath, he laughed. A puff of his breath shot through my hair near my ear and the front of his body pressed against my back. This was not the time to get distracted.
“Let go of me!” I demanded.
“Can you control yourself, little one?” His breath reeked of beer.
Little one? I lowered my chin to my chest then shot it backward thudding hard against his sternum. I hurt myself more than him. My head pounded and the room spun for a long second. He tightened his hold till my elbows criss-crossed in front of me making it hard to breathe.
&
nbsp; “You’re hurting me,” I hissed through clenched teeth.
His mouth was at my ear. “Then stop…trying to hurt me. If you want to talk like a grown-up…fine…I’ll let you go.”
I hated the closeness. “I think we both know I’m not a grown-up. You’ve made the issue of my age perfectly clear,” I seethed with rage.
The low chuckle in my ear infuriated me even more, and though he didn’t let go, he loosened the tension. “Do you want to share with me what’s got you so pissed off?”
“You told him about Paul!” I yelled and realized the rage bordered on hysteria as tears lurked.
Austin instantly let go of my wrists and I breathed deeply. “I didn’t tell him anything. He’s lying.”
“Bullshit. He knew. Only one person knew that my pants were down and that you were there and… that, my twenty year old…too old of friend…was you.”
He shrugged. “Well. Someone else told him. Because it wasn’t me.” He bumped into the barstool and stumbled sideways. “Do you really think I’d do that to you?”
Shocked by his response, my mind searched for another alternative. There wasn’t one. Ryan. Grant. Seth. None of them would have told, nor did they know.
“I don’t know. Are you drunk?”
An impish grin slid from cheek to cheek. “Drunk…my friend…is relative,” he said tipping his bottle in my direction.
“What?” I snapped. I didn’t know what he meant.
He stood behind the massive island in the kitchen. “Being drunk is kind of like a spectrum. On one hand you have a one which is sober and on the other you have a ten which is…stinkin sloshed.” He closed his eyes and rocked his head from side to side. “I’m bordering a seven.”
I stared at him and realized I needed to get out of there. Zach was right; it was hard to turn away from Austin. His dark eyes studied me with a seductive stare, and I forced myself to look away. I swiveled on the slate floor and willed myself to the door. I saw him in the reflection of the glass and he swaggered toward me. I turned holding my hand up.
“Stay back.”
He smiled. “Where’s your eighteen year old boyfriend?”
“Why are you obsessed with numbers…sixteen….eighteen…twenty?” I glared at him.
“Believe me. I’m fighting every gut instinct I have not to be obsessed with the number sixteen.” His face was tense.
“He broke up with me and headed south.” The words burned my throat.
Austin’s eyes analyzed every inch of my face. “You’re hurt?”
“I am.” My voice cracked.
“But you’re here.”
I shook my head. “I was mad at you. I shouldn’t be here.” My eyes scanned over his tapering torso and the six notches of muscles down the front. That was one thing about the Northern Pacific beaches, there weren’t a lot of shirtless guys. “He broke up with me because of us.”
His eyes locked with mine. “Us?”
I shot daggers at him. “You know what I mean. He found our list.”
He laughed mockingly almost coughing. “Oh! Oh! Oh! Are you kidding me?”
I jerked the list from my back pocket and waved it. “Do I look like I’m kidding?”
“So the skinny dipping checked off…he knew it was with me?”
I nodded.
“Did you remind him that the two of you were broken up that night?” He stepped closer.
“I reacted like a grieving, broken hearted girlfriend really well, didn’t I?” I back stepped.
“You were drunk. Give yourself a break. Want to do it again?” he asked as the start of a smile twitched at his lips.
“Wow. What is it about alcohol? Did you suddenly forget I was sixteen?”
With his hand, he wiped beneath my eye. “You have a smudge. Have you been crying?”
I turned my back to him. “Yes.”
“You cried when he left?”
“Yes. I don’t want to break up with him.”
“But… yet here we are.”
Every instinct in my body was screaming for me to leave, run back as fast as I came. But when I looked at him and the desire in his eyes, though I doubted he would have me—everything forced me to stay—a compelling force so powerful that I needed Zach to physically pull me away. I thought of him now, driving the wretched roads in the dark as I stood before the one he questioned. What was I doing? This newfound feeling of attracting guys that had never given me a second look was powerful. I wasn’t sure how to control the feeling inside of me. Knowing Austin wanted me, even Grant when he did, it made me feel good.
I opened the French doors and Austin softly closed it, his hand over mine on the knob. My hand fell to my side.
“What do you want from me?” I whispered without turning around.
“Nothing. You should be with him. He’s perfect for you. And you love him. That’s how it should be.”
I spun around on my heels. “Make up your mind,” I fumed stepping into the kitchen increasing the distance between us.
“What do you want from me?” he asked walking to me with the prowess of a jungle cat.
I laughed. “I wish you were sober.”
He reached his hand out for me…missing. “Stay the night. I’ll be sober by morning.” He winked.
“I can’t stay. You’re father doesn’t like me.” I lowered my head and he quickly closed the gap between us, his face inches from mine.
“My father doesn’t like me. It has nothing to do with you. Except that you are sixteen and the daughter of a friend. Which, to him, makes you off limits.”
“That settles it then.” I tried to step past, but his arm pressed against the countertop trapping me.
“That settles nothing,” he whispered lifting me and setting me on the countertop. He nudged his hip between my knees and my heart leapt into my throat. I half expected his kiss to be sloppy and wet because he was drunk. But it wasn’t. His lips delicately traveled across my bottom lip providing the attention it needed. His velvety tongue was soft in its pursuit for my mouth, and as my tongue found his, my body swayed off balance. He braced me with his arms as a whimper broke out loud. I’d never liked the taste of beer before, but tonight was different.
I reared back away from him wiping his lips dry with my thumb. “Who is Madeline?”
“Just a girl I know.”
“You like her?” I asked not sure I wanted to hear the answer.
His eyes dropped to my lap and his fingers traced slow circles over my bare knees. Just that small simple gesture created a tightening inside.
“Why was she with you? Why was she between your legs? You held her hand… you want her?”
His middle finger zig zagged up my thigh and his eyes met mine just as my mouth fell slightly open at his touch. Instinctively, I bit down on my lip.
“Truth or dare?” he asked.
“Answer my question.”
“Madeline is way more interested in the paper in my wallet than me. Now…truth or dare?”
“Paper?”
“Money,” he said.
“Dare…” I whispered.
“I dare you to scoot forward about four inches.” His voice was low.
His finger had reached the hem of my shorts and just the thought of doing what he dared, made my breaths shorter. I glanced down at his hand on my upper thigh; he was about four inches away from…from…
“Scared?” he asked.
“No.” Maybe a little….
Edging forward about two inches, his hand was touching my panties. Why did I want him? Regret would soon follow.
On the outside of my underwear, the back of his fingers grazed over me. His other hand gripped my neck and our foreheads met. Our breath mixing together some where in the middle.
“Stop me, Emma,” he ordered as his nose brushed with mine.
“I don’t know how. It feels good to know you want me. I want you to want me.”
The desire in his eyes was intense. He searched my face for something and I le
aned in and took my turn with his lips. He seemed frozen, except for his hand, which continued its up and down motion on my underwear. There were too many Libby’s and Madeline’s to count, and at this moment he wanted me.
“Do you remember at your house when I kissed you the first time?”
I nodded as my tongue traced over his bottom lip.
“When you told me you were a virgin and you asked me to be your first.”
“I remember.”
“I said that we’d talk about it this summer.”
Nodding again, I pulled him closer, and he nearly hissed as our bodies touched.
“I didn’t think I could then. I still saw you as little Emma. Ryan’s sister. But not anymore. The past few weeks. They’ve changed that. I’ve fought it. I’ve kept distance. But I love spending time with you, Emma. Taking care of you when you were sick. Protecting you. Trust me with your body. If you still want that…I’ll give that to you.”
My mouth hung slightly open as he spoke. I didn’t have that one thing to give anymore. Is that all he wanted? My virginity? The continual rubbing between my legs blurred my thoughts. I had always dreamed of marrying this guy who wanted me now. And he wanted to be my first and that was all…
“Austin. I shouldn’t be here. I don’t know why I’m here. I should leave,” I rambled.
“That’s not what I want.” His voice was solid.
It was new for me to provoke such a response in a guy and a powerful feeling swelled in my breast.
“You never told me what you wanted,” I said.
“You never told me what you wanted,” he repeated.
I couldn’t meet his eyes. “I’m confused, I guess. The things I’m doing…the decisions I’m making…aren’t making sense to me. This is twice, that he leaves and I come straight here.”
He lifted my hair and found the nape of my neck dusting it with kisses. “It’s those sixteen-year-old hormones that are to blame.”
“You think?”
“Just tell me Emma, do you still want that too?”
Finally...One Summer (Just One of the Guys) Page 20
